Losing weight is ruining my social life!!

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amycrims
amycrims Posts: 94
in Motivation and Support
So I have an old friend coming in to visit this weekend. Me and this friend absolutely had our share of eating lots of bad food together and drinking lots of alcohol- definitely habits I've been trying to rid myself of. She is more overweight than I am, and I almost feel bad saying oh i can't at that fattening food you're eating cause I'm getting thin and you're getting FAT! Its hard because its already about where we're gonna go have dinner and then drinks after and then brunch the next day (and that same evening I already agreed to go out for another friend's birthday). I know I can try and make healthy decisions, but when put in that position, I know myself well enough to know that this is the WORST temptation I can put myself in. I'll just wanna throw back and have fun and not feel the restraints of "dieting" as well as not making her feel bad for not dieting- however crazy and codependent that sounds.
I already have been limiting going out and seeing friends to avoid temptation. I mean come on, its a lot easier to stay home and control what I'm eating and not drinking. I am a horrible victim to peer pressure. But I need to get the heck out of the house already!
HELP!!!
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Replies

  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    offer to cook for her...tell her to bring "fat pants" and a bottle of wine (or vodka). Cook something really good but lots of it. I know it's lying, but what i do is i drink skinny b!tches...that's vodka, water with a splash of bar lime. When I'm done with the vodka I just drink the water and lime, that way everyone doesn't tease me that I'm not drinking anymore. My best friend is the worst for that. She's very insecure and condisending, to the point where she's rude when I tell her that I'm at my calorie limit, so I lie.
  • edorice
    edorice Posts: 4,519 Member
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    It is difficult. However, you have 185 restaurants in Baltimore MD to choose from.

    http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?hl=en&q=cache:Ot-6E3mNmrgJ:http://www.opentable.com/baltimore-maryland-restaurant-listings+restaurant+list+baltimore+md&ct=clnk

    You can go online to some of the larger chain restaurants and choose ahead of time what you have a hankering for.

    I recently met up with a friend at BJ's restaurant. I ordered their Pirahna chili and sitting right there at the table I entered the calories in MFP from my phone. Don't be ashamed of trying to make yourself healthy. it may motivate your friend and introduce her to this site.
  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
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    Similar issue here actually! I have a morbidly obese friend and even my thinner friends eat crappy food. I do go out and embibe BUT switch gin tonics and diet soda or water. if i do realize i need to eat I do so in moderation. Im horrible for panning off stuff i just dont eat to people(which makes me an enabler). Heres my tips. Eat BEFORE you go. If you do drink it will not get you hammered and lead to bad food decisions. also if you do drink stick with your clears in a mixer like soad water, tonic, or diet sodas. do the interchanging thing with water or even ask the bartender for soda water with lime and sip it with a little straw you will seem like you are drinkng a cocktail but you really arent...if you do get the "beer munchies" and end up in a late nite diner, which is the usual thing for lotsa people do home work...look online and just choose smart. thats my best advice
  • JeanK56
    JeanK56 Posts: 76
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    I agree with the suggestions from the others. You can select what restaurant you are going to ahead of time and look at the menu online for nutrition prior to selecting which restaurant. And you may motivate her when she sees how easy it is as well. Good luck and if by some chance it doesn't work out this weekend because of temptation getting the better of you, start new the next day. We all fall down once in a while.
  • bettertracie
    bettertracie Posts: 196 Member
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    Easy there tiger, it's really easy to just tell yourself to stay away from the things you love... NOT!! Skinny ***** drink good... We do grape vodka and flat water, if you need the bubbles, go for the soda water... I learned the hard way, every now and then you have to allow yourself those over the top nights, trust me.. They get fewer and farther between because your body starts telling you it doesn't like it. Try not to make it about "I cant" because then you're gonna want it twice as much. The longer you tough it out and just adjust your everyday things, it gets a lot easier to adapt to the 'events'... GOOD LUCK!!
  • jeffbruning
    jeffbruning Posts: 2
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    This may sound insensitive, but maybe you should change friends. I know, that sounds extreme, but that is what is recommended for people with serious addictions (i.e. drugs, alcohol). They NEVER recover without this critical step. Of course you may not have to go to this extreme, but you do need to remove temptations - and for most people that means remove the friends who enable the habits. At the very least, you should sit down and have a very honest discussion with your friend and explain the situation - that is if you really want this to work. "Everything worthwhile, everything of any value, has its price."
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
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    You could always give yourself a break from the "diet". I take two days off every week, and while I don't go crazy, I don't worry about calories either. One night out won't hurt you in the long run. You deserve to have some fun! And while you're out, if you do make healthier choices, talk to your friend about those choices. Maybe you can inspire her to make some changes in her own life!
  • CJWirth09
    CJWirth09 Posts: 24 Member
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    Wow! That could of been me typing that. Seriously I have faced that same challenge over and over and over again. I have truly felt that the only way to lose weight is to stay home eating lean cuisines or salad. I still face this challenge. Or what if the hubby wants pizza or chinese food? It is a constant struggle. And for me.... some might say ...well just have a little bit of whatever it is and then say enough... I cannot do that. I will eat more than I should every time. If I order a giant cheeseburger and fries and it is in front of me I will eat it all. I have NO willpower and give into tempation like none other.

    I say the best thing you could do from my experience is to enjoy a cocktil or two and just really try to order something as healthy as possible. It does not mean you don't have to go out and enjoy... just order something that seems somewhat healthy...skip dessert... and limit the alchol to just a couple. Then log it as best as you can :smile:
  • MaryKBallard
    MaryKBallard Posts: 21
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    I have high cholestrol so I blame the Dr. I tell my friends that if I'm not good I'll have to take Cholestrol lowering meds. (which is true) They don't seem as offended when I explain it in medical terms:) I do find myself avoiding the high calorie social events. Some times I offer to bring a couple dishes so I know I'll have something I can eat.
  • Cina04
    Cina04 Posts: 609
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    I have a "cheat day" per week. This is when I get together with friends or go out to eat as a family.
    It's a day where whatever I was craving for the week I enjoy and not worry about calories.
    Sunday's are my cheat days since Sunday mornings are my weigh days.

    A few of my friends are into working out but when we all get together, we just enjoy and have fun! You never know when it's the last time you'll see someone.

    I love going to birthday parties and having a piece of cake while the other woman skip it because "they are on a diet" while I'm here losing weight & still enjoying something I don't have everyday = )

    Drink lots of water because it will help out!!! = )
  • chantalicious
    chantalicious Posts: 68
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    I'm with you. Don't make yourself feel guilty for eating better if she's not supporting you in your efforts than how good of a friend is she! She can put whatever she wants into her mouth just like you won't judge her she shouldn't be judging you!
  • anubis609
    anubis609 Posts: 3,966 Member
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    I've been in that position. It all comes down to if you know you're gonna be giving in to a night of temptation, amp up you're workouts that lead up to that day. Hell, work out the day you're going out too, if you can. Then, when you go out, consider it an allowed "cheat" meal or session of consumption. Then go right back to what you were doing before that night, as if it never happened. A fluctuation may most likely occur, which is normal anyway.

    Personally, what I do is opt for the healthier choice in consumption when I go out with friends. When it comes to good ol' grub, my friends all know I'm calorie counting and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and they all respect that. In fact, I make my skinny friends jealous cuz they wish they were so dedicated to working out as much as I am. So when I do go out, a free-for-all face-stuffing is an open invite without the need to RSVP by partaking in the exact same food. I think of it as challenging myself to know that I actually do have the willpower to say no. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't actually try some of the goodness. I literally take 1 piece of whatever they are having, if they offer, and say to myself, "Damn that was good. Now I know what it would taste like if I ordered it. Back to my [insert healthy alternative]."

    If I'm drinking, I get Diet Coke in my Hennessy/Crown/Jack/etc. or get Jameson and diet ginger ale. I don't touch beer cuz it doesn't do a thing for me except give me the bubble-guts the next day. If worse comes to worse, we'll pre-party before going out and since I know what I'm putting in my drink and how much, it's trackable.
  • WriteNovels
    WriteNovels Posts: 56 Member
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    I recently went out for a friends birthday. I had a few whiskey sours, and drunken pizza. It made it a lot easier for me, because I looked forward to it and planned the rest of my week around it. After that, I stayed on my diet even more because I knew that I had a "cheat" night.

    I have had problems in the past where I would fall off of the wagon and just say "to hell with it!". This time, it is different. I'm not just dieting, I'm trying to change my life. I feel like that is the way you have to think about it.
  • kakocalis
    kakocalis Posts: 6 Member
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    All of my "real" friends know that I have been working on losing weight. I have no qualms asking for a nutrition information menu in a restaurant or calculating my calories right there at the table, because I know that it's what I have to do. In fact, this has become contagious, and I have gotten so many of my friends hooked on MFP!!! Losing weight and choosing a healthier lifestyle for yourself in NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!!! Now, that doesn't mean that you make fatty comments to your friend. That makes you the jerk. I'm sure that if she's a real friend, she will understand that you have to do what you have to do.

    It's funny, my girls are all really supportive of my weight loss "adventure". It's my male friends (who I guess felt really safe with me being the chubster I used to be) who are always trying to pressure me to cheat and eat something I know I can't have. I wonder why that is.

    Someone else mentioned figuring out beforehand what you want to eat so that you're not tempted to splurge once you're there. THIS IS A FAB IDEA! After having been at this for a while, I know what my "regular" is at most restaurants, and I look forward to having that thing instead of shopping the menu and being disappointed about something I can't have.

    Even better, figure out what you want to have, and then figure out how many calories you need to burn that day to have it, and go work out before eating!!!
  • amycrims
    amycrims Posts: 94
    Options
    Wow! That could of been me typing that. Seriously I have faced that same challenge over and over and over again. I have truly felt that the only way to lose weight is to stay home eating lean cuisines or salad. I still face this challenge. Or what if the hubby wants pizza or chinese food? It is a constant struggle. And for me.... some might say ...well just have a little bit of whatever it is and then say enough... I cannot do that. I will eat more than I should every time. If I order a giant cheeseburger and fries and it is in front of me I will eat it all. I have NO willpower and give into tempation like none other.

    I say the best thing you could do from my experience is to enjoy a cocktil or two and just really try to order something as healthy as possible. It does not mean you don't have to go out and enjoy... just order something that seems somewhat healthy...skip dessert... and limit the alchol to just a couple. Then log it as best as you can :smile:

    Will power has always been the hardest for me- it is the sole reason I am overweight. Just because I decided I want to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle doesn't mean we suddenly just learned how to be more strict with ourselves. We will get there!!
  • amycrims
    amycrims Posts: 94
    Options
    I've been in that position. It all comes down to if you know you're gonna be giving in to a night of temptation, amp up you're workouts that lead up to that day. Hell, work out the day you're going out too, if you can. Then, when you go out, consider it an allowed "cheat" meal or session of consumption. Then go right back to what you were doing before that night, as if it never happened. A fluctuation may most likely occur, which is normal anyway.

    Personally, what I do is opt for the healthier choice in consumption when I go out with friends. When it comes to good ol' grub, my friends all know I'm calorie counting and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and they all respect that. In fact, I make my skinny friends jealous cuz they wish they were so dedicated to working out as much as I am. So when I do go out, a free-for-all face-stuffing is an open invite without the need to RSVP by partaking in the exact same food. I think of it as challenging myself to know that I actually do have the willpower to say no. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't actually try some of the goodness. I literally take 1 piece of whatever they are having, if they offer, and say to myself, "Damn that was good. Now I know what it would taste like if I ordered it. Back to my [insert healthy alternative]."

    If I'm drinking, I get Diet Coke in my Hennessy/Crown/Jack/etc. or get Jameson and diet ginger ale. I don't touch beer cuz it doesn't do a thing for me except give me the bubble-guts the next day. If worse comes to worse, we'll pre-party before going out and since I know what I'm putting in my drink and how much, it's trackable.

    all great ideas! i like the idea of just tasting their food. thanks!
  • amycrims
    amycrims Posts: 94
    Options
    I recently went out for a friends birthday. I had a few whiskey sours, and drunken pizza. It made it a lot easier for me, because I looked forward to it and planned the rest of my week around it. After that, I stayed on my diet even more because I knew that I had a "cheat" night.

    I have had problems in the past where I would fall off of the wagon and just say "to hell with it!". This time, it is different. I'm not just dieting, I'm trying to change my life. I feel like that is the way you have to think about it.

    absolutely! i don't even want to say i'm on a "diet". when i have gone out, i've done the same thing- plan it out ahead of time. i just fee like i've been doing so good and i don't want to mess it up!
    thanks!!
  • amycrims
    amycrims Posts: 94
    Options
    All of my "real" friends know that I have been working on losing weight. I have no qualms asking for a nutrition information menu in a restaurant or calculating my calories right there at the table, because I know that it's what I have to do. In fact, this has become contagious, and I have gotten so many of my friends hooked on MFP!!! Losing weight and choosing a healthier lifestyle for yourself in NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!!! Now, that doesn't mean that you make fatty comments to your friend. That makes you the jerk. I'm sure that if she's a real friend, she will understand that you have to do what you have to do.

    It's funny, my girls are all really supportive of my weight loss "adventure". It's my male friends (who I guess felt really safe with me being the chubster I used to be) who are always trying to pressure me to cheat and eat something I know I can't have. I wonder why that is.

    Someone else mentioned figuring out beforehand what you want to eat so that you're not tempted to splurge once you're there. THIS IS A FAB IDEA! After having been at this for a while, I know what my "regular" is at most restaurants, and I look forward to having that thing instead of shopping the menu and being disappointed about something I can't have.

    Even better, figure out what you want to have, and then figure out how many calories you need to burn that day to have it, and go work out before eating!!!
    oh yes, there will definitely be a trip to the gym before we go out! its just weird and annoying how some people can be so unsupportive! my family is definitely like that. its like if i get thin then they all need to re-examine themselves.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
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    Before dinner take a walk around the inner harbor! Have a place picked out in the area and park far away.... the walk will give you a few more calories, and in the worst case give you a little fresh air and time to sober up a bit before you drive home. Enjoy the time with your friends. Try to be responsible in your choices, but still have fun! Tomorrow is another day.
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
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    It sounds like you are changing. You ARE planning ahead. Maybe planning ahead will help with your will power. Make a plan and if you stick with it you get (fill in the blank) and only reward yourself of you stick with the plan. Make it really worth it. This is a big step for you and you deserve all the credit.

    Drink plenty of water, before hand, alternate a drink with a water. work out early on Sat to get your metabolism fired up and snack throughout the day on high fiber low cal snacks. That will get your metabolism revved up. don't explain your food choices unless she asks but just order what you would like that is healthy. The same thing with brunch the next day.

    I think you are going to be fine. You have all of us here rooting for you and we will be here on Monday morning.

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