Comments from friends and family
christullos
Posts: 89
When I start dieting and my friends and family first notice I am losing weight they are always supportive but it isn't long before the comments start like, "You look great the way you are' or "Don't lose to much weight it is unhealthy." These types of comments don't help.
What comments do you receive from your friends and family that "deflate" your motivation?
What comments do you receive from your friends and family that "deflate" your motivation?
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Replies
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"Aren't you a little bit o-o-o-ld to be doing that!"0
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Because I've lost a lot of weight, it's fairly evident to my family that I've been dieting, I haven't kept it a secret or anything. Various comments, mostly positive, but the one thing that really annoys me.
Whenever I have any type of food, my dad will jokingly gasp and point and be like ':O that's fattening! you can't have that!' and make elaborate gestures and just make me feel really self conscious, -.- I'm calorie counting dammit! I can have whatever I god damn like ugh.0 -
This was a family friend when I told her that a friend of mine was going to let me use the Insanity DVD's he has.. She said "Why would you waste your time, you can't do it anyway" Definitely made me feel horrible!!0
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"You have NO butt!" Fyou I'm working on it!
My mom always compliments the hell out of me but my dad wont say anything positive...when i talk about getting strong he talks about how strong he used to be or how strong a guy at work is. I'm pretty sure he's proud just for some reason won't say so.
My inlaws are horribly demotivating to my wife too. "Your legs are too skinny" "you look anorexic" "would you SHUT UP about calories?"
The mother in law is crazy too...she refuses to buy my sis-in-law a food scale and won't drive her to the gym. I think it's because she's jealous that we are all trying to get in shape and she won't get out of her own way to do the same. She's gone gluten free (for no reason that I know of), she does cleanses (again dunno why), only eats organic, she buys exercise equipment but everytime I see her she's layed up on the couch asking her youngest daughter to do something for her. But she is the "guru" about weight loss and tells everyone what they need to do if they want to get healthy...I'm sorry but taking advice from someone 100lbs overweight who lays on the couch all day and night does not seem like a healthy idea.0 -
ouch...seriously:This was a family friend when I told her that a friend of mine was going to let me use the Insanity DVD's he has.. She said "Why would you waste your time, you can't do it anyway" Definitely made me feel horrible!!
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I adore my husband, truly, but the man has NO clue about nutrition. He won't bat an eye if we have pizza and wings for dinner but the next day he sees me packing my baked eggs and says "that's not healthy!".
Me: (smirk) What's not healthy about it?
Him: greasy eggs and fatty ham
Me: um, no, I only sprayed the muffin tin with Pam, there's no grease. And the ham is quite lean.
Him: (blank stare)
Me: (big cheesy grin, goes back to packing lunch/snacks)
He also thinks peanut butter is the worst thing you can eat. smh0 -
My brother's friend told me that my head is too big for me to lose weight and that if I lose much more I will look like a bobble head. It sounds like a joke but he was dead serious.0
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My brother's friend told me that my head is too big for me to lose weight and that if I lose much more I will look like a bobble head. It sounds like a joke but he was dead serious.
That is the funniest/stoopidest comment ever! As an old friend of mine used to say "Some people are more stupid than they look".
My family lives over 3000 miles away, so that solves the potential problem of demotivating, rude comments from the likeliest suspects! I only see them every few years, so by the time I see them next I won't know what they're talking about. DH and DD are wonderfully supportive by essentially ignoring my weight loss. DH thinks I'm sexy, although he always did, and DD likes that she can get her arms around me now, but that's the extent of it. DH gets a bit fed up that I keep complaining about clothes being too big, but since I'm petite and now XS (with 15lbs still to go), he's used to it.
MIL is trickier. She has spent her entire life losing weight (although she looks just fine to me and always has), and has no problem talking about weight and "diets" around my 8 year-old daughter, which we don't allow (we only discuss health and nutrition when she's around). The way MIL talks about it suggests that a person's worth is directly related to whether their weight is "normal" or "good" and I find that concept repellent.
Colleagues are more difficult. I work from home, and every single time I've had a meeting or conference since APRIL, I've had a load of people comment on my weight. All lovely comments, I have to add (my boss declaring that she now has a teenager working for her! was the sweetest by far), but the whole thing was incredible uncomfortable for me. This week was the first time it hasn't happened and it's been BLISSFUL to just be a person instead of a weight-loss story again. I wish some people would just shut their cakeholes and talk about the weather TBH.0 -
This reminds me...I bought a size Large helmet for my bike cuz it said 58-59cm...i remembered being 58cm in college so i figured i was safe...i couldn't squeeze it onto my head without my eyeballs popping out...so i returned it for the XL which was for 60-61cm...It fit well. My head actually measured 60.25cm.My brother's friend told me that my head is too big for me to lose weight and that if I lose much more I will look like a bobble head. It sounds like a joke but he was dead serious.
Now that i've lost weight....my head measures 57.5cm. So your head does shrink...(btw, i'm definitely not trying to imply you have a big head...cuz you don't...just sayin that in general you lose weight everywhere including your dome)0 -
The other day while cooking I made a comment to my boyfriend that I would like to buy a food scale, so I know how much meat I am eating. I am good at measuring out my liquid foods and even counting my servings for crackers/snacks, but have no way of knowing how many oz of meat I am consuming except for eyeballing it (which I do a decent job at based on the weight given on the meat packages, but not perfect).
Here was my boyfriend's response:
"WHY? You already count calories, work out 6 days a week, you even count out 16 wheat thins! You are not fat, you are not even the slightest bit overweight, I think that is a little too extreme."
Now he is very supportive of my workouts and healthy eating, yet he is 6 feet tall and 145 lbs... without even trying. He has never had to worry about what he eats and may never have to. He sees all that I am doing now and the idea of me going further with my weight loss/health efforts to him is insane and too extreme.
Any advice on how to help him see that although he is lucky and does not need to worry about things like that, I DO!?0 -
Everyone in my life has been pretty supportive. My parents say they're proud of me and what not. When I started weighing food last year, I thought my roommates (3 other women) would think I was nuts. But not one of them said one thing about it.
I hear a lot of the "Oh that's unhealthy! This is healthier! No chemicals! More cardio!" From people my age, but I just ignore it and try not to engage.
The most hurtful thing that's been said about me to date was by my father though. I love my Dad and he's a great guy. One day the three of us (me and my parents) were at the gym. My parents were walking on the track that loops around and passes the squat rack. I was resting between sets, and my parents had looped around a bit (Also both overweight). My Dad turns to my Mom, thinking I can't hear, and says "Everytime we pass her, she's not doing anything." When I asked him to do OHSP with me once, he smirked like it was stupid. This is honestly the only thing in my life that I have been hurt by from my Dad, and it is really minor. I'm not sure why but he seems to be resistant to me lifting/not think it's worth it, and it really gets to me.0 -
The other day while cooking I made a comment to my boyfriend that I would like to buy a food scale, so I know how much meat I am eating. I am good at measuring out my liquid foods and even counting my servings for crackers/snacks, but have no way of knowing how many oz of meat I am consuming except for eyeballing it (which I do a decent job at based on the weight given on the meat packages, but not perfect).
Here was my boyfriend's response:
"WHY? You already count calories, work out 6 days a week, you even count out 16 wheat thins! You are not fat, you are not even the slightest bit overweight, I think that is a little too extreme."
Now he is very supportive of my workouts and healthy eating, yet he is 6 feet tall and 145 lbs... without even trying. He has never had to worry about what he eats and may never have to. He sees all that I am doing now and the idea of me going further with my weight loss/health efforts to him is insane and too extreme.
Any advice on how to help him see that although he is lucky and does not need to worry about things like that, I DO!?
DH thinks I'm a bit extreme weighing out everything too, but we've decided that I'll do my thing and he'll do his (he tracks for sodium/potassium to control high blood pressure). We've both been successful so far (me losing weight and he getting his blood pressure under control), so I think more-or-less minding your own business and trying not to take offhand comments too seriously works best.
In my experience, you can't change anyone else's mind unless they want you to. I wouldn't waste your energy on trying to change his mind. Just do your own thing, and buy the scale!0 -
The other day while cooking I made a comment to my boyfriend that I would like to buy a food scale, so I know how much meat I am eating. I am good at measuring out my liquid foods and even counting my servings for crackers/snacks, but have no way of knowing how many oz of meat I am consuming except for eyeballing it (which I do a decent job at based on the weight given on the meat packages, but not perfect).
Here was my boyfriend's response:
"WHY? You already count calories, work out 6 days a week, you even count out 16 wheat thins! You are not fat, you are not even the slightest bit overweight, I think that is a little too extreme."
Now he is very supportive of my workouts and healthy eating, yet he is 6 feet tall and 145 lbs... without even trying. He has never had to worry about what he eats and may never have to. He sees all that I am doing now and the idea of me going further with my weight loss/health efforts to him is insane and too extreme.
Any advice on how to help him see that although he is lucky and does not need to worry about things like that, I DO!?
Punch him in his ear hole.0 -
I started slow, like 45 lb took me 4.5 years to lose slow. But since joining MFP I've dropped 86 lb in 16 months, and what I have noticed is that after I lost the first 30 lb on MFP a lot of family, friends, acquaintances got "concerned" and told me I may be losing too quickly or said things like "How much more do you want to lose!? Plus, you're tall!" I was still well over 200 lb, and needed to lose more...but I really think that most of them were genuinely concerned because they had never seen such a rapid & noticeable change in me.
Now that I've lost a lot more weight 99% of the comments I get are positive - even from the same people who were so "concerned" at this time last year. I think there are a variety of reasons for this, but mainly I think it's because A) they have gotten used to the slimmer me, and
they see that I am full of energy, happy, healthy, etc.
I also think along the way when you're losing a lot of weight it is common to go through a lot of short phases where maybe you're losing kind of oddly or it looks weird on you. There was a time much earlier on when I was very concerned about my neck looking very turkey-like and causing me to appear much older than my age, now it's pretty much gone to normal, if much slimmer than before. Part of that's probably me getting used to it, too.0 -
"Everytime we pass her, she's not doing anything."
Dads, bless 'em. It's when they come out with comments like this that leave you confused whether you should cry or cry with laughter (the whole snorting thing) that you realize how boring life would be without them. And the thing about how they think no one can hear their comments is priceless. My FIL used to do it all the time.0 -
There was a time much earlier on when I was very concerned about my neck looking very turkey-like and causing me to appear much older than my age.
That made me laugh. I've actually started to put lotion on my neck for the first time. It does look a bit scrawny without the layers of fat plumping it out.0 -
My family is generally supportive but they have their moments. When talking to my sister about my weight loss goals she responded that I looked really good and didn't need to lose anymore weight. She said it like she was genuinely worried about my health.
Ok sister, well the BMI says I could stand to lose 20 more lbs. I think she meant well.
My mom will say things like, "How much more do you want to lose?? There won't be anything left to you!" Again, I still have at least 20 lbs to go before I'm at a goal weight and will be within the healthy BMI range at that point.
I honestly think people might get a little jealous. I also think maybe their perceptions are skewed. They are used to seeing you at a certain size and maybe don't realize what healthy size/weight for you would be.0 -
There was a time much earlier on when I was very concerned about my neck looking very turkey-like and causing me to appear much older than my age.
That made me laugh. I've actually started to put lotion on my neck for the first time. It does look a bit scrawny without the layers of fat plumping it out.
It's weird...although I would rather be 37 and average weight and have everyone know I am 37, than be a morbidly obese 32 yr old everyone thinks is a 24 yr old recent college graduate.0 -
"You are getting way too obsessed." - not obsessed - determined!!!!
"You will look unhealthy if you get down to that goal weight!" - Ummmmm.....no. I know what unhealthy looks like for me - been there - won't go back.
"I think you like fine just the way you are." - nice of them to say, but I am doing this for me.
"You never want to go to lunch with me anymore." - I would be happy to go to lunch with them, but they don't like that I don't eat out at lunch every single day.0 -
The other day while cooking I made a comment to my boyfriend that I would like to buy a food scale, so I know how much meat I am eating. I am good at measuring out my liquid foods and even counting my servings for crackers/snacks, but have no way of knowing how many oz of meat I am consuming except for eyeballing it (which I do a decent job at based on the weight given on the meat packages, but not perfect).
Here was my boyfriend's response:
"WHY? You already count calories, work out 6 days a week, you even count out 16 wheat thins! You are not fat, you are not even the slightest bit overweight, I think that is a little too extreme."
Now he is very supportive of my workouts and healthy eating, yet he is 6 feet tall and 145 lbs... without even trying. He has never had to worry about what he eats and may never have to. He sees all that I am doing now and the idea of me going further with my weight loss/health efforts to him is insane and too extreme.
Any advice on how to help him see that although he is lucky and does not need to worry about things like that, I DO!?
Punch him in his ear hole.
Hahaha headofphat, I love him, but sometimes I want to! It frustrates me how easy it is for him to stay thin. He decides one day he wants to pay attention to portions and watch what he eats, and he loses 6 lbs in a week. I have to constantly remind him that if I ate like him or did not try as hard as I do, I would be huge. Unfair luck of genetics!0 -
The other day while cooking I made a comment to my boyfriend that I would like to buy a food scale, so I know how much meat I am eating. I am good at measuring out my liquid foods and even counting my servings for crackers/snacks, but have no way of knowing how many oz of meat I am consuming except for eyeballing it (which I do a decent job at based on the weight given on the meat packages, but not perfect).
Here was my boyfriend's response:
"WHY? You already count calories, work out 6 days a week, you even count out 16 wheat thins! You are not fat, you are not even the slightest bit overweight, I think that is a little too extreme."
Now he is very supportive of my workouts and healthy eating, yet he is 6 feet tall and 145 lbs... without even trying. He has never had to worry about what he eats and may never have to. He sees all that I am doing now and the idea of me going further with my weight loss/health efforts to him is insane and too extreme.
Any advice on how to help him see that although he is lucky and does not need to worry about things like that, I DO!?
Punch him in his ear hole.
Have him talk to my husband...he weighed out 60grams of cheese and 40 grams of avocado for me today...hehe.
My immediate family (husband and son) are pretty supportive...my son can get tired of hearing about calories but I get that.
My mom is very proud of me and tells me, my dad is too but doesn't say much. My Aunt is always commenting as is her husband on how good I look...MIL tells me I don't need to lose weight and never did...she is obese tho and has a skewed sense of what is normal...
Siblings...eh. My brothers don't say much except one...he pokes fun at my scale. Now sisters on the other hand...yah not so much.
I had one tell me I was still bigger than I thought I was...she also let me know I would look better at 135lbs...I laughed...and she commented to a group that we were all out of shape when someone said they were...I said yah no I am not out of shape...
Friends mostly supportive except to tell me I have no hips anymore, or that my shoulders are to "bulky and muscular" for spagetti strap shirts....
For me...I just couldn't give a flying *kitten* actually (excuse the language) if those with negative comments say them...they can take a long walk off a short pier...I am happy, healthy, working out and loving life...not my fault they aren't.0 -
The other day while cooking I made a comment to my boyfriend that I would like to buy a food scale, so I know how much meat I am eating. I am good at measuring out my liquid foods and even counting my servings for crackers/snacks, but have no way of knowing how many oz of meat I am consuming except for eyeballing it (which I do a decent job at based on the weight given on the meat packages, but not perfect).
Here was my boyfriend's response:
"WHY? You already count calories, work out 6 days a week, you even count out 16 wheat thins! You are not fat, you are not even the slightest bit overweight, I think that is a little too extreme."
Now he is very supportive of my workouts and healthy eating, yet he is 6 feet tall and 145 lbs... without even trying. He has never had to worry about what he eats and may never have to. He sees all that I am doing now and the idea of me going further with my weight loss/health efforts to him is insane and too extreme.
Any advice on how to help him see that although he is lucky and does not need to worry about things like that, I DO!?
Punch him in his ear hole.
Hahaha headofphat, I love him, but sometimes I want to! It frustrates me how easy it is for him to stay thin. He decides one day he wants to pay attention to portions and watch what he eats, and he loses 6 lbs in a week. I have to constantly remind him that if I ate like him or did not try as hard as I do, I would be huge. Unfair luck of genetics!
I would just go buy it and explain to him that in order to reach your goal you need extra tools and this is one of them. Would he say the same thing about a gym membership? veggies? a HRM? probably not.
and if/when you do buy it...don't just use it for meat and use oz use grams and weigh solids even prepacked items...you will be surprised.0 -
There was a time much earlier on when I was very concerned about my neck looking very turkey-like and causing me to appear much older than my age.
That made me laugh. I've actually started to put lotion on my neck for the first time. It does look a bit scrawny without the layers of fat plumping it out.
It's weird...although I would rather be 37 and average weight and have everyone know I am 37, than be a morbidly obese 32 yr old everyone thinks is a 24 yr old recent college graduate.
Totally agree. It's actually been an opportunity to use up all those zillions of samples of creams so heavy they make my face break out.. My closet-clearing has extended to the bathroom cabinet as well.0 -
For me...I just couldn't give a flying *kitten* actually (excuse the language) if those with negative comments say them...they can take a long walk off a short pier...I am happy, healthy, working out and loving life...not my fault they aren't.
Yeah, this is me too. The lucky ones get a bemused smile indicating I'm amused that anyone would actually care enough to comment, and the rest just get a blank look like "hey!? what? I've lost weight?? No!!"
One or two have even had "I've lost weight!? Why didn't anyone tell me?!"0 -
The other day while cooking I made a comment to my boyfriend that I would like to buy a food scale, so I know how much meat I am eating. I am good at measuring out my liquid foods and even counting my servings for crackers/snacks, but have no way of knowing how many oz of meat I am consuming except for eyeballing it (which I do a decent job at based on the weight given on the meat packages, but not perfect).
Here was my boyfriend's response:
"WHY? You already count calories, work out 6 days a week, you even count out 16 wheat thins! You are not fat, you are not even the slightest bit overweight, I think that is a little too extreme."
Now he is very supportive of my workouts and healthy eating, yet he is 6 feet tall and 145 lbs... without even trying. He has never had to worry about what he eats and may never have to. He sees all that I am doing now and the idea of me going further with my weight loss/health efforts to him is insane and too extreme.
Any advice on how to help him see that although he is lucky and does not need to worry about things like that, I DO!?
Punch him in his ear hole.
Hahaha headofphat, I love him, but sometimes I want to! It frustrates me how easy it is for him to stay thin. He decides one day he wants to pay attention to portions and watch what he eats, and he loses 6 lbs in a week. I have to constantly remind him that if I ate like him or did not try as hard as I do, I would be huge. Unfair luck of genetics!
I would just go buy it and explain to him that in order to reach your goal you need extra tools and this is one of them. Would he say the same thing about a gym membership? veggies? a HRM? probably not.
and if/when you do buy it...don't just use it for meat and use oz use grams and weigh solids even prepacked items...you will be surprised.
Thank you for the advice.. I think I will do that! I am sure he won't complain when I do reach my goal and I am sexy as hell. He just has a hard time understanding since he doesn't need to work as hard as I do to stay fit.0 -
I was at a small birthday party and all the ladies were generous, generous plus sized (that's the nicest way I can put it). they all wagon-trained around me and told me to stop working out so much and dieting because I was sooo skinny (which I am not at 26% body fat). All the while I kept thinking- you guys are all soooo FAT.0
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I haven't gotten any negative feedback from anyone. Mostly no one comments at all. This past weekend I went to see my daughter and grandchildren. It has probably been a month or so since I'd last seen them and so far she has commented on how great I looked at least 3 separate times: once while I was there and twice on the phone since. I didn't think there was that much of a difference since I'd last seen her but...0
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"Everytime we pass her, she's not doing anything."
Dads, bless 'em. It's when they come out with comments like this that leave you confused whether you should cry or cry with laughter (the whole snorting thing) that you realize how boring life would be without them. And the thing about how they think no one can hear their comments is priceless. My FIL used to do it all the time.
Yup. I am such a Daddy's girl too. We bond over zombie apocalypses and stuff.
I think when we're at the gym tonight I'm going to tell him I'm training for a zombie run.0 -
My family and friends have all been supportive for the most part. My Mom did tell my sister in law that she thought I was obsessed with working out and weight loss, but she never said it to me. Probably because my sister in law told her she shouldn't since they had been on me to lose weight for a long time, she shouldn't discourage me now. My dad never really says much, but some of his little digs do bother me. My brother and I were discussing bikes because we both wanted to do a triathlon, at this point I had been working out regularly for 2 1/2 years. My dad looked at me and said "Why would you buy a bike, you will ride it once and then it will just sit there" You would think after working out all the time and losing 100+ pounds he would have a little faith in me....well, I am doing my 4th triathlon in a couple of weeks, and yes, I have been on the bike more than once.0
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My husband is my biggest cheerleader. He's been with me and loved me through all sizes. When the scale has me frustrated he reminds me to get the tape measure out. He even tolerates my "I can wear these shorts again" dances. Love that man!
What bothered me recently was my best friend. She said absolutely nothing. Zero. Zilch. We live eight hours apart so we only see each other about every other month. Her husband told me how great I look and that they were both stunned at how much I had changed. He also told my husband how terrified he is about how unhealthy my friend is. She's not ready to do anything about it so I don't talk about any of my journey. She's very negative and always has an excuse.
Little does she know that her silence has fueled my workouts recently! Petty I know but sometimes petty works.0
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