When hanging out with friends involve heavy drinking...

jmlynar
jmlynar Posts: 65 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm 25 years old and when my circle of friends get together it usually involves heavy drinking and partying. I've cut alcohol out of my diet (when I drink I like to drink heavy) because my main focus is to become healthy and lose weight. None of my friends have been understanding and I've got my friend to come to the gym several times but she's just not into it. Recently she told me I'm just wasting my summer away working out and not partying with them. I'm so hurt because this new commitment of going to the gym and participating in kickboxing, zumba, and spin class is not being understood. Its as if my friends get annoyed when they ask what I'm doing and I reply with "I'm just at the gym." I am not judgmental of their life choices and when I do hang out I'm usually the only one sober and they're always complaining that I'm not drunk. I feel as if I'm alone but I'm trying to stay motivated because I need to do me. Anyone in a similar boat?

Replies

  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    I can relate. I just tucked in someone who is close to me who could barely form a sentence. It sounds like you (and I) may need to find new friends who are more aligned with your goals. You can still go out and party with your old friends once in a while if you want to, but don't let them get you off track.
  • OkamiLavande
    OkamiLavande Posts: 336 Member
    My friends still understand my goals but I always make a point of having a day where I can party with them if we feel like it. I won't cut alcohol out of my life because sometimes it's nice to have a malt beverage by the pool on a hot day while swimming.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    People change and make changes to their life. Some friends will be fine with these changes, some won't. It's up to you to decide whether or not it's time to break ties.

    I've never had anyone have an issue with me not drinking at a party but I know people who end up making a big deal of it and that's when it gets backlashed. NOT saying this is you, but maybe check to see if maybe it's how you are responding to them maybe teasing you or simply commenting on you not drinking.

    If you are trying to shrug it off and change the subject but they keep at it, then maybe it's time to review making some new friends or only getting together in non-party situations.
  • rmb040
    rmb040 Posts: 20 Member
    I have the same exact issue. I'll have a beer or two but i'm not really into the drink-yourself-stupid-and-wakeup-with-a-killer-hangover thing anymore. I usually get a lot of crap from my friends.

    I'm currently trying to get myself involved in other activities that have given me an "excuse" and also I am able to meet new people through. For example, I joined a marathon training program, and have met a large group of people I get up and run with at 6am on saturdays :) The other thing i actually did this weekend is I told my friends straight up I am having fun even if i'm not drinking, and not to worry about me being bored. I am usually the driver which usually goes over pretty well with them, and while they don't accept that I'm not drinking and blacking out with them, I'm starting to just deal with it better. Be fun and stop thinking about it when youre out with your friends. have a blast! That was the help someone else gave me on one of these boards. I wish i could find someone like you to be friends with in my new city haha!
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
    drinking heavily is not a social activity.
  • jmlynar
    jmlynar Posts: 65 Member
    People change and make changes to their life. Some friends will be fine with these changes, some won't. It's up to you to decide whether or not it's time to break ties.

    I've never had anyone have an issue with me not drinking at a party but I know people who end up making a big deal of it and that's when it gets backlashed. NOT saying this is you, but maybe check to see if maybe it's how you are responding to them maybe teasing you or simply commenting on you not drinking.

    If you are trying to shrug it off and change the subject but they keep at it, then maybe it's time to review making some new friends or only getting together in non-party situations.


    They know me as the girl who loves to get sloppy drunk so they always reference me from that. I'll have maybe a vodka but that's about it. I never really come out and say "I'm not drinking" they usually just catch me not drinking haha :( nonetheless, thanks for the advice.
  • RabbitLost
    RabbitLost Posts: 333 Member
    Between 23 and 26, I made a lot of changes in my lifestyle, including cutting down my drinking substantially. I never had a problem with my friends drinking. In fact, I was happy to be the designated driver. But did I lose some friends over it. However, I made some new friends and those that stuck with my are still my friends more than 20 years later. Filed it all away under People Change. Good luck, OP.
  • northbanu
    northbanu Posts: 366 Member
    drinking heavily is not a social activity.

    Correct. It should be done alone.
  • jmlynar
    jmlynar Posts: 65 Member
    drinking heavily is not a social activity.

    Correct. It should be done alone.

    Lol
  • jmlynar
    jmlynar Posts: 65 Member
    Between 23 and 26, I made a lot of changes in my lifestyle, including cutting down my drinking substantially. I never had a problem with my friends drinking. In fact, I was happy to be the designated driver. But did I lose some friends over it. However, I made some new friends and those that stuck with my are still my friends more than 20 years later. Filed it all away under People Change. Good luck, OP.

    Thank you :)
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
    I quit drinking totally from 2007 through half of 2013. I drink sparingly now but not too much or often. I just find other things to do besides drink like this summer I ran 3 obstacle races and did a powerlifting competition. Those things kept me pretty busy on weekends where other people were drinking a lot. I drank a couple of times this summer and plan to go to happy hour on Friday with friends from work but I keep it very light. Most of the time I don't drink at all though and just tell people to call me if they need a ride.
  • jmlynar
    jmlynar Posts: 65 Member
    I have the same exact issue. I'll have a beer or two but i'm not really into the drink-yourself-stupid-and-wakeup-with-a-killer-hangover thing anymore. I usually get a lot of crap from my friends.

    I'm currently trying to get myself involved in other activities that have given me an "excuse" and also I am able to meet new people through. For example, I joined a marathon training program, and have met a large group of people I get up and run with at 6am on saturdays :) The other thing i actually did this weekend is I told my friends straight up I am having fun even if i'm not drinking, and not to worry about me being bored. I am usually the driver which usually goes over pretty well with them, and while they don't accept that I'm not drinking and blacking out with them, I'm starting to just deal with it better. Be fun and stop thinking about it when youre out with your friends. have a blast! That was the help someone else gave me on one of these boards. I wish i could find someone like you to be friends with in my new city haha!

    Thanks for all the helpful advice!! I should involve myself in activities where I can meet more people.
  • jmlynar
    jmlynar Posts: 65 Member
    I can relate. I just tucked in someone who is close to me who could barely form a sentence. It sounds like you (and I) may need to find new friends who are more aligned with your goals. You can still go out and party with your old friends once in a while if you want to, but don't let them get you off track.

    Yah let's keep at it!
  • jmlynar
    jmlynar Posts: 65 Member
    I quit drinking totally from 2007 through half of 2013. I drink sparingly now but not too much or often. I just find other things to do besides drink like this summer I ran 3 obstacle races and did a powerlifting competition. Those things kept me pretty busy on weekends where other people were drinking a lot. I drank a couple of times this summer and plan to go to happy hour on Friday with friends from work but I keep it very light. Most of the time I don't drink at all though and just tell people to call me if they need a ride.

    It looks like you're doing everything right based on your profile pic!
  • cdahl383
    cdahl383 Posts: 726 Member
    Heavy drinking is fun! Haha! But it is pretty much as counter-productive as you can get in terms of trying to get healthier and lose weight. It sounds like you might need to hang out with those friends less and make some new friends that have goals more oriented to yours. If that's really all you guys do when you hang out it's going to get old to constantly say, no that's okay, I'm trying to stay healthy, etc.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Sounds like your friends sort of suck, anyway. Get new ones.
  • adamgoleafs87
    adamgoleafs87 Posts: 129 Member
    I had the same problem, I basically decided that I would rather be healthy and happy then go out and party all of the time. My friends wanted to party every weekend, and multiple days during the week. And by party I mean heavy, there were many times where we were still up at 6am drinking whiskey, beer, etc.

    Now that I look back it is the best decision that I have ever made. I slowly have made new friends, and looking back now a lot of the friends that I don't hang out with much at all still do the same thing. They are still out partying all the time while I feel like I am in a much better place.
  • KeepMeFitHappyAndHealthy
    KeepMeFitHappyAndHealthy Posts: 19
    I dealt with that for a while and actually ended up completely drifting away from those people. My health and my body are much more important than their opinions.. which took me a while to learn. But I was able to make new friends, at classes and just in the gym itself, who actually understand the lifestyle I want and want the same thing.

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