Need help motivating SO to get healthy with me!
ChriJMitch
Posts: 70 Member
Ok so here is the issue.
My GF does not lead the healthiest of lifestyles. She is a smoker; she is down to about a pack a day right now. Been smoking since she was 16. She doesn't eat very well, or very often. She has a family history extremely prone to diabetes; she is already hypoglycemic and she is only 23, so her body is already having problems regulating insulin levels correctly. There is zero exercise in her weekly routine, aside from the occasional extended dog walk. She is also overweight, although I think she is beautiful and can't really see a big difference between her and another girl her height at the normal weight (she has stated she is somewhere between 30-40lbs overweight). I honestly don't care about visual impact of the weight; it's the weight combined with the smoking and no exercise that is a combo for serious cardio-vascular problems.
I love this girl to pieces. I'm going to ask her to marry me very soon. I want her to be around for a long, long time, and to be healthy and happy during that time. I'm honestly scared she is going to get sick one day because of bad choices she made early in life. I want her to get into a healthy lifestyle with me so bad.
If any of you have SO's who are not on board with your healthy lifestyle, I am sure you understand the struggle. They want to eat out all the time. You want to cook things that are healthy and that know exactly what went into it. They would rather stay back home, or are just physically too tired at the end of the day to go to the gym with you. You have way more energy than they do, and you feel like you almost annoy them sometimes. No support for what you are trying to do with you health, or appreciation for trying to help them. It's tough.
I have talked to her about it. She has sort of agreed that the smoking should stop. She hasn't really done anything about it, but she said she would like to. She also says I should motivate her to exercise more, that she is tired of being "chubby" but I always am met with "I'm too tired" or "I have too much to do" whenever I ask her to come with me for a run or go to the gym. I don't want to be that annoying person that FORCES anybody to work out. That is just not my style. I have been cooking healthy meals and such as frequently as I can, but that is not seeming to catch on. She really won't eat healthy unless I prepare it and put it in front of her. If she is left to her own devices, she either eats nothing, or eats really high carb, low nutrient stuff, like ice cream. All these bad habits put a mental burden on me, and sometimes can cause me to slip up on my fitness routine. It's hard to create the motivation to overcome TWO people's bad habits.
I really want her to see things could be better. We could have so much more fun together if she was healthy too! We would both have the energy to get our daily grind done and then still stay up late and do fun things, or go places, or just enjoy each others company, instead of feeling burnt out by 9pm. I'm sure the smoking would ease up financial burdens on her end (she is spending at least $50 a week on cigarettes), as would not eating out 3-4 nights per week. She would finally have the energy to work and get her degree like she wants too. There is just a huge list of pros, no cons that I see other than giving up junk food, and I feel like I have presented this to her. She is on board for a day, and then lapses back to old habits extremely fast.
I'm lost. I've been trying stuff for months. Tried to be a good role model, tried to encourage her to work out, tried to get her to eat healthy on her own. Nothing seems to stick. It is a bit depressing that I care so much about this girl who doesn't seem to care about herself very much. She loves me a whole lot, I just wish she loved herself a bit too.
Anybody have a success story getting their unhealthy SO on board to be healthy also? I could sure use one, or any tips you folks might have.
My GF does not lead the healthiest of lifestyles. She is a smoker; she is down to about a pack a day right now. Been smoking since she was 16. She doesn't eat very well, or very often. She has a family history extremely prone to diabetes; she is already hypoglycemic and she is only 23, so her body is already having problems regulating insulin levels correctly. There is zero exercise in her weekly routine, aside from the occasional extended dog walk. She is also overweight, although I think she is beautiful and can't really see a big difference between her and another girl her height at the normal weight (she has stated she is somewhere between 30-40lbs overweight). I honestly don't care about visual impact of the weight; it's the weight combined with the smoking and no exercise that is a combo for serious cardio-vascular problems.
I love this girl to pieces. I'm going to ask her to marry me very soon. I want her to be around for a long, long time, and to be healthy and happy during that time. I'm honestly scared she is going to get sick one day because of bad choices she made early in life. I want her to get into a healthy lifestyle with me so bad.
If any of you have SO's who are not on board with your healthy lifestyle, I am sure you understand the struggle. They want to eat out all the time. You want to cook things that are healthy and that know exactly what went into it. They would rather stay back home, or are just physically too tired at the end of the day to go to the gym with you. You have way more energy than they do, and you feel like you almost annoy them sometimes. No support for what you are trying to do with you health, or appreciation for trying to help them. It's tough.
I have talked to her about it. She has sort of agreed that the smoking should stop. She hasn't really done anything about it, but she said she would like to. She also says I should motivate her to exercise more, that she is tired of being "chubby" but I always am met with "I'm too tired" or "I have too much to do" whenever I ask her to come with me for a run or go to the gym. I don't want to be that annoying person that FORCES anybody to work out. That is just not my style. I have been cooking healthy meals and such as frequently as I can, but that is not seeming to catch on. She really won't eat healthy unless I prepare it and put it in front of her. If she is left to her own devices, she either eats nothing, or eats really high carb, low nutrient stuff, like ice cream. All these bad habits put a mental burden on me, and sometimes can cause me to slip up on my fitness routine. It's hard to create the motivation to overcome TWO people's bad habits.
I really want her to see things could be better. We could have so much more fun together if she was healthy too! We would both have the energy to get our daily grind done and then still stay up late and do fun things, or go places, or just enjoy each others company, instead of feeling burnt out by 9pm. I'm sure the smoking would ease up financial burdens on her end (she is spending at least $50 a week on cigarettes), as would not eating out 3-4 nights per week. She would finally have the energy to work and get her degree like she wants too. There is just a huge list of pros, no cons that I see other than giving up junk food, and I feel like I have presented this to her. She is on board for a day, and then lapses back to old habits extremely fast.
I'm lost. I've been trying stuff for months. Tried to be a good role model, tried to encourage her to work out, tried to get her to eat healthy on her own. Nothing seems to stick. It is a bit depressing that I care so much about this girl who doesn't seem to care about herself very much. She loves me a whole lot, I just wish she loved herself a bit too.
Anybody have a success story getting their unhealthy SO on board to be healthy also? I could sure use one, or any tips you folks might have.
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Replies
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option 1;
talk to her about it again, lay it all out on the line (i mean everything, no detail left out) and hope she listens. this will result in either her getting healthier or will leave you with the next 2 options to consider
option 2;
accept that you have different goals in health and fitness, and deal with it
option 3;
accept that you have different goals in health and fitness, and break up
honestly dude, not to be a downer but im thinking its going to result in option 2 or 3. she obviously doesnt want it for herself, if she does do it, it will be for you, in which case it more than likely wont be a lasting change0 -
Have you talked about the future together? Do you guys want to have kids together? If so, does she intend to smoke a pack a day while pregnant? This is not someone I would marry.
Bottom line, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change.0 -
Have you talked about the future together? Do you guys want to have kids together? If so, does she intend to smoke a pack a day while pregnant? This is not someone I would marry.
Bottom line, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change.
I'm fixed. No kids, thank you very much lol.
I'm not shallow enough to not marry somebody just because they smoke.
But yeah, I am seeing that she possibly doesn't want to change. Or that there isn't enough of a motivator there. I guess I was trying to fill that need and I was failing and hoping there was something else I could do.0 -
its not just the smoking you say she isnt active, but i assume you are, right?Have you talked about the future together? Do you guys want to have kids together? If so, does she intend to smoke a pack a day while pregnant? This is not someone I would marry.
Bottom line, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change.
I'm fixed. No kids, thank you very much lol.
I'm not shallow enough to not marry somebody just because they smoke.
But yeah, I am seeing that she possibly doesn't want to change. Or that there isn't enough of a motivator there. I guess I was trying to fill that need and I was failing and hoping there was something else I could do.
dont you want to be able to do physical activities with your SO?
it comes down to what you want i guess, if the pros outweigh the cons in you're relationship then thats up to you, but it wont get any better as you get older0 -
You need to accept that she may never change. Can you be okay with how she is now...in 10 years or more? I know how frustrating it is when loved ones don't take care of themselves but if this is something that is super important to you it may cause some resentment later on down the road. However, if you continue loving her and supporting her and NICELY encouraging her she may get to a point where she wants to take care of herself more. That light bulb moment is different for everyone and its possible she'll never have it. I wish you both good luck.0
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Have you talked about the future together? Do you guys want to have kids together? If so, does she intend to smoke a pack a day while pregnant? This is not someone I would marry.
Bottom line, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change.
I'm fixed. No kids, thank you very much lol.
I'm not shallow enough to not marry somebody just because they smoke.
But yeah, I am seeing that she possibly doesn't want to change. Or that there isn't enough of a motivator there. I guess I was trying to fill that need and I was failing and hoping there was something else I could do.
I wouldn't consider that shallow to not want to be with someone long term who is willing to endanger their own lives as well as the people around them. But my perspective also includes watching my grandfather die of lung cancer and living in a haze filled house the first 16 years of my life. Ah well, different strokes, different folks. Good luck with your situation.0 -
You need to accept that she may never change. Can you be okay with how she is now...in 10 years or more? I know how frustrating it is when loved ones don't take care of themselves but if this is something that is super important to you it may cause some resentment later on down the road. However, if you continue loving her and supporting her and NICELY encouraging her she may get to a point where she wants to take care of herself more. That light bulb moment is different for everyone and its possible she'll never have it. I wish you both good luck.
Yeah, I could be ok with it for her. Didn't affect me being interested in her, still doesn't now. I just fear that she is on a slippery slope to early age health problems and I want her to stick around for more than her late 40's.
I'm hoping you are right and I can just keep being positive and eventually she will come around. I was at a point where I wasn't taking care of myself either, although it was negative comments that got me to start lifting and eating right instead of positive (I was a stick figure kid all the way through college).0 -
Have you talked about the future together? Do you guys want to have kids together? If so, does she intend to smoke a pack a day while pregnant? This is not someone I would marry.
Bottom line, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change.
I'm fixed. No kids, thank you very much lol.
I'm not shallow enough to not marry somebody just because they smoke.
But yeah, I am seeing that she possibly doesn't want to change. Or that there isn't enough of a motivator there. I guess I was trying to fill that need and I was failing and hoping there was something else I could do.
I wouldn't consider that shallow to not want to be with someone long term who is willing to endanger their own lives as well as the people around them. But my perspective also includes watching my grandfather die of lung cancer and living in a haze filled house the first 16 years of my life. Ah well, different strokes, different folks. Good luck with your situation.
I mean....do you drive to work every day? No offense, but its a seriously risky activity. People die in car accidents all the time. So much that we are desensitized to it. Are you not going to marry somebody because they drive a car? Or are you just going to try and get them to be a cautious driver instead? Smoking can be stopped and the health risk lowered, although your body will never go back to a clean slate.
I am sorry to hear about your grandparents though
Tobacco companies truly are evil. I've done lots of drugs in the past, and I can't see how they are illegal but one of the most addictive and habit forming is legal. When I see somebody that smokes, I see it as a person that is addicted and needs help. It is not their identity. That is why I do not judge. I judge the people that sell them and know how bad they are. 0 -
i hate this argument. you could make this claim for almost anything. i mean, people die from choking on food every day right, so are you going to refuse to marry someone because they eat food? driving is a necessity for alot of people, smoking is a vice. no judgement from me, i have a ton of friends who smoke, and you can do what you want, but to justify it with the argument that driving is dangerous is weak. and isnt the point here that your SO isnt willing to cut back?
I mean....do you drive to work every day? No offense, but its a seriously risky activity. People die in car accidents all the time. So much that we are desensitized to it. Are you not going to marry somebody because they drive a car? Or are you just going to try and get them to be a cautious driver instead? Smoking can be stopped and the health risk lowered, although your body will never go back to a clean slate.
the point is are you willing to be with someone who is may sabotage your health and fitness goals, is she a good enough partner to overlook certain faults, or not. whatever you pick is up to you, there will always be things about your SO that you dont like, its up to you what you are willing to compromise with0 -
Has a doctor talked to her about her smoking, excess weight, or history of diabetes?0
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I'm kind of the same way with my boyfriend. He doesn't smoke, thankfully, but he has crohn's and needs to be on a specific diet and doesn't do it. He drinks 9 cans of pop (soda whatever you people call it) a day. He eats fast food a lot. I've gotten him to cut down on the fast food just by making us both grocery shop and showing him how much money we are saving.
He's started to say "I need to cut back on the pop" and "I need to start working out again". He used to work out before I met him, but then he got a really bad crohn's flair up and stopped. He wouldn't have flair ups as often if he wouldn't eat so much crap and drink so much pop. He rarely drinks water. I have gotten him to drink more of that lately.
He's watching me work out and eat better and seeing how much weight I'm losing. He is noticing how much better I'm feeling both physically and mentally and I can tell things are starting to click in his head. He's making small changes. Maybe you should state how you feel about it again, then lay off. No nagging, nothing. Just show her by example how much better life is getting for you because you are being healthy. Maybe she will see that and start to want it and then want it enough to start doing it.
You can't change her mind by talking to her. You sure can piss her off and push her away from it. But let her observe and decide for herself. She needs to be the one to make the decision anyway and no amount of pushing or nagging will do it.0 -
By the post you sound like you're a really nice guy and have looked at the situation very logically. It doesn't sound like she wants to do anythign about it. I'm gonna bet when you propose to her, that may kick start her obsession to "fit into a dress."
Sounds lame but it could be a catalyst to a change. (shrugs) Who knows? Go get that ring and watch the magic.
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By the post you sound like you're a really nice guy and have looked at the situation very logically. It doesn't sound like she wants to do anythign about it. I'm gonna bet when you propose to her, that may kick start her obsession to "fit into a dress."
Sounds lame but it could be a catalyst to a change. (shrugs) Who knows? Go get that ring and watch the magic.
Oh yeah that will do it. Plus the bigger the dress the more expensive it is so that's another motivator besides looking good in it.0 -
i may be wrong but starting off an engagement with hopes that they will change seems a little off to meBy the post you sound like you're a really nice guy and have looked at the situation very logically. It doesn't sound like she wants to do anythign about it. I'm gonna bet when you propose to her, that may kick start her obsession to "fit into a dress."
Sounds lame but it could be a catalyst to a change. (shrugs) Who knows? Go get that ring and watch the magic.
Oh yeah that will do it. Plus the bigger the dress the more expensive it is so that's another motivator besides looking good in it.0 -
He said he wanted to marry her anyway so why not?0
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You can't change what you can't change bro.
Either suck it up, and accept it how it is, and don't expect or hope for a change.
OR
Don't accept it, and move on.
At the core of it, that's what there is. You have the opportunity to make a choice one way or another now, before you're hitched up and 8 years into a marriage. If nothing else, what I'd do is say hey... let's get married, first I need to get a really good long term health insurance policy on you.
That might be a great way to show her that she's not headed for a happy future.0 -
ah, missed that part. still, i would think that they would want to sort this before taking it to the next levelHe said he wanted to marry her anyway so why not?0 -
i hate this argument. you could make this claim for almost anything. i mean, people die from choking on food every day right, so are you going to refuse to marry someone because they eat food? driving is a necessity for alot of people, smoking is a vice. no judgement from me, i have a ton of friends who smoke, and you can do what you want, but to justify it with the argument that driving is dangerous is weak. and isnt the point here that your SO isnt willing to cut back?
I mean....do you drive to work every day? No offense, but its a seriously risky activity. People die in car accidents all the time. So much that we are desensitized to it. Are you not going to marry somebody because they drive a car? Or are you just going to try and get them to be a cautious driver instead? Smoking can be stopped and the health risk lowered, although your body will never go back to a clean slate.
the point is are you willing to be with someone who is may sabotage your health and fitness goals, is she a good enough partner to overlook certain faults, or not. whatever you pick is up to you, there will always be things about your SO that you dont like, its up to you what you are willing to compromise with
Definitely not trying to justify her smoking. I hate it, to be sure. The smell is not pleasant, nor is her needing to go outside every 45 minutes if we go out somewhere. I was merely trying to point out to the other poster that it was asinine to not want to marry somebody just because they smoke. Yeah, it is annoying sometimes. That is about it. She doesn't do it around me. It doesn't really interfere with anything in our relationship right now other than me being worried about her health down the road. Besides her smoking, she is a great girl.
Yeah, the original point is her unwillingness to cut back. I was hoping people had successes helping out their partners get healthy. Seems like that is not the case -_-0 -
If it's bothering you now, it's going to continue to bother you. I'm sorry, but she has to want to change, not for you or because you asked her to, but for herself.0
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I'm kind of the same way with my boyfriend. He doesn't smoke, thankfully, but he has crohn's and needs to be on a specific diet and doesn't do it. He drinks 9 cans of pop (soda whatever you people call it) a day. He eats fast food a lot. I've gotten him to cut down on the fast food just by making us both grocery shop and showing him how much money we are saving.
He's started to say "I need to cut back on the pop" and "I need to start working out again". He used to work out before I met him, but then he got a really bad crohn's flair up and stopped. He wouldn't have flair ups as often if he wouldn't eat so much crap and drink so much pop. He rarely drinks water. I have gotten him to drink more of that lately.
He's watching me work out and eat better and seeing how much weight I'm losing. He is noticing how much better I'm feeling both physically and mentally and I can tell things are starting to click in his head. He's making small changes. Maybe you should state how you feel about it again, then lay off. No nagging, nothing. Just show her by example how much better life is getting for you because you are being healthy. Maybe she will see that and start to want it and then want it enough to start doing it.
You can't change her mind by talking to her. You sure can piss her off and push her away from it. But let her observe and decide for herself. She needs to be the one to make the decision anyway and no amount of pushing or nagging will do it.
That is probably the most helpful response I have read so far. I have been avoiding the nagging, because I hate it myself. Will continue to do so. Maybe when I start hitting my long term fitness goals, do some powerlifting competitions, the "click" will happen. Or maybe not. Who knows. Like I said, nothing wrong with her as a person. I would just like 50 years with her instead of 25 I'm greedy, what can I say? 0 -
Well, you know, at the end of the day. Marriages aren't forever. Marry her. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. What's important is that you had this on your radar from "day 1"
Good luck.0 -
I understand what you're experiencing, that is pretty much my boyfriend exactly. He is a smoker, mountain dew addict and could live off nothing but junk food. We used to do some working out together but that fizzled when he started a new job that keeps him away for most of the week. He will do some physical stuff like hiking and such with me but that's about it. But the fact of the matter is, he is going to do what he wants to do, and all the begging/nagging/serious conversations I can have with him won't make a difference. I just do my own thing when it comes to fitness. He understands that excersise and eating well are a priority for me and that's fine. Like I said he is gone most of the week so I can eat whatever I want to regardless. However, it is frustrating because I will ask him what he would like for dinner, and he always says hotdogs,cheeseburgers, pizza, or mac and cheese. So I just do my thing and he does his. Or when we don't eat such a healthy meal, I work it into my daily goals. I will make sure to have vegetables on the side. For us, its really not the end of the world. We still do things together, but not everything, and that's okay.
I understand you are concerned about her long term health, and that's thoughtful of you. But honestly, those problems are hers and hers alone. And it sounds like it leads to many other problems in her life, which could lead to more serious issues in your relationship.0 -
I didn't read the other responses, so if someone has already suggested this, then I apologize.
My husband and I were both regular smokers. Up until 2 weeks ago. We have not had a cigarette since.
E-cigarettes. I know there's a stigma towards them, but believe me, I've done the research. A lot of the fears towards them are propaganda. Compared to what cigarettes put in your body, E-cigs are an excellent alternative. You start with a high concentration of nicotine, then lower your dosage. You can buy E-cigs that can adjust the amount of "smoke" they produce, and the range of flavours are extensive. We started with 18% nicotine, and now are down to 9% on days we really want it, and 0% at all other times.
We don't use the E-cig nearly as frequently as we did in the beginning either. Honestly, I don't see us going back to cigarettes ever again.
Just a suggestion
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It is not "asinine" to not want to be with someone because of an unhealthy habit or practice. People do it all the time. Smoking is a deal-breaker for a lot of people. I met my wife on Match. Before I got married, a LARGE percentage of the profiles of women i was interested in specified that they were not interested in smokers. I realized that I was limiting my potential dating pool by continuing to smoke, and that was one of the reasons i quit.
Now, not marrying this girl because she smokes may not be the path you want to choose, but it is not an asinine choice. It's a valid health and lifestyle concern for many people.
It may or may not be a big deal for you down the road. But it sounds like it's starting to become the seed of a big deal now. It's kinda like the woman who marries her husband expecting that he will quit drinking and partying with the boys after the wedding... and then he doesn't. Well, what does she do now?0 -
I'm kind of the same way with my boyfriend. He doesn't smoke, thankfully, but he has crohn's and needs to be on a specific diet and doesn't do it. He drinks 9 cans of pop (soda whatever you people call it) a day. He eats fast food a lot. I've gotten him to cut down on the fast food just by making us both grocery shop and showing him how much money we are saving.
He's started to say "I need to cut back on the pop" and "I need to start working out again". He used to work out before I met him, but then he got a really bad crohn's flair up and stopped. He wouldn't have flair ups as often if he wouldn't eat so much crap and drink so much pop. He rarely drinks water. I have gotten him to drink more of that lately.
He's watching me work out and eat better and seeing how much weight I'm losing. He is noticing how much better I'm feeling both physically and mentally and I can tell things are starting to click in his head. He's making small changes. Maybe you should state how you feel about it again, then lay off. No nagging, nothing. Just show her by example how much better life is getting for you because you are being healthy. Maybe she will see that and start to want it and then want it enough to start doing it.
You can't change her mind by talking to her. You sure can piss her off and push her away from it. But let her observe and decide for herself. She needs to be the one to make the decision anyway and no amount of pushing or nagging will do it.
This is very similar to my situation with my SO. He is seeing all my great results and has started saying things like, "I should start working out." or "Something needs to change." He is underemployed at the moment and has a lot of free time, which he fills up with video games and snacking out of boredom. I make little comments like, "How about we have veggies instead?" and "Can you please buy more vegetables when you go grocery shopping and less potato chips?" (He has more free time so he does the grocery shopping for the most part.) He also pouts when I go off to exercise, and my response is usually, "So come with me!" He always thinks about it before saying no.
Basically my point is that I can't force him to do things differently, but by allowing him to make up his own mind he is coming around naturally. If I was constantly badgering him about this (and I have with other things) then he wouldn't be wondering whether he should be following my example, he would just be resisting.
And honestly, I hope I marry this man someday (we have been dating for two years, living together for 1) even if he doesn't go on this lifestyle change with me.0 -
I'm kind of the same way with my boyfriend. He doesn't smoke, thankfully, but he has crohn's and needs to be on a specific diet and doesn't do it. He drinks 9 cans of pop (soda whatever you people call it) a day. He eats fast food a lot. I've gotten him to cut down on the fast food just by making us both grocery shop and showing him how much money we are saving.
He's started to say "I need to cut back on the pop" and "I need to start working out again". He used to work out before I met him, but then he got a really bad crohn's flair up and stopped. He wouldn't have flair ups as often if he wouldn't eat so much crap and drink so much pop. He rarely drinks water. I have gotten him to drink more of that lately.
He's watching me work out and eat better and seeing how much weight I'm losing. He is noticing how much better I'm feeling both physically and mentally and I can tell things are starting to click in his head. He's making small changes. Maybe you should state how you feel about it again, then lay off. No nagging, nothing. Just show her by example how much better life is getting for you because you are being healthy. Maybe she will see that and start to want it and then want it enough to start doing it.
You can't change her mind by talking to her. You sure can piss her off and push her away from it. But let her observe and decide for herself. She needs to be the one to make the decision anyway and no amount of pushing or nagging will do it.
This is very similar to my situation with my SO. He is seeing all my great results and has started saying things like, "I should start working out." or "Something needs to change." He is underemployed at the moment and has a lot of free time, which he fills up with video games and snacking out of boredom. I make little comments like, "How about we have veggies instead?" and "Can you please buy more vegetables when you go grocery shopping and less potato chips?" (He has more free time so he does the grocery shopping for the most part.) He also pouts when I go off to exercise, and my response is usually, "So come with me!" He always thinks about it before saying no.
Basically my point is that I can't force him to do things differently, but by allowing him to make up his own mind he is coming around naturally. If I was constantly badgering him about this (and I have with other things) then he wouldn't be wondering whether he should be following my example, he would just be resisting.
And honestly, I hope I marry this man someday (we have been dating for two years, living together for 1) even if he doesn't go on this lifestyle change with me.
Yep. His dad has an extra tredmill that we are suppose to be getting and he keeps saying he will start working out when we get that. I tell him that he can start working out with me. But he won't because I do Jillian Michaels DVDs and he can't stand her and the "porn music" in the background.
I mostly want him to start eating better because of his crohn's. He had a flair up last summer and had to go on FMLA and be off work for 2 months. He was bored, in pain, and getting people from work messaging him asking why he was abusing sick leave for a tummy ache. He's been in the hospital twice for his flair ups and almost died once. Plus crohn's increases his cancer risks by a lot. I just want him to take care of himself so I can harass him for a much longer period of time.0 -
Talk with her again and ask what activities she is interested in. Maybe the gym isn't for her yet, so think outside the box a little. What about a walk in the park with a nice summer picnic, rent a canoe for a morning/afternoon, go to skate rink and Rollerblade/skate, go to the zoo, the arboretum try disk golfing, the dag park (if you have a dog) etc. Find something fun and silly and make it special, not necessarily a date, but happy couple time. Maybe get Dance Dance Revolution or any other dance game for whatever system you have and challenge each other. Maybe if you can keep it super fun and lighthearted it might help. It helped me, now I'm more active and my hubby is slacking off.
You seem super sweet and so concerned for her, let her know how you are feeling. Tell her how terrified you are of losing her too soon, that you want to be that really cute old couple that goes to the zoo/park/whatever in 60 years. Remind her that you will help her and support her you just need to know what it is she needs from you.0 -
Yep. His dad has an extra treadmill that we are suppose to be getting and he keeps saying he will start working out when we get that. I tell him that he can start working out with me. But he won't because I do Jillian Michaels DVDs and he can't stand her and the "porn music" in the background.
I mostly want him to start eating better because of his crohn's. He had a flair up last summer and had to go on FMLA and be off work for 2 months. He was bored, in pain, and getting people from work messaging him asking why he was abusing sick leave for a tummy ache. He's been in the hospital twice for his flair ups and almost died once. Plus crohn's increases his cancer risks by a lot. I just want him to take care of himself so I can harass him for a much longer period of time.
My SO also resists workout videos. He calls them "goofy." I admit that my Zumba and Ballet Beautiful videos are not geared toward men, though. I'm sorry to hear about your So's Crohn's disease. It sounds like you are very supportive.
OP - I had a brain blast while talking about the workout videos. Maybe a Zumba video or a Zumba class might be fun for her? You know her best of course. I would also advise that you NOT turn down any activity she has in mind (I'm sure you wouldn't anyway, you seem very sweet) no matter how "girly" it may seem to you.0 -
Lots of good advice. I definitely feel like if anything, getting her to stop smoking is priority #1. I don't even think she would have the stamina to do a dance class or something like that right now, she gets seriously winded walking up a flight of stairs.
Last night, we went downtown and parked at a casino to save money (free parking on weekends). We had to take the stairs because the elevator was jam packed. 6 flights. You would think we had just got back from a mile run she was so winded when we got to the top. It made me sad and then as if on queue, she lit up another cig. I want to shake her sometimes to just stop hurting herself. but being a jerk or confrontational is never going to yield good results. 0 -
Just keep in mind dude, this is the life you want. You marry her, you marry that.
Don't expect that you can change anything about her or her life.0
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