Grief and getting back on track

Options
KatyRu
KatyRu Posts: 55 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hey all,

So I've been struggling these past few weeks with staying on track. If you checked out my diary right now, it wouldn't tell you much because I rarely ever log EVERYTHING I eat anymore. I start every day strong, and by around 4 PM, when I'm usually getting home from work (I open a lot, but sometimes I close, so this varies), I'm just miserable and craving anything and everything I can get my hands on.

My dad passed away a little over 2 weeks ago. He had been fighting stage 4 liver cancer for almost 3 years. He'd already lived well past what any doctor had predicted. He was a fighter, but the cancer was just too strong. I knew it was going to happen, because the 5-year survival rate for those with stage 4 liver cancer was 0%. It still hit pretty hard because, you know, he's my dad. He went from being big and strong in my 2-year-old eyes to weak and frail and needing constant supervision. I miss him more than I can express.

So I gave myself about a week and a half to just not log anything. I started back on myfitnesspal sometime last week, and have had maybe one good day since then. By around 4 pm almost every day, I just feel sorry for myself and justify all of this unhealthy eating just because.

How do I make myself get back on track? I WANT to start feeling good about myself again.

Replies

  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    Options
    First, take your time to grieve. There is no timeline to it.
    Second, do your best each day.
    Third, it is ok to feel a wide range of emotions on a daily basis. (and possibly moment to moment)

    Just do your best.
  • fastfoodietofitcutie
    fastfoodietofitcutie Posts: 523 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure your Dad would want you to be happy, healthy and live a long amazing life. Just take it one day at a time. Try to log and track for one day and then make the decision as to whether you want to continue. Some days you may want to and some days you may not but hopefully over time you will have more good days then bad.
  • 5stringjeff
    5stringjeff Posts: 790 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry for your loss, Katy.

    The best thing for you to do is allow yourself to go through the grieving process. That could take a few weeks, or several months. As you do that, you'll be in better mental and emotional shape, and more able to stay on track with the diet and fitness goals you've chosen for yourself.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
    Options
    During emotional times it can be hard to even think about tracking...or exercising etc.

    I have found tho that because all of the "stuff" is out of control the one thing that does help is my exercise...which leads me to logging...it's the one thing that is in my control...

    That might sound a bit odd but it is what works for me...there is something very comforting about having something to control when the world around you is out of control....
  • suremeansyes
    suremeansyes Posts: 962 Member
    Options
    It makes sense that it happens around 4pm because bit by bit the day chips away at your self control. Add grief into that and it becomes almost impossible to get through the day in one piece. Cut yourself a little slack, and once you are feeling a little stronger, see if there is something else you can do instead of eating. Play a mindless game on your phone, go for a walk, watch YouTube videos of puppies and kittens...just something.

    I hope you find some peace soon. <3
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    Options
    my neighbor and best friend died this winter. I know she would have wanted me to take care of myself just like your father would want. I did take a trip and got out of town for a few days and this helped for some reason. I guess I found a little bit of happiness and it kept me from being so down. I know I am like an alcoholic with food and it eases the pain but found we can get thru stuff eventually without the food just like an alcoholic without drinking. We are stronger than we think. Hope you find some happiness soon,life is hard.
  • Gemma_Louisex
    Gemma_Louisex Posts: 22 Member
    Options
    A very similar situation happened to me this year and I totally neglected MyFitnessPal and my own health really. I let it go on for months and now looking back, I deeply regret it. Grief is horrific but what you have to try and keep in mind is that your dad would be so proud to see you taking care of yourself - it's this thought that got me back on track. Of course there will be days which you just can't keep up and that's fine. Just try to make small adjustments every day until they become habit again. And remember to take time to look after yourself in other ways as well, emotionally etc.
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
  • amymeenieminymo
    amymeenieminymo Posts: 2,394 Member
    Options
    I'm so sorry for your loss. The loss of a parent has such a huge impact on your life, whether you saw it coming or not. It does get better, but it's not something you can get through in a couple of weeks. Even ten years later I still miss my mom so much I cry like a baby.

    Be easy on yourself right now....count you accomplishments instead of what you're not doing. Don't think about how you can't make it through the whole day sticking to your diet and logging, think about how you made it all the way till 4pm. In a perfect world we would stick to it all day and be slim and healthy in no time, but in reality that's nto always a reality. Do what you can, remember every smart choice helps. Doing well until 2 or 3 or 4pm is better than not doing well all day right? Big hugs to you.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Options
    Hey all,

    So I've been struggling these past few weeks with staying on track. If you checked out my diary right now, it wouldn't tell you much because I rarely ever log EVERYTHING I eat anymore. I start every day strong, and by around 4 PM, when I'm usually getting home from work (I open a lot, but sometimes I close, so this varies), I'm just miserable and craving anything and everything I can get my hands on.

    My dad passed away a little over 2 weeks ago. He had been fighting stage 4 liver cancer for almost 3 years. He'd already lived well past what any doctor had predicted. He was a fighter, but the cancer was just too strong. I knew it was going to happen, because the 5-year survival rate for those with stage 4 liver cancer was 0%. It still hit pretty hard because, you know, he's my dad. He went from being big and strong in my 2-year-old eyes to weak and frail and needing constant supervision. I miss him more than I can express.

    So I gave myself about a week and a half to just not log anything. I started back on myfitnesspal sometime last week, and have had maybe one good day since then. By around 4 pm almost every day, I just feel sorry for myself and justify all of this unhealthy eating just because.

    How do I make myself get back on track? I WANT to start feeling good about myself again.
    Aw, sweetie, I am so sorry. Grief is a tough one and takes time and you just have to be patient with yourself. I hope you have supportive people around you whom you can talk to. Warmest thoughts to you.

    ETA: My mom died of lung and liver cancer when I was 23, and it so tough. It took a lot of time to heal.
  • angieroo2
    angieroo2 Posts: 973 Member
    Options
    First, take your time to grieve. There is no timeline to it.
    Second, do your best each day.
    Third, it is ok to feel a wide range of emotions on a daily basis. (and possibly moment to moment)

    Just do your best.

    I think this is a really good response. Take it one day at a time.
  • Mygsds
    Mygsds Posts: 1,564 Member
    Options
    Im so sorry for your loss... You have probably heard this a hundred times, but it does get easier. My dad was my life... You are going to have good and bad days. Try to remember how important this is to you and do the best that you can. You will find it easier as you go. I wish you the best and pray for strength for you.. Take care..
  • jenni18
    jenni18 Posts: 3 Member
    Options
    I am so sorry for your loss! 2 years ago on Tuesday, my parents were in a horrific motorcycle accident caused by a 20 year old that cut them off. My father died on impact and mother seriously injured. My parents were high school sweethearts and both meant the world to me. I took care of my mother every single day in the ICU and rehab for 45 days. Coming upon the 2 year anniversary since I spoke to him last, I have my tough days as well. I was doing so well with my weight up until the accident and in the past 2 years I have struggled. I just came to grips with what I was doing to myself the other day and decided that I wanted to be happy with myself so I threw everything in my house that was bad for me away! It felt great!

    Remember to take things one day at a time. Plan a trip or exciting new adventures to take your mind off the sad things and think about the fun times ahead. My boyfriends father has been fighting cancer for 14 years and is most likely not going to make it until the end of the year. He is heartbroken even though his father is still around. I try to remind him that life isn't about how or when we die, it's about living life and enjoying what you have now!

    So if you decide to eat like crap for 2 weeks or 3 weeks or 2 years, remember to live and move on! I decided to stop being an idiot when it came to the way I eat ( I work out 4 times a week) and start focusing on how I used to feel when I ate well and worked out. Tomorrow is a new day, ALWAYS remember that. We don't ever have to regret our decisions....just learn from them!
  • icck
    icck Posts: 197 Member
    Options
    My dad passed away a few weeks ago, although very suddenly. A few weeks previously he'd been released from a short hospital stay in better health than he'd been for years, all's well, and then he's dead.
    I'm definitely still coming to terms with it, I don't think it has really hit me yet to be honest.

    Mostly, I've tried to get on with life as normal and keep myself busy, but without putting too much pressure on myself. If I miss a workout, or eat crap for a day, that's okay. If I don't want to be around people, that's okay. I've made it through another day.
  • KatyRu
    KatyRu Posts: 55 Member
    Options
    Thank-you all for your responses. It's still slow going, but I'm working on it. I've been working a LOT lately (I work at a Starbucks inside of a Target, so I'm constantly moving), so my exercise isn't where I'm struggling as much. On my days off, I still make sure I exercise. On my working days, I do some strength type things. I'm just eating terribly. I constantly want sugar. I'm doing pretty well so far today, but my stomach is starting to hurt quite a bit and I'm more than a little concerned about how many drinks I will "sample" at work tonight. I am coming to understand, however, that trying and failing is always better than giving up completely.

    Thanks for all of your support.
  • JennInTx
    JennInTx Posts: 72 Member
    Options
    I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel. I lost my brother, unexpectedly, in May. I've been spiraling out of control ever since. My emotions have been completely out of my control. I'm not sure how I seem to stay grounded at work, but that's the only place I seem to have it together. My diet has suffered and I've gained weight . But I woke up last week wanting to turn things around. My grief support classes have helped me considerably and having the support of some good friends and family. If there's one thing that they have taught me, is that I need to grief...be angry...be sad...but I need to take care of myself. Feel free to add me and hopefully we can support each other through this time of grief.
  • taylorizal
    taylorizal Posts: 25 Member
    Options
    I started getting healthy two weeks after my mom died. She had diabetes and it destroyed her. She had so many complications and eventually it got her. Even though she was sick for so long, her death was totally unexpected. I now take care of my 13 year old brother. I'm getting healthy for myself but also for my brother. I have pre-diabetes and the thought of living how my mom did and dying as young as she was (just turned 48) makes me nauseous. I loved my mother so much and miss her every day. Sometimes all I want to do is eat cupcakes and lay in bed all day. I know that she wants me to be healthy and I want to be here for my brother for the rest of his life, because it's just him and me and my grandma now (my aunt died a month ago of pancreatic cancer that spread to her lungs). I can't bear the thought of him losing me too. So, my grief helped me. In two days, it will be four months since she died and I have lost 40 pounds. I still have a really long way to go, but it's so worth it to me. In the end, you have to do best for you.
  • JennInTx
    JennInTx Posts: 72 Member
    Options
    I started getting healthy two weeks after my mom died. She had diabetes and it destroyed her. She had so many complications and eventually it got her. Even though she was sick for so long, her death was totally unexpected. I now take care of my 13 year old brother. I'm getting healthy for myself but also for my brother. I have pre-diabetes and the thought of living how my mom did and dying as young as she was (just turned 48) makes me nauseous. I loved my mother so much and miss her every day. Sometimes all I want to do is eat cupcakes and lay in bed all day. I know that she wants me to be healthy and I want to be here for my brother for the rest of his life, because it's just him and me and my grandma now (my aunt died a month ago of pancreatic cancer that spread to her lungs). I can't bear the thought of him losing me too. So, my grief helped me. In two days, it will be four months since she died and I have lost 40 pounds. I still have a really long way to go, but it's so worth it to me. In the end, you have to do best for you.

    You are an inspiration to us all. Keep up the good work.
  • Jelaan
    Jelaan Posts: 815 Member
    Options
    I am very sorry for your loss. There is no time line for grief and adustment so cut yourself some slack and just do what you can. Just a thought, perhaps what you are craving is not sugar and carbs, but comforting? Someone to talk to or counselling can be a big help. Take care of yourself .
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
    Options
    Very sorry for your loss Katy. Hang in there.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
    Options
    Oh, Sweetie. I'm sorry about your dad and will say a prayer for you. We all grieve differently. However you do it is the best way. If it takes a long time, it does. That's not abnormal. Two weeks is barely long enough to stop crying sometimes.

    You'll get back on track when you're ready.

    After my mom died, I are nothing for a day and almost nothing for a week. After my dad died, I had to take pills just to stop me from vomiting, so I could keep other pills down. Food was out, lol.

    Eating more or less happens a lot. Don't give it a second thought.

    Hang in there.

Categories