So hard not having support and having all this temptation...

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melaniemae89
melaniemae89 Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been looking at this site for about a month and taking it seriously the past few weeks. This is more of a rant then anything else but I have no one to talk to about this.

Well I'm just miserable dieting.... always have been. But now having my daughter there's nothing I want more than to finally go through with this. I have all the motivation in the world but it's barely paying off. I know the reasoning, and I'm wondering if there's any way to find the support I need on here, so I can stick to this.

The biggest reason for this being my fiance. He goes on and on about how gorgeous I am as is, which I do appreciate. BUT I'm not healthy at all, and I'm just not happy with myself. It upsets him that I cry about my weight, because he thinks it means I don't care about how he feels about me. I hope the way I just typed that made sense...

Since he isn't on board with me loosing weight this house is FILLED with junk food. I have the hardest time walking by the cupboards knowing the food is just sitting there. As embarrassing as it is to say this, I will honestly almost get panic attacks when I want to eat that food and I deny myself from having it.

Luckily I'm a picky eater so making dinner, and then craving it, is never an issue. But it is hard to see my fiance put away his portions plus mine and he doesn't gain a freaking pound! So there's just another slap in the face.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make this just a little bit easier. Why should I deny him all the food he wants when he works all the time and complete supports me being a stay at home mom, and throw it in his face how unhappy I am.

Replies

  • aehenson
    aehenson Posts: 86
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    Maybe you should talk to him about being partners in being healthy - NOT that you think you're fat, but that you want the two of you to have a long, healthy life together. And that includes him eating healthier too. His not gaining doesn't mean he's healthy & he could be setting himself up for long term health problems...... blood pressure, cholesterol, etc... Not to mention - at some point, his metabolism WILL catch up with him!
  • MelissaL582
    MelissaL582 Posts: 1,422 Member
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    I'm doing this lifestyle change for me. I've always put everyone else before my own health. I've ignore my weight gain for too long. My husband isn't ready to change his eating habits but I am. He and our boys eat a different meal than I do. It was tough making two separate meals, but I had to do it for me. I refuse to throw in the towel this time. I went ahead and cleared out a cabinet on the other side of the sink for my healthy snacks. This way if I'm hungry, I go straight to it, instead of going through the junk food. This is really helping me too. The only time I go in the other cabinet is to give my kids a snack and once they have theirs, I close it and head to my side. The mind can play jokes on you, but your will power is much stronger. I'm in this for the long run. No more sitting on the couch watching the Biggest Loser eating a donut and feeling sorry for the people on the show, because someone out there is feeling sorry for me. Coming on this site and seeing my support buddies working out and eating healthy motivates me. If they can do, I sure as hell can too.

    I would have a nice conversation with your husband and tell him that you need his support and that you really want this for yourself.
  • Marcia_11
    Marcia_11 Posts: 143 Member
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    1. you are in the right place. When all is said and done only YOU can make a difference in how you feel and how you look. I have the same problem with my husband. He thinks I'm gorgeous just the way I am but I don't think so and that is what matters. One must be happy with themselves in order to find happiness in life.

    2. Get a journal and start writing. Write anything.. what your thinking, feeling, what you want to accomplish in life. Sooner or later, you will find out why food is an addiction. I say addiction because when food has that much control over ones life, its an addiction. Mental health goes hand in hand with physical health.

    3. Suggest to hubby that he can have all the junk food he wants but not bring it home until you have the resistance to hold yourself back. Lots of fruits and veggies all cut up and ready to nibble on when the urge strikes.

    4. You are NOT in this alone. Each of us here is in the same boat. We eat too much and not exercise enough.

    Keep at it and it will become routine.. until then keep posting on here and you will have tons of support!
  • lheath2382
    lheath2382 Posts: 7 Member
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    I completely understand! My husband is always telling me how i am just perfect the way I am which just makes him more wonderful and also cant seem to understand why this is so important to me. I cant stand looking in the mirror - it just makes me sick and sad. I know its hard though - I sat at work the other day on day 1 of my new lifestyle and across the room my co-worker was happily shoving down a Twinkie! I don't eat Twinkies on a normal basis but on that day it represented everything I couldn't have and to sit there and watch her was down right horrible! But I keep trying to push on and I find it incredibly helpful to get on this site and read other peoples stories so hopefully you will too. You can do this! Best wishes to you!
  • Marcia_11
    Marcia_11 Posts: 143 Member
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    IMy husband isn't ready to change his eating habits but I am.

    He may follow along as you get going. My husband has but it took me losing and him seeing the results before he joined me.
  • minkie70
    minkie70 Posts: 1
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    hiya,

    i know exactly how you feel, i love my boyfriend to bits - getting married in april, but he is the same. he loves me how i am and doesnt see why i need to change etc. etc

    he does support me in eating lower fat meals etc but it is hard as i dont want to deprive him of his weekly take away etc as he works hard all week and enjoys letting go. he also is very sharing so is constantly offering me a bite of this or a bit of that!!!

    What i have done that may help you, is having a re suffle of the kitchen cupboards, that way i dont have to look at his'junk' everytime i have a healthy snack, avoid a bit of the temptation.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,858 Member
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    Change can be frightening for some people and even a little threatening. Just let your fiance know that no matter what you will BE the same person just healthier. And then approach this as something you are doing for your child. Here are our house we too have an issue with the snacks. So we compromised, and my husband only gets the snacks that I do not like. It works for us and then no one feels put out.
  • TenaciousTAZ
    TenaciousTAZ Posts: 135 Member
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    I'd tell your fiance that in the future you are on a dozen medications for diabetes, cholesterol, hypertension how will he feel about supporting you then? He should be happy that you want to improve your health, and probably just is being a man, thinking that you are obsessed with weight, when health may be the real reason. Food is a drug and when he is eating junk food around you, it is like he is throwing drugs in your face. You should worry about his health too. He might not gain any weight but his body composition could be bad which excess bodyfat can lead to medical issues later in life.
    Quality of life.....do you want to be active and fit in your 80s or be in a Rascal Scooter in your 60s. Don't let him get you down and true motivation and support comes within. It's difficult but worth it. Stay Strong!!
  • teaqueen
    teaqueen Posts: 5
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    Been there done that....... Part of loving someone is wanting the best for them. You don't feel well at this weight. You don't think you are healthy at this weight. You don't like the way you look. I am assuming you are overweight and not anorexic, so he needs to get on board with where you are. How you feel about yourself has nothing to do with how he feels about you. They are totally different things. When you love someone & they are doing something that is harmful to them & they are trying to stop that behavior - you want to encourage it and support them. It isn't like you are trying to stop wearing the color red - that isn't unhealthy. You are trying to lose weight so that you can be healthy, be a good role model for your daughter, & be around for a long time. If he needs his goodies fine, just find some that he likes that you don't. My husband loves sweets of any kind. When I first started losing weight what I did is we have one cupboard that is for his stuff. I don't even get in it. He buys what he wants puts it in there & I never see it. When he is in the mood for a treat he takes it and goes into another room and has it. I don't even see him eating it. Now that I am stronger and have more motivation for losing it doesn't even bother me to see him eat stuff. When he offers stuff to me I just look at him and say "would you rather me have this body or that treat????" Trust me he doesn't offer it too often any more. Have a heart to heart talk with him & let him know that what you are doing is important & that you need his help. Good luck & best wishes
  • yellowfairy
    yellowfairy Posts: 207 Member
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    My husband is very supporting. One thing that I have him do-when we buy treats-they go in his office. If they are out-I will eat them, so he puts them away and eats them. I don't mind if he has them-I just can't have them!
  • CarpStylist
    CarpStylist Posts: 24 Member
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    One question: is your fiance overweight? My best friend is and she is not a supporter of me losing weight. Sometimes it makes your friends (or your partner) feel insecure with themselves too. Just ask him to be more supportive or to have a little less junk around the house. He sounds sweet, so he probably will comply.

    Also, keeping a food journal helped me. I would eat the burger and then I would feel like crap. I wrote down all the times I ate food that made my stomach hurt, or low energy and when you look back at that, it helps you realize that you really don't want the bad food. It makes you feel sick and it makes you gain weight. Hope that helps!
  • melaniemae89
    melaniemae89 Posts: 3 Member
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    Thank you all so much!! I have never considered the separation of the cupboards idea. It is a brilliant plan and I have a good feeling that is a chore I'm going to tackle this weekend.

    As for my fiance, yes he's a lil overweight himself and I know a big portion of the lack of support has to do with his own insecurities. And that's a reason I'm going to just buckle down and talk with him. I want to wait till after this weekend though considering it's our 5 year anniversary and both our birthdays. But I know it has to be addressed so we can both get healthy together for Eliza.
  • Mustangmandy1982
    Mustangmandy1982 Posts: 30
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    I agree that this is for you and has to be. As women we tend to be the caretakers; always thinking of our family first. However, if we don't care of ourselves and our health, we may not be any good to anyone. Plus, we do all that hard work we deserve to feel and look beautiful!!! You can do it, girl!
  • Uronlydreaming
    Uronlydreaming Posts: 28 Member
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    Looks like you're getting some good advice in here. I just want to say that no one likes to admit they're insecure but, let's face it, it's understandable that when you lose weight, a spouse is going to be thinking about how much more attractive you're going to be to everyone else. And, some who get fit DO actually leave their spouses... after digging out, they just get an overwhelming urge to explore in ways they never could before and the spouse doesn't change with them, etc.

    So, I think you need to just reassure him repeatedly that "He's your man, no matter what" and you're just doing this for health and longevity. And, for a guy, reassurance is often best given IN BED. Get my drift? ;)

    Best wishes,
    Eric

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