losing my mind?!

Rrrrrr, people can be such a**es! Sorry this happened, don't be discouraged! Be like a duck and let it roll right off and know that she is the quack!!

She was wrong to insult you but where the hell did she think she got off touching your stomach?!:noway:

Up to you how far you want to take that, but frankly that could be reported to HR.

Unfortunately some people like to try to make others feel bad because they are not happy with themselves. You are not being sensitive at all, she was out of line and frankly just not a nice person.

I think something like this seems to happen to all of us, and I don't think it's because of all the great work you've been doing to make your workplace a healthier place (which I'm completely impressed with). I had someone congratulate me on losing so much, and then ask with a curled lip if I'd "gone vegan or something". I'm not vegan, but I love vegan food, and I have a huge amount of respect for people who take the tough choices to live their lives according to their beliefs. That really annoyed me.

Some people seem to think if you experience a significant change in your appearance, it gives them the right to comment/touch, whereas it's not generally normal behavior in Western cultures. It was the same when I was pregnant. People thought it was perfectly OK to comment on my appearance, and I'm a private person who has never invited comments of a personal nature.

BTW. Congratulations on a great loss!! This week is a blip.

You’re not going crazy! It’s crazy how often people speak without thinking first. I deal with people in my job, and they can be so completely thoughtless. I can totally relate to that feeling of inner rage boiling up. Good job holding it in, though it might have served that lady right if you had gone off on her a bit. Just pity her though. Not only has she not followed through with healthy living as you have, but she also has no concept of personal boundaries and appropriate comments. Her life must be pretty tough if that’s a normal interaction for her! Haha

You are doing a great job, and I love that you’re working on having a healthy mentality as well as a healthy body. This is a constant battle for me as well. I often find myself getting caught up in what the scale says or how I look compared to other people, when I should really be celebrating that I can run farther than ever, or that my arms are getting stronger. You are doing a fantastic.

I am not trying to criticize, as in the moment I would have probably handled this situation the same way you did. I think you should have a follow up conversation with this lady though. Let her know how uncomfortable it made you. I am not one to say that we have to run to HR for every little thing. I think that is ridiculous and has led to the current state we live in where no one is actually able to talk disagreements through and solve them. If you were hurt, tell her. If the touching was inappropriate and unwanted, tell her. Not red faced and screaming like a crazy person, but when you can be calm and rational and communicate sensibly. For me, that would be a few days from now, probably

We all have office idiots, but in some way, I think we are all a little guilty of taking the easy way out and complaining, but not confronting. This transformation we are on, it is on the inside as well as the outside. You are worth standing up for. Your point of view and your feelings matter. No one should be allowed to be cruel to you through ignorance or intention without having to face the fact that they crossed a line.

I always (eventually) appreciate it when someone brings my insensitive behavior to my attention. I don't want to be that person, but I can't always see the impact of what I say and do objectively.

Best of luck and keep up your excellent work!

Hey there,

Wanted to say sorry to hear that this happened to you. As many others have noticed the strange human phenomenon that weight loss invites others to have an opinion and voice it.

Maybe it is the case that due to you heavy involvement with the 'biggest loser' comp at work, your openness about your own 'journey', makes others feel that your are a person that they can come and share with. Now that's great....if it's what you want. You obviously have had great success. Congratulations on your loss, that is a remarkable achievement, but along with the positive comments and people, you are also open to others, who like this lady may cross boundaries and be less than supportive or complimentary.

You have probably hit the nail on the head when you mention that she dropped out the competition....maybe this way of covering her own discomfort and failure to change by turning it back on to you.

Take heart from the other lady's comments and your own great strides in looking after your health and try to let this go.

Hope you have a wonderful week.

Hi Pattycakes80,

I think you handled the situation very well. Aggression breeds aggression, so kudos for taking the high road!

This is the type of situation where using your emotional intelligence will serve you best. You have every right to feel angry, but you don't necessarily have to if you don't want to. You can actually control your feelings!

Here's how it works:

Fact: Your feelings are largely automatic reactions to your thoughts
Hypothesis: If you can control your thoughts, then you can control your feelings.

In a situation like this where you are especially vulnerable, the best thing to do is to reframe your thoughts to control your feelings about what happened... so you don't walk around annoyed and hurt in your vulnerable state.

In this scenario, you're instant thoughts might have been something like this: "wow this lady is RUDE" or "um, excuse me?" or "what the [expletive] did she just say?!"
Then, naturally, that was followed up with feelings of anger, frustration, and maybe a little hurt.

To reframe the situation in order to change your feelings, you could change your thoughts about this person and why they said what they said. Obviously I wasn't there, but maybe she was really trying to help you and it was an honest suggestion! It's possible that she believed her suggestion was in your best interests. Some people try to help without realizing how it can be interpreted by the other person.

Personally, I struggle with acne. and once in a while there's that woman who's got that loving-helpful-mother-instinct in her and she says something like "Have you heard of Proactiv? You ought to try it! I think it would really help you!"
I could either think to myself "Do you honestly think I have never heard of or tried that product before? Do I look like an idiot to you? Maybe you should try thinking before you speak!"

But then I'd end up pissed off...so what I do now is I think "Aww, this lady was very sweet to offer me some help. She doesn't realize that I hate unsolicited advice or that she made herself look very stupid just now. But, I'll spare her feelings and just say thank you and carry on with my day. It's not her fault she's so ignorant : ) " Then I feel grateful and touched that she tried to help.



On the flip side....


If you get the vibe she really is being malicious, then remember that what people put out is a reflection of what is inside themselves and simply reframe it this way: "Aww, she must have some serious self-hatred issues. I feel sorry that she is walking around taking it out on other people like me. She must have terrible relationships. I'm so grateful that I don't have that issue." Then you end up feeling grateful again and a little sorry for her.


***********
This was a long response! But I hope this strategy helps you in your vulnerable state during your weight loss adventure. Good luck, girl!

xx Maddie

That was very, very rude of her. Please do not let that get you down or stop you. Even of you only lost .2 lbs, that's still a difference. If you stop, you'll regret it later.
Congrats on what you've done so far though!

Patty, if you have lost 113 LBS to date, I think you are a rock star. People with less sensitivity(or sense really) would have no idea what you have achieve to date. So what if this looks like that and that looks like this, the truth is that you have done so much already and when you concentrate on that FACT, nothing really matters.