How do I learn to accept myself?

thismomentisfate
thismomentisfate Posts: 7
in Motivation and Support
EDIT: Sorry for the long post, i wrote it out and pressed send without looking it over. 0_0
Im 30 years old, and have been battling my weight since I was a teen. My brother has told me many times that I wasted my youth, and I feel like i missed out doing a lot of things in life. Guys have never noticed me, and I am just too shy. I only have two friends, one online, and one i met in school.

My yoyo dieting caused me to lose my gallbladder. When i got to the hospital my pancreas was inflamed and not processing any of the food that went through my system, and my gallbladder was infected.

Im working on getting healthy, im not dieting anymore, just focusing on living a healthy lifestyle. But i feel like my head is getting in the way. lol

My problem is, I compare myself to others all the time. Like my niece for instance, she looks just like me, whenever people see us, they ask if we are twins, sisters, or if im her mom. The difference is, that she is thin and beautiful. When I spent time with her, it makes me realize all the things i've missed out in life. She has a BF, and is very outgoing. The complete opposite of me. I love my niece, and im very happy for her. Just feel so unhappy, you know?

Ive always had problems with self esteem, since i was a teen. I used to blame my dad, but i know i need to start taking responsibility for myself. you see, he was the one that first caused my self esteem issues, he would call me fat. When i grew up, i told him, how much it hurt me. He said it was to "help" me. Things were better, until one day he told me that no man would ever want me because my personality is like my moms. =(

Like i said, im a grown woman, i want to feel confident in my own skin. I want to be a healthy, happy person, but i know i wont be until i stop comparing myself to other people. I feel worthless sometimes, and take other peoples negative comments to heart. i tell myself i dont care, but thats a lie.

How can I learn to accept myself? =(

Replies

  • chadya07
    chadya07 Posts: 627 Member
    if there are deep issues affecting your well being there are things you can do. if you can afford it go to a counselor. if you cant... since it is all kind of revolving around your weight, have you considered overeaters anonymous meetings? im sure thats obvious but i think the 12 steps help you understand the whys and the what nows...

    its hard. find help if you can. you may even find some friends and get over your shyness a bit.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    I think learning to accept oneself is something we all fight with, and are all trying to figure out, in general.

    Some things that helped me were to realize that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, in fact, most people are nothing. All that matters is you and your own skin. Have faith in what you can do, and that you can look out for yourself, and acceptance will come, once you know what it is you want and need to accept.
  • SquishyLaughter
    SquishyLaughter Posts: 124 Member
    I think self-acceptance is a very selfish thing. But I don't mean selfish in the normal bad way. Sometimes we all just need to think about ourselves, and what we need, since often we are so busy thinking about other people that we become unhappy, and begin to hate ourselves.

    To truly accept yourself means you have to not care what other people might think, you have to be happy in your own skin. Figure out who you are, figure out what your goals are. Don't care what the random other shopper in the supermarket thinks, don't care what other people might look like that you don't. You are your own person, you have your own life, and once you figure out what you are, then you can accept yourself, and once you realize that if there are certain traits preventing you from accepting yourself, then you can work to change them. You have to change for you, not for anyone else.

    Be selfish. Be happy.
  • RaggedyPond
    RaggedyPond Posts: 1,487 Member
    Many people think losing weight is a golden ticket that will make their life better. Truth is you are the same person at x or y weight. Don't let a small thing like weight stop you from enjoying life.
  • aedreana
    aedreana Posts: 979 Member
    At.30 years of age, you hold the power to be who you want to be. Acceptance not for resigning yourself to flaws, but acceptance for changing what you want to change. The best years of my life were age 31 and 32. You are still young so, you have not wasted your youth! At your age, you can lose weight without developing loose skin-- loose skin looks way worse than excess fat. Comparing yourself to others is, in fact, a valuable tool you can use to develop your personal image that you want to have. Whether you want to look model-thin, athletic and muscular, curvaceous and voluptuous-- decide what you want to be, and it can be yours. It's just like we look around us at different fashion, makeup, hair, styles and then decide what elements we want to incorporate into our personal style. It seems to me that you lack a defined self-image. Use your comparisons to other women to clarify to yourself exactly what you want to look like. If your fashion icon is ______ (fill in the blank), when trying on clothes to buy, ask yourself, "would ____ wear this?" Let that influence your decision to purchase-- but not, in itself, decide-- for you don't want to be a carbon copy of someone else. Self-esteem must spring from living according to your personal value system. What someone looks like, how much they weigh, has nothing whatsoever to do with their value as a person.If there is anything at all you are doing that is contrary to your own principles, change what you are doing-- don't sacrifice your principles! Overweight does not necessarily equal unattractive. Many young women are "fat" but still have a youthful and beautiful shape. The power is yours to decide how much or how little you want to weigh. You are in complete control of that number on the scale. You musn't let ANYONE determine your self-worth for you. Define exactly what you want to be and go forth from there.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    I recommend this.

    For one week, everytime you look in the mirror, look deep into your own eyes, and say "I love you".

    Maybe you're a safe driver. Maybe you can cook a mean omelet. Maybe you have pretty eyes. Maybe you hold the door for people behind you. Think about the things you're good at, or that are good about you, and make a list. Read this list every morning for a week.

    I tell myself that I am perfect the way I am. This is who I am! This is who I choose to be at this very moment! Are there things I would like to improve upon? Sure! But that will be MY choice, and I will change when I am ready, not because someone has called me fat or made me feel worthless. I know I'm not. I know I deserve the love I have in my life, I know I deserve to feel happy with who I am RIGHT NOW, not matter what I look like, what I weigh, what path I choose to follow in my life. I DESERVE to be happy with ME. No one has the right to make me feel otherwise.

    You deserve this too.
  • YELLOWGREEN1234
    YELLOWGREEN1234 Posts: 13 Member
    You're wonderful no matter what
  • cineshome
    cineshome Posts: 97 Member
    bump
  • Swiftlet66
    Swiftlet66 Posts: 729 Member
    I'm a pretty sensitive person too; I take things to heart a lot, even if the other person did not mean to offend me. Like you, I'm also very shy and don't have much close friends. Things have happened earlier this year that led me to distance myself from others as well but I'm battling this demon on my back. What helps me is to do one nice thing for someone else each week (or each day if you can). It can be for a friend, a relative, or a stranger. Just somebody. If you can do this, it will take the focus away from yourself and onto someone else and making them happier. And in turn, I guarantee your kind action for someone else will make you happier as well.

    The reason is sometimes, people like us tend to think about ourselves a lot... way too much actually.... about our past, our failures, our vices, and all the other negative things we can think about, etc. And like you mentioned, our lives passes before our eyes because our focus is so narrow! But when you start to expand your focus onto something else outside of ourselves, like helping others and making them happier, you start to live more in the moment and from your own actions, you start to learn more about yourself in the process--your virtues, your own kindness, your own positive traits. Over time, I firmly believe this will help a person to be happy with themselves and to start accepting who they are.

    Just my two cents; hope you feel better!
  • PrincessEliNa
    PrincessEliNa Posts: 524 Member
    I'm a pretty sensitive person too; I take things to heart a lot, even if the other person did not mean to offend me. Like you, I'm also very shy and don't have much close friends. Things have happened earlier this year that led me to distance myself from others as well but I'm battling this demon on my back. What helps me is to do one nice thing for someone else each week (or each day if you can). It can be for a friend, a relative, or a stranger. Just somebody. If you can do this, it will take the focus away from yourself and onto someone else and making them happier. And in turn, I guarantee your kind action for someone else will make you happier as well.

    The reason is sometimes, people like us tend to think about ourselves a lot... way too much actually.... about our past, our failures, our vices, and all the other negative things we can think about, etc. And like you mentioned, our lives passes before our eyes because our focus is so narrow! But when you start to expand your focus onto something else outside of ourselves, like helping others and making them happier, you start to live more in the moment and from your own actions, you start to learn more about yourself in the process--your virtues, your own kindness, your own positive traits. Over time, I firmly believe this will help a person to be happy with themselves and to start accepting who they are.

    Just my two cents; hope you feel better!
    This is great advice!

    Op-I actually went to a therapist a while back, and we got on the topic of comparing ourselves to others. My therapist drew a bunch of circles and wrote things like "Most intelligent" "Most social" etc, and asked me to fill the circles with people I knew (or something like that) the point was that no one person was in all the circles. In other words, no one is perfect. We all have faults. We all have strengths. Find your strengths. :flowerforyou:

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