Peoples' Reactions To Your Weight Loss
christygb
Posts: 84 Member
I'm nearing the end of an epic weight loss journey, and getting ready to begin the new challenges of weight maintenance for a healthy life. I'm about 20 lbs. from the top end of my normal BMI weight, so my goal weight isn't very extreme. Since I've lost so much, though, family and friends tell me that I don't need to lose more, and they have a cautious tone to their voices. I'd be interested in knowing how people have handled that kind of feedback. My hunch is that some of them have never seen me at a healthy weight before, so maybe they haven't adjusted. I am 5'4", currently weight 164 and aiming to weigh 145lbs. I'm 47.
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I've already had this - and I'm still 50lb over the high end of my healthy BMI weight!!
I just smiled - told them I had a "pound or two" more to lose and carried on as before! I plan on repeating this comment as often as necessary til I get to where I want to be. It's my body - I've got a healthy target in mind. As long as I know that it's all that matters! They'll get used to the new me eventually. But who cares if they don't - I'll be too busy enjoying my new body to care!0 -
Ps. Congratulations on your terrific weightloss so far!0
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My mom actually told me I was getting chubby when I weighed 140 at 5'6 (which is right in the middle of my BMI healthy weight range). It's so weird how different people have different perceptions.0
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I've already had this - and I'm still 50lb over the high end of my healthy BMI weight!!
I just smiled - told them I had a "pound or two" more to lose and carried on as before! I plan on repeating this comment as often as necessary til I get to where I want to be. It's my body - I've got a healthy target in mind. As long as I know that it's all that matters! They'll get used to the new me eventually. But who cares if they don't - I'll be too busy enjoying my new body to care!
^ This!
It's up to you when you're ready to stop losing weight. As long as you're a healthy weight and you feel comfortable with maintaining it, then its your choice. It's great that you're already thinking about this as you near your goal weight. Being prepped for it will mean that you're ready to answer them and you won't stop until you're ready to.
PS - Congratulations on your weight loss and your journey!!0 -
When my mother was alive and I was losing weight, she would constantly say things like, "Are you going to be anorexic now?" As though wanting to be in the middle of my BMI while I ate healthy foods meant I was ill. It was maddening, but I know she had no real idea of how much food a person should consume to be healthy. She was obese her entire life and she was raised during the depression, when heavy meant healthy. I'm sure your family is also concerned about you, and they might need some time to adjust.0
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I'm nearing the end of an epic weight loss journey, and getting ready to begin the new challenges of weight maintenance for a healthy life. I'm about 20 lbs. from the top end of my normal BMI weight, so my goal weight isn't very extreme. Since I've lost so much, though, family and friends tell me that I don't need to lose more, and they have a cautious tone to their voices. I'd be interested in knowing how people have handled that kind of feedback. My hunch is that some of them have never seen me at a healthy weight before, so maybe they haven't adjusted. I am 5'4", currently weight 164 and aiming to weigh 145lbs. I'm 47.
I've had the same thing when it comes to family telling me I don't need to lose any more (I'm also about 20lbs away from my goal.) I just shrug it off and tell myself that I am the only one who will know when I'm "done." Like you, I've never really been a healthy weight, so I think it's taking some adjusting for them. I'm not trying to become a board, but I'd like to have a flat stomach for the first time in my life. Just keep pushing forward and when your family tells you that you don't need to lose more, ignore them. Only YOU will know when it's time to start maintenance!0 -
I still have not got any of these comments.0
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Most people, especially my colleagues have been very complimentary. My mom, though, has said point blank that I look too skinny. I have to add that my mom is very obese and has struggled with her weight every day, but hasn't made any significant inroads to getting to a healthy weight.
I recently had a situation where I ran into one of my former students' (I had all four of their kids) parents on the street. I saw instantly that they didn't recognize me right away, but then realized who I was. The wife said to her husband just as we passed and said our hello's, "She's lost a lot of weight." Her husband turned to look at me again because I don't think he every realized who I was until his wife reminded him as we passed.
Sarah0 -
I have had people tell me I have lost enough... That was 25 lbs ago... Only you know and can control when u want to stop...0
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First - A BIG CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR LOSS!!!!
I have had mixed reactions. One coworker (a very heavy one) said I am getting too skinny. That was at 160lbs. My Dad said I was getting to many wrinkles and looking old (I agree).
Most of my family, friends and coworkers want to see me reach my goal. I am getting close and my goal is at the top of my range for age and height. I know I have a lot of muscle strength and I might not reach 135. I will see. .
I was very heavy, and yes at my age the skin did not go back to the way it did when I was young. I lost a lot of fat on my upper body. Still have lots on my thighs, abs, and butt. Typical female areas.
So I think it is all a matter of opinion.
Congrats again.0 -
My family is the same way. I understand why, though. I lost too much in my face while still holding onto my gut, and since I don't walk around bare midriff, they can't see why I'm still determined to lose a bit more.
I believe it was Dr. Vanity Thwart* who established the law of Frustratolosis: One will invariably burn fat where one least wishes to lose it while retaining fat where one most wants it gone.
*Thwart is a surname with an ancient and respected lineage, Vanity was her stripper name when she was working her way through graduate school to get her melodramatic sociochemical nutrition engineering degree.0 -
I believe it was Dr. Vanity Thwart* who established the law of Frustratolosis: One will invariably burn fat where one least wishes to lose it while retaining fat where one most wants it gone.
*Thwart is a surname with an ancient and respected lineage, Vanity was her stripper name when she was working her way through graduate school to get her melodramatic sociochemical nutrition engineering degree.
This is a very accurate quote. :laugh: and exactly what happened to me.0 -
I have a coworker who told me the other day,"You just need to stop now! You're making me look bad!" Sadly, I think she was only half kidding.0
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I'm nearing the end of an epic weight loss journey, and getting ready to begin the new challenges of weight maintenance for a healthy life. I'm about 20 lbs. from the top end of my normal BMI weight, so my goal weight isn't very extreme. Since I've lost so much, though, family and friends tell me that I don't need to lose more, and they have a cautious tone to their voices. I'd be interested in knowing how people have handled that kind of feedback. My hunch is that some of them have never seen me at a healthy weight before, so maybe they haven't adjusted. I am 5'4", currently weight 164 and aiming to weigh 145lbs. I'm 47.
You know what, it's fascinating how different people react to weight loss.
Some of my mates completely ignore it, some are incredibly supportive and actively promote it, and (weirdest) some are threatened by it!0 -
I still have not got any of these comments.
Are you still wearing the same clothes and bras? Buy a couple new things that really, actually fit, and I bet you'll get comments.0 -
Thank you all so much for your kind words, support and thoughts on the issue. It's an interesting experience, but looks to be fairly common, especially with close family members. I'm going to hang tough until I reach my goal, and their eyes will adjust eventually :laugh: :laugh:
Dr. Thwart is brilliant (probably went to Harvard and stripped on the North side
) I've got the skin and wrinkles too, but I'm not going to worry one bit about it. It will either tighten up or not, but I'm much healthier with it empty, than with it full of fat!
Congratulations to everyone on their weight loss too!
Cheers,
Christy0 -
What a great thread! I have gotten a couple comments along the way that ruffled my feathers too! However I always try and remember:
"Whatever happens around you, don't take it personally...nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves!"
We all bring our own baggage into each interaction we have with others, like everyone else has said, only you know you best, however I cringe a little at the idea of determining your personally healthy goals based off BMI. BMI is a guideline not a hard and fast rule.
I am 5'2" and my heaviest weight was 197 pounds (that I know of!) My original weight goal was to lose 50 lbs, about halfway through my first year I changed my goal to 60 lbs because of BMI--I have reconsidered...or rather, re-vamped the way I look at this healthy journey of mine.
I carry a lot of muscle, always have, especially in my short stocky legs--muscle weighs more than fat. Supposedly my high end Healthy BMI would be around the mid 130s, however today I am currently the smallest size I have been since my mid high school years 25+ years ago, yet I weigh about 15 lbs more than I did back then!
When I started this endeavor I said I wanted to be fit and healthy yet I didn't know what that meant for me since I hadn't ever really ever been fit and healthy before but I knew I would learn as I got there and sure enough I think I can see it...
So now, I have changed back to my original weight loss goal of 50 lbs which is 4 pounds away, after that I will not bother with weight I will focus only on my Body Fat Percentage and the last couple measurements (predominantly my waist and abs that are covered with a couple obstinate layers of fat
)
This is what I plan to say to people who ask, comment or input their advice on my goals as soon as I reach the 50 lb mark:
"I'm not trying to lose anymore weight, I am focused now on losing body fat, once I reach somewhere between 20-25% BF then I'll start maintaining."
I've tried it a couple times already and it usually shuts people up because 1) it catches them off guard and/or 2) They have no idea what I'm talking about! :laugh:
GREAT JOB on reaching your goals! You are doing AWESOME!!:bigsmile:0 -
Hi Marla Jean,
Thanks so much for adding your thoughts on this thread. I'm really excited, and now that I'm close to my goal, I'm not mentioning continued loss (even though I may lose a few more pounds). I totally see where you are coming from about the BMI. I feel really healthy and good, and I'm going to choose my comfort/maintenance weight based on a lifestyle and diet that will make me happy, and still healthy and able to wear cute clothes (haha!). It will take me a while to learn about maintenance and I'm sure it will require tweaking. It's a journey for sure! Contrats on your weight loss too! It looks like you're having a great time, based on your MFP pic!
Cheers,
Christy0 -
I get that all the time, and I'm 5 ft 4 and 139 pounds. I just say thank you and move on. Most of my family are fat. My beau has been very supportive, but has said I look like a different person. I tell him I'm the same person on the inside where it really counts.I'm nearing the end of an epic weight loss journey, and getting ready to begin the new challenges of weight maintenance for a healthy life. I'm about 20 lbs. from the top end of my normal BMI weight, so my goal weight isn't very extreme. Since I've lost so much, though, family and friends tell me that I don't need to lose more, and they have a cautious tone to their voices. I'd be interested in knowing how people have handled that kind of feedback. My hunch is that some of them have never seen me at a healthy weight before, so maybe they haven't adjusted. I am 5'4", currently weight 164 and aiming to weigh 145lbs. I'm 47.0 -
I say what MarlaJean says as well. I have a coworker who is working extremely hard to try and lose weight, who started long before I did, and who has not seen the kind of success I have. She is NOT jealous, she and I are dear, dear friends. And we are completely different body types. When I mentioned to her the other day that started strength training and want to lose 7 or 8 more pounds she said, "You want to lose MORE weight?" And I backtracked and said, "I want to lose more FAT, I actually don't care if it shows on the scale or not." It's true, and I think it made her feel a little better. She still gets mad at me when I complain about my squishy belly so I just try not to say things like that in front of her any more.0
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Well done on your loss.
I too get those comments, and I just say I'm just a few pounds away, I think as previous posters say, it's because they are used to us being bigger and it can take some a while to get used too. I get so many lovely comments every day, tonight at aerobics, a lady came up and told me she had been meaning to say for ages that I looked fabulous and that over the last few months, she's seen me shrink. At work today, a ex colleague said he couldn't believe how well I looked,I said thanks, and he said, I'm not just saying it, I can't believe how good you look. So I think the lovely outweigh the critical by miles.0 -
Typically I get... "You've lost a lot of weight, what are you doing?"
People tend to be surprised when I state that I'm only counting calories and exercising a little, and not following any particular diet or program.0 -
Congrats on your loss!
I'm 20lb down since March, and most of the feedback I've received is positive. My closest friends say they're disappointed I no longer have quite the bust I used to, but I'm sure they'll get used to it haha!0 -
If possible, try to consider the source. Could be jealousy/envy talking - or a legitimate concern. (Though the concern may be unfounded.) For those who come from a negative place, just smile and tell them thanks for expressing an opinion. For family and such, who speak out of love/concern - give them assurance that your goals are based on your health & well-being.
My personal 'issue' right now is Hubby. He was all set to get back on track and got hurt. Has another 2 weeks or so of taking it easy. (Bruised ribs.) So when I take time to get on the treadmill or something it annoys him because he can't.0 -
I mostly get positive comments. One person at work jokes that if I lose any more I will blow away. I always say I'm not done yet, cause I'm still technically overweight. Of course I can't use that anymore because since this morning my BMI is under 25.0
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Well done on your loss.
I too get those comments, and I just say I'm just a few pounds away, I think as previous posters say, it's because they are used to us being bigger and it can take some a while to get used too. I get so many lovely comments every day, tonight at aerobics, a lady came up and told me she had been meaning to say for ages that I looked fabulous and that over the last few months, she's seen me shrink. At work today, a ex colleague said he couldn't believe how well I looked,I said thanks, and he said, I'm not just saying it, I can't believe how good you look. So I think the lovely outweigh the critical by miles.
This is me too. I've had some colleagues say lovely things, really heart-felt things that showed me how much they care (even though getting 50 people saying it within the first 40 mins of a business conference was OTT and made me pretty fed up with them).
The only "negative" comment has come from DH, who I suspect was just concerned about my lack of boobage now. There was one weird comment from a colleague asking, with a curled lip, if I was "vegan or one of those" (whatever "those" are..), which I actually found quite offensive, because I felt it made light of vegans and their beliefs.
It's up to me where I stop. I'm totally in control of my weight for the first time in my life. Target right now is 120-ish lbs, but may go below that to shift a bit more lard and then focus on getting a load of hot muscles.
Mind you, I'm the sort of person to ignores the physical part of people anyway (seriously, I don't even notice if people are pregnant or color their hair..), never makes personal comments and I'm always forgetting that I look completely different to everyone else. Oh, and I'm pigheaded and would ignore others' "helpful" advice anyway.0 -
Congratulations on your weight loss. I've been really lucky and my family and friends have been nothing but supportive. Colleagues however, are another story. In general it's the backhanded compliments like "You look great - but you don't need to lose any more weight" or "You'll blow away in a strong wind" and they all seem to be mainly from women. The guys tend to just say "Well done, you look great" or something similar.
It used to really stress me out when I first started out and my poor PT got the brunt of my neurosis over it. The first thing he asked me was the gender of the people making the remarks and pretty much said it was jealousy because I was doing something about my weight instead of just talking about doing something. I've learned to just ignore it now but it did take some doing. I've been maintaining since March this year and am still being told I don't need to lose any more weight. I always get a look of disbelief when I tell whoever it is that I haven't lost any weight in several months.
Keep doing what you're doing until you get to where you want to be. :happy:0 -
I am in about the same place. At a healthy weight but can (and will) lose more, mostly vanity weight (nothing wrong with that).
The reactions of "Are you on drugs" " Have you been starving yourself" and absurd and unfounded fears of developing an eating disorder have begun to roll in for me. I am at pretty average weight for my height: 133lb, 5'4. I have lost it the healthy way.
People's reactions have way more to do with themselves, typically. The common thread in all of the people who've reacted negatively to my loss is that they struggle with their weight themselves or don't like themselves.
I have always been a pretty average weight (apart from when I was overweight), like between 135lb-145lb most my life and right now I have the opportunity to go lower. I think partially it's weird for the people around me because they've never seen me lower than 135 and maybe they find that possibility threatening or whatever. I don't know. I feel pretty average right now, I don't really have a body people would be jealous over. I still have a lot of trouble areas. Maybe that provides an odd sense of comfort for the people around me, Idk. Like, "as long as she doesn't look super good..."
When people get down on me for losing more, I will just remind them that I am at a healthy weight for my height and otherwise try to ignore their comments. I can still drop about 20lb and still be considered healthy, so I will point that out.0 -
Wow- lots of inspiring stories on this thread! Thanks to those of you sharing your experiences.
I struggle with people's reactions too, and my changes are much less dramatic.0 -
My response:
I know, it's a big change already! But my doctor and I have decided that it's appropriate for me to aim for the high end of the healthy BMI range...so that's my goal."
I got this A LOT when I also had about 20 still left to lose. Now that I'm actually at my goal weight, no one has ever said I'm too skinny. Like you said, I think people just lose track of what a healthy weight is AND when you've already lost a lot, you look so startlingly different that they cannot imagine you being even smaller.0
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