Don't Wait Until You Are Thinner...

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Replies

  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    This is the same reason why I never go out and do anything anymore either. I do ditch people if who I am inside isn't good enough but what happens when there's no one around but my dog because EVERYONE wants you to be a top model?

    Ack, I know. But, like my doggie, I bet your pup is worth 100 times the average person.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    This is a fantastic thread. Your post is very insightful and wise, and great advice to everyone. I admire you for how far you've come emotionally-- it's somewhere I'm working at getting to as well.

    Bookmarking this, so I can come back and read it again on days I mentally abuse myself. Thank you so much, and congrats on everything you've achieved (and will continue to achieve). :)

    Wow, thank you so much. This thread is helping me too, just helping me feel more connected to others who understand.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    I really love this. Thank you. Even though I do date, sometimes I feel like I don't want to fall in love until I am at my ideal goal. Which is silly.:noway:

    I totally get this, against all logic, since we should fall in love with people who accept us for what we are.


    Was out on the bay with my boyfriend Monday, and we had packed lunch...mine my normal healthier these days, and I jokingly told him that, "now I can get back to my normal weight, because I know you Really love me". I was joking, but there may be a tiny shred of truth in that jesting...in some moments of doubt or insecurity. And also...what a lucky guy!! lol

    Oh the minute I find someone for keeps I'm going back to my chocolate-covered pork rinds diet.

    (kidding :)

    (maybe)
  • WildcatDeLalune
    WildcatDeLalune Posts: 74 Member
    This is great advice. Don't wait until you're perfect, because you will never be perfect. Seriously. We are human which means we are imperfect. You need to learn to live life now.

    ^^^ And thanks, OP, for this wonderful, motivating post. ^_^.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    This is great advice. Don't wait until you're perfect, because you will never be perfect. Seriously. We are human which means we are imperfect. You need to learn to live life now.

    ^^^ And thanks, OP, for this wonderful, motivating post. ^_^.

    Oh, thank you!
  • WildcatDeLalune
    WildcatDeLalune Posts: 74 Member
    I actually think the fact that things were going so well in my life and my confidence was way up already was why I felt comfortable starting a weight loss/healthier lifestyle journey. I started calorie restricting because my boyfriend had to go on a VLC meal-replacement diet (medically monitored, he's mostly off it now, though I kind of hope he keeps the bars around because they make great snacks and are well-balanced and *tasty*), and I wanted to be supportive, but before that even happened I had already been kicking butt at school while working insane hours, and had already started buying nicer things for myself - better quality bras and clothing, better skincare, just generally treating myself as an adult and a worthwhile person. When I walked for graduation I had already lost about 15 pounds, but that's not why I felt awesome. Now I feel good, look good, and have real goals and it's all part of the same thing. I didn't have to lose weight to feel confident, I had to feel confident to lose weight.

    <3 this!!!
  • teambora
    teambora Posts: 14
    Oh this post makes me a little emotional. I feel like I have been waiting to start my life until I am 'good enough'. I'm still struggling with it to be honest. I'm trying to find confidence within myself. For me it's the fear of judgement and rejection by others.

    Would love to hear how others have managed to find confidence and get over this barrier.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    Oh this post makes me a little emotional. I feel like I have been waiting to start my life until I am 'good enough'. I'm still struggling with it to be honest. I'm trying to find confidence within myself. For me it's the fear of judgement and rejection by others.

    Would love to hear how others have managed to find confidence and get over this barrier.

    It is so painful to me when I look back at the chances and experiences I missed because I thought I wasn't good enough. I connect to your struggle. Lately I've been trying to remember that the single best thing I can do to boost my confidence is really, truly give myself credit for the small successes. Every time I acknowledge and honor the small steps I take, I feel a little better. A little stronger. And with every movement forward I respect myself. And I also respect myself if I fall, because it's a chance to get back up again. Getting back up is everything, even if you have to start at a crawl. As long as I am in motion, forward or backwards, I'm engaging with life. If I have a day where I can't get up off the floor, I'll just use the time to visualize a healthier, happier me. Nothing on the journey is a waste. It all feeds into believing in myself. We're not really standing still at all. We are all in motion. And we are all good enough.
  • swertyqwerty
    swertyqwerty Posts: 81 Member
    I feel exactly the same way, but I don't have the strength to resist these toxic feelings like you do.
    Somewhere inside I want to put my life on hold, even if it means never really living.
    I don't want to put myself out there to get rejected right now.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
    beautifully said! :flowerforyou:
  • avril2626
    avril2626 Posts: 699 Member
    Oh this post makes me a little emotional. I feel like I have been waiting to start my life until I am 'good enough'. I'm still struggling with it to be honest. I'm trying to find confidence within myself. For me it's the fear of judgement and rejection by others.

    Would love to hear how others have managed to find confidence and get over this barrier.

    It is so painful to me when I look back at the chances and experiences I missed because I thought I wasn't good enough. I connect to your struggle. Lately I've been trying to remember that the single best thing I can do to boost my confidence is really, truly give myself credit for the small successes. Every time I acknowledge and honor the small steps I take, I feel a little better. A little stronger. And with every movement forward I respect myself. And I also respect myself if I fall, because it's a chance to get back up again. Getting back up is everything, even if you have to start at a crawl. As long as I am in motion, forward or backwards, I'm engaging with life. If I have a day where I can't get up off the floor, I'll just use the time to visualize a healthier, happier me. Nothing on the journey is a waste. It all feeds into believing in myself. We're not really standing still at all. We are all in motion. And we are all good enough.

    oh, my goodness, girl! high fives! wtg! yesss....this :)))
  • OhReally42
    OhReally42 Posts: 138 Member
    I totally agree, although I do still struggle with this. I get very angsty against weight loss,exercise,eating healthy and people in general and I break down really bad. Recently I decided I'm going to start from scratch. I can't try and force myself to eat well and be more active when I can't even make my self have fun. So I'm starting slow and starting to do more things with my boyfriend and our friends. I'm even starting to rekindle a friendship I let go for a few months. We've been playing charades and swimming at the lake in town, playing mini golf, bad-mitton,Going to concerts. Just generally being up more than normal. It makes it alot easier when you're surrounded by people who care about you.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    I feel exactly the same way, but I don't have the strength to resist these toxic feelings like you do.
    Somewhere inside I want to put my life on hold, even if it means never really living.
    I don't want to put myself out there to get rejected right now.

    I think that's very valid. I fear rejection / humiliation too, and for all I talk a good game, I still am a coward in many respects. But protecting ourselves isn't necessarily bad. If we're feeling fragile, it should be okay to withdraw when we need to.
  • avril2626
    avril2626 Posts: 699 Member
    I feel exactly the same way, but I don't have the strength to resist these toxic feelings like you do.
    Somewhere inside I want to put my life on hold, even if it means never really living.
    I don't want to put myself out there to get rejected right now.

    I think that's very valid. I fear rejection / humiliation too, and for all I talk a good game, I still am a coward in many respects. But protecting ourselves isn't necessarily bad. If we're feeling fragile, it should be okay to withdraw when we need to.

    hugs, both of you...
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,032 Member
    …to live a good life.

    I always put everything off until the magical day when I'm finally not fat. So I don't date, I don't go out to enjoy dancing or street fairs or a day at the beach or anything that involves being fat in public. My office at work doesn't have any windows and I like the lack of light, as if it will fool anyone into thinking I'm lighter than I am. I don't shop for clothes or anything pretty because I'm not "good enough" yet. I keep life at arm's length, convinced my happiness solely relies on the scale.

    Here's the thing, though. In order to be a wholly healthy person--not just in terms of weight but in terms of a well rounded life based on good self esteem--I have to get out there and live a good life now. Waiting until I'm "perfect" is just as self defeating as giving up altogether. It's precisely the opposite of what I should be doing to create life-long change.

    Don't wait to be confident. Don't wait to do things you enjoy or want to try. Just don't wait to live. This is the only life we have and it's awfully short. Changing one's life for good involves more than just weight and fitness (though they are obviously extremely important). I just don't want to forget the varied intersecting elements that make a good life.

    I have been thinking about these things because I've thought about dating again, after a loooong time getting over my past relationship. But I've said to myself, "Who will date you when you're fat? Get skinny and then jump into the pool." Well forget that. I have to have the courage to change more than just my body. I put up a dating profile, said "Hey I'm fat, not your thing, cool," and even so have been getting a lot of responses. Now I just have to get the nerve up to meet someone in person. Dating while overweight is a good test of my nerve. And if someone does react negatively to my size, it doesn't mean I'm worthless or no one will ever love me. It just means we're not a good fit. Dealing with rejection in a healthy way is also valuable.

    I'm slowly making progress in terms of my weight. But I can get my a-- out there now.
    Wondering to myself if you're my anam-cara:smooched:

    I could have written this because it's been my life and it's always in my head, self-doubting if I'm good enough to walk out my door, or get in my car or take a walk even. To go to the gym (I go anyhow and I pretend I don't care, which is funny actually because ppl are awesome to me there), store well you name it....

    Seeing your post well, it hit me strongly, I better end now before I get soggy tears on your thread and have them drop down on others.

    xo thanks for your honesty, I think sometimes we post and have no CLUE how much impact our own thoughts, feelings and actions will have upon others.:flowerforyou: :heart:
    It is so painful to me when I look back at the chances and experiences I missed because I thought I wasn't good enough. I connect to your struggle. Lately I've been trying to remember that the single best thing I can do to boost my confidence is really, truly give myself credit for the small successes. Every time I acknowledge and honor the small steps I take, I feel a little better. A little stronger. And with every movement forward I respect myself. And I also respect myself if I fall, because it's a chance to get back up again. Getting back up is everything, even if you have to start at a crawl. As long as I am in motion, forward or backwards, I'm engaging with life. If I have a day where I can't get up off the floor, I'll just use the time to visualize a healthier, happier me. Nothing on the journey is a waste. It all feeds into believing in myself. We're not really standing still at all. We are
    Thank you for sharing your heart

    So many wonderful things shared on the posts in this thread straight from the heart... thank you all for your honesty!:flowerforyou:

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