Bf told me I'm bad at sex, now I don't wanna have it

lorelayyyy
lorelayyyy Posts: 2
in Chit-Chat
I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy younger than me. We spent 3 weeks together during which he lost his virginity to me and we had quite a lot of sex, including a lot of *kitten*. Towards the end however I was getting tired easily and my muscles were sore (I was really out of shape then), so I was avoiding being on top. He was avoiding it for the same reason (imo it's easier for a guy to be on top than for the girl but whatever) so I said we do it doggy style, which was not that exhausting and still pretty good. He didn't complain, but he wasn't very happy about our sex either. I tried to make some jokes saying that he got so many *kitten* and sex, and he just said we need to work on it more, watch some porn...
Then 2 months later he told be how bad I am, that me being on top was his favorite position and I was doing it wrong, that the *kitten* were too short to be enjoyable and that he just didn't enjoy the sex. My opinion is that his view is skewed by watching porn and I was the only one he had sex with but still...
Also in the beginning of our relationship we talked about maybe having a threesome with a girl, then as the relationship advanced I told him I am too in love with him and I would be jeleous, so I don't think it's gonna happen. And he flipped out, saying how excited he was about it and trying to make me apologize for not wanting to do it anymore.
Then yesterday somehow we got to talk about prostitution and I told him I have no respect for prostitutes. And he went crazy on why do I think I'm better than a prostitute (because I choose to work a decent job for 20x less money and have sex with the men I love?) and calling me all kind of names. We sorted that out and he admited that he exagerated but still... we're gonna see each other soon, spend some 2 months together and my libido was never lower. I haven't masturbated in so long and I just don't want to have sex with him, which is gonna cause another huge fight/break up.

tl;dr: bf told me I'm bad at sex and now I don't want to have sex anymore. we're supposed to spend 2 months living together soon so what am I supposed to do?

Did it ever happen to you that you just didn't want to have sex? how did u get over it?

Replies

  • lorelayyyy
    lorelayyyy Posts: 2
    Seriously no answer? Everyone is horny around here or scared of reading some text?
  • bohardy98
    bohardy98 Posts: 5 Member
    So a guy with no sexual experience tells you your bad at having sex? There is no way he knows what he is talking about. And then he yells at you and calls you names during an argument... Dump him, he is toxic.
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    Yeah, sorry, but you picked a loser.

    I'd not want to be around him at all, period, end of sentence.
    Go ahead & tell him I said that.
    Also tell him that if what you've said is an accurate description of what's been happening, he's an *kitten*.

    You give each other a very precious gift, and he wants to pervert it, invite others in, have prostitutes, tell you you're having sex "wrong" (because he's not happy?? or because he's comparing you to the highly experienced sluts in the porn films?), tells you you're bad at it...
    and you think he's going to be upset _at_ _you_ because the natural reaction to this mental abuse is to not want to have sex with him?

    Sex can be really fun & enjoyable, and the best way to do that is to want your _partner_ to be happy.
    You come second (literally & figuratively).
    Both of you should be trying to please the other person, and it sounds like he hasn't gotten the message.

    Heck, how many times has he gone down on you, made sure you were pleasured at least once or twice before he came? (You don't have to answer that in public... just think about if this is really a reciprocal relationship. Are you giving him blow jobs & not getting anything in return?)

    And of course you're "bad" at it - you haven't practiced! Both of you!!!
    This isn't exactly something that society says is OK to go to a more experienced person to learn a new skill; unlike pretty much every other skill you're expected to figure this very important thing out all on your own.

    BTW, there's a big difference between, "honey, I really like it when you touch me this way, but not so much that way",
    and "you're bad at sex".
    Constructive vs. destructive criticism.
    He hasn't gotten the memo about that either.

    _IF_ you want to continue with this guy, look up sexual positions for back pain. They put little strain on either partner, usually things like lying next to each other, or T-boning. (Sorry, bad mental image, but I don't know what else to call it.)

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