My story

Hello. I didnt really find a group where to post this message, but I guess subject could be somewhere around emotions. I just woke up and understood I have a depression. I have no hapiness to live. For 4 months I tried yo hide it from myself with alcohol, I was drunk every day. Now when I am trying to quit drinking, every evening, every morning spent sober is like a hell for me. I dont want to go outside, I dont want to talk to people, I am agressive, getting angry easily, I have no belief I will ever look good or make my dreams come true. I have no support, no friends, feel lonely.. Also in last monts I experienced some emotional theror from person, who was important im my life, he could be the reason why now I have lost all my self confidence. 

about my weight - I am now around 78 kg. I dont look super huge, as I am 174 cm high, but I have weight (15-20 kg) to lose. I think weightloss would help me yo get back into life better, I would feel more confident, I could enjoy sex, feel like a girl again (I have stopped to wear heels, dresses.. I feel like the ugliest man). But how to lose weight, I have no idea, I find comfort in food. I dont have friends or anyone who could hug me, understand, be with me (maybe I dont even want it myself atm), so my happiness is eating and alcohol few times a week. (I drink only red wine). There are some people who have said to me, if I would lose weight, I could look likesome celebrities or work as a model, but what am I doing? Just making myself worse and getting deeper in the hell every day. 

Maybe someone has any sugesstions or is feeling similar, I would like to hear experiences. Depression and losing weight together is so hard for me. :brokenheart: