How do you shake off negative comments/behaviour?

Well if flying off the handle at them (and I'm not saying you did) didn't get the point across, have you tried just telling them that their behavior is counterproductive? If that doesn't work then a stern STFU with side of MYOB might help. If those don't work, you may have to accept that sometimes family members are just not helpful, regardless of their intentions. Sorry, it sucks, I know. You are doing this for you, and that is the only opinion that truly matters. :flowerforyou:

I'm rather fond of getting wild-eyed and loud, talking fast, and gesticulating with both hands while I emphasize just how much I don't want to hear even one more comment on the subject.

My family aren't the type to take subtle hints, so this works quite well when all else has failed.

Hey mate, I am a 4th year university student who's actually lost weight through uni, but before uni I got a lot of comments because I used to be really fat. It made me really angry inside but I didn't fly off the handle, just kept it in which honestly did more damage than good. People never taught me good nutrition and those people mocked me, f*** them. My advice to you is like nutmeg said you should approach them with it but not in an angry way. Tell them they're being counter productive. People can be very judgmental, but forget them. It's your body and your life. I'm sure if you told them that you were trying to turn things around and their judgmental comments weren't helping then they will feel guilty and apologise.

mix between mental middle finger up in the air + use it as additional motivation - karma is a ***** afterall :bigsmile:

Know that you are working hard at being healthy for yourself and what you are doing matters.

You tell them they're being rude, hurting your feelings, and being extremely judgmental. You tell them you don't need their approval or opinions and that they should mind their own business.

You need to do this for you not for anyone else.

I say **** them!

Instead of being supportive of my efforts to get back into the game, my immediate family seems to be equal parts shocked and disgusted at my weight gain, and frequently voice their opinions on how I look and seem to feel justified in doing so.

It's awful when the people you should be able to count on most aren't there for you.

I'd suggest a simple, "that's not helpful", possibly repeated and followed up with "please stop [saying that, watching me eat, etc]" if they don't get the hint the first time.
My ex-boyfriend has responded reasonably well to that tactic, though I have to reinforce the lesson occasionally. (Not for weight loss, but my impaired housekeeping. He seemed to think that threatening to send pictures to my mom, or making sarcastic comments was somehow going to inspire me to clean up. Instead it just makes me mad at him & pushing him further away.)

Maybe suggest something that would be helpful, like providing fresh fruit for dessert instead of just cake, or making positive comments (looking slimmer, new clothes, being more energetic, whatever).

I absolutely cannot stand when people monitor my food intake/choices and comment on them. CANNOT STAND IT!!! Often I don't even tell people that I'm trying to lose weight for that reason. Honestly, I probably wouldn't eat in front of them, and if they're that negative and hurtful, I'd probably limit my time with them altogether. I don't think losing weight should be an excuse to avoid family, but I think this is deeper than a weight loss issue. They sound very toxic.

That is exactly how my Mom was. Thankfully, I didn't live with her, but I did fly off the handle and told her if she ever commented on my weight again I would not visit her or speak to her. It worked. She's not mentioned it since.

I think she genuinely didn't understand how much it upset me, even though I told her EVERY time to STFU.

It's strange how family and friends can be so unhelpful when one is changing eating habits isn't it? Logic would suggest they would be sources of encouragement and support. As many people here will tell you - me included - it's very common.

I don't know the reasons, I suppose there could be several possibilities. If they are overweight themselves, some people are terrified of seeing someone close transforming themselves. Probably because it makes them feel inadequate.

I know it can be hard, but don't rise to it. You know your own goals. Don't give anyone the pleasure of derailing you.

Hey there,

Sorry to hear that you are dealing with such negativity and from people in your life who should treat you with respect at least.

The advice that has been given is awesome.....I tend to agree more with those that have said things along the lines of following your family's way of being WASP'ish perhaps the simplicity of a stern MYOB would be more appropriate.

I will add this though, I had a similar family background with the same type of toxic behaviours towards my excess weight that was apparently 'open season' on me and meant that I was discussed and dismembered by my family at every single gathering we had. I tried every way to deal with this. Started out being very cool and controlled and then my resolve and patience dissolved and I ended up 'losing the plot' on more occasions than once. Do you know what happened??? Nothing!!! It didn't help my cause, in fact the more I protested and stood my ground the more ammunition my family had against me...especially when I had lost my temper; I was now branded the "Mad, Fat Woman!!!".

This is just a cautionary tale, my love, beware when you enter into the fray if you do decide to continue to engage your family. Sometimes in these situations you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Whatever you decide....make the next step and words a positive move for YOU. This is YOUR life afterall, and you deserve the very best of health.....It may well be that you decide to limit your contact with your family for the time being to put a stop to these comments.

All the very best. :flowerforyou: