Is it wrong for me to neglect Family?

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arfuss
arfuss Posts: 90 Member
in Motivation and Support
Please Read the whole thing

So i am 21 years old now and i grew up with my mother without a father figure. When i started at elementary school my mum contacted this public child psychietrists centere in Norway. "Child and youth psychietrist appartment" Just because i dident want to go to school and do my homework.. They evaluated me and figured out that i had ADHD. But i only had those ADHD symptoms around my mum cuz she let me do whatever i wanted. She never gave me any dicipline... So after a while when they were done evaluating me i got medication. Ritalin, Concerta.. I remember having to go to the schools office in the lunch breaks and take 6 ritalin pills. Which when i think back at really disgusting.. After some time.. I tried some new meds.. Concerta.. And i got some heavy sleeping medication because i got insomnia because of the ritalin medications..

After some time i started getting OCD: I got some medication for that aswell. And at the end of all the medications i got.. i got Risperdal. Which is a heavy seditive medication for Bipolar and schizofrenia.. Which i have never had.. I only got Adhd, Insoomnia and Asbergers syndrome..

I was an energic kid before i got those Risperdal medications.. Were social were out on the trampoline with friends.. Catching bees and such... Playing golf, being social etc..

When i got those medications at the age of 13. I became overweight ( 100kg, 72cm) I got heavy anxiety and becamse depressed. I ended up being on the computer all day, drinking loads of soda and eating loads of food..

My other allowed all of this.. I was still a kid and if i knew what i know now.. i would never have done it..

Those medication are recomended in the "Medication handbook in Norway" That doctors should only give these to patients for a maximum of 3 weeks. And i got them for two years. I would still have been on them unless i looked up the side effects myself and quit taking them.


Now my question.. My step father never did anything to get me off the medication, my mother never did anything even tho she saw how the medication affected me... She never socialised me, and she never gave me a real childhood.. She just sat there watching tv.. Shes a kind woman but i have no connection with her, my step father, or any other family member.. My step father wanted me off the meds.. but my mother said if he did that. She would not allow him to see me again.. She threatned he... I feel like she wanted me on the meds so she dident have to struggle with me not listening to her.. Cuz i hit puberty quite early. And became agressive when she lied to me, and when she told me what to do.



Right now.. I am building my self up, Learning everything myself.. Struggelig really hard to get a job. Since i never finnished school i am finding new ways in making money legaly.

Right now.. I wish i grew up in a orphans home or something.. Cuz i dont even remember anything before i was 16 years old.


My mother gives me cash everyday.. I call her and she gives me cash... And she tells me i am ungreatfull.. But to me.. Money dont buy love.. I got medicaly abused and she let it happen right before her eyes.


I dident even go outside my home without my mother.. I just said Yes/No to people when they talked to me.. I lost all my friends from elementary school. And i have no passions in life outside of playing video games.. The medications ruined my life..


I really just want to abandom my whole F family. Cuz they are a bunch of losers.... which are only going to pull me down in life.. Is this okay to do in my situation?


I know my mother and step father hurt because i dont see them very often.. I usally just meet them to satesfy them and because they want to see me.. But i really dont want to see them.. I only keep thinking about how hurt they will be if i never take contact again... But i really dont want to see any of them agian.. I want to move to another country and start over.. Cuz i need to move on.. And they belong to the terrible past which has ruined my life.


I literaly have no friends right now.. I need to work on myself and such.. But its really hard when your all alone.. I cant ask my family.. They are not worth spending time on...

Replies

  • mom2aeris
    mom2aeris Posts: 98 Member
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    The way I see it is that family is what you make of it. If your family lies to you, treats you like garbage, disrespects you, neglects you... Then they're not your real family, because that's not what family does. Family is the group of people you can trust, who helps you when you call at 3 am because you're scared or lonely, family is the people who love you and treat you with kindness and respect. You can make your own family. So if you don't feel like your family deserves your love and time, then move on. Maybe one day it will be worth reconnecting, but you're absolutely right that you need to learn to stand on your own, and that you need to break away and learn to be who you are without the outside influence. Good luck to you.
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
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    the over-medication of your young self is your doctors fault not your mothers, she was more than likely just following the prescriptions and your docs advice. talk to her about it though, the conversation may lead you somewhere good

    your life, your choice. you have every right to decide who plays a part in your life and who doesnt. im a family man, its sacred to me so i would never cut a family member out like that, i feel no matter the situation that i would feel regret about it later in life
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    Um...you're an adult now, take responsibility for yourself & move on.

    Lots of us have had crappy childhoods, but you need to grow as a person in order to put all of that behind you.

    Stop laying blame & let it go.
  • arfuss
    arfuss Posts: 90 Member
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    the over-medication of your young self is your doctors fault not your mothers, she was more than likely just following the prescriptions and your docs advice. talk to her about it though, the conversation may lead you somewhere good

    your life, your choice. you have every right to decide who plays a part in your life and who doesnt. im a family man, its sacred to me so i would never cut a family member out like that, i feel no matter the situation that i would feel regret about it later in life

    It is cheaper for our goverment to pay our doctors to prescribe medication.. Instead of paying someone to talk with you for a hour one a week... So yeah :)

    To me.. The doctors responsiblility.. Thats why they are getting sued right now. But my mothers fault that she dident pull me off them when she saw it ruining my life..

    I just dont enjoy her company.. When i go home to visit her.. I just get restless and want to leave
  • arfuss
    arfuss Posts: 90 Member
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    Um...you're an adult now, take responsibility for yourself & move on.

    Lots of us have had crappy childhoods, but you need to grow as a person in order to put all of that behind you.

    Stop laying blame & let it go.


    I want to let it go, but that means i need to leave my mother and family.. Cuz i will never forget how my mother always wake me up in the morning with drugs.. and a glass of water.. The same drugs that drug addicts abuse..I have my own appartment and such.. But i just dont want any connects with my family/Mother.. Would ease my mind so much
  • LifeWithPie
    LifeWithPie Posts: 552 Member
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    You should be discussing these issues with your psychologist. Based on your posting history, you need to be talking to a professional. No one on these forums can help you.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Um...you're an adult now, take responsibility for yourself & move on.

    Lots of us have had crappy childhoods, but you need to grow as a person in order to put all of that behind you.

    Stop laying blame & let it go.


    I want to let it go, but that means i need to leave my mother and family.. Cuz i will never forget how my mother always wake me up in the morning with drugs.. and a glass of water.. The same drugs that drug addicts abuse..I have my own appartment and such.. But i just dont want any connects with my family/Mother.. Would ease my mind so much

    fine, do it, if thats how you feel... not sure why you need strangers on the internet to validate your decision....?
  • hookilau
    hookilau Posts: 3,134 Member
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    Um...you're an adult now, take responsibility for yourself & move on.

    Lots of us have had crappy childhoods, but you need to grow as a person in order to put all of that behind you.

    Stop laying blame & let it go.


    I want to let it go, but that means i need to leave my mother and family.. Cuz i will never forget how my mother always wake me up in the morning with drugs.. and a glass of water.. The same drugs that drug addicts abuse..

    I thought so too...until I got out into the real world & had to make all the tough choices that adults have to make. Then my point of view slowly began to change.

    I didn't 'cut' my mom out of my life, but I learned that she had a pretty crappy childhood too. She did the best she could for me, but it was not good enough. Is that her 'fault'?....in a perfect world and in 30 minute TV sitcoms where problems are solved within 23 minutes of canned laughter..yes.

    In the real world...not so black & white :ohwell:
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
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    It is cheaper for our goverment to pay our doctors to prescribe medication.. Instead of paying someone to talk with you for a hour one a week... So yeah :)

    To me.. The doctors responsiblility.. Thats why they are getting sued right now. But my mothers fault that she dident pull me off them when she saw it ruining my life..

    I just dont enjoy her company.. When i go home to visit her.. I just get restless and want to leave
    i can only speak from assumptions and my own experience, but i can imagine she saw your symptoms as a "lesser of two evils" situation. like i said its your choice, keep in mind what she's done for you for the past 21 years before cutting her out. i get restless around my mom sometimes too but shes my mom, love the gal to death no matter what

    i agree with seeking professional advice. internet strangers can only get you so far
  • kessler4130
    kessler4130 Posts: 150 Member
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    You are young, forget the past, wake up every day to be the strongest version of yourself. If you are OCD, use it to better yourself, get into weight training. Go on you tube, visit these channels, Strength Camp, Physiques of Greatness, Candito Training HQ, use your disadvantage as an advantage. Stop blaming others and wallowing in your own sorrow, take control and move on.
  • biggsterjackster
    biggsterjackster Posts: 419 Member
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    I am really shocked to have learned how fast doctors prescribe very strong medication to everyone here in the U.S.. I talked to doctors about that in Germany and they know about it too and do NOT agree with it. Just for simple things, US Doctors prescribe morphine painkillers etc. which some people can get easily addicted too. I feel so sorry for you. you had to go through this. Wish you the best!
  • 2BeHappy2
    2BeHappy2 Posts: 811 Member
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    Wait...I thought by a previous thread that youd started that you were close to your mom?
    You said you grew up being spoiled...her doing everything for you etc etc.
    In it you said you were living on government income (or something like that) and you were asking for peoples advice on how to get girls??
    This post sounds very different than what you had posted before.
    Just like previous people have said, Family is who You make it.
    Im far from mine and the only person I have seen of my 5 siblings was my oldest brother 8 yrs ago when he flew out here.
    I haven't seen the rest since 15 yrs ago when I moved.
    I have a good bunch of family, through my husband and that's good enough for me!
    Growing up, my bio grandparents lived 2 states away from us so we hardly saw them and it wasn't financially feasible for 8 of us to travel.
    In the 15 yrs that Ive been w/ my husband I got to spend more time w/ the his (our) Grandma before she passed away 2 wks ago.
    It can be hard and scary to venture out on your own, especially when/if you've had it easy, you were babied (had everything done for you) and are financially stable through "their" money."
    When you grow up in an unstable surrounding, its only natural now that youre of age that youd want to get away from them ASAP!
    Whatever you decide, do it for yourself because youre an adult now.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,079 Member
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    I don't think it is fair to blame your mother for all this. She accepted medical advice and did what she thought was best for you.

    Also it is not correct that Risperdal can only be used for 3 weeks, not sure where you got that from ( or did I misread your post?)
    Have known many mental health patients who are on regular fortnightly Risperdal injections for long term - sometimes 12 - 24 months, sometimes indefinitely. This is not against medical recommendations at all.

    However if you really think the best thing for you is to cut your mother out of your life, then do so. You are an adult and that is your decision to make.
    I think it would be a bad decision, as you have no other friends or other support, and your mother, whilst not perfect, does seem to care for you and have your best interests at heart.

    If you do cut her off, of course you will need to stop taking cash from her everyday.

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