Gained 3 stone. Why cant I stop eating?

Babykeys32 · June 2014

I am writing on here because honestly I don't know where else to turn. I have never found the idea of writing my food down very helpful, and in the past food diaries never worked for me. But im back here because i NEED some advice.

I have gained 3 stone in the past year. THREE! This time last year i looked amazing...i was a healthy weight, not skinny but at 10 stone and 5ft 4 i looked really nice, still curvy but i had a figure i was proud of and i was always going out and wearing cute clothes and dating, and confident etc. And then my life turned upside down, and i went through a bad time and i binged. then i binged some more. And then i ended up on a constant, never ending binge. Takeaways, bags of donuts, chocolate bars, chips, huge massive plates of pasta that would feed a family of 5.

Amazingly, during that dark time, i found my now fiance, and we are now engaged. He loves me and has never ever mentioned the fact that i've gained a huge amount of weight since we met. He MUST have noticed...at least he must have noticed the change in me. When we first met i was a different person...always in little short dresses, i went out in heels, showed my figure off, i made an effort and took pride in my appearance. I never wear dresses any more. I can barely fit any of my clothes. Now i wear leggings every day as its all that fits me and jeans are too uncomfortable. I cant wear heels because i can really feel my weight gain in them. I always try to cover up with a baggy jumper or cardigan and because my face has also puffed out, i usually don't bother with makeup.

Oh...and i've also got pretty bad Polycystic Ovary syndrome which used to be under control but now its raging due to my weight gain. I used to be a proud and happy VEGAN and now due to my binges i just eat whatever. Never meat or fish or anything but i do eat dairy when i'm on a binge. It makes me feel like such a fraud and i cry regularly because of the guilt.

When i wake up each morning, my stomach is swollen and protruding, and my face is puffy from the salt i'm eating. My asthma is worse then ever, and im so unfit i sweat and go bright red just climbing the stairs to my office. I hate sex, because i hate how it makes me tired and i hate my fiance looking at my body. I find my self thinking "could i get away with not doing it tonight? Oh but i havnt had sex with him all week....i guess il have to tonight" because i dont want my partner to think its his fault im not into it.

I hide away fro everyone. I binge every time im alone. I sneek food into the office and shovel it down when my colleags leave for the bathroom, or after other go home. some days i get in 15 minutes early so i can eat before my day starts. I find myself making excuses when at home to pop out and buy essentials, when really i just want to buy some junk and eat it on my way back. I eat food from our fridge, and then lie and tell my partner i threw it out because i went off, or that i dropped it by accident. I spend money from our savings to buy food, and then top it back up with my next pay check, because i spend all my own money on food.

I keep trying. Every day i tell myself im going to reverse this but its impossible. I used to be such a fun, happy, confident person and i loved nutrition. Im GOOD at nutrition. Ive always been good at it. I know how to eat right. I love veganism, i'm passionate about vegan food.

I guess im writing this now because...i dont want to be this person when im getting married. I dont want to be this person anymore. I want ME back, and i want my life back.

Im confused because i know i should be low carb, because of the pcos but i dont know how to do that and be vegan. I dont know how to lose this weight anymore. I dont know how to stop binging every day.

Im SO messed up about this and i just have no idea where to start.

Sinnui · June 2014

Something that usually helps me with controlling what I eat on a daily basis, to avoid the binging is that I prepare or plan everything that I’m going to eat for the day in the morning when I wake up. That way, I just tell myself that this is it; this is all you have for the day and nothing else. It usually works for me, but on the days that it just won’t work, I tend to stay away from my home and work out at my university’s gym or take an hour walk around the town. Sometimes, just keeping out of the house until it’s close to bedtime can really help with stopping the overeating. And, you can get in some good exercise, which will really show over some time and bring back your confidence.

If your willpower’s a little low right now for food control my suggestion is getting your fiancée involved with your food consumption. Make him your in-person acountabili-buddy. I do this a lot with my boyfriend when we go grocery shopping. We have different loves of bad food (his is cookies, mine is ice cream and chocolate), so whenever one of us wants to get something that is bad, the other tells them “no” and keeps the train rolling on past the bad temptation.

Also, I have been constantly looking for alternatives for the foods that I love that are just horrible for me. Like, my love for ice cream. Instead of buying the ice cream, I recently bought this Greek, frozen yogurt at the store, and it is amazing. They have it in a pre-made portion, and depending on the flavor, it’s 100 or 110 calories. So definitely look for alternatives so that you don’t go insane by just completely cutting all out all of the food that you have grown accustomed to as you switch to more fresh and healthy veggies and fruits for hunger and nutrition.

Oh yeah, I’m starting to drink a lot more water lately, and this is helping with my eating too. If I drink a lot of water, then I tend to eat less. The water’s taking up all of the space in belly, I suppose. But, doing this can help shrink your stomach again, so that you begin to just naturally eat and want less food. I hope this is helpful for you, any or all of it.

I wish you the best of luck, and I am always here to listen, or help if you ever need/want.

rejectuf · June 2014

You should probably seek professional help. Go see your doctor, get a referral to a nutritionist if your primary care doc isn't well versed in weight loss.

You also should begin exercising. Exercise is known to help your mental mood as well make it easier to create a calorie deficit and lose weight.

No more excuses about keeping your food diaries. Weigh everything you eat, don't guesstimate. Log EVERYTHING honestly and accurately. Even 'cheat' days or times you go off the path. Log it.

pbbagel · June 2014

What caused you to start binging? I think binging is a symptom of some larger problem rather than being a problem in itself. If you find out what caused you to start binging and work on that... Or perhaps now there are certain situations or feelings that cause you to binge?
From what you wrote about sneaking food at work etc., it seems like you're in a cycle of binging, feeling bad about it and then binging some more. I think you need to break this cycle and take one day at a time.
I had bulimia for several years and at the start of my recovery I would take it day by day, if I didn't puke for 3 days I would congratulate myself and feel proud. Then it would be a week without puking, then a month, then a year. As it stands, I've gone from binging and purging several times a day, to once or twice a year. It's very difficult to stop binging or disordered eating, but I think it's very possible.

RodaRose · June 2014

Im confused because i know i should be low carb, because of the pcos but i dont know how to do that and be vegan. I dont know how to lose this weight anymore. I dont know how to stop binging every day.

Im SO messed up about this and i just have no idea where to start.

The short answer is to eat more fat.
avocados,
walnuts and other nuts
flax, hemp, chia seeds,
flax seed oil,
hummus,

Make an account on Pinterest https://www.pinterest.com
and start collecting recipes / things to put together to nourish your body:
http://www.pinterest.com/positivekristen/vegan-+-paleo-+-low-carb-+-gluten-free-recipes/

oedipa_maas · June 2014

What caused you to start binging? I think binging is a symptom of some larger problem rather than being a problem in itself. If you find out what caused you to start binging and work on that... Or perhaps now there are certain situations or feelings that cause you to binge?
From what you wrote about sneaking food at work etc., it seems like you're in a cycle of binging, feeling bad about it and then binging some more. I think you need to break this cycle and take one day at a time.
I had bulimia for several years and at the start of my recovery I would take it day by day, if I didn't puke for 3 days I would congratulate myself and feel proud. Then it would be a week without puking, then a month, then a year. As it stands, I've gone from binging and purging several times a day, to once or twice a year. It's very difficult to stop binging or disordered eating, but I think it's very possible.

This is what I was thinking too (also a recovered bulimic). OP, I think you would benefit from counseling or a group dedicated to working with eating disorders (I recommend this site frequently--anad.org. They hooked me up with free group therapy with other ED sufferers). There is emotional stuff going on and you're trying to stuff it down or numb yourself. What you experience as hunger may be a frantic drive to stop any discomfort or pain. Eating is a good way to distract and soothe.

When I had an ED specialist, she had me pre-plan my meals and it really helped a lot. It gives you something to latch onto. She wasn't talking about my cutting calories because I was too sick to tackle that. Sometimes just the structure of planned meals can bring relief. You have to not deprive yourself though or it will backfire big time. My specialist made sure I wasn't setting myself up for failure.

I really feel for you. You can make progress, though, I promise.

joanna_82 · June 2014

I agree that perhaps some therapy or counselling may help you work out why you are bingeing. But also you do need to break the cycle.
Something that I did after weeks of constant junk food eating was to just write down what I was going to eat for that day. 3 meals and a few snacks. I didn't bother about thinking about calories for those meals or snacks, but concentrated on eating three meals a day with the snacks but not letting myself graze on junk all day. It was very hard but I did it. Then I tried again the next day, and the next, and after a few days I was back in a regular eating pattern and didn't feel quite so awful. Then I tried to think of ways I could improve what I was eating- without 'dieting' as such and worked up from there.

Its hard and takes an incredible amount of strength but you need to make a change now. Not tomorrow, not next week, but today.

Write down all the reasons you want to get past this and go back to eating healthily. Look at that everytime you want to binge.

Excersise really does help. Just start with walking. Rather than going out shopping during your break leave your money and just go for a walk. Try and increase your activity. It will affect your mood, which will hopefully help you not to binge so much.

You can do it! But don't feel ashamed to get some help with it too, if you need it.

HanaThorne · June 2014

Hello there

Just wanted to say that I kinda know where you're coming from. Sedentiary life for the past few years is definitely responsible for me gaining more than 30kg (that would be 50-60 pounds?) since 2009, but dealing with an anxiety disorder was what really did it. I started suffering from it in 2011 and am really much better today but the damage is already done. Like yourself, I would go with uncontrollable sessions of eating - think for eggs sunny-side-up with a half of a loaf of bread as a starters, then 2 pounds (POUNDS!!) of fries, and maybe even a chips or a chocolate in the end.. All this eaten between 9 and 11 PM. I think that would be an average day in the past two years. I just wouldn't care. I would feel extremely guilty but by tomorrow evening, it would all go away and I was already planning on my next gigantic snack evening (talk about having a snack while watching a movie!). I would also eat way too much for lunch and I never ate breakfast (until 2 months ago).

So, my point is I know how it feels, and I know it's a mother... What I can say is to just repeat what people above me just said - writing down everything you eat really helps. Puts you in perspective about the quantities you eat. I'm not advocating going OCD and writing down absolutely every thing you put in your mouth (was it two pinches of salt or one in that soup?) but you need to keep a track of your daily meals. I also definitely agree with pre-planing your meals - I even do it the day before, before I go to bed. If I tell my self "This is it, this is all I'm going to eat", and put my mind to it, it really does work.

Now, what I realize is that you have very low self-control. And I definitely agree that this eating is a symptom, rather than a problem. You said that something bad has happened to you. I think maybe you should talk to someone about it. If not a professional, then someone you love and trust and value their opinion. You fiance will be there with you for your entire life. I he's going to be your life partner, he should, in my opinion, be the one to help and support you if you let him. I'm sure he wants to and I know it's extremely hard to accept someone's help and face yourself that you are NOT the strongest person alive (I'm dealing with this in my relationship), but do it. Having someone to rely on doesn't mean you are weak. If you will be sharing your life together, start by trusting each other and confiding in each other completely. I know I'm just a nobody on an internet forum, but I would also like to tell you to please don't lie to the person you love. If you ate it all, tell him that. Be honest with him. Having a part of your life that you hide from you partner can never be healthy for your relationship. Confess that you have a problem and he will help you with it. If I found out that my partner is hiding something this big for me, I would be very hurt and sad. Also, I would do absolutely everything in this world to help him. I'm sure your fiance thinks the same about you

Chin up, girl, it's not the end of the world. This is a very nasty part of your life but there IS a way out. You are surrounded by people who care about you and want to help you. Don't be afraid to reach out and accept it

You can and WILL do it

Babykeys32 · July 2014

HanaThorne....your reply really hit home with me. To be honest its just really nice hearing that im not the only person who has done this. I have been struggling to discuss these things with my partner, but he obviously knows something is wrong as i'm just crying all the time. Since my original post the situation has gotten worse, as I have been sinking into a deeper depression. I weighed myself this morning and i have gained another 7lb. Not. Good.

I am going to take your advice. Ive also been trying to think of other ways to tackle this. So i am going to:

- be more open with my partner and let him help me, and tell him the truth.
- plan my meals for the week in advance
- stop taking my purse and cards to work. I dont need them, only to buy binge food. So I will just take a packed lunch and leave money at home so that i cant run off to M&S and by the whole shop.
- I have made an appointment with my doctor to discuss 1) counselling 2)medication for my pcos as its also getting worse and 3) help to get my eating under control.

Its going to be a long slow journey but thank you for all your replies, especially HanaThorne.

xxx

aedreana · July 2014

I am an ethical vegan, but I eat high-fat/high-carb.

Seems to me that you are depressed because you haven't been able to decide whether to eat what you want and gain weight, or, diet and lose weight. It appears that you are genuinely torn between your two options. I suggest that you focus on deciding which option would cause you the least pain and the most pleasure. Sitting on a fence undecided is never the correct choice! Make a conscious decision, and proceed from there, secure in the knowledge that you were in complete control of
your life when you chose that one option over the other. Same goes for turning vegan-- you are undecided on that as well. I think you ought to make a choice one way or the other and get out of your torn-between-the-options vacillation. You don't know what you really want.

TINAHUNTER1969 · July 2014

You are sounding more positive already.

I would get your PCOS checked out by the doctor again.

Drinking more water definitely helps you snack less throughout the day and I also take a bottle to bed with me in case I wake up during the night.

Don't try to tackle everything at once, take baby steps, I changed to low fat spread, buy nimble bread as less calories a slice, all these little changes add up and if you take sugar in tea or coffee gradually reduce it and even this will make a big difference in a year. Go for a walk, just 20 minutes to start then gradually build it up, I used to walk 3 miles in an hour, now it takes me 40 minutes so it shows that your fitness and health are improving even if the scales don't move much.

Talk more with your partner, he sounds like he will listen to you, I think once you say all of this out loud you won't feel so alone.

Good luck and remember even if it does take a long time (what would you be doing anyway??) you are making changes for your future health and happiness :flowerforyou:

Babykeys32 · April 2015

Wow....I forgot I posted this.

I just wanted to say that I have since lost 2 and a half stone (or 35lb) and have stopped binging.

A binge for me now is like....2 Oreos and a slice of toast or something haha. I feel fantastic, and I fit most if my old clothes now.

Most importantly though, I told my fiance everything. I gave up veganism and now I eat a balanced diet of everything. No more sneaking food, I can't actually believe I used to do some of the stuff I did. I was so shocked reading back my original post...I guess I kinda blocked out.

I realise now that when I'm sad or stressed or feeling hopeless I want to binge, but it doesn't help the issue and actually the world doesn't explode if I just deal with the problem and those feelings without food....

I could continue writing all day about how much better things are and how I did it but all I really want to say is...thank you to those of you who read this and took the time to comment and offer support. You were there for me when I was at my lowest and I really value that.

And if your reading this because your going through something similar...if I can fix that mess anyone can.

Xxx

joolsmd · April 2015

Well done. So glad things improved for you.

jgnatca · April 2015

And here I was worried that this was a zombie thread. Way cool you came back to report your results. You sound so much calmer now.

SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage · April 2015

I love it when OPs report back with their progress. Congrats on your success!

Addiewe · April 2015

I just want to say thank you for this post and for reporting back. I could have written your initial post and am so happy to hear there may just be hope for me.

Mr_Knight · April 2015

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Gained 3 stone. Why cant I stop eating?

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