Ready and feeling alone

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MyOwnHero22
MyOwnHero22 Posts: 4 Member
in Getting Started
I feel I'm ready, completely mentally ready to take this journey. It's the perfect time to work on losing about 100lbs. Luckily this time I have a workout buddy who needs to lose about 50lbs. We go to the gym together but I thinks she's at a different place in her journey and don't think she's really ready and committed at this time. Part of me wants her to come with me, drag her if she needs it. But I know that's wrong and will drag me down. I've done this before in a non-weight loss sort of way with a different friend. I try to help this friend and it took me down too. I've decided to enjoy the time I have a buddy and expect her to drop off (she has too much mental/emotion going on to be committed and emotionally eats). Well I'm ready. I'll open the door and hope she steps through with me but I need to silence the part of me that wants to put energy towards taking her with me. I need that energy for myself and can't afford the heartbreak when she ditches. I'm going to be focused on me and get myself in order. I will be my own hero, save myself, no one else will. It's up to me to do this for myself. It will make me more comfortable in my body, a better mom and wife. Fill myselfu up with health and energy because you can't pour from an empty cup.

Replies

  • moniduh
    moniduh Posts: 100
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    I had this happen to me too. A friend who is all about the short immediate results :( she only went to the gym with me 3-4 a week and complained anytime we were there longer than an hour and a half.... so I stopped going to the gym with her eventually after I wet my toes and dove into exercising on my own... because in the end I'm the only one I can depend on to get fit.
  • inthekitch
    inthekitch Posts: 26
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    the journey you're on is for yourself and can only succeed if you aloo yourself to!

    in the beginning, i found comfort in going to the gym with a friend and still, to tho day, get anxious in entering gyms (especially cooed) but i trouble shoot and work around that. i made the decision to exercise at home (mostly to cut the expense of a gym membership) which provides me with no excuse to skip a work out (i've been doing the insanity work out or biking around the city).

    it's difficult to be on a journey with someone who aren't as committed and/or dedicated as you are or on a different page.

    good luck! :)
  • Spnneil06
    Spnneil06 Posts: 18,745 Member
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    I used to work out with a partner and found out while though it was more fun it hindered me! Sometimes she couldn't work out when I could, sometimes she didn't want to do the same workouts. I've been doing it by myself and I do what I need, when I want and it is a lot easier! This is all about YOUR journey!
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    When I started in Jan 2013 I was alone and I have remained alone.....

    Sure I have friends who are "dieting" and "working out" but not really..if you know what I mean...half assing it...

    I prefer to be on my own. I am not on anyone else's schedule, I am not hampered by their lack of motivation and there is no one to influence my choices...

    It has worked out well...

    Look at it as ME time, enjoy it and eventually you will be selfish with it like me...which is not a bad thing.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
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    I only like to go with people / friends if we're taking a class. Otherwise, I like to do my own thing. I like to daydream on the elliptical, not chat with the person next to me. I like to be able to stop and catch my breath without someone stopping and asking if I'm okay,, what's wrong, etc....I'm not like a racehorse who needs another one just in my line of vision to forge ahead, lol.
  • CupcakesMom2
    CupcakesMom2 Posts: 154 Member
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    I have a few friends I have shared what I'm doing with and now that they have seen my weight loss some are trying out some of my ETL food.and I would so love for them to eat better, lose weight and be healthier and will keep encouraging them. However what the others have said is correct, to a certain extent you are in this by yourself and thats ok.. However I have found that the encouragement on this web site while not the same thing as having someone to go work out with does help alot towards making sure you don't feel alone. We are all here trying our best every day and encouraging each other.
  • Lonestar5775
    Lonestar5775 Posts: 740 Member
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    My comment is a little off topic but I want to mention it anyway.

    The only thing I might recommend is, don't think about losing 100 lbs. Something that much can be intimidating and hard to face. Your first goal should be to lose 1 pound. And then another, and then another. This is really a marathon that has no finish line. I'm glad you're back in the race, best of luck!
  • catb58
    catb58 Posts: 239 Member
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    I found out a long time ago that I need to depend on me, and only me, when it comes to motivation for workouts. I've discovered that it pays to be your own "cheerleader" sometimes! One of my friends is always saying she wants to go riding with me, but won't even ride her bike around her block...I regularly ride 40+ miles at a time, although I offered to take her for a MUCH shorter ride. I asked if she had a bottle cage to hold a water bottle and she hasn't checked...has said she'll get her husband to look. Really? Wonder if he'll show up on the trail if we have a flat or a chain comes off. :noway:

    I love going to the gym alone. If I'm using the elliptical or recumbent bike, I either read my Kindle or watch the tv screens...until I do my normal "close my eyes and just feel the muscles work" as I get lost in the exercise. When I'm using the weights, I just focus on what I'm doing and pretty much ignore everything and everyone around me. This is one time I can honestly say "it's all about ME" and feel good about it.
  • jferg70
    jferg70 Posts: 147 Member
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    The important thing is that you're committed and doing it for yourself and your family. After some time, I think you'll find some folks who are regulars at your gym that will be your new fitness community and they will help inspire/encourage you. We're all about a half bubble off plumb, but we're good people. ;)
  • joanna_82
    joanna_82 Posts: 151 Member
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    This journey is about you. If you have someone to share it with, then great. Maybe your friend will be inspired by you to keep going. Maybe she won't. But the most important thing is you have to motivate yourself to do it for you, not for anyone else.

    Nobody else can change our weight for us, they can support us in it, but we have to do it ourselves. Your friend will get there, I'm sure.
  • nonacgp
    nonacgp Posts: 132
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    I feel I'm ready, completely mentally ready to take this journey. It's the perfect time to work on losing about 100lbs. Luckily this time I have a workout buddy who needs to lose about 50lbs. We go to the gym together but I thinks she's at a different place in her journey and don't think she's really ready and committed at this time. Part of me wants her to come with me, drag her if she needs it. But I know that's wrong and will drag me down. I've done this before in a non-weight loss sort of way with a different friend. I try to help this friend and it took me down too. I've decided to enjoy the time I have a buddy and expect her to drop off (she has too much mental/emotion going on to be committed and emotionally eats). Well I'm ready. I'll open the door and hope she steps through with me but I need to silence the part of me that wants to put energy towards taking her with me. I need that energy for myself and can't afford the heartbreak when she ditches. I'm going to be focused on me and get myself in order. I will be my own hero, save myself, no one else will. It's up to me to do this for myself. It will make me more comfortable in my body, a better mom and wife. Fill myselfu up with health and energy because you can't pour from an empty cup.

    Well said! Perhaps your friend will have more motivation when she sees how strong you are. But, if not, you sound determined and will be successful by yourself if you remain so motivated. I think if you go to a gym, you will make new friends that are more serious in their journey. If you don't go to the gym, maybe you could find a walker's club? There is a group right here on MFP that is called Walk with Leslie Sansone and serious walkers post their workouts daily as they walk in their own homes with Leslie Sansone DVD's. (I belong to this group and enjoy the comraderie and tips that I get there) It's an open group so just look it up under "groups" if you would like to belong. Feel free to send me a friend request and I will gladly "walk with you". I
  • crazybookworm
    crazybookworm Posts: 779 Member
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    First off, congrats on the beginning of your journey and your 11lbs lost so far! That is amazing!

    I had a workout buddy in the beginning of my journey as well. I had over 100lbs to lose, and my buddy about 75-80 lbs. My buddy lasted about a month. Once he stopped going, I panicked and couldn't imagine tackling the gym by myself. BUT, I did and you know what, it was fine! I found my zone and powered through it.

    The best you can do is be positive and encouraging towards your friend, but you are right, if your buddy starts tapering off, you have to put that energy and focus on yourself. You can't force someone to be ready when they aren't. Maybe your determination will motivate your workout buddy. Or when she sees your hard work paying off, it might spark the fire she needs.

    Don't feel alone! Although the gym may seem like an intimidating place, everyone there is there for the same reason: To be healthy, happy and to take care of themselves. We are all together in that!
  • cropaway
    cropaway Posts: 18 Member
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    that's right you are responsible for your own happiness. surround yourself with positive people. Affect people don't let them infect you! You can do it!
  • curriechase
    curriechase Posts: 2
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    I am facing the same issues as well. It is hard to go through this alone, especially when you are used to being codependent on others and then all of a sudden, it's just you - alone. And yes, sometimes you want that backup, or support from someone other than the little voice inside of you that says "good job", "you are doing great", "don't give up", etc... So, I understand how you feel. It sure would be nice to have a friend, or workout partner standing next to me so I can share my successes (and setbacks)
    I have to remind myself every day this is my personal journey and I alone will get me to the end. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get where you want to be. :) I know you've got support here!!
  • JaimieAG
    JaimieAG Posts: 48
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    Likewise, congrats on your journey.

    I couldn't do it on my own, personally.

    I can't tell you how many times I've passed up a drive thru just because of an article my friend sent me or a weigh in we have coming up.

    It's good to find someone with similar weight loss goals and height/weight and if you can, someone in a similar situation. My good friend and I have that chemistry. We share goals, do mini 5lb 10 day challenges, compete over who spent the most minutes in the gym, etc.. Oddly enough we do not workout together. We tried a couple of times but ran into similar problems. Instead we text each other before bed to check in and then on Fridays to weigh in. We take pics of our feet on the scale so there's no cheating. When she hits a wall I pick her up and she returns the favor. I can always tell when she's in binge mode because she doesn't text me. It goes both ways. It's nice to have an accountability partner. This kind of relationship could be maintained easily long distance.

    A 100lb journey is a very intense journey full of ups and downs. You're going to have to be understanding and just know that you're both going to have days (or weeks) where you're burnt out and just completely give up. Be understanding but not enabling. Keep in touch with them. Keep checking in nightly. Keep sending them motivational articles you read or photos you see. Remind them why you're on this journey. With any luck they will return the favor.

    Best of luck.
  • schin724
    schin724 Posts: 3
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    Don't let that negative energy drag you down. You look yourself in the mirror almost every morning. You know exactly what you want and you are goind after it with all costs. It may appear to be difficult at first but it is all part of the progress. Healthy eating and fitness are a choices of lifestyle. It takes discipline, dedication, motivation, and effort to get to where you want to be. It doesn't happen overnight. Don't force your partner if she isnt committed. Many of us on this app have achieved our goals. You are not alone. advices are everywhere and all it takes is simply ask. Start your healthy and fit lifestyle on your own, when you see results, be proud of yourself and share it with your friends, partner, and let everyone know. Doesn't take long for your partner begin to give in and decide to participate because she is influenced by your result. I hope this helps.
  • Chaiken848
    Chaiken848 Posts: 3
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    Congrats on starting your journey! If your looking for someone to help you in your fitness journey, to hold you accountable, or just a little extra support, please reach out to me! Message me here or on facebook: www.facebook.com/synchronymindbodysoul
  • WildcatDeLalune
    WildcatDeLalune Posts: 74 Member
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    I agree with what everyone's saying. I just recently felt that I was ready to tackle my weight, size, and health, as well. My roomate lit the spark when he decided it was time for him to take action. From there, I felt like I could do it, too. Even when we're not working out together, I don't feel alone. I know he's in my support group--just like everyone on MyFitnessPal. It feels good to do it for me. It feels good to have "me time" where I can lose myself without distraction and even choose my own music to listen to during workouts. Haha.

    I wish you the best of luck.

    P.S.--Just look how quickly everyone reached out to support you on this thread. This should be proof that you're not alone. ^_^.

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