After the crash and burn, I need witnesses

redscylla
redscylla Posts: 211 Member
in Motivation and Support
Today is the day I admit to myself that I've crashed and burned over the last year. In April 2013, I was down to my lowest in years: 173 lbs. I slacked off on my exercise and got sloppy with my eating. Then my dad was diagnosed with leukemia. He went downhill rapidly this May and died in June. I have basically spent the last three months eating my grief. This morning, the scale reports that I have regained every last pound I lost in the time since I joined MFP in March 2012. 37 pounds. Plus one extra one for luck.

The thing is, I knew what I'd done and was doing, and I avoided the scale so I wouldn't have to admit it. As long as I didn't admit it, as long as nobody else knew how bad it was, it was like it didn't happen. So I think to get back on track, I have to admit it. I updated my weight on MFP just now, so that I'm not staring at a lie every time I log in. Now I just have to go back to the beginning and work on changing my eating and exercising habits.

Thanks for being witnesses.

Replies

  • TXGirl78028
    TXGirl78028 Posts: 37
    I am sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort in good memories of your father.

    As for the gain, you know how to lose the weight, since you've already done it once. You're taking the steps you need to get your eating/exercise back on track. Best of luck to you.
  • redscylla
    redscylla Posts: 211 Member
    Thanks. Sometimes just putting it out there helps.
  • tomee638
    tomee638 Posts: 64
    I'm sure you know how common emotional eating is and you shouldn't feel bad about it. It's a challenge many have to overcome. Let's talk about you and your goals. How much weight are you looking to lose and what are your long term fitness goals? I'd love to hear more about your plans going forward for changing your life. Feel free to PM me if you'd rather! Keep your head up, we're here.
  • MarshallLuke
    MarshallLuke Posts: 177 Member
    I'm very sorry about your loss. Losing a loved one is one of the most painful things in the world.
    I am in almost the same boat as you as far as the weight gain and reasons behind it. I was down to ~170 and had just run a marathon. I began letting myself slip though and not tracking my calories or watching what I had eaten as much.
    And then, in February, my best friend, who I'd known for over 30 years and was, for all intents and purposes my brother, died. Unexpectedly and suddenly. Here and then gone.
    I stopped caring about myself and being healthy, running, or anything to do with my weight. I began eating to make myself feel better. If I was to sum up my eating habits of that time it would be "Any pizza is a personal pizza if you're man enough."
    I think my lowest point was when I ordered two medium pizzas with bacon and sausage and ate them... in one sitting.
    In June I pulled myself out of my hole of self pity and decided to start doing better with my health. I have since gotten back into running and am training to run a marathon in October. I've lost ~10 pounds.
    If you need any motivation or support or just someone to tell you food is not the answer (because it sure as heck tastes like the answer when you are depressed), I'll be happy to be there for ya!
  • redscylla
    redscylla Posts: 211 Member
    I'm sure you know how common emotional eating is and you shouldn't feel bad about it. It's a challenge many have to overcome. Let's talk about you and your goals. How much weight are you looking to lose and what are your long term fitness goals? I'd love to hear more about your plans going forward for changing your life. Feel free to PM me if you'd rather! Keep your head up, we're here.

    Thanks for the kind words. As for goals, my current one is just to avoid cry-eating. :wink: From there, my goals are simple: eat less, move more.
  • redscylla
    redscylla Posts: 211 Member
    I'm sorry you've been through a similar post-loss crash and burn. It really derails what you thought you'd made progress on. I did LOL at this, though.
    If I was to sum up my eating habits of that time it would be "Any pizza is a personal pizza if you're man enough."

    Mine was more like, "If I wasn't meant to eat it, it wouldn't fit in my mouth."

    But today is a new day. So I'm gonna separate the eating from the grief. I'll send you a friend request!
  • lessismoreohio
    lessismoreohio Posts: 910 Member
    I'm sorry about your loss. I was touched by your comment about watching your 300 pound mother struggle to walk; it hit home. One of my primary inspirations is that I don't want to end up like my 400 pound father who struggles to walk, struggles to breath and has other struggles related to his weight. Congratulations on "owning" it and taking charge to change it. You can do this.
  • redscylla
    redscylla Posts: 211 Member
    I'm sorry about your loss. I was touched by your comment about watching your 300 pound mother struggle to walk; it hit home. One of my primary inspirations is that I don't want to end up like my 400 pound father who struggles to walk, struggles to breath and has other struggles related to his weight. Congratulations on "owning" it and taking charge to change it. You can do this.

    Thanks! I sometimes feel bad that I have such a visceral reaction to my mother, but I'm glad I'm not alone. It's just heartbreaking to see what she's done to herself, as I'm sure it is with your father. But hey, identify it and we can avoid it.

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