I’m a 66 YO female and I feel like a ticking time bomb

bostonlulu
bostonlulu Posts: 6 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I’m so happy to find that there is more to MFP than a food and exercise diary and that there is a community from all over the world who knows what I am talking about, having been there, in one way or another. You know -- the place where food has you by the throat.

I read quite a few introductions today and no one’s introduction comes close to the length of mind. I have never expressed these thoughts outside of therapy and declare publicaly what’s true for me. My friends kinda get it but I sense that they are sick and tired of hearing the same stuff over and over again from me for the last 40 years. I wanted people in the MDFP community to know me and recognize parts of their story in mine. Only by doing this, I believe, will I get the support I need.

So once again, I’ve made a commitment to my health and wellbeing and this time I aim to keep that commitment.

I have a history of yo-yo dieting since I was a 13 YO. In 2000, I was thrilled when I lost over 115 lbs. I gained it back and lost it twice more only to gain it all back. It is painful to think that in 2007, at 5’4 inches, I weighed 148 lbs., was 22% body fat, and more fit that I ever thought I could be.

The last 7 years I’ve been feeling hopeless and ugly and I watched myself lose mobility. The pounds piled on and I couldn’t stop eating the sugar, fat, and carbs I craved. Over the past 50 years, I have gained deep knowledge of nutrition, fitness, and wellbeing. Since 2007, I haven’t been able to sustain any healthy behavior for more than a few days so knowledge is not enough for me.

During this time, I’ve watched my blood test numbers creep up to an unhealthy place. I’ve been diagnosed as pre-diabetic and with early fatty liver disease. My arthritis makes my joints hurt, especially hips and knees and I have chronic plantar fasciitis in both feet. This makes it hard to stand for more than 5 minutes, walk, climb stairs, etc. In addition, I’ve been pretty sick the last 2 winters and spent a lot of time flat on my back. As a result, I’ve lost a lot of muscle.

I’ve known with complete certainty that all of these ailments and pains could be cured by weight loss but knowledge didn’t help.

I consider myself a food addict, as was my mother who died at age 67 because of that addiction and being unable to help herself other than taking prescription drugs for her various weight related ailments. In November, I will be 67 and in addition to feeling like a ticking time bomb, I can’t help a feeling of count-down to and through my 67th year.

I’m hoping this time, I’ll be able to get healthy and stay healthy. Starting in November, rather than dieting, I did two things. One, I tracked my food a few times a month with MFP. Eye opening to see how many calories I was taking in each day, not to mention fat and sugar. There was nothing to put in the exercise journal.

The other action was to address my history of multiple, complex trauma. I have never been able to do that because I feared that if I went into the darkness, I’d never come back. For my 66th birthday, I started seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma. Mind you, I’ve been in therapy most of my life since the age of 23. With my new therapist, I’ve worked hard on the right issues and things have begun to shift to the point where I am ready to forgive myself for where I’ve been and commit myself to the life of health and wellbeing I deserve.

My favorite definition of forgiveness comes from Annie Dillard, the writer. She writes, “Forgiveness is letting go of all hope of a different past.” Complete acceptance. So my history is the past.

Since 2/24/14, I’ve been going to an expensive gym geared to the over 50 crowd and people coming back from illness and injury. (I am on a small fixed income so this means pulling from savings. I didn't think I would outlive my money if I didn't get this help.) I get lots of support and motivation from the trainers there, in addition to my workout plans. Baby steps till now where I’ve started doing strength training for real.

For all the reasons above, I’m looking for a community of over 60 folks who are committed to their health and wellbeing. In addition, I’ll take all the support, motivation, and accountability I can get from this community and promise to be active in giving the same to others. For that, age is irrelevant -- our stories so similar.

Light and blessings,
BostonLulu

PS This is pretty long and rambling but it just poured out of me. Silent too long.

Replies

  • Laura732
    Laura732 Posts: 244 Member
    <applause>, <applause> Wow, you've been down a rough road. I don't even know ya and I'm proud you told your story. I wish you all of the success in the world!

    I'm only 50, but I grow weary of hearing how hard it is to lose weight when you're "our age". Whether you're 50 or 66, you do have to acknowledge your situation and charge into it head on. You've done that. The other piece of advice I can give you is to "adapt and conquer". If something doesn't work, don't quit, just do some more homework and try something else.

    Here's to continued success for you :)
  • KatieTJS
    KatieTJS Posts: 12
    BostonLulu

    I completely understand where you are coming from. You could have just written my story. I'm 54 and have been dieting for 42 years now.
    I decided that what I need it a new relationship to food. I didn't want to think about that because food has been my friend/enemy for all these years, but I have finally reached the point where I can start letting go if it emotionally.
    I just started with this site this week. I too was surprised at the calorie counts that I've been eating. No wonder counting points didn't help me.
    There are many groups here, I'm sure you can find one with an over 60 crowd. People here are very supportive.
    I think the therapy was a good move on your part. And the gym was also a brave move. Now with the support you'll find here I think you have a winning combination.
    I'm in the trenches with you!
    Best of luck to you and see you on the boards!

    Katie
  • Jezebel_Barbie
    Jezebel_Barbie Posts: 198 Member
    You know what, when someone has an unhealthy attitude towards food, for whatever reason, it can be so hard to adjust your thought processes to sustain any weight management long term. But you've done it before, and I know you can do it again. You are taking so may strong and positive steps to achieve change, be proud of that!

    You clearly have a tenacious spirit and don't know the meaning of giving up; otherwise you would have just resigned yourself to a short and unhealthy life. I hope you find the support and community you want here, and lose that weight permanently this time!
  • Kevalicious99
    Kevalicious99 Posts: 1,131 Member
    We all have the power to turn things around .. but it can be hard.

    We all have our stories of how we got here .. but the thing is that MFP can be the start of great things.

    The people here are wonderful for the most part .. as mostly we all have struggled in some way to get here and understand.

    Good luck .. and remember that you can do it. Today can be the start of something great. ;-)
  • bostonlulu
    bostonlulu Posts: 6 Member
    I cannot believe that in less than 15 minutes, I've gotten such support and motivation. I am clearly at the right place to get it. I feel so heard and understood. Im definitely not alone in this anymore and I don't need to keep my mouth shut. Thank you Katie --I checked out the groups and there are so many that feel relevant to me. Difficult choice.

    Since I posted at 4:51, its become clear that I have a community and I know I will hear from others. I have a feeling i'll be checking the forums every time I can. Another essential piece is in place for my journey to health and wellbeing.

    Gratefully,
    BostonLulu
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
    sent you a friend request -- you are most certainly not alone!!
  • CariJean64
    CariJean64 Posts: 297 Member
    Many of us have had the feeling of starting too late... but it is NEVER too late. Good for you, good for you, good for you! :-)
  • RedArizona5
    RedArizona5 Posts: 465 Member
    I do find pieces of my self in your story lulu i hope your gymn doesnt offer free food- i hear they do that at gymnasiums for older people to kind of keep them fat. if so you need to find a gymn where there is no free food-if not then never mind and stay where you are:)
    Congrats on staying strong though this journey but mostly a struggle you have been dealing with.
    I am young and have osteo-arthritis in my lower back so i know the feelings of stiffness on a regular basis and paralyzing pain in the body. I have a solution and I have been walking the walk and want to share with you the power of raw ginger root.
    Ginger root is a power house anti inflammatory-and you only need a little every day even one slice and is not for the faint in heart and must be blended in with juices if you cannot handle it but I can and it took me a season to get myself to have it every morning.
    You just need a little I hope you do your own research and i hope you do give it a try. It takes a couple of solid weeks for results depending how much you take in.. I take 14 grams or about 5 slices raw everyday and i have not any desire to see the chiro and can do my back bends now. This pain THAT I had WAS on a scale at 20! I would have tears regurely and I can stand pain through my thick skin. but arthritis that kicked my butt and had me crying like a baby. So I encourage you and anyone reading this that their is natural hope and if on medicines to check with doctor how to fit it in because you don't need more medicine if there is way to fit in a natural herb to heal the inflammation:) I really am hoping you check it out. Orange juice goes great with it if you want to puree the root and eating it raw is better than cooking though i know someone who drinks it with tea(I did in winter and the habit didn't stick to my hectic life) eating it raw and back wash it with OJ helps me in the mornings to get out the door quicker. But YEAH its not costly considering the benefite. 3 something for an entire root you peel and slice. The ones you want to pick out are if they are hard. the harder the root the fresher it is:) do try it for a week -you will be amazed -i was too. There are other fruits that help I heard like pineapple and cherrie juice has enzyme but the ginger root is THE power HOUSE and it has none of the extra sugars your bode doesn't need and it has more of those enzyme it is very potent and very very helpful please please try it!!! You will nOT regret it!!!:)
  • Lindamcgeorge
    Lindamcgeorge Posts: 1
    Hi
    Your story is my story. I'm 64 approaching 65 rapidly and feel that if I don't get to grips with this now, I will just give up. I'm 5ft and started off at 156 lbs I'm now 148 lbs. this sounds like progress, but I feel like I will just put it all back on as usual as soon as I go on holiday or have a celebration, or feel depressed. There is always a reason, but I can never stop solving it with food.

    I also have have lots of health problems, and last year had four titanium rods and screws inserted into my spine. I thought this would be the wake up call, but the same scenario happened. Took my eye off my goal for a second and I had put the weight back on.

    Unlike you I do loads of exercise, mainly because I suffer with rheumatoid arthritis and the only way to manage the pain is by exercise. I do approx 12 hours a week exercise, but it doesn't seem to make any difference to my weight loss or gain. This is probably because this level of exercise is the norm for me, so my body just accepts it.

    I also think my eating has a lot to do with my childhood, and loneliness. I'm very happy now and have a lovely life, so why my. Childhood should still affect me I do not know.

    It is good to know that other people have the same problems as me, but I wish I could find an answer. I've tried everything, hypnosis, slimming clubs, shakes the lot, I even enquired about a gastric by pass, but told I was not fat enough. So I fall through the gap of not fat enough, not thin enough.

    The very best of luck with your crusade, and I'm sure like me you won't give up.????
  • RedArizona5
    RedArizona5 Posts: 465 Member
    If you can help ease the arthritis then that will enable you to move as much as you should and slowly start so you can be on your way.
    If you are on arthritis medicine, I would ask for you to soul search about going the natural way-you will save time, money and there a very minor side effects -if any- like gastro intestinal things perhaps, but, that varies person to person and actually i MAY BE WRONG ABOUT THAT-RESEARCH IT AND TRY though for yourself ,but, I mean for side effects, that is very good considering the side effects of medicines those things list possible death on some-
    I would highly recommend and urge you to try to forgot and arthritic medicines (if you can) and just have ginger root. I don't mean to sound so excited but it truly has been a miracle for me at my age its tragic to be struck by severe arthritis pain so you can marine my relief and how truly blessed I am by it.
    If you only do try it for yourself. It can be life changing. There are days I don't want to look at ginger root because i have so much of it. but I have such a good habit i TAKE IT EVERY DAY RELIGIOUSLY and no wonder-pain free naturally I mean who wouldn't want that.
    If you really can't I apologize for me bugging, Im really excited about this stuff:)
    I am being very adamant and serious about my advice and that is what it is no joke or anything so if I sound to pushy than I m sorry about that :smile:
  • dtrcode
    dtrcode Posts: 1 Member
    Welcome
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Lulu,

    I am not over 60 years old, but I also would like to applaud you for your strong spirit and tenacity to come back from that darkness and become healthier again. You can do it. If you want someone who's 52 3/4 in your group, just shoot me a friend request.

    You can do this! :drinker:
  • Luckee_me
    Luckee_me Posts: 1,425 Member
    Hi,
    Just wanted to say congratulations to you on taking control.
    You can do it as long as you don't quit.
    Good luck to you.
  • aedreana
    aedreana Posts: 979 Member
    Hello and welcome to MFP. Thank you for sharing your story. Here is mine. I am 61. I started dieting at 14. For most of my life, I was a classic yo-yo dieter. My weight fluctuations are a reflection of a tumultuous and tragic life where the sole constant has been crushing rock-bottom poverty. I have had approximately fifty different residences in my adult life, not including around two dozen homeless shelters, and over 60 different jobs. I have been homeless off-and-on, spending months at a time sleeping outside on the streets. I hitchhiked halfway around the country with truckers. The instability in my life manifested itself in my unstable weight. I was too preoccupied with survival to devote enough attention to maintaining weight loss successes. Once very briefly, in my late 30s, I allowed myself to get to exactly 200 lbs. I had never been anywhere near that heavy before, and haven't been anywhere near that heavy since. But I never say, "I'll never be fat again," just like I never say, "I'll never be homeless again." The lifelong poverty I have endured is due to lack of earning power. My "career" consists of a long string of poverty-level-income clerical jobs. In 2015, when I turn 62, I will finally be able to draw social security; that will help a little. I am presently dieting down to my goal weight of 112. I started my diet on July 5 at 121 lbs. I have not updated my ticker because I am not weighing myself until August. My diary and profile are set on public view. I really enjoy MFP. It helped me get motivated to begin my diet and it is helping me adhere to it- the accountability factor! Thank you for reading my story.
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
    Bostonlulu - Thanks for sharing your story! I see changes for you alrightly and Permanent this time. YOU deserve it for You.

    Many have already said great things.
    We ARE here to help. Whatever it is that you need. When you trip up (Everyone does at times) its just a trip. NOW you know to pick yourself up and just keep going.

    We all fall many times when learning to walk as a baby, but no baby says "oh man, I fell once, I'm never doing that again, I'm good at this crawling thing". No, we keep going. We know we will succeed. Nothing has ever taught us otherwise.

    Forget that past, here's to your future! Many, Many years ahead to you!
  • mtruitt01
    mtruitt01 Posts: 370 Member
    Hello and welcome to MFP. Thank you for sharing your story. Here is mine. I am 61. I started dieting at 14. For most of my life, I was a classic yo-yo dieter. My weight fluctuations are a reflection of a tumultuous and tragic life where the sole constant has been crushing rock-bottom poverty. I have had approximately fifty different residences in my adult life, not including around two dozen homeless shelters, and over 60 different jobs. I have been homeless off-and-on, spending months at a time sleeping outside on the streets. I hitchhiked halfway around the country with truckers. The instability in my life manifested itself in my unstable weight. I was too preoccupied with survival to devote enough attention to maintaining weight loss successes. Once very briefly, in my late 30s, I allowed myself to get to exactly 200 lbs. I had never been anywhere near that heavy before, and haven't been anywhere near that heavy since. But I never say, "I'll never be fat again," just like I never say, "I'll never be homeless again." The lifelong poverty I have endured is due to lack of earning power. My "career" consists of a long string of poverty-level-income clerical jobs. In 2015, when I turn 62, I will finally be able to draw social security; that will help a little. I am presently dieting down to my goal weight of 112. I started my diet on July 5 at 121 lbs. I have not updated my ticker because I am not weighing myself until August. My diary and profile are set on public view. I really enjoy MFP. It helped me get motivated to begin my diet and it is helping me adhere to it- the accountability factor! Thank you for reading my story.

    No wonder I like you A! (and i thought it was just your honest and unique brand of humor!) Thanks for sharing your story.
  • mtruitt01
    mtruitt01 Posts: 370 Member
    My favorite definition of forgiveness comes from Annie Dillard, the writer. She writes, “Forgiveness is letting go of all hope of a different past.” Complete acceptance. So my history is the past.

    Thanks for letting it out. Shared pain is lessened pain. I would bet a lot of us here can relate to what you said.
    You are making the right moves.
    I've had a food issue since childhood. It's always been with me, and at 60 I don't practice magical thinking. I know the food issue won't magically disappear.
    I accept that I have a problem.
    I'm willing to listen and learn and accept help. I'll learn over time what works and what doesn't. I'll stay away from extreme things that are someone else's magical thinking. (God bless them!!)
    I believe people when they say that doing maintenance on their addiction (instead of ignoring/denying) has given them a happier, more emotionally secure life.
    I know I don't have to be perfect, or do anything perfectly.
    Show me a perfect person, I'll show you an alien or nonhuman.
    Laughter and humor helps the journey.
    My mentors taught me that by helping others I help myself. It's anti intuitive, but it's like a bank shot in pool; if I want to hit my target, do it indirectly.
    My food issue has never been solved by a direct attack of the will.
    Addictions don't yield to will power, and that is the very definition of an addiction--at least that's what I'm thinking right now. All the energy, money, blood, sweat and tears I put into trying to beat my problem---well, if I could have I would have.
    Easy does it, little by little wins the race, see what works and what doesn't, be accountable with weights and measures--these are my tools now.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story.
  • MichelleV1990
    MichelleV1990 Posts: 806 Member
    Hello, and let me say, you have come to the right place! I'm 53, and never had any major weight problems until the birth of my last child, when I was 41. It was a couple of years later that I was diagnosed with a form of Muscular Dystrophy called Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease. It didn't come as a total surprise because it runs in my family. Unfortunately, it did slow me down enough that I wasn't able to get rid of the "baby fat". It has also caused my spine to start curving. To add to the mix, I now have osteoarthritis in my hips and spine. I feel your pain and frustration, but we can't let these ailments keep us down. I'm hoping through determination and the support of this community, to get the weight off, and ease the stress on my body. I'd love to be a friend of yours! There's strength in numbers, and from what I've seen of the success stories, I know we can do this! Thank you for having the courage to share your story!

    Also, thank you to "A"...that also took a lot of courage....and to Red, for the info on ginger root!
  • RedArizona5
    RedArizona5 Posts: 465 Member
    Hello, and let me say, you have come to the right place! I'm 53, and never had any major weight problems until the birth of my last child, when I was 41. It was a couple of years later that I was diagnosed with a form of Muscular Dystrophy called Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease. It didn't come as a total surprise because it runs in my family. Unfortunately, it did slow me down enough that I wasn't able to get rid of the "baby fat". It has also caused my spine to start curving. To add to the mix, I now have osteoarthritis in my hips and spine. I feel your pain and frustration, but we can't let these ailments keep us down. I'm hoping through determination and the support of this community, to get the weight off, and ease the stress on my body. I'd love to be a friend of yours! There's strength in numbers, and from what I've seen of the success stories, I know we can do this! Thank you for having the courage to share your story!

    Also, thank you to "A"...that also took a lot of courage....and to Red, for the info on ginger root!
    Your welcome:flowerforyou:

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