Weight affecting relationship

Give yourself a series of makeovers, now, during and after your weight loss. You'll be looking in the mirror like, wow! You'll be so enthralled by your own fabulousness that you feel more confident, even before you've lost a pound.

Been there. It's like constantly feeling like his ex's are skinnier and more attractive. You just need to keep telling yourself he loves you for you.

Give yourself a series of makeovers, now, during and after your weight loss. You'll be looking in the mirror like, wow! You'll be so enthralled by your own fabulousness that you feel more confident, even before you've lost a pound.

That does sound like a good idea :happy:

I was kind of thinking of doing it all in one go and having a bit of a make over when I had lost weight, but I suppose no time like the present

Yeah, I see that on here all the time. Now, I want you to picture this: a chubby woman, squeezing intense exercise into her already hectic life. An exhausted woman. That exhausted woman is also eating a lot less than usual. An exhausted, hungry woman. Exhaustion and hunger makes the woman angry. And she's wearing workout gear all the time. They keep the goal of "cute clothes," a good haircut, etc., as something they have to earn by, of all things, losing weight. As if they are unworthy of those things if they are fat. They are telling themselves this message, and that is the message that gets conveyed. I've been at a plateau for a VERY long time, but I'm still smaller than I was, and I get double takes because I put myself together, over a period of time. I'm a fat woman getting mistaken for famous stars and the hubby telling me I resemble a particular model.

And speaking of which, models and actresses get cheated on, they get jealous. People are selfish inconsiderate jerks sometimes, and that's life. It doesn't matter how beautiful, rich or thin you get, men can be real $@&&@ if the spouse has any concerns whatsoever about your new diet and exercise routine. Do what's best for you AND your loved ones. Regarding the jealousy, remind yourself how you WANT to feel. If you WANT to be happy, you have to choose to direct your attention away from skinny girls and onto something wonderful (not the bf - stop revolving your thoughts on him, it's not good for your happiness or mental health). It takes practice, but you CAN choose to stop jealous thinking, and you CAN choose to be the best version of yourself, all the time.

Best wishes to you.

It took me a long time to get over jealousy issues to be quite honest. I have a long history of self harm (it's been a long time clear of that, thank god) and poor self image so all the relationships I was in suffered. Until I figured out how to truly love and accept myself, all the relationships I had floundered.
The man I'm with now supports me in whatever I do. And because I'm comfortable with myself, I'm comfortable with him. Do I get jealous once in a while? Oh yes. And then I step back and evaluate *why* I'm feeling that way. Confronting the feelings head on is how I had to learn how to deal with them.

This is how I started changing my mind set for the positive:

Every day when you wake up, before you you do anything else, write down one good thing about yourself. Put it on like a stip of paper and put it in a jar. That way, when you have a bad day, reach in the jar and pull something positive out. If it helps, ask your man if he'd write a few slips out to put in the jar, too.

Eventually waking up and thinking in a positive mind frame becomes habit. "fake it until you make it" is the truest thing I've ever heard.

You can do it. It's a hard uphill road, but you can do it.

You're absolutely gorgeous from what I can tell, inside and out.

Thank you so much, everything you said really means a lot to me :embarassed:

I really do think I need to calm down and think about situations before I overreact, but it is really hard to when you have that sick feeling in the bottom of your stomach, through no fault of his or my own.

At the end of the day it's his choice to come home to me every night I suppose :flowerforyou:

Do you mean you bring it up with your boyfriend when you "overreact"?

I know this seems a bit dramatic, but one of the main reasons I want to lose weight is for my partner. :ohwell:

The previous relationship I was in was awful. He would constantly put me down, make jokes about my weight and see other girls behind my back. I am now in a relationship with someone who I think the world of. However I still have the same feelings from before, this time for completely unjustified reasons. I hate him being friends or working with any 'skinny and pretty' girls, because I don't feel good enough and get jelous so easily :embarassed:

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I don't know what to do, or how to control these feelings. At the moment i'm thinking that losing weight will help, but what should I do in the mean time? it's really starting to get me down. :indifferent:

Darlin', you almost made me cry. I have felt the EXACT same way, most recently up until about 2 years ago. And I have been happily married for coming up to 20 years! You may get advice that tells you that losing weight won't make you feel differently, but personally experiencing it, I can tell you, you become a different person. You will feel such confidence, and that in itself is very attractive to a mate, and friends alike. So short answer, YES, losing weight will help you feel better.

I have heard so many people say that a person should love you for what is inside, regardless of what is on the outside. My husband does love me, always has, and hopefully always will. But he is happier with me, because I am a happier person!

Almost forgot. in the mean time, visit MFP all the time. read the inspiring stories. and remind yourself that you are getting healthier EVERY single day. Those good choices every time are wonderful. You are improving your life, there is nothing greater that you can do for yourself, so wow, what an amazing person you are!

Honey, your weight is not affecting your relationship, your insecurity and emotional baggage is. Weight loss may help with confidence, but only if you work on the emotional stuff too. Losing weight won't magically fix your jealousy, and in fact it might not even cure your confidence problem. That's going to come from within.

You need to learn to trust your new boyfriend and not expect him to be the same as your last. You need to learn to trust yourself that he is with you because he desires you, admires you and wants to be with you. Or, if you learn that's not the truth, then you need to be able to free yourself. But by letting your last relationship poision your new one, your just letting some jerk continue to ruin your life and emotional health - why should your *kitten* ex have more influence in your life than your new fellow?

You do need to work on the jealousy. Nothing poisons a relationship faster.

The makeovers are fine for a quick fix but the makeover you need to work on is self-confidence. You shouldn't try to lose weight (or change your appearance) because you feel inferior to other people. We've all been there where we have just lacked self-confidence in ourselves, when it seemed like the whole world had their act together, except for us.

Try working on daily affirmations. Work of 5-10 things you love about yourself (smile, humor, heart, etc) and tell yourself everyday. I have been doing it for years and it truly helps me start my day of the right foot.

If you need help, check out this video of this awesome little girl. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg

The reason I asked whether you confront your boyfriend in a negative way or not was to find out how "acute" the situation is. If you voice suspicions to him, I'd do my best to stop talking about it to him or you risk driving him away before you've sorted out your own issues.

You've already said so yourself; he does come home to you and he has chosen to stay with you for how you make him feel among others. Maybe try to think a bit about how he would make you feel if the roles were reversed and he was the one with insecurities; what would you tell him to assure him he is your guy, your choice? And how would you feel if you weren't trusted completely? Do you think you might burn out at some point if it kept going on?

I'm not saying this to scare you or make you feel bad, but merely it is to perhaps make you see your situation for what it is. With realism and honesty you will go far and be confident.

I'm doing this with my girlfriend and it is great! Good for you

Losing the weight won't help, you will still be jealous if he talks to girls that are ''prettier'' than you. This is all on you. Its all in your head. He loves you. Why not sit down with him and talk about it? A simple question, ''do you wish I was thin?'' might help. Ask him how he feels about your weight and if he would change it.

What happens here, you think:
She: "Do you wish I was thin?"
He: "Yes."
She: "I can't deliver right now and don't know if I will any time soon."
He: "..." (I don't think I'd want to hear that answer, it could be anything)

Let me fix it:
She, looks in the bathroom mirror: "Hmm, not bad, could be better but could be much worse too"
She: "I'll do this lifestyle change for myself, to feel strong in my body, capable and healthy"
Winks at herself, walks out of bathroom.

I feel the same way, only in my case I was skinnier when my boyfriend and I first started going out and have since acquired an office job and have basically "let myself go". I've been trying to lose weight off and on for a year or so now and the only result I've been seeing is gaining more and more weight :-( Its really been affecting my self-esteem and how confident I feel in my relationships. I try to tell myself it doesn't matter what I look like, but really, that goes all out the window every time I see myself in the mirror.

My bf's job is an outdoors one which is very physical so he's been able to remain in shape just by doing his day to day routine and I worry that he looks at me now and is turned off. It's even worse when hes assigned to work with one of the women (its a very male dominated field so it doesn't happen often) because they're all equally physically active and have the body to show for it. We've had some discussions about this and he keeps assuring me that he only wants to be with me but once that jealousy bug bites its hard to see or hear anything else.

I feel like I"m in the same boat as OP only this time I'm almost discouraged before I start (again) trying to lose weight because this has been a problem for a while now and I can't seem to get myself motivated to stick with it long enough to see any results... or the opposite happens and I meet my 1st goal and feel like I can relax a little until BOOM - back to where I started.

Kudos to "AglaeaC" for fixing "that" statement.

Why would anyone with low self esteem want to ask their BF or GF if they think they are skinny enough and if they should lose weight?
First off, you have put the person you have asked in a very awkward situation. They will either lie to you so as to NOT hurt your feelings, or they will tell you the truth, which is fine and dandy if the person asking can handle it. Which in most cases of low self esteem, just sends them in a downward trend.

NEVER NEVER ask a person a question, any question that you really don't want to hear the truth about. if you don't think you can mentally handle it.