Real Talk...I'm a Junkie

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reddcollins78
reddcollins78 Posts: 4 Member
in Chit-Chat
In most instances, when you’re completely real with yourself about a situation, that’s the first step in the process of healing and dealing. For that reason “I” liken “my” struggles with food to an addiction…yea, similar to drugs and alcohol. It’s an easy addiction to have too because it’s so accessible and in most circles it’s widely accepted…think about how many things in society are centered around food. Holidays, birthdays….food is as equally as accepted at weddings as it at funerals…and unfortunately I take advantage. When I’m celebrating I’m eating (cooking out/tailgating)…when I’m grieving, I’m eating (who house the family dinner at?)…when I’m bored, it calls to me and I go to it…and for that reason I call it my addiction…I’m a junkie…a food junkie…I am it and it is me…

You learn coping mechanisms and strategies to deal…but just like a drug addiction or an alcohol addiction, it is something for me I have to deal with daily. It took being close to 400lbs. before I finally took my health seriously. I thought I beat it too…finally had it figured out…lost a little over 100 lbs. with no pills, products, or procedures…just good ole fashion hard work, logging food here on MFP, self-discipline and will power. I do at times wonder was it me finally taking pride in myself, my self-image, and my health….or was it really I was tired of the shame of being winded after walking up small flights of steps…being turned away from rollercoasters with my kiddos…embarrassed, being ashamed of the fact I had to ask for belt extenders on airplanes, or that I could barely reach over to tie my own shoe without almost blacking out…either way I found a way to overcome.

I still live with my addiction though…definitely my habits aren’t as bad as they used to be but I can afford to do better. By my fitbit, I’m an absolute monster when it comes to working out, racking in close to 20,000 steps a day behind working out twice daily…but I’m the textbook example of how you can’t out work a bad diet…yea I’m maintaining but more and more I’m feeling like it was the public shame and humiliation that motivated me over the self-love and pride in my appearance because it is the only thing in my recipe that I am now lacking…so until I can get it figured out again….I’ll keep trying to address my sickness…I know I can do it too…especially cause I’ve done it before…but until then, I’m a junkie…a food junkie…I am it and it is me…

Replies

  • FlashMorehouse
    FlashMorehouse Posts: 138 Member
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    For me? I had an ephinany trying to hike back up an escarpment in Uganda. I couldn't make it back up without help. I am not sure if I totally agree with you about the "addiction" part, but do not disagree either. Like most things it is a person by person issue. And for you, if it is an addiction and you treat it as such and it is working for you in your weight loss journey, Good For You! That is a win in my book. Stay strong in that fight.
  • pds06
    pds06 Posts: 299 Member
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    In most instances, when you’re completely real with yourself about a situation, that’s the first step in the process of healing and dealing. For that reason “I” liken “my” struggles with food to an addiction…yea, similar to drugs and alcohol. It’s an easy addiction to have too because it’s so accessible and in most circles it’s widely accepted…think about how many things in society are centered around food. Holidays, birthdays….food is as equally as accepted at weddings as it at funerals…and unfortunately I take advantage. When I’m celebrating I’m eating (cooking out/tailgating)…when I’m grieving, I’m eating (who house the family dinner at?)…when I’m bored, it calls to me and I go to it…and for that reason I call it my addiction…I’m a junkie…a food junkie…I am it and it is me…

    You learn coping mechanisms and strategies to deal…but just like a drug addiction or an alcohol addiction, it is something for me I have to deal with daily. It took being close to 400lbs. before I finally took my health seriously. I thought I beat it too…finally had it figured out…lost a little over 100 lbs. with no pills, products, or procedures…just good ole fashion hard work, logging food here on MFP, self-discipline and will power. I do at times wonder was it me finally taking pride in myself, my self-image, and my health….or was it really I was tired of the shame of being winded after walking up small flights of steps…being turned away from rollercoasters with my kiddos…embarrassed, being ashamed of the fact I had to ask for belt extenders on airplanes, or that I could barely reach over to tie my own shoe without almost blacking out…either way I found a way to overcome.

    I still live with my addiction though…definitely my habits aren’t as bad as they used to be but I can afford to do better. By my fitbit, I’m an absolute monster when it comes to working out, racking in close to 20,000 steps a day behind working out twice daily…but I’m the textbook example of how you can’t out work a bad diet…yea I’m maintaining but more and more I’m feeling like it was the public shame and humiliation that motivated me over the self-love and pride in my appearance because it is the only thing in my recipe that I am now lacking…so until I can get it figured out again….I’ll keep trying to address my sickness…I know I can do it too…especially cause I’ve done it before…but until then, I’m a junkie…a food junkie…I am it and it is me…
    Beautifully written. Best of luck.
  • yesterdayusaid2morrow
    yesterdayusaid2morrow Posts: 121
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    You are a fantastic writer. I've often questioned the true source of my motivation to lose as well. Shame? Vanity? Health? Maybe people are compelled by different reasons at different junctures in life. I keep a list of my motivations and read it frequently. May as well utilize all the weapons in our arsenals! Best of luck to you!
  • arainiday1
    arainiday1 Posts: 1,763 Member
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    I really love this. I have been struggling the last few days myself with food because i was doing SO WELL the last few months but my personal relationship had fallen apart and it was therapudic for me to log and work out and now that things are better i keep finding myself eating like crap and going over. its happened a few times now and i'm starting to wonder if its somehow related. i need to get my @ss back in gear because it's starting to depress me that i keep letting it get out of control. anyway thanks for writing this!
  • traceyandelliemay
    traceyandelliemay Posts: 88 Member
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    hey so am I I go to overeaters anonymous meetings for it... If you feel your a food junkie I recommend checking it out. Its free and no catches xoxo
  • DynamicDiva
    DynamicDiva Posts: 138 Member
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    Nice post Red!
  • jassyjan1
    jassyjan1 Posts: 313 Member
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    What a wonderful disclosure of your journey. I admire your identifying and labeling your struggle. I do think we all struggle with this but refer to it as something else. I too struggle with my choices of food everyday. It helps that I pre-pack my food but the temptations are on my job daily. This was well written and I thank you for sharing this part of your journey, best wishes to you.
  • Najay
    Najay Posts: 273 Member
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    Great post. I eat my emotions too. Heck I eat when I'm bored or if there are new groceries in the house. Everyday is a struggle, but I refuse to give up. Good luck on your journey.
  • vismundcygnus27
    vismundcygnus27 Posts: 98 Member
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    It's difficult for me to fully draw a parallel between food addiction and chemical addiction (speaking as a former druggie), but I can definitely see the connection. They're both bad coping mechanisms, and you need a lot of discipline and positive thinking to break out of those habits. Good for you, man, and I wish you the best of luck!
  • reddcollins78
    reddcollins78 Posts: 4 Member
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    Wow!! Thanks so much for the nice compliments and outpouring of support. Greatly appreciated.
  • arainiday1
    arainiday1 Posts: 1,763 Member
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    It's difficult for me to fully draw a parallel between food addiction and chemical addiction (speaking as a former druggie), but I can definitely see the connection. They're both bad coping mechanisms, and you need a lot of discipline and positive thinking to break out of those habits. Good for you, man, and I wish you the best of luck!

    ^^ yes.... i think some people form addictions to things in general easier than others. "Addictive personalities'' is the term i have heard and read a lot about. It VERY much is a means to cope to deal (not deal) with other deeper things for sure.
  • Where_Is_Herb
    Where_Is_Herb Posts: 31 Member
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    That's cool. I chose alcoholism to recover from a crippling heroin addiction.

    If only I'd just picked food.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    That's cool. I chose alcoholism to recover from a crippling heroin addiction.

    If only I'd just picked food.

    You and me both, brotha. You and me, both.
  • cmaries123
    cmaries123 Posts: 9 Member
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    In most instances, when you’re completely real with yourself about a situation, that’s the first step in the process of healing and dealing. For that reason “I” liken “my” struggles with food to an addiction…yea, similar to drugs and alcohol. It’s an easy addiction to have too because it’s so accessible and in most circles it’s widely accepted…think about how many things in society are centered around food. Holidays, birthdays….food is as equally as accepted at weddings as it at funerals…and unfortunately I take advantage. When I’m celebrating I’m eating (cooking out/tailgating)…when I’m grieving, I’m eating (who house the family dinner at?)…when I’m bored, it calls to me and I go to it…and for that reason I call it my addiction…I’m a junkie…a food junkie…I am it and it is me…

    You learn coping mechanisms and strategies to deal…but just like a drug addiction or an alcohol addiction, it is something for me I have to deal with daily. It took being close to 400lbs. before I finally took my health seriously. I thought I beat it too…finally had it figured out…lost a little over 100 lbs. with no pills, products, or procedures…just good ole fashion hard work, logging food here on MFP, self-discipline and will power. I do at times wonder was it me finally taking pride in myself, my self-image, and my health….or was it really I was tired of the shame of being winded after walking up small flights of steps…being turned away from rollercoasters with my kiddos…embarrassed, being ashamed of the fact I had to ask for belt extenders on airplanes, or that I could barely reach over to tie my own shoe without almost blacking out…either way I found a way to overcome.

    I still live with my addiction though…definitely my habits aren’t as bad as they used to be but I can afford to do better. By my fitbit, I’m an absolute monster when it comes to working out, racking in close to 20,000 steps a day behind working out twice daily…but I’m the textbook example of how you can’t out work a bad diet…yea I’m maintaining but more and more I’m feeling like it was the public shame and humiliation that motivated me over the self-love and pride in my appearance because it is the only thing in my recipe that I am now lacking…so until I can get it figured out again….I’ll keep trying to address my sickness…I know I can do it too…especially cause I’ve done it before…but until then, I’m a junkie…a food junkie…I am it and it is me…

    Oh, I totally know how you feel and I completely agree...couldn't have said it better. I think for some food literally is an addiction in the same way people refer to other addictions because it does for some effect the chemicals in the brain. I used to say, at any point it was convenient, that I'd eat because I was happy (my family always celebrates with food) or that I'd eat because I was sad (it always made me temporarily happy) or just because I was bored. But like you said, you have to be real about things and I have to admit that I have a totally unhealthy relationship with food. Reworking that relationship will take time, but it can be done! Just like an addict, finding new and healthy ways of coping with things (good and bad) is my best bet!
  • baba_helly
    baba_helly Posts: 810 Member
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    coping mechanism =/= addiction
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
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    The specifics which caused you to make the change don't matter - - vanity, survival, whatever. What is important is that you're adopting behaviors that will pay dividends for you and your family.

    I believe that the behavioral manifestations of compulsive overeating are well-described by an addiction model, and that an individual can become dependent on the effects produced by the behavior. See: gambling addiction.

    Much love, brother; nice shirt.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    coping mechanism =/= addiction

    I knew you couldn't stay out *LOL*


    xoxoxoxoxo
  • ShanekiaC
    ShanekiaC Posts: 12
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    Nicely written. Keep at it. I have learned to take life one day at a time.
  • reddcollins78
    reddcollins78 Posts: 4 Member
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    I've read a lot of truth in the comments above, unhealthy relationship with food ist he one I like the most, but either way it's a coping mechanism that's unhealthy in the long run. True it doesn't do you like maybe heroin or alcohol (which I must applaud any and all who've come back from that, that's what's up!!), but the effects are still the same when you're sitting in the doctor's office and he's advising you that your poor eating habits, which contributed heavily to your diabetes is the reason you are about to have to have your leg lopped off...I suspect changing these habits are the reason most of us are here...trying to make a difference in ourselves as well as for the ones we care about. Big Hi Five to all striving for a change.
  • MikeCrazy
    MikeCrazy Posts: 2,716 Member
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    Soda was my drug of choice, I was 175 LBS with about an 8% BF up until only a few years ago. I was fine even then, until I got a desk job, and suddenly I was about 220. Before MFP I tried to change a little, and lost about 7 lbs, but I couldn't give up the soda. I wasn't huge, but it was a blood test that said I had very high BP at age 32 that slapped me in the face. I realized that if I didn't change something, I could be gone before my daughter was even old enough to know me. (She was hard enough to get here to begin with...) Well, long story short - I now have a LCHF nutritional ketogenic lifestyle, and have lost over 20 lbs since I started logging MFP. I will never eat bread and sugar like I used to, again. I am in this for the long haul; I intend to live to at least 90 while healthy.

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