Discouraged...

chubbymom · August 2008

So my mom called yesterday....after I was telling her I was simply having a rough day and was emotional...I was telling her how I had only lost 3lbs so far and have been eating better and exercising alot. She said, "Just call your Dr. and have the f*cking weightloss surgery already, you will never stick with this calorie counting and exercising stuff". I was hurt, devastated, and numb.

My mom has always been this way. I am about 99.9% sure I could have an eating disorder, and she could care less as long as I wasn't overweight. She is about looks, and is embarrassed by me. I think she always has been.

I know she is the reason my self-esteem is so low and I have compulsive eating.

I know I can do this...I just need to stick with it. I lost another pounds so that is making me smile today.

Thanks for listening if you got this far....

****vent over****

chubbymom · August 2008

So my mom called yesterday....after I was telling her I was simply having a rough day and was emotional...I was telling her how I had only lost 3lbs so far and have been eating better and exercising alot. She said, "Just call your Dr. and have the f*cking weightloss surgery already, you will never stick with this calorie counting and exercising stuff". I was hurt, devastated, and numb.

My mom has always been this way. I am about 99.9% sure I could have an eating disorder, and she could care less as long as I wasn't overweight. She is about looks, and is embarrassed by me. I think she always has been.

I know she is the reason my self-esteem is so low and I have compulsive eating.

I know I can do this...I just need to stick with it. I lost another pounds so that is making me smile today.

Thanks for listening if you got this far....

****vent over****

ChubbyBunny · August 2008

You know what....
Forget about her.... (hey my family doesn't call me heartless for nothin)
What I mean is this....this really isn't about her...who cares what she thinks or ASSUMES about you.
From the sounds of it...she doesn't know you at all....

You can do this....and when you do and she was wrong....well....revenge does have it's perks.

heyjuede · August 2008

first off, congrats on the weight loss! every pound counts luv! i am similar to you when it comes to eating an not many people including myself believe i could have gotten this far! i am 32 lbs in

as for your mom!!! oyie vey! don't get me started. does your mom realize that even if you had the surgery you diet would have to change as well! duh!!! its a complete lifestyle change and overhaul, ask any dr

if you are struggling with it now, you will struggle with it afterwards as well

the best thing to do is continue working on YOU! small steps lead to great and wonderful things. you can beat this. i used to binge and hurl when i was a teenager. now if i binge i say i am gonna go and work this off and i will promise myself to do better tomorrow!

remember you can do this!!! even when it feels like people around you are waiting for you to fail, step up to the plate and prove them wrong! its the only thing that keeps me going sometime. the instant i know someone says i can't do it, i say you wanna bet!!!!

julesmcclelland · August 2008

I am really sorry to hear that. Although I have not really had a "weight issue" my younger sister has. I think that she has retaliated against my mom's passive aggressive insults about her weight and eating habits by eating more. I have 2 other good friends who have battled weight and food issues their whole lives due to their own mothers' constant comments--which I believe has made food such a huge issue to them.

Oh, after I gave birth to my son, the first question my mom asked was how much did I weigh and if I was losing the baby weight. This was after I had to stay in the hospital on bedrest for a month and had to have my baby a month early by c-section. So, some of their priorities are a bit screwed up. I don't know if this will help you in any way, but I have long ago just shrugged off those types of comments and inquiries. I am not especially enlightened but I have other things to worry about now. I have a beautiful new 9yr old daughter that I am determined to make feel beautiful the rest of her life. That's really what I have taken away from my experience with my mom--how not to react and speak to my children. I do love my mom but I filter what I hear and let it stop there.

I wish you the best of luck and you should celebrate each and every lost pound. You have to start somewhere!

iftcheiaf · August 2008

My mother was and is the exact same way. She was rail thin, and then took speed when I was growing up to maintain it. Even now, she tends to get jealous of me and only likes me if I am heavy. I did have an eating disorder - i blame my mother!!! Just kidding. But in all honesty, I have very little to do with her and she is only allowed supervised visits with my kids because of the hurtful, thoughtless, mean things that come out of her mouth.

Now that I finished my rant, you are doing GREAT!!!! You didn't lose ONLY 4 lb. YOU LOST 4 LB!!!!! Wahoo!!! And you're going for a healthier you.

I'm a medical transcriptionist and do alot of re-do reports on those procedures. There's nothing wrong with them. But I'm extremely impressed at your strength and ability to try and do it naturally. Because if you ever were to decide to have the procedure, you'll have established a very healthy lifestyle. But you may find that it would never be necessary because you're already on your way.

So talk to your MFP family who supports you in whatever you do and keep up the amazing work you're doing.

EM13 · August 2008

My mom has always been this way. I am about 99.9% sure I could have an eating disorder, and she could care less as long as I wasn't overweight. She is about looks, and is embarrassed by me. I think she always has been.

my mom is the same way... when i went to college and gained some weight she just about disowned me... i was always her perfect daughter with the great body... but apparently the freshmen 15.... plus three more years of eating like a typical college student changed that

now that i am getting back in shape i have got to tell you.. there is nothing more satisfying than going to visit and seeing the look on her face :bigsmile: i know its not about her... its about feeling good about myself... but it is nice to shut her up. so take it as a motivational tool. and remember as long as YOU feel good about yourself there is nothing that she can say that can change that.

good luck. trust me a feel your pain.

Fab140 · August 2008

You are going in the right direction, here sweetie!

I know how it feels to have someone constantly saying things that bring you down. No matter what, there will always be that person that thinks they need to "ground you" and keep your head out of the clouds for your own good.

Keep striving, keep dreaming, because when you lust for something, when you want for something, it makes ten times better than that person that sits and waits. You are worth every struggle. That is what you have to remember.

And hell, take her critism and use it to fuel your fire. It's that shove to keep going!! I'm doing this because I'm embrassed to be out in public with my husband. He loves me, and has never had any problems with the way I look.....but seeing that sexy fit chic check him out fuels my drive to work out and watch what I eat so I can step up and be like "back off" without thinking of her laughing in my face.

Stick with it!! And remember all those people on The Biggest Loser. They all qualified to get a "surgery" but they made it one pure damn will power. You can too!!

Best of luck ducky!
M

metco89 · August 2008

:flowerforyou: success is the best revenge!! you can do this. i asked my Dr. about weight loss surgery and she said to try a wellness program first which is simply eating better and exercising and reducing stress according to her. Well when i first started i weighed 260, i dropped 42 lbs following Dr. advice then a car accident prevented me from exercising for quite sometime, when i found this site i weighed 224 i have lost 2 lbs so far that i know of. i only weigh monthly on advice from Dr. but i know most ppl do it weekly or every 2 weeks. I am so glad i didn't have the surgery cause this is so much better. i still have a long way to go but i have found so much support here. i know we can do this :drinker: <<that is water

hang in there u can do it

chubbymom · August 2008

Thanks everyone I'm crying here. You all are so wonderful. Thank You Thank you!

RedCurls · August 2008

My mother is the same way! She is like that with everything though. The clothes I wear have to be perfect, oh and don't even get me started on what happens when I don't wear makeup. She tells me daily that I USED to be so pretty. I know she loves me and just wants me to look my best and be healthy but she tends to go about it all the wrong way. For a long time I didn't eat right, wear makeup, or wear the kind of clothes she thought were approperate just cause it was such a big deal to her. A few months ago me and my hubby decided to start eating right and exercising. I decided that I was a grown woman and I don't have to live my life like she wants me to ( or like she doesn't want me to) Congrats on the first 4 lbs! It feels so good to lose the weight on your own and not by taking some drug or having major surgery!

Skittles6617 · August 2008

:flowerforyou: It is unfortunate that the people that are supposed to love us unconditionally sometimes don't. My parents are nothing like me and I want to be nothing liket them. As much as I love them, we just don't see most things the same way and they can be very discouraging about things. But there has to come a time when you decide to realize that you can't change who they are or what they are going to do, but you can keep making a difference in yourself and your family. Don't let them discourage you just because they are family. You CAN do this, and we are all here to help and lift you up. Just because she is your mother doesn't make her right or her opinion more valid. Somewhere inside she is truly unhappy with herself and does not want you to succeed.

chubbymom · August 2008

Skittles I think you said it right...she is unhappy with herself somewhere....

connieq288 · August 2008

Have you talked to your mom about the way that she makes you feel? What she said was so wrong and I definately dont agree with it. But I would give anything to have my mother back right now. My birth mother gave me up for adoption when I was 7 yrs old and I have struggled with the abandonment issure my whole life (hence my eating when I am emotional) and then my mother who adopted me just died in Dec 2006 from breast cancer. I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before she passed and I would do anything to have her here to see my daughter. She loved her grandkids even though they were not hers by blood. I would definately have a talk with her and tell her how you feel.

Connie

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sindyb9 · August 2008

I have lost and gained it back so much no one thinks I can do this either. But I now know I can do this and it does not matter what anyone says. I am doing this for me, I may mess up but it does not matter because I am learning everyday and will pick myself back up and start again and again if that is what it takes. Prove her wrong and everytime you are down think about proving her wrong and start again. YOU CAN DO THIS :drinker:

1StepataTime · August 2008

Forget her. Surround yourself with positive people. I know it's hard but sometimes you have to cut out certain people from your life, even those we love the most. Maybe that'll make her realize some things. And if not then it's her loss. I don't know, I'm a brat and I let people know how it is, so I'd just tell her off lol. But I realize everyone's different. You've done great so far. You're making a life change for you, not for her. Keep up the good work.

JennyGetsFitness · August 2008

Jamie, dear,
You've got great feedback for all these wonderful citizens of MFP.
The only thing I want to add - we can't chose our parents, but we can chose how we react to them.
Play the movie of your conversation with your mom in your head, and "edit" your responses in the way that does not make you upset.
Replay that mental trail often and see if the next time she, or anyone else, tries to make you upset about your decision to lose weight naturally (Yes!!!) you are prepared to stand your ground.
See if it works.
You are doing the right thing - keep with it girl!
You are an inspiration!
Love,
Jenny

chubbymom · August 2008

Thank You everyone for your wonderful posts. They truly are what I need to hear.

My mom called me yesterday wanting to know if she was still going to watch Cody so hubbs and I could go on date night. I said mom do you even understand why I am upset with you, and how much you hurt me by saying those things. I said i was having a bad day. I needed support and you were so not there for me...you made it worse. She then said she was sorry and that she has a big mouth and needs to learn to shut up and just be a listener. I said yeah you are right mom you do.

I told her I am doing this for me, not you or anyone else. If you think i am going to fail, then fine think that. But its Friday night and you know where I am going? To the gym. She said I am sorry again.

I have more talking to do to her...but I just wont put up with it!

Anyway thanks again everyone. I just love you all!

Discouraged...

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