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MagpieRandoms
MagpieRandoms Posts: 6
in Introduce Yourself
Hello everyone

I've never joined a forum before, but I've been reading other people's posts and it's good to know I'm not alone. I'm 28 years old and a Bulimia sufferer. I had four years of recovery with a slip up happening a handful of times a year (which is normal in bulimia recovery and will happen for the rest of my life), but about 6-8 months ago I became depressed. It crept up on me and by the time I admitted it to myself the damage had been done. I had a subsequent mini-bulimia relapse, but worked really hard to rein in the purging and now I'm just left with the bingeing. Because of the depression I didn't care for myself and just allowed my weight to soar. I'd deliberately buy junk food because it was quick, comforting and I wanted to punish myself for some reason. I don't really know why but I was very sad and cried all the time over nothing. I'm still very sad, actually, but for different reasons. I'm sad now because my mood is starting to lift and as a result I have started to care about what I've done to myself. This is good in a way because it is a reason to change, but bad because I look really dreadful. My partner is such a good guy and even though I am nothing like the bubbly, attractive girl he fell for, he still sticks by me and is amazing. I am ashamed of how I look and I cringe at having to leave the house, but I'm making myself go out to try and keep the low mood at bay. I'm not sure why I'm writing all this or if it's appropriate, but it would be lovely to speak to some people in similar circumstances so that I don't feel so alone with it all. Thank you for reading my post.

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  • MagpieRandoms
    MagpieRandoms Posts: 6
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    Surely there is someone out there with some advice, some words of encouragement even? I don't know anybody else with bulimia or emotional eating. Just looking for something to give me some encouragement and motivation, really. It's hard to lose weight alone.
  • Mrsmartinek
    Mrsmartinek Posts: 2 Member
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    Hi,

    Ok, how to start. First off, everyone is beautiful. Weight does not indicate beauty. However, being unhealthy wether its to big or to small should be the concern. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Each day that you are allowed to live, is a new day to make a change in your life, to do something that makes you happy. You were put on this earth for a purpose and I'm sure that purpose is not to obsess over your weight. That was a hard lesson learned for me. I focused my happiness so much on how I looked that I was always unhappy becuase no matter how much exercise I did or how well I ate I never felt perfect or beautiful.
    My thoughts on that changed after I lost my mother and my sister to cancer. Seeing my mother waste away to the disease and have her life cut short was horrible. Each day is a gift, each day should be lived to the fullest.
    Looking a certain weight isn't going to make you happy. Happiness is a state of mind. If you need to seek professional help for your depression do it. If you need to get up and run everyday to lose a bit of weight do it. Stop focusing on your unhappiness and your weight and focus your energies on what can make you happy and do it. I wish you the best on your journey. Don't waste it, live it!
  • MagpieRandoms
    MagpieRandoms Posts: 6
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    Thank you for your reply Mrsmartinek. I am trying to do as you say and focus on the positives. I'm respected at work and just got a new job. Things are on the up in many aspects of my life, which is helping me to see the sun behind the clouds.

    I suppose the biggest challenge for me is how to lose weight safely without succumbing to a bulimia relapse, which is when my diet really starts to spiral out of control and I go on binge/purge cycles that are near impossible to break. It is risky territory for me. A diet and exercise regime can very easily become a food and calorie obsession regime and I desperately don't want that to happen.

    I'm really sorry about your mum and sister, that must have been a horrific time for you. Bereavement is devastating and the fact that you are so positive despite your loss is inspiring. Thank you x x x
  • bbardwell0916
    bbardwell0916 Posts: 33 Member
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    Hi Mag :) I went through depression for about ten years and still sometimes fall back into it suddenly. I wanted to be positive and healthy for my family and seeing how I let my depression get the better of me over those years, I felt terrible to what I had done. Next, It's our imperfections that make us prefect and its whats inside that truly makes us beautiful. I had to change and got motivated because my husband and children are my world. Then I realized I wanted to do it for myself as well. I have my downs still with depression but I push through it. Now when I feel down, I make myself workout because it forces me to focused on that instead of the depression. Can we be MFP friends and post every week how we are doing. This way we both can get over those relapses :) and pick each other up when we do fall back.
  • MagpieRandoms
    MagpieRandoms Posts: 6
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    Hey bbardwell0916, that sounds like a great idea. I'm really sorry about your depression and I understand how it feels when it gets the better of you. What kind of exercise do you do? I've started to go to my local gym so hopefully like you say the exercise will start to lift my mood as well
  • bbardwell0916
    bbardwell0916 Posts: 33 Member
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    Hey bbardwell0916, that sounds like a great idea. I'm really sorry about your depression and I understand how it feels when it gets the better of you. What kind of exercise do you do? I've started to go to my local gym so hopefully like you say the exercise will start to lift my mood as well

    I actually have a spinal injury from the Navy and shoulder injury so I can't do many normal exercises but I've come to find out that the Wii Fit Pro is amazing and doesn't push my injuries but i still burn calories. :)
  • MagpieRandoms
    MagpieRandoms Posts: 6
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    Wow that's great that you've found a way to get around your injuries whilst still finding a way to work out! So cool, the gadgets that are around nowadays. I guess the benefit of that is that you can work out at home too. I'm actually looking forward to finding ways of working out now :)
  • Mrsmartinek
    Mrsmartinek Posts: 2 Member
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    Magpie, I'm so happy to hear that there are positive things happening in your life! A new job is always exciting. I wish you the best on your journey. Keep strong and when you can't, get back up again. You can do it :happy:
  • mskimason
    mskimason Posts: 3 Member
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    Surely there is someone out there with some advice, some words of encouragement even? I don't know anybody else with bulimia or emotional eating. Just looking for something to give me some encouragement and motivation, really. It's hard to lose weight alone.
    I'm a total emotional eater, who recently has had times a depression myself. It helps so much to have others going thru the same as we are...it's definitely hard to lose weight alone but I don't think you'll have to here :):bigsmile:

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