Just a rant from a mom tired of fighting for her workout.
Sherbear1109
Posts: 155 Member
I just need to vent my frustration and am also wondering if this is a struggle for other moms. Been working out everyday for a bit over 2 months now and everyday I have to struggle with my family to get in a 1 hour workout. The whole reason I'm in this boat is because I have totally neglected myself for years, since having my first child. Everything has been about taking care of my family and I just didn't take care of myself. Now that I've decided to just make time for myself, my family has fought me every step of the way. The grown boy I call my mate included. It is frustrating that they all give me such a hard time about the one hour a day I actually use the T.V. in order to workout. The kids I understand, even though it is frustrating, but it really ticks me off that my guy is so unsupportive. Especially since he obviously doesn't like the way I look since I've become so overweight. Don't get me wrong, he's not mean about the weight or anything, but you can tell when your guy isn't looking at you like he used to. I really thought that by 2 months of this they would all be used to it and get over the fact that I now spend an hour a day taking care of myself, but it still seems to be the end of the world for them. Sorry for the rant. I'm just so dang frustrated right now and so tired of having to fight to spend 1 hour a day on me.
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Replies
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Have you tried making it an event for the family0
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Have you sat down and talked to your partner about how much this means to you? That might be a good start.0
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What about going to the gym instead of having the same old fight in the house? Just leave and come back in an hour's time, all done... Don't give up or else they'll never learn that you have the right to have a life, too!!0
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I'm afraid my boys don't want to workout with me. Sometimes the kids will join me, but usually they want nothing to do with the workout. I wish they were more interested, but they are young and just don't have the attention span. As for my guy, he just wants no part of it.
I have talked with him about it, but he is being kind of selfish about this for some reason. He's all about it with words, but when it cuts into his T.V. time on his days off he gets all huffy.
I would love to be able to go to the gym, but right now that's not an option for me. I'm hoping I will be able to start doing that in a month or so. Trying to work out finances and babysitters to swing it. May end up going at like 10 P.M., though. That way the family is asleep and no one should have a problem with my being gone for an hour. Definitely not giving up, though! Been out of shape for too, long and I just can't take it anymore.
Thanks for the advice and the "ears". I honestly feel less angry after just venting it. :-)0 -
What about early in the a.m.? I see a lot of women down on the hike and bike trail between 5 - 6:30 am. I'm guessing its because their kids and husbands are all still asleep. No baby sitter needed and its free.0
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I don't have kids but I'm married and I know your pain. My husband actually uses the TV as a monitor to his computer, so all hell breaks loose if I want to use the TV on his "computer time".
My solution was to work out with my laptop. Youtube videos are godsent. Do you have a spare laptop/computer? maybe you should try the same?0 -
It's really a shame they aren't supporting you, but keep fighting. You're a good example to your kids, where they're female (they need to learn to be assertive and claim some time for their own needs) or male (they need to learn that no sane woman is going to give in to them 100% of the time).
I like the idea of YouTube workouts on a laptop, though. And is there any reason your guy can't babysit while you work out if you can find the cash flow for a gym membership? But don't give up.0 -
Hun, first of all. BIG hug to you
I have the same problem. I'm a mum to a 6yr old and I have a full time job. My husband is the laziest thing that ever walked on this planet - so I have all the cleaning, cooking, etc etc to do. So pretty much, life of a slave here!
I am determined to lose 10kg in 3 months flat this time. It's not for my husband, not for my dd. It's for ME. I think 530am is a fantastic time - all quiet but it comes with its own challenges for me. I have a early light dinner - so I struggle to workout first thing in the morning. But, that's the only option I have, so I push through
Hang in there mum, find a way out. You absolutely deserve that 1hour for Youself.
Btw, we have a rule in my home - no TV for kids on weekdays. Adults can watch tv only after the kids are in bed. It works for all of us.0 -
Leave the house to work out. Walk away from the negativity and make a new place for just yourself, where you can get away. Whether that's the garage, the patio, a gym, or a friend's house, doesn't matter. But get out of there, because the bad attitudes of your family will bring you down eventually.0
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Have you tried making it an event for the family
Why???? she's entitled to have some time to herself and not turn her hour into some Family Power Hour deal where she still has to drag them around and wipe their noses for them.
to the OP. they really don't have to support you. all they have to do is STFU while you use the TV or whatever. actually, i take that back. they don't have to shut up. they can whine about it the entire time. the only thing that's required here is that you have to stop giving a damn if they whine about you using the tv or taking off for an hour or two to get your workout in. you do you and don't worry about if someone is upset because they lost an hour of tv time or whatever0 -
Can you exercise out of the home, maybe in a group? That way the family can sit in front of the TV and you really get away. Everyone needs "me" time. My wife and I lift together and it's become an important part of our week and good break from the kiddos. We include them in exercise at other times through hiking, running, and biking. And, of course, we both have days when we just lift by ourselves, though my runs are what I mostly use for concentrating just on me.0
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Wow guys! Thanks for all the support and advice! I really just wrote this because I knew nobody's feelings would be hurt by my venting my frustrations, since I don't actually know anyone on here.
Tulipz, thanks. Sounds like we're definitely in the same boat. HUGS back at you! :flowerforyou: My family has definitely gotten to used to my doing everything for everyone around here. They will adjust and I know everyone will be happier in the long run, as I won't be so miserable. Not having anytime to be me was really getting to me.
DavPul, Thanks to you, too. Sometimes I feel really selfish for insisting I get this hour everyday. You really hit the root of what bothers me about it, I think.
Athena, thank you for the support, as well. They are boys and I agree whole heartedly with what you said. Not only that, but I used to be a seriously tough chic. I really want to become that person again not just for me, but because them to see that women can be strong, too.0 -
The rest of you had some great suggestions that are kind of what I'm working towards. Part of our problem is that our family has outgrown our little house. We all have to share the living area because that's all that's left. Everything else is kitchen or bedroom. We are looking for another house, but for now it is what it is.
During the week, my fiancé leaves for work at 4 A.M. and doesn't get home until 8ish at night. This means he can't really watch them during the week. My youngest is up at 5 A.M. every morning.
That's why I'm thinking of doing the gym at 10 PM when I get to the point I can afford it.
The weekdays aren't so bad, though. It's the weekends that really bum me out. My kids get to watch one show each on weekdays and then I give them a snack and start my workout while they eat. They usually play together real well at this time, so it's not too, bad. For some reason though, when their dad is home on the weekends, they turn into terrors when I workout. It blows my mind! This is also when my guy becomes a grump about my using the T.V. I think getting into a bigger house where we can actually set up our other T.V. will make a big difference. Just have to grin and bare it for now. :grumble:0 -
Sorry about the novels. :blushing: Guess you all know I really am alone with kids all the time. lol Give me a chance to talk to adults and I just don't shut up. haha0
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Sorry about the novels. :blushing: Guess you all know I really am alone with kids all the time. lol Give me a chance to talk to adults and I just don't shut up. haha
All the more reason to prioritize some outside time for yourself.0 -
I second getting another small tv, even if you have to stretch an extension cord to the backyard to have some real space and peace of mind, while the "boys" veg in front of the other tv. I too workout at home and know all about having to work with what I have, because compromising in my house is not an option either.0
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The weekdays aren't so bad, though. It's the weekends that really bum me out. My kids get to watch one show each on weekdays and then I give them a snack and start my workout while they eat. They usually play together real well at this time, so it's not too, bad. For some reason though, when their dad is home on the weekends, they turn into terrors when I workout. It blows my mind! This is also when my guy becomes a grump about my using the T.V. I think getting into a bigger house where we can actually set up our other T.V. will make a big difference. Just have to grin and bare it for now. :grumble:
Oh I hear you about the small house. I do my workouts early in the morning, but once others get up, it is difficult.
My daughter had the same trouble about working out while caring for her kids and has done some "hacks." She homeschools, so the kids are always home. During "recess" she would run in her bedroom with a favorite movie plus some push-ups, etc. At other times, she does some dance thing on her game system after the kids are in bed but before her husband comes home (since he works several nights per week). She has also taken the kids out walking with her. Just keep trying different things until you find something that works.
If weekends are such a problem with the TV workouts, try making one weekend day a rest day and do something else the other day.
Keep trying! You'll figure it out!
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
Kudos to you for protecting your time. That is awesome. It can be a struggle just to get yourself going never mind dealing with total lack of support.
I have 2 boys, ages 7 and 10....so I can totally relate. I work full time (fortunately from a home office) and my hubby works 24 hour shifts. My greatest challenge has been finding time in the day that will work for me and when the kids are looked after....and babysitting isn't an option for me.
I have tried working out right after they get on the school bus and before work...was Ok but a bit tight on time.
I just recently looked at joining the YMCA...they have a family plan that has lots of options for both me and them (and child minding for the little ones). One of the biggest lessons I have learned lately is how important some me time is. Being a mom is a tough job. ...my hubby recently gave me this analogy to think about...The lioness eats first because if she can't take care of herself, she can't take care of her cubs.0 -
I have a TV in my gym room but I usually use it to entertain my 4 year old so I can exercise. When I want to watch something, I usually use the tablet and/or my phone. I know someone already suggested it, but using the tablet is an option. Sure, the family should be willing to give up the TV for an hour, but if it's too much of a struggle, use a tablet. To me, it isn't worth the effort to fight and stress myself out.. so I just use an alternative. If you don't have a tablet, maybe try your phone. It's a smaller screen, but will work for entertainment if needed maybe? OR, you could give your husband the tablet/phone and tell him to enjoy. :laugh:0
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Have you tried making it an event for the family
this and you could split it up into two half hour workouts, get up extra early to workout, use swimming as a workout and the kids can go too, plan a biking day, go for walks together, there are many ways to burn off them calories. Stay strong and vent as much as you like on here. We have all been there. WHen my kids were little they would join me in my tae bo and stuff. I think its great to teach them at a young age to be active and how to have fun while doing it.
edit: you don't need a tv to workout honey. just find another way to get in your cardio. take the kids for a walk in a wagon or stroller. there are many ways to get in some cardio. Even housee cleaning gets you sweaty if you are doing it right. Don't get me wrong, i love my me time when i go for my walks and stuff. I also love involving other people sometimes too. Rack your brain and see what will work for you. You will find a way.0 -
This is odd for me to read. Why should you have to fight for anything in your own home? Fact is, if you're not trying to do it during Game of Thrones or something that they really really want to watch, it's YOUR DAMN TV.
Make a time, tell them what it is. Make them go read a book or something.
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Have you tried telling them all to go **** themselves? All this time you've put into their development, his relationship with you and the children, their health, all their lives...and you can't have one hour a day?
Seriously, I'd yell at them and tell them all to go take a flying leap.0 -
You have the right to time to take care of yourself. They may whine and complain (including the big baby), but they will ajdust. Dig in your heels and insist on your time. They will also benefit from a healthier, happier you. As mothers, we are so used to putting our needs aside to take care of others, that it can be difficult to assert ourselves. They have to learn to share the tv and space until you are able to change your living situation.0
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Can you look into something like You Are YOur Own Gym or get a set of dumbbells or kettlebells and find a routine that allows you to workout sans tv? When I finally got back into fitness I'd usually turn on an hour of cartoons for my kids to have some "rest time" (since they stopped napping), then I put together a dumbbell routine and some yoga progressions and just did one of those each day. The kids were absorbed and didn't bug me while I lifted. Best of luck to you! It's amazing sometimes how much everyone realises they need you as soon as you finally decide to take a little time for yourself 0
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I was wondering if you work as well? IS the only time you have to work out at 8 at night when the hubby gets home from a looonng shift???? Why cant you work out before he gets home or go for walks when he gets home without him or the kids???? nobody has even asked this here in this thread. What should he do when he gets off of work? My husband would never go for this either. He is however quite okay with me doing it IF it doesn't involve his chill out time before bed. Just saying the obvious.0
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I'm feeling ya! I cant exercise other than walking/running when my youngest is awake cause it triggers a major meltdown (he's on the spectrum) And when I asked hubby to watch him for 40 mins 3 times a week so I can go for a run he kicked up the biggest stink, and wants to know when he can get 3 hours a week to himself away from the kids. (I'm a sahm so Im home with the youngest all day, and then up with him all night) So I'm just gonna start exercising at home in the hour between when the youngin goes to sleep and I do, and bring him in the pram on my runs.0
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What about doing something like a walk/run on the weekends/when their dad is in, that way you get to break up your workout routine and the kids - the adult sized one too :P aren't on their own. Also I find running AMAZING for getting my head clear and you may as well make the most of the summer weather.0
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Can you pick a time when they will be asleep. otherwise they will just have to get used to it. One hour a day for self maintenance and sanity is not too much to ask. I am luckier as I use my laptop and have a screen attached so dont have to use the TV. My other half says I should cut it down to 1 work out a week. Found that quite amusing. Good Luck0
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To clarify, I use the T.V. because I use my Zumba with the Kinnect on my Xbox. Sure, I could do something else, but I like the Zumba and I think I should be able to use my Xbox for it. Besides, no matter what I do, they can't really watch T.V. if I'm working out because I would be blocking their view. Wasn't joking about the small house.
Findingamy - Yes, I do work, but I work out of my house. It has it's perks and down falls just like any job. I DO workout in the MORNING. During the week I do it when the boys eat snack, as they tend to play well together right after. During the weekend I do it earlier. I allow myself enough time to have a cup of coffee and then I start my workout. When I start it, my 1 yo is usually the only one up. No matter what time it is though, within 5 - 10 minutes of starting my oldest and their dad are up and grumbling about my using the T.V. and having to wait or me to do my workout. Frankly, it's rather ridiculous. Hence the grumbling.0
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