Social issues

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arfuss
arfuss Posts: 90 Member
in Motivation and Support
So i am 21 years old, i have lived with my mum my hole life, i recently moved for my self and started thinking for myself. My mum has always been a loner and never engaged me in social situations, like groups of friends talking and such. I am not sure how to listen properly to a conversation and such. When you talk to someone, your suppose to listen. Is it like reading a book? Like she says "I recently got a cat" Are you suppose to say that in your head? "I recently got a cat" if you understand what i mean. Just a quick example.

Like usually i just listen, not sure if listen properly or not. I always end up talking about the same stuff over and over.. So there is something i have to work on. Please need advice! Since this effects my workout and fitness and such. Im quite a loner trying to get more social
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  • chrs86
    chrs86 Posts: 151 Member
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    Join a gym with a sauna. Naked guys like to talk a lot and makes convo easier.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    Can't help you dude. I don't normally listen to anyone who isn't me anyway. I do watch their chest though.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    Have you not been to school? Or any classroom situation where others are in conversation?
  • arfuss
    arfuss Posts: 90 Member
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    Have you not been to school? Or any classroom situation where others are in conversation?

    When i was 13 i got medication for ADHD The medication gave me heavy social anxiety, made me gain weight.. I was around 100kilos while being 172cm tall. I became a zombie, before i started on the medication i were social and energic. But the medication made me drugged and tired.. All i did was play video games and lay in bed watching tv. I have 350 days away from high school. After that my social life got ruined.. When i quit the medication i got my energy back. and lost 40kilos in 3 months.. But have struggled become more social after that period.. I was to scared to go outside on my own. I only went outside my house with my mum. And when people spoke to me. Even my old friends.. All i said was "Yes" or No" Its so sad to look back at..

    I am currently in a lawsuit against the people responsible for giving me the medication which ruined two years of my life. I would have been on the medication still if it werent for me figuring out the side effects from them on my own. My mother never told me about the side effects. And that the side effects were the actual stuff i were struggling with. (Anxieity, insominia, and weight gain"
  • arfuss
    arfuss Posts: 90 Member
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    Have you not been to school? Or any classroom situation where others are in conversation?

    When i was 13 i got medication for ADHD The medication gave me heavy social anxiety, made me gain weight.. I was around 100kilos while being 172cm tall. I became a zombie, before i started on the medication i were social and energic. But the medication made me drugged and tired.. All i did was play video games and lay in bed watching tv. I have 350 days away from high school. After that my social life got ruined.. When i quit the medication i got my energy back. and lost 40kilos in 3 months.. But have struggled become more social after that period.. I was to scared to go outside on my own. I only went outside my house with my mum. And when people spoke to me. Even my old friends.. All i said was "Yes" or No" Its so sad to look back at.. After qutting the medication i got back into school. But i never talked to anyone. I just sat at my desk waiting for the class to start..

    I am currently in a lawsuit against the people responsible for giving me the medication which ruined two years of my life. I would have been on the medication still if it werent for me figuring out the side effects from them on my own. My mother never told me about the side effects. And that the side effects were the actual stuff i were struggling with. (Anxieity, insominia, and weight gain"
  • chrs86
    chrs86 Posts: 151 Member
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    I thought you're supposed to lose weight on those drugs. Go get some anxiety medication it may help.
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
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    So i am 21 years old, i have lived with my mum my hole life, i recently moved for my self and started thinking for myself. My mum has always been a loner and never engaged me in social situations, like groups of friends talking and such. I am not sure how to listen properly to a conversation and such. When you talk to someone, your suppose to listen. Is it like reading a book? Like she says "I recently got a cat" Are you suppose to say that in your head? "I recently got a cat" if you understand what i mean. Just a quick example.

    Like usually i just listen, not sure if listen properly or not. I always end up talking about the same stuff over and over.. So there is something i have to work on. Please need advice! Since this effects my workout and fitness and such. Im quite a loner trying to get more social

    Have you considered some counseling?

    At any rate, if someone said to you , "I recently got a cat", you could ask them about the cat. "Oh, how is that going?" Or "What kind of cat?"
  • chrs86
    chrs86 Posts: 151 Member
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    Or you could ask if their cat can sleep over sometime.
  • BEVERLYSTEEN
    BEVERLYSTEEN Posts: 106 Member
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    Join a religious/church group I find people are eager to help and share.
  • betomxl
    betomxl Posts: 10
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    When someone usually talks about cats.. i dont respond either...

    just ask things about what they are talking... its a good start...
  • arfuss
    arfuss Posts: 90 Member
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    The cat thing was just a quick example. Not wondering what to respond. Just wonder how to proplery listen to a person who is talking. When your listening to music or reading a book. You are kinda "Talking" to yourself in your head while your reading the book or listening to music.

    Is it the same way when your listening to a person? stupid questions.. but i need this confrimed xD
  • LucasEVille
    LucasEVille Posts: 567 Member
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    Join a religious/church group I find people are eager to help and share.

    Or don't. You don't need additional religious contraints being ingrained into your social expectations right now.

    Go to a social or self help group for people recovering from social anxieity so you can share your experiences with people in the same situation.
  • Gidzmo
    Gidzmo Posts: 904 Member
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    Ask about the cat (breed, male/female, funny antics, etc.)

    A church group might be helpful, too (this is your preference, as I don't know if you have been brought up in a faith tradition). Most groups are good about welcoming newcomers.

    Do you have a favorite craft? Perhaps a related group is in your area.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    Get an Xbox with Live Gold, Call of Duty, and join a room.
  • techgal128
    techgal128 Posts: 719 Member
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    It's taken me years to get good at this stuff because like you, social anxiety was something I suffered with. Your story is actually so close to mine it's scary. I went on an antidepressant that caused me to gain weight, lack all emotions but anger, shy away from everybody, and what's worse is that it caused a memory issue that caused me to start to fail classes. I'd be more than happy to talk more about it in private so PM me if you want to talk about this stuff.

    Anyway, when someone says something, it is your job to do one of two things:

    A) Ask them a question about that topic.
    B) Tell them a story of how you relate to that topic.

    For example:

    "I just got a brand new car recently."

    A) What kind? What do you like about it? Etc.
    B) Nice. I sure need a new car. Mine is old and falling apart.

    The key here is to combine both A and B responses to create a balance.
  • Kaylee11133
    Kaylee11133 Posts: 31 Member
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    Hmm.. I guess when people talk to me, I just hear what they say and think about certain aspects of what they said that I find interesting/weird/unique/questionable, etc. Then once they are done, I say what I've thought. Usually that all takes place relatively quickly in a conversation. I wouldn't say I'm "talking" to myself in my head because i'm not deep in thought, i'm just having spontaneous thoughts from what they say, most of which you don't think much into because you speak them. But I certainly don't repeat what they've said in my head, I guess unless it was super weird or I didn't understand it lol. I just have initial thoughts that stem from what they said. Ya know? Idk if that helps AT ALL haha, but I tried!

    But, if you have anxiety, you can get that treated like some have said. Might make you feel better. But other than that, I think you you just need to have more conversations. The more experience you have, the more it will be easier. The more you experience talking with people, your brain will gradually learn that it's nothing to be anxious or fearful of. =]
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    Get an Xbox with Live Gold, Call of Duty, and join a room.

    No, just... no... he don't need none of THAT! haha.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    It's taken me years to get good at this stuff because like you, social anxiety was something I suffered with. Your story is actually so close to mine it's scary. I went on an antidepressant that caused me to gain weight, lack all emotions but anger, shy away from everybody, and what's worse is that it caused a memory issue that caused me to start to fail classes. I'd be more than happy to talk more about it in private so PM me if you want to talk about this stuff.

    Anyway, when someone says something, it is your job to do one of two things:

    A) Ask them a question about that topic.
    B) Tell them a story of how you relate to that topic.

    For example:

    "I just got a brand new car recently."

    A) What kind? What do you like about it? Etc.
    B) Nice. I sure need a new car. Mine is old and falling apart.

    The key here is to combine both A and B responses to create a balance.

    Following that model you *can* gamify social interactions. Sometimes the rewards are totally worth it.
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
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    Hmm.. I'm definitely a social person, but when I was younger I had lots of social problems. As a creative person, I usually opened my mouth at the wrong time or said the wrong thing. For example, I learned that you're not supposed to yell across the pool at the beach club that you just got your first bra. :tongue: And they don't appreciate it if you're dad sends you to a shrink at 16, you're not supposed to talk about it. I'm trying to remember why I was taken in the back yard with a group of friends who decided to let me know that I was behaving inapropriately.

    Now that I'm 67, I can say anything I want to people, not because I don't care, but because I know who I am. At 21, you have a long way to go. This is a good place to start learning because people have so many different backgrounds.

    Good luck!
  • chrs86
    chrs86 Posts: 151 Member
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    Sounds more like early stage of schizophrenia. I'm not a psychologist, but I heard most people start to develop it in their early twenties. I'd go talk to a doctor if I were you.

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