Don't Wait Until You Are Thinner...

oedipa_maas
oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
in Motivation and Support
…to live a good life.

I always put everything off until the magical day when I'm finally not fat. So I don't date, I don't go out to enjoy dancing or street fairs or a day at the beach or anything that involves being fat in public. My office at work doesn't have any windows and I like the lack of light, as if it will fool anyone into thinking I'm lighter than I am. I don't shop for clothes or anything pretty because I'm not "good enough" yet. I keep life at arm's length, convinced my happiness solely relies on the scale.

Here's the thing, though. In order to be a wholly healthy person--not just in terms of weight but in terms of a well rounded life based on good self esteem--I have to get out there and live a good life now. Waiting until I'm "perfect" is just as self defeating as giving up altogether. It's precisely the opposite of what I should be doing to create life-long change.

Don't wait to be confident. Don't wait to do things you enjoy or want to try. Just don't wait to live. This is the only life we have and it's awfully short. Changing one's life for good involves more than just weight and fitness (though they are obviously extremely important). I just don't want to forget the varied intersecting elements that make a good life.

I have been thinking about these things because I've thought about dating again, after a loooong time getting over my past relationship. But I've said to myself, "Who will date you when you're fat? Get skinny and then jump into the pool." Well forget that. I have to have the courage to change more than just my body. I put up a dating profile, said "Hey I'm fat, not your thing, cool," and even so have been getting a lot of responses. Now I just have to get the nerve up to meet someone in person. Dating while overweight is a good test of my nerve. And if someone does react negatively to my size, it doesn't mean I'm worthless or no one will ever love me. It just means we're not a good fit. Dealing with rejection in a healthy way is also valuable.

I'm slowly making progress in terms of my weight. But I can get my a-- out there now.
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Replies

  • SrMaggalicious
    SrMaggalicious Posts: 495 Member
    …to live a good life.

    I always put everything off until the magical day when I'm finally not fat. So I don't date, I don't go out to enjoy dancing or street fairs or a day at the beach or anything that involves being fat in public. My office at work doesn't have any windows and I like the lack of light, as if it will fool anyone into thinking I'm lighter than I am. I don't shop for clothes or anything pretty because I'm not "good enough" yet. I keep life at arm's length, convinced my happiness solely relies on the scale.

    Here's the thing, though. In order to be a wholly healthy person--not just in terms of weight but in terms of a well rounded life based on good self esteem--I have to get out there and live a good life now. Waiting until I'm "perfect" is just as self defeating as giving up altogether. It's precisely the opposite of what I should be doing to create life-long change.

    Don't wait to be confident. Don't wait to do things you enjoy or want to try. Just don't wait to live. This is the only life we have and it's awfully short. Changing one's life for good involves more than just weight and fitness (though they are obviously extremely important). I just don't want to forget the varied intersecting elements that make a good life.

    I have been thinking about these things because I've thought about dating again, after a loooong time getting over my past relationship. But I've said to myself, "Who will date you when you're fat? Get skinny and then jump into the pool." Well forget that. I have to have the courage to change more than just my body. I put up a dating profile, said "Hey I'm fat, not your thing, cool," and even so have been getting a lot of responses. Now I just have to get the nerve up to meet someone in person. Dating while overweight is a good test of my nerve. And if someone does react negatively to my size, it doesn't mean I'm worthless or no one will ever love me. It just means we're not a good fit. Dealing with rejection in a healthy way is also valuable.

    I'm slowly making progress in terms of my weight. But I can get my a-- out there now.

    you are loved...and you are definitely on the right path emotionally, as well as physically. I'm so glad you're one of my friends.
  • bwallace2012
    bwallace2012 Posts: 37 Member
    too many folks can't see the present. too dazzled by the bow and gift-wrap. if they can't see YOU, leave them on the pavement and go on.
  • Cheekies_
    Cheekies_ Posts: 319 Member
    .....if someone does react negatively to my size, it doesn't mean I'm worthless or no one will ever love me. It just means we're not a good fit. Dealing with rejection in a healthy way is also valuable.

    If someone reacts this way, they have issues, not you. You're awesome, friend! :flowerforyou:
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member

    you are loved...and you are definitely on the right path emotionally, as well as physically. I'm so glad you're one of my friends.

    You've been such a supportive friend! I feel the same :)
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    too many folks can't see the present. too dazzled by the bow and gift-wrap. if they can't see YOU, leave them on the pavement and go on.

    Damn straight, sister.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member

    If someone reacts this way, they have issues, not you. You're awesome, friend! :flowerforyou:

    Oh, thank you! Here's the first emoji I have ever bestowed: :heart:
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
    This is great advice. Don't wait until you're perfect, because you will never be perfect. Seriously. We are human which means we are imperfect. You need to learn to live life now.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I love this advice and it's so true.

    I waited 10 years to go back to an amusement park and ride roller coasters...afraid I wouldn't fit. There were women fully as big as I used to be, fitting onto the rides just fine and having a blast.

    I felt like I wasted a lot of time. Not just with roller coasters but other things as well.
  • CA_Underdog
    CA_Underdog Posts: 733 Member
    I love, love that you're writing this. You and I are amazingly capable individuals, and "getting" that affects not just whether we date, but also who we date, which friends we make, and what groups/activities we join. Anytime these days some crazy inner-voice tells me I'm not good enough, I say "Hell ya I am!"

    (Well, figuratively, I don't actually talk aloud to myself!)

    PS - You're a hottie! Local guys, watch out. ;)
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    This is great advice. Don't wait until you're perfect, because you will never be perfect. Seriously. We are human which means we are imperfect. You need to learn to live life now.

    I have a never-ending battle with perfectionism. It's a good reminder that no human is perfect, and that is our natural constitution.
  • avril2626
    avril2626 Posts: 699 Member
    This is so insightful and wise, friend. You are getting healthy emotionally and physically, which I think is the key to real change. I know that I've put things off at times because of how I've felt about myself physically, and life IS short...and precious!! You'll need someone righteous and worthy in order for them to become a part of your life. Expect that, okay?!! J
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    I love this advice and it's so true.

    I waited 10 years to go back to an amusement park and ride roller coasters...afraid I wouldn't fit. There were women fully as big as I used to be, fitting onto the rides just fine and having a blast.

    I felt like I wasted a lot of time. Not just with roller coasters but other things as well.

    Me too. I try to remember every day is a new chance to change and give myself a little happiness.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    I love, love that you're writing this. You and I are amazingly capable individuals, and "getting" that affects not just whether we date, but also who we date, which friends we make, and what groups/activities we join. Anytime these days some crazy inner-voice tells me I'm not good enough, I say "Hell ya I am!"

    (Well, figuratively, I don't actually talk aloud to myself!)

    PS - You're a hottie! Local guys, watch out. ;)

    Talking to yourself is a sign of a higher mind! :)

    I think you need to rewrite my dating profile. You are a thousand times more positive about me than I am (as well as sweet).
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    This is so insightful and wise, friend. You are getting healthy emotionally and physically, which I think is the key to real change. I know that I've put things off at times because of how I've felt about myself physically, and life IS short...and precious!! You'll need someone righteous and worthy in order for them to become a part of your life. Expect that, okay?!! J

    :heart:
  • HannahLynn91
    HannahLynn91 Posts: 238 Member
    Wonderfully written and amazing advice. You are so right and that advice can apply to anyone who is holding back, not just with weight. Getting out there and living life, no matter the situation your in can only benefit your health. Thank you for posting this :)

    P.S. I'm friend requesting you lol.
  • shutch2112
    shutch2112 Posts: 236 Member
    Thank you very much for writing this, it really helped me today. :)
  • PrincessEliNa
    PrincessEliNa Posts: 524 Member
    I really love this. Thank you. Even though I do date, sometimes I feel like I don't want to fall in love until I am at my ideal goal. Which is silly.:noway:
  • trying4real
    trying4real Posts: 113 Member
    More people definately need to hear this
  • squishycatmew
    squishycatmew Posts: 151 Member
    I actually think the fact that things were going so well in my life and my confidence was way up already was why I felt comfortable starting a weight loss/healthier lifestyle journey. I started calorie restricting because my boyfriend had to go on a VLC meal-replacement diet (medically monitored, he's mostly off it now, though I kind of hope he keeps the bars around because they make great snacks and are well-balanced and *tasty*), and I wanted to be supportive, but before that even happened I had already been kicking butt at school while working insane hours, and had already started buying nicer things for myself - better quality bras and clothing, better skincare, just generally treating myself as an adult and a worthwhile person. When I walked for graduation I had already lost about 15 pounds, but that's not why I felt awesome. Now I feel good, look good, and have real goals and it's all part of the same thing. I didn't have to lose weight to feel confident, I had to feel confident to lose weight.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    Wonderfully written and amazing advice. You are so right and that advice can apply to anyone who is holding back, not just with weight. Getting out there and living life, no matter the situation your in can only benefit your health. Thank you for posting this :)

    P.S. I'm friend requesting you lol.

    So happy to have a new friend!
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    Thank you very much for writing this, it really helped me today. :)

    It helps me to have people understand. Thank you!
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    I really love this. Thank you. Even though I do date, sometimes I feel like I don't want to fall in love until I am at my ideal goal. Which is silly.:noway:

    I totally get this, against all logic, since we should fall in love with people who accept us for what we are.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    I actually think the fact that things were going so well in my life and my confidence was way up already was why I felt comfortable starting a weight loss/healthier lifestyle journey. I started calorie restricting because my boyfriend had to go on a VLC meal-replacement diet (medically monitored, he's mostly off it now, though I kind of hope he keeps the bars around because they make great snacks and are well-balanced and *tasty*), and I wanted to be supportive, but before that even happened I had already been kicking butt at school while working insane hours, and had already started buying nicer things for myself - better quality bras and clothing, better skincare, just generally treating myself as an adult and a worthwhile person. When I walked for graduation I had already lost about 15 pounds, but that's not why I felt awesome. Now I feel good, look good, and have real goals and it's all part of the same thing. I didn't have to lose weight to feel confident, I had to feel confident to lose weight.

    I love this. It really resonates with me.
  • kherrons
    kherrons Posts: 99 Member
    The best post I'll read all day, likely all week. Thank you :)
  • nykismile
    nykismile Posts: 198
    I spent far too long trying to be someone I'm not.

    I'm not gonna wait until I'm my goal weight to go out and meet someone. Because even if I did have my definition of a "perfect" body, I would still have plenty of flaws. I'm still going to be a nervous, frantic, Game of Thrones obsessed and Steampunk obsessed gal who listens to the same songs over and over again.

    But I'm me, and I'm the only one I got. I think I understand that now.
  • jinxiemay
    jinxiemay Posts: 17
    This is the same reason why I never go out and do anything anymore either. I do ditch people if who I am inside isn't good enough but what happens when there's no one around but my dog because EVERYONE wants you to be a top model?
  • ashleydawndill
    ashleydawndill Posts: 242 Member
    This is a fantastic thread. Your post is very insightful and wise, and great advice to everyone. I admire you for how far you've come emotionally-- it's somewhere I'm working at getting to as well.

    Bookmarking this, so I can come back and read it again on days I mentally abuse myself. Thank you so much, and congrats on everything you've achieved (and will continue to achieve). :)
  • jeffd247
    jeffd247 Posts: 319 Member
    Great advice! Thanks OP!!!
  • avril2626
    avril2626 Posts: 699 Member
    I really love this. Thank you. Even though I do date, sometimes I feel like I don't want to fall in love until I am at my ideal goal. Which is silly.:noway:

    I totally get this, against all logic, since we should fall in love with people who accept us for what we are.


    Was out on the bay with my boyfriend Monday, and we had packed lunch...mine my normal healthier these days, and I jokingly told him that, "now I can get back to my normal weight, because I know you Really love me". I was joking, but there may be a tiny shred of truth in that jesting...in some moments of doubt or insecurity. And also...what a lucky guy!! lol
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    I spent far too long trying to be someone I'm not.

    I'm not gonna wait until I'm my goal weight to go out and meet someone. Because even if I did have my definition of a "perfect" body, I would still have plenty of flaws. I'm still going to be a nervous, frantic, Game of Thrones obsessed and Steampunk obsessed gal who listens to the same songs over and over again.

    But I'm me, and I'm the only one I got. I think I understand that now.

    I love what you wrote here. I've read some of your other posts in the past and just want to say: take good care of yourself.

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