Self Hate Talk

STOP HATING! It is self destructive and can lead to a really low dark place. I know from experience. I could not lose and keep it off until I started liking me. Try not to rely solely on motivation. Create habits that you just do without too much thinking. Start small like starting your day with a glass of water and build up the habits. You can do this! You are worth the effort.

I know exactly what you mean and you are not alone. Don't think of yourself as a failure, we can't afford to look at ourselves that way. You are only a failure when you completely give up and no longer fight to be the person that you want to be. As long as you are trying you are still a success in progress. My wedding rings are snug too, I've even thought about going to have them sized bigger. I've consistantly lost and gained for most of my life. It finally clicked about a month ago that I needed to stop focusing on losing weight and start focusing on gaining (goals, experiences, knowledge, strength). I've only lost a couple of pounds so far, but I'm happier with the way I'm approaching things this time - 1lb at a time. rather than setting a goal to lose 50lbs in the next 6 months, I'm changing my long term habits and letting the weight works itself out. I've improved my mile by 4 minutes in 3 weeks and began lifting weights last week. Already feeling stronger and more confident :-). You'll get there, just don't ever allow the feeling of failure to win...keep fighting!

Hi Mel!

First, let me just say that I'm right there with you! From the time my wife and I were married almost 19 years ago, I put on about 100lbs and since have lost 30, but I've been stuck here for the last 8 years or so. I struggle with the same thing in terms of thinking of it as doing it all over again. I've gotten really good at starting but I'm terrible at finishing. I'll go full guns for a couple weeks or months, lose a few pounds and then allow myself to get railroaded by whatever excuse is convenient. Usually it's because I feel like things should be happening more quickly. It's depressing and it becomes easy to throw in the towel and to come down on yourself. I'm an expert at it, so just know you're not alone in the struggle!

First off, get rid of the negative self talk! Easier said than done, I know. I tend toward self doubt, depression etc., because of the way I view myself and because of how I think others perceive me based on my appearance. My dad was a pastor of a large church growing up so I lived my life thinking all eyes were on me at all times, feeling I had to act/look a certain way - and I still feel that way to this day. It's easy to want to isolate or think negatively about myself because I'm constantly measuring against what I perceive to be others' expectations for me. It's a prison of my own design and one I have to consciously try to free myself from daily. Perhaps you have expectations of yourself or think others do that cause you to be so hard on yourself? I don't know but that's what it is for me. I've heard it said that expectations are premeditated resentments and I absolutely agree! Whether you have expectations of others or yourself, the idea is that your belief in what SHOULD be has largely taken over what IS and it's like pouring water in a cup full of holes. So #1: Don't be so hard on yourself! You are most definitely NOT a failure! Not sure if you're familiar with Zig Ziglar (motivational guru), but one of my favorite quotes of his is "Failure is an event, not a person". Write it down somewhere. Read it. Believe it!

If you think anything like me, I tend to look at a task or goal from a high level, 'big-picture' view. It's incredibly daunting and most of the time it's easier to just say 'forget it' than it is to start and continue. I have 65lbs I want to lose and it's really hard to not be thinking about that number constantly. The best bet for people like us is to not look at the scale but maybe once a week (if that - this one's SUPER tough for me!) The results will come, but maybe not as fast as we want. It's easy to get off track because you're EXPECTING (there's that word!) something to happen faster than it's supposed to. For me, I'm most successful when I take things in smaller bites (literally and figuratively - ha!). There's that saying..."Rome wasn't built in a day". Same goes with our weight loss efforts. Consistent effort is the key. If I can get through one workout, one day, one week etc., it helps me to want to keep going. So #2: Take small, consistent steps. Think of your goal in terms of a lifestyle/journey more than a number/destination and don't get thrown off by unmet expectations. Allow yourself to screw up but get right back into it.

This is the first time I've ever responded on one of these things so I hope it helps you some. If nothing else, your question allowed me to examine why I think the same way, so thanks! It was helpful for me to write it out - now I just have to follow it myself!

Best of luck in your efforts!

I know this might sound over the top but have you considered counseling? Dead serious here. It sounds like you may have some self-sabotaging and/or defeating thought patterns and maybe counseling could help.

You can only fail if you QUIT