Does family/environment have an affect on weight loss?

Losingthedamnweight · July 2014

There is no good way to word this without sounding like blaming someone else. So I'll just put it out there and y'all can tell me how wrong i am. Cool?

It's amazing to me how the feeling of being with someone or being in a certain environment affects how hard I am able to fight temptation. Really. It's the strangest thing. I'll work for 4 days and be able to calorie count perfectly., because hey. I'm at work! Then I'll have a day off and it gets harder, but not impossible. On days off, there is so much more time to screw up because I have to choose what I do that day and I'm not too busy to go through a drive thru or make some stupid excuse about how I "deserve it for going on a long walk". But if left on my own on days off,I almost always stick to my calorie counting and exercise.

But then you factor in my girlfriend and suddenly my will breaks. It feels so part of the relationship with her to go out and get some junk food or sit around the house all day with our fat bellies sticking out. Doing what I am trying to do with losing weight and exercising it's...like re learning how not only I am supposed to live for me, but how I am supposed to interact with other people in my life. I will screw up on my dieting without even thinking about it when I'm around her. There is no thought process most of the time or a "oh god this is happening" it just ends up happening! I don't even realize I'm doing it until after when I'm shoving pizza into my fat face going "uh. How did I get here? Where did this pizza come from? Oh man I screwed up again! Well since I screwed up, may as well start back up tomorrow. ". Yes. Tomorrow!

When my girlfriend is away at her parents house or just recently when she had a family trip to a different country for 3 weeks, I stuck to it. I counted my calories. I got my freaking 10,000 steps. I was the man! Then she came back and well...

You spend so long developing this character. This idea of who you are and some days it feels real to count calories and exercise. Others it feels like "I am the fatty when I'm around X people. Our relationship revolves around food. That's what we do for fun". And since my girlfriend has never had any motivation to exercise or lose weight or do anything in life, that vibe she emits kinda drags me down.

And ya know the dumbest part? The food (when eating too much junk) never makes me happy. I eat it because I feel like it's supposed to like "this is supposed to be fun", but afterwards I feel all fat and bloated and full of regret. I see the similarities between the dopamine levels and excitement from eating crap and what one would probably feel being addicted to drugs. It's important to get that fix and move on. It's ridiculous. It goes against logic. But...when I'm away from eating all that crap for a few days to a week, I can get by just fine on my calorie budget. It's only when I totally screw up and go on a binge that I start really wanting it.

What do you think? Does family/environment have an affect on how you lose weight?

BigT555 · July 2014

yea but like you said, it all just comes back to you. youre the one eating, youre the one exercising, youre the one trying to lose weight.

sure others have an impact on what we do and how we do it but in the end we cant let them have too much effect on us or we'll never make progress.

DeguelloTex · July 2014

Family and environment affect a lot of things. Once you're old enough to make your own choices, they're your choices.

Robyn173 · July 2014

They've done studies that show that having fat friends makes you more likely to gain weight (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/25/health/25iht-fat.4.6830240.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0) . Yes, responsibility starts and ends with you, but surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. My husband works out daily, eats well, and it definitely helps me stay on track.

StaciMarie1974 · July 2014

Your post brings to mind a situation my husband dealt with a few years ago. He just reached 3 years since he quit smoking. Part of the quitting process for him was changing his habits and routines. So much of his life revolved around smoking. He didn't smoke in the house, car or around family. So we'd get home from anywhere, he'd go to the basement to smoke. He smoked more when he drank and/or watched sporting events and/or hung out with certain friends who also smoked. So for a few months he avoided watching sporting events and hanging out with those friends - and tackled the daily routines that he couldn't avoid. Once he felt like he was developing new habits, he started returning to other things he enjoyed - but no longer wanted to associate with smoking.

I said that to say this: food is a big part of our lives. Its more than just nutrition, but often a social ritual. So yes, being in social situations can make it hard as we want to resort to old habits. Perhaps avoid the situations (for now) that you can, and work to form new habits otherwise.

Flab2Fab27 · July 2014

I think you can get into particular habits in certain environments and relationships which can be difficult (but not impossible) to break.

People get comfortable in relationships all the time and their food consumption may go up while their activity levels go down.

fvtfan · July 2014

I absolutely think the people you hang out with affect your weight loss.

My suggestion would be to just try and incorporate activity when you are with her. Is there no chance she would go for a walk with you if you asked? Or maybe you could try choosing better options when you do go out to eat. Once you start making those changes, chances are she will get on board.

One thing that I learned at WW was that just because you are going out to eat, doesn't mean it has to be special and you overeat. If you are celebrating something that is one thing, but if you are just going out because you don't want to cook then just get something that would be comparable to what you have at home.

DebTavares · July 2014

Since weight loss is as much about physiology as it is about habits, the answer to your question is yes. You will have to form new habits with your girlfriend that don't revolve around food. The alternative is to eat the same foods, but less of them. Both will work.

mickiebabs · July 2014

Family/environment does affect your weightloss. While it ultimately comes down to your choices, it's easy to get lost to temptation. What's that saying, the right way or the easy way. We dealt with this as a big issue for us a few years ago. Every time I'd try to diet, my husband would bring home cookies or candy bars or something bad and I had zero will power back then. We finally sat down and talked about it. He was intentionally sabotaging my weightloss because he was afraid I wouldn't want him if I lost a lot of weight. Afterwards, things improved for us. Not just on the weightloss issue but in our relationship as a whole. Maybe it's time you sat down with the girlfriend and talked about what your doing, why your doing it, and how you need her help to keep on track. Honestly, if she's not willing to support you, then I'd be wondering about your relationship in general. I mean, if your relationship turns to the level of marriage or living together then your going to be faced with the same issue ALL DAY LONG.

Good luck to you. And don't give up.

Supertact · July 2014

Well that sounds fun.

Do it for yourself, say no I'm trying to lose weight.

Lead by example because clearly you'd like her to lose weight too.

It's your body, your health and your life.

ladymiseryali · July 2014

What about offering to cook a healthy meal for the two of you when you're together? How about offering to go on a walk with her when you see her or doing something more active together? You are responsible for what goes into your body. You can't blame her for your lack of willpower. That's not right. I eat low-carb and I live with three people who don't. I make it work because I'm the only one responsible for myself. I don't eat the carby food in the house and I still workout four-five days a week.

ASH2038602 · July 2014

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and I have gained an unholy amount of weight since being with him. He has no interest in dieting, and has a lot of limitations for exercise due to a gnarly motorcycle accident. Anyways, I still have to do the grocery shopping and cooking for him and my son. So while he eats my favorite potato chips, I bake some kale chips. When my son wants ice cream, we get frozen yogurt instead. I make separate meals for myself a lot of times. If they want to stop for fast food on a busy weekend, I get a salad with grilled chicken. It does make it a bit harder, but it is still possible. At the end of the day you can't make her do anything that she doesn't want to, and your health is your responsibility so you can't blame her either. Good luck!

Ninkyou · July 2014

So..... is the only thing you guys have in common eating out or stopping by the drive-thru?

Can you not go have a fun day at the park taking a walk, or go kayaking at a lake/river, or go hiking through a nature trail?

And what's stopping you from ordering something less on calories at these places you do eat at? What's stopping you from fitting these meals into your calorie goal?

I'll tell you, my hubby is not dieting, and he doesn't need to. My daughter is 5, so she's obviously not watching what she eats. But I continuously log, whether it's a dinner of chicken & veggies or pizza. Lately we've taken to having pizza every Wednesday after my daughter's dance class. And you know what? I plan for it ahead of time. I prelog that pizza and build the rest of my day around it and fit it into my goal.

Ultimately, it's up to you. You need to either put your foot down and insist you guys do something other than binge, eat healthier meals, or exercise a little self control and moderate what YOU eat. Just because you order a pizza doesn't mean you have to eat the whole thing. Only you can stop yourself from doing that. It's not like your girlfriend is forcing you to eat it all.

IndianaNanaS · July 2014

Yes, family environment can make or break your best laid plans! I found I was staying on track all week, and, like you, over eating on the weekend with my husband. He's thin; he can eat M&Ms, cookies, and ice cream and not gain. I cannot. Being at work, where I pack my lunch and snacks (no vending machines or fast food restaurants nearby), I am in control. I had to ask him to keep the "contraband" out of the house, because right now, I don't have the willpower to resist.

One thing I really like about MFP is the home page displays how many days in a row I've kept my food and activity log. At 23 days, I am seeing some weight loss results. When I go over my calories, I make myself get on the treadmill and work off the excess. Believe me, that makes me think twice about what I eat!! I don't want to break that "winning streak".

I've also found it helps to plan ahead. If you're going out for dinner, visit the restaurant web page and make choices within your calorie budget. Stick to the plan. Have a talk with your girlfriend. As others have suggested, plan dates around activities. Bicycle, take a hike, go bowling or roller blading. Learn to cook healthy. My husband and I were married two years ago. Although thin, he's diabetic. Since we've been married and (because I do most of the cooking) his A1Cs have dropped to near normal, because we're eating whole food, not processed stuff. Lots of fresh produce. So even though he doesn't need to lose weight, his health is improving.

If your girlfriend isn't willing to support you in this, maybe it's time to move on.

mysmileighs · July 2014

I know exactly what you're dealing with! My boyfriend and I started dating a year ago, and we were so happy and excited, we both gained about 50 pounds. It was just so much fun going out to eat all the time and hanging around doing nothing because we could. So I definitely think your environment can affect weight loss! Now we're both on a weight loss journey together, and it definitely makes a positive difference that we do it together!

Good luck! You can do this!

Losingthedamnweight · July 2014

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and I have gained an unholy amount of weight since being with him. He has no interest in dieting, and has a lot of limitations for exercise due to a gnarly motorcycle accident. Anyways, I still have to do the grocery shopping and cooking for him and my son. So while he eats my favorite potato chips, I bake some kale chips. When my son wants ice cream, we get frozen yogurt instead. I make separate meals for myself a lot of times. If they want to stop for fast food on a busy weekend, I get a salad with grilled chicken. It does make it a bit harder, but it is still possible. At the end of the day you can't make her do anything that she doesn't want to, and your health is your responsibility so you can't blame her either. Good luck!

Boy oh boy does this hit home. The "they want ice cream but i want yogurt" situation happens all the time over here. Just this weekend, i ate then took my girlfriend out for a walk (did i word that wrong? Like walking the dog? lol) and afterwards she was complaining about how hungry she was and that we should go out and get something to eat. I said that i already ate and i'm not hungry and she just kinda had this attitude like "well i guess that means we can't go eat together. Guess we're done hanging out for the day" and i caved in. Its so easy when making plans on a boring day off to go "hey. Let's go to red robin. That'll be fun!" For some reason, "hey. Let's go see a movie and eat yogurt!" doesn't sound as much of a fun day off. I need to get used to this...my life revolves around food way too much. I need to get a life

One thing that I learned at WW was that just because you are going out to eat, doesn't mean it has to be special and you overeat. If you are celebrating something that is one thing, but if you are just going out because you don't want to cook then just get something that would be comparable to what you have at home.

That is a huge deal for me! I feel like whenever i go out to eat, it has to be this big event. I grew up dirt poor. I mean...third world country kinda poor where i wasn't even able to eat every single day. So as i got older, i ate more because i think subconsciously, i was afraid my food was going to be taken away. That plus just loving the fact that i can finally eat good food, no wonder i turned into a fatty. I need to look at how i'll be living my life not just in the temporary, but long term. Every time i go out can't be that special. It's just food.

So..... is the only thing you guys have in common eating out or stopping by the drive-thru?

Oh god, it sure seems like it sometimes. Once you have been doing the same thing for a decade and basing a relationship on it, its a hard habit to break. But i'm gonna need to. I'm trying to make the effort to get out everyday and get some exercise and count those cals, but she is stuck in the past with no interest at all in improving herself. I try to take her along with me but she couldn't be less interested. It's a weird position to be in. It's like the more i try to improve myself, since she's not doing the same, the more we kinda drift apart. So when we are together, i get all weak willed just to keep the status quo. But i can't do this forever. I want to be a better person.

Ultimately, it's up to you. You need to either put your foot down and insist you guys do something other than binge, eat healthier meals, or exercise a little self control and moderate what YOU eat. Just because you order a pizza doesn't mean you have to eat the whole thing. Only you can stop yourself from doing that. It's not like your girlfriend is forcing you to eat it all.

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Like i said above ^, i do need to see eating as just eating and not some big event. When i see a slice of pizza, it's like a trigger. It's like the pizza is telling me with it's deliciousness that i have to eat the whole damn thing. It's the mindset that needs to change. I know i can't be the only one that thinks like this. It's turning into a cultural thing. I think i'm gonna have to accept that i'm trying to improve myself and for that to happen, I need to focus on me and what i need. Even if that means breaking away from people in my life that have been a bad influence, my health is number one.

dlkingsbury · July 2014

Yes - friends and family absolutely, definitely can influence your decisions on food and activity - but in the end, you're the one who makes the choices. My advice is to plan ahead - I am often around family who don't eat the way that I am currently and are not actively trying to lose weight so I'll try to either work out that morning or eat before. Sometimes that isn't possible and then you just make the best choices that you can and don't beat yourself up over it.

RHachicho · July 2014

Well obviously you're the one who makes the choices. But I can offer sympathy. Every time i'm at my friends or my folks and they offer me a meal and I turn it down I feel like a total heel. But well ... macaroni cheese aint gonna fly. Pasta and bacon and cheese sauce all homemade and DAMNYOUOP!!!

DeguelloTex · July 2014

Wait, so she's blackmailing/guilting you into eating -- making it a condition of spending more time with her -- knowing that you've already eaten and knowing that you're trying to lose weight?

It sounds a lot like you can be with her or lose weight, but not both.

Ninkyou · July 2014

Oh god, it sure seems like it sometimes. Once you have been doing the same thing for a decade and basing a relationship on it, its a hard habit to break. But i'm gonna need to. I'm trying to make the effort to get out everyday and get some exercise and count those cals, but she is stuck in the past with no interest at all in improving herself. I try to take her along with me but she couldn't be less interested. It's a weird position to be in. It's like the more i try to improve myself, since she's not doing the same, the more we kinda drift apart. So when we are together, i get all weak willed just to keep the status quo. But i can't do this forever. I want to be a better person.

Based on this then, I'd say it's time to end the relationship. If all you have in common is eating food and keeping the status quo, then you shouldn't continue. Otherwise you'll both continue to be miserable and unhappy, and that's probably not a path either of you want to go down.

I_Will_End_You · July 2014

I definitely eat better when I'm alone and only making food for myself. My family members don't really encourage me to eat too much or anything, but I really like a lot of "healthy" foods. I also get bored and exercise just because I have nothing better to do. When my boyfriend is off (he works nights, I work days) or the kids are around, there is more going on, and I tend to work out less. I also make a wider variety of food because they just aren't cool with eating tuna sandwiches for dinner every night.

SLLRunner · July 2014

They've done studies that show that having fat friends makes you more likely to gain weight (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/25/health/25iht-fat.4.6830240.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0) . Yes, responsibility starts and ends with you, but surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. My husband works out daily, eats well, and it definitely helps me stay on track.

That newspaper article is bull. That's like saying hanging out with skinny people is more likely to make you skinny, or hanging out with drinkers is more likely to make you drink.

I agree with you that personal responsibility starts and ends with you, period. That means being around people who trigger me to eat more than I know I should is an opportunity to practice my boundaries around food and to use my good old fashioned willpower. However, that trigger is on me, not them.

I have an overweight guy, and he DOES bring the best out in me because of what a neat person he is. If someone does not bring out the best in me it has nothing to do with whether they are fat or eat a lot. Friendship and love goes a lot deeper than that.

cicisiam · July 2014

Hang out with people who are on the same mission as you.

LazerMole · July 2014

Just be mindful.

Identify your triggers, whether they're situations, specific foods, occasions or people. Recognize that you're being triggered. *Acknowledge* what's happening.

And then say to yourself "Yay! I don't have to overeat anymore!"

That's how I quit smoking. After the nicotine was out of my system (72 hours), it was simply a process of being mindful every time I had an urge to smoke. So I would be sitting there, and then the "Time to smoke" would pop into my head. And I would smile and say "How wonderful that I'm a non-smoker, now!" and the urge would pass.

3 days after I smoked my last cigarette, I was sitting around a campfire (trigger), drinking booze (trigger), with friends who were smoking cigarettes (trigger), and I was not tortured or freaking out wanting a cigarette. It was bizarre, but wonderful.

The same can be true for dieting.

Don't act like you don't have a problem or addiction. Face it head-on. Acknowledge it. Ride it out. Move on.

nicsflyingcircus · July 2014

Wait, so she's blackmailing/guilting you into eating -- making it a condition of spending more time with her -- knowing that you've already eaten and knowing that you're trying to lose weight?

It sounds a lot like you can be with her or lose weight, but not both.

Seconded. That sort of passive/aggressive manipulation is seriously uncool.!

Numberwang22 · July 2014

Have a nice evening making pizza at home by hand. Would be tonnes healthier, bit of exercise with the dough plus you can control portion size and toppings... If it goes well make it a regular thing rather than take away

ASH2038602 · July 2014

Luckily, I dont have to deal with that from my boyfriend. He has been supportive of me eating better and leaving every night after we have dinner to go to the gym. For a little while he was supporting some bad food habits. Like if I said "Man, I really want some of those chips," He would tell me its OK to have some I can make it up tomorrow. I just sat him down and explained to him that I needed him to be supportive by not make excuses for me to eat things I shouldn't. We don't eat out often, but when we do we compromise with somewhere that also low calorie menu. I really think you should sit down and talk to her and figure out why she isn't supporting you in this. I could be totally wrong, but it sounds like maybe she is feeling insecure about herself because of the changes you are making? I would address it, and make it clear that you are doing this whether she is on board or not.

ASH2038602 · July 2014

Also, I completely identify with having food issues from childhood. I spent many years homeless as a kid, and often the only time we ate was a free lunch at school. I have realized that being hungry for a long time created a completely irrational emotional response from me. It has gotten easier for me once I realized and accepted that it is irrational to carry (physically and mentally) issues from my childhood.

RHachicho · July 2014

Have a nice evening making pizza at home by hand. Would be tonnes healthier, bit of exercise with the dough plus you can control portion size and toppings... If it goes well make it a regular thing rather than take away

Completely agreed on that front plus you would be gobsmacked how much healthier homemade pizza dough can be as opposed to the stuff you get from takeaways. And it's way more delicious. it's not exactly something you could do every night but once in a while aint gonna kill you. And honestly you would be surprised how many calories cooking your average meal burns. Just reaching around mixing ingredients doing the washing up afterwards etc. it all adds up.

Does family/environment have an affect on weight loss?

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