Even strangers try to discourage me...

haleigh29
haleigh29 Posts: 70 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I am at Sears today picking up some weights (and my mom is with me). I get up to the cashier and she says "looks like someone is going to be working hard" and then my mother and the cashier begin conversing about how much a waste of time it is to try to get in shape because "you lose 20 lbs only to gain it back and more" and how they are happy "keeping their extra pounds" and how people like me who want to try and get in shape are just wasting their time and will just end up gaining it all back and should just be happy how they are. I am very disheartened by these remarks from family and strangers. How do you deal with these types of comments?

Replies

  • SomeNights246
    SomeNights246 Posts: 807 Member
    I still get those. To this day.

    In my head, it created a fear that I really would.

    But logically, I know that that doesn't have to be the case. I, also, know that if it is.. I'll learn from it.

    I think this whole idea that "Everyone always gains it back, anyway" is actually what makes people eventually gain it back. Because from watching people I know who have gained it back, it would seem people just... passively accept that they're destined to find that 20 lbs again, anyway. I, also, think it is detrimental to people with eating disorders - as it does not help, contrary to popular belief- but that's a different, stickier subject.

    I think that line of thinking does far more harm than it does good. I can see where it might help someone with body image issues... other than that, it's just a way to passively accept that you'll always be big without doing anything permanent about it.

    I ignore the comments.

    I get them less now. Seeing as I've been maintaining for 6 months now.
  • haleigh29
    haleigh29 Posts: 70 Member
    You're right. I should just ignore these types of comments and stay confident that I can keep off the lost weight. Thanks for the reply.
  • GohanJKA
    GohanJKA Posts: 66
    I still get those. For years actually from my own family. Some of them it seems are just wanting me to go back to gaining all that I lost. I've learned to just ignore all negative comments about my weight or even my goals. Sometimes what they say might get to me, but I'm learning to just let it go. I know its hard, but don't give in. Remember you're doing this for you not for them.
  • haleigh29
    haleigh29 Posts: 70 Member
    Thanks GohanJKA, I just wish that people (especially family) would try to be supportive and/or even encouraging. I am so grateful for MFP members and the encouragement and motivation i receive everyone here.
  • kingscrown
    kingscrown Posts: 615 Member
    It gets easier the fitter you get. Keep working on it. Your confidence with grow and you'll take people like that with a grain of salt. I know fitness works for me. When the cashier at my local grocery store started calling me "that crazy exercising lady" I decided to take it like a compliment. BTW I'm half her size.
  • TheNewMe99
    TheNewMe99 Posts: 24
    All the more reason to stick to it and prove them all wrong. I know it's hard but try not to let other people project their insecurities on you. :) Stay strong I'm here for support!
  • PennyVonDread
    PennyVonDread Posts: 432 Member
    People tend to be adverse to change. Especially people who have always known you as a "fat friend" may link that to you and your identity. Some people see losing weight as a change that will take you away from them. You won't be "you" so to speak. Your mother may need reassurance as much as you need her support. She may also be afraid you'll try to change her, police her, or reinforce guilt from her own weight loss failures. In addition, people who are fat and accepting of their few extra pounds might feel rejected (even subconsciously) by your unaccepting attitude of fat- though you meant only the fat on your own body. Just communicate how you feel, how you want to change your body because it's yours to care for, and that you love your mom and she has nothing to worry about, but that you'd like support or for her to at least be happy for you.
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member

    How do you deal with these types of comments?

    I would tell them to mind their own business.
  • haleigh29
    haleigh29 Posts: 70 Member
    I didn't consider the possibility that these remarks may be out of insecurity on their part, thanks for the insight. I am going to try to keep my progress to myself and my MFP friends in order to not promote any uneasy feelings in those who are not on the same path as I. I will only mention my new way of living life if someone else mentions it first.
  • haleigh29
    haleigh29 Posts: 70 Member

    How do you deal with these types of comments?

    I would tell them to mind their own business.

    I like it....I may also try this
  • nicklippa
    nicklippa Posts: 31 Member
    Whats funny is the same people at work who used to comment about me being too fat, one guy used to ask me every Christmas if i was auditioning for a role in the Santa Parade, now tell me I am too skinny!

    Who cares what people think!

    I am almost 50 and I have discovered one important thing.....the happiest people in the world are the ones who don't care what other people think of them.
  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
    I tend to ignore life advice from Sears cashiers.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    How do you deal with these types of comments?

    i'm confused as to why one has to "deal" with random comments from random people?
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    I'm somewhat bemused when strangers speak to me out of the blue, let alone when they voice their opinions about my personal business. I tend to assume that they're mental, pat them on their perty little heads, and send them on their way. Now, if they introduce themselves, smile, and say "hi" that is an altogether different matter. That's when I mace them and scream for the police.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    I "deal" with comments from people with amusement mostly, or I forget what they've said 15 seconds after I walk away. If other people want to have a conversation about being happy with doing nothing, I don't see that as a slight against you. What do you have to prove to anyone? There's no proving anyone wrong; there's no discouragement; there's only noise in the background of your life, and that noise doesn't have to mean anything. It has no power unless you give it power.

    It's meaningless nonsense spouted by people who prefer to give up before getting started. Treat it like that and just go back to doing your thing.
  • ZBuffBod
    ZBuffBod Posts: 297 Member
    You deal with them by ignoring them! You can't change their perspective. Just do you and they'll soon see how wrong they were.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    I am too the point I'm being accused of being anorexic by family and friends, and strangers tell me how tiny I am and there is no way I could have ever been overweight. (I've gone from US size 18/20 to a size 4/6 jeans) I just ignore any comments I get, unless its a nice comment. lol Then I accept and own how proud I am for all my efforts.
  • SrJoben
    SrJoben Posts: 484 Member
    So I am at Sears today picking up some weights (and my mom is with me). I get up to the cashier and she says "looks like someone is going to be working hard" and then my mother and the cashier begin conversing about how much a waste of time it is to try to get in shape because "you lose 20 lbs only to gain it back and more" and how they are happy "keeping their extra pounds" and how people like me who want to try and get in shape are just wasting their time and will just end up gaining it all back and should just be happy how they are. I am very disheartened by these remarks from family and strangers. How do you deal with these types of comments?


    These are people who don't understand that physical condition requires maintenance and is not a once and done operation.

    Ask them if it's worth repairing a leaky roof if some day it might start leaking again if neglected.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    It used to bother me. Then I got to a point when I just didn't give a crap what people thought or said. It was around that time When the tables turned, and they started coming up to me asking how I kept the weight off and such. So don't sweat it, who cares what they think.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Honestly it blows my mind how many people even get these kind of comments from people. Maybe I live in an alternate universe or something, but I have never had anyone try to discourage me from working out, tell me I should eat crappy or that I can't do anything.

    I am sorry that you had this happen...but let it go
  • KrazyDaizy
    KrazyDaizy Posts: 815 Member
    Remember Charlie Brown's teacher's voice. Yah, picture and hear that when people who are full of nonsense talk.
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
    So I am at Sears today picking up some weights (and my mom is with me). I get up to the cashier and she says "looks like someone is going to be working hard" and then my mother and the cashier begin conversing about how much a waste of time it is to try to get in shape because "you lose 20 lbs only to gain it back and more" and how they are happy "keeping their extra pounds" and how people like me who want to try and get in shape are just wasting their time and will just end up gaining it all back and should just be happy how they are. I am very disheartened by these remarks from family and strangers. How do you deal with these types of comments?

    Simply ignore.
    Just because they have chosen to settle doesn't mean you should, unless of course you've decided to.
    It's entirely up to you :drinker:
  • abadvat
    abadvat Posts: 1,241 Member
    Use it as a motivation to prove them wrong!
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    How do you deal with these types of comments?

    i'm confused as to why one has to "deal" with random comments from random people?

    agreed. i dont understand what there is to "deal" with when other people are expression their opinions

    stop looking for reasons to make other people's issues your issues. strangers dont know you so there is no conspiracy to discourage you and there is no cheerleading team to motivate you. people just live their own lives with their own experiences and opinions.
  • PrincessEliNa
    PrincessEliNa Posts: 524 Member
    Smile and nod, smile and nod.

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