Hubby Gaining Weight :/

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lexistepps
lexistepps Posts: 200 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So my husband just got out of the Marine Corps in December of last year, and since that time (and even a few months before he got out) he has been eating more and exercising less. I've noticed lately that he is putting on some weight. It's not much, but it looks strange on him because he's 6'3" and has a VERY skinny frame. He's got a little gut growing and he just isn't as "in shape" as he used to be. I feel like a TERRIBLE wife for doing this, but sometimes I poke his love handles and dish out a little tough love in the form of a joke, but he just laughs it off and says he's going to start exercising, but he never does. I am VERY active at the local gym and he is not (however, I have a membership and he does not) and I also work out at home. He just started a new job and it's very physical, so he's starting to get back into shape, but I want my old husband back! HELP!

How do I get him to be more physical? He has never been a lazy or out of shape person so I am a little worried for him :/

Sorry if this sounds so insensitive, but I like my in shape husband!!! I love him regardless of what he looks like, but I am a little frustrated because the guy I married was in shape and now is not, and the woman HE married was out of shape and is now IN shape! No role switching allowed! :P

Thanks for being supportive, guys!!!
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Replies

  • lexistepps
    lexistepps Posts: 200 Member
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    No advice???
  • mlally1014
    mlally1014 Posts: 119 Member
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    Don't Nag him!
  • Daisygurl7
    Daisygurl7 Posts: 129 Member
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    I have advice, but I don't think you're going to like it. It's called unconditional love....which you say you have, but you're here poking fun at your husband for all of us to see. I understand you like your men in shape, but have you talked to him about it? Instead of poking fun at him and telling the world of his weight troubles, talk to him about it. You can't help someone that doesn't want to help himself. sorry.
  • BullDozier
    BullDozier Posts: 237 Member
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    My thought is that if he just got out of the Marines, and is starting a new physical job, he deserves to have some slack. If the job is going to help him get back into shape, that's probably enough and you just might need to be a little patient.

    In general, most people have to be motivated internally to get back into shape, IMO. He'll get back into shape when's he ready, and probably not any time before then, I'm guessing.
  • Peanutmanda
    Peanutmanda Posts: 103
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    I'm alittle confused, Do you want him to get back inshape so you guys can share that together? Or do u just want him to look a certain way?

    Either way, the best thing in this case i guess, is to lead by example.
  • ktndj82104
    ktndj82104 Posts: 85
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    He needs to come to the realization himself. I am a military wife and see this ALOT with my friends that got out. He is only going to to get in shape again if he wants it. If this was a health issue I would say talk to him but if its just you wanting a sexy hubby let it go until hes ready.
  • Waterdog1955
    Waterdog1955 Posts: 3
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    He might be experiencing a let down from all the PT required by the Marines and enjoying the break. I'd suggest instead of the "tough love" approach that you sit down and seriously talk to him about your concerns. Speaking for myself, nagging and ridicule only make me dig in my heels. His new job is more physical and if he has the habit of working out from when he was a Marine then it will probably come back on it's own. If you truly love the man and not only how he looks then give him the time to relax a little and come up with his own plan. That's my 2 cents anyway!:smile:
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,100 Member
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    Did he used to poke at your fat rolls and such when you were out of shape and this is 'pay back?' I don't understand why you would do that having been previously out of shape yourself... please help me understand.

    Making fun of someone is not the way to influence them. He may laugh or shrug it off, but I guarantee it bothers him. Men have feelings too but I'm sure he has become accustomed to internalizing many of them in the military.

    My suggestion would be to find activities you can do and enjoy together... couples tennis, hiking, jogging, a date night of bowling... something to be active. Ask him to join the gym with you and become your spotter. Ask him to show you some moves in the gym. Make him feel valued and not made fun of.
  • scagneti
    scagneti Posts: 707 Member
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    Can we all assume that the cause of your interest in getting into shape was him making fun of you and poking at your rolls of fat?
  • cdmerrill
    cdmerrill Posts: 2
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    Once a Marine, always a Marine. My father was a Marine, and doesn't like being told what to do. However, if you tell him he can't do something he will certainly work to prove you wrong. If were you, I would key into you husband's competitive drive (I'm sure he has one). Maybe challenge him to some kind of fitness goal (marathon if he likes to run, or feats of strength if he is a tough guy), then watch him put in some serious effort to beat yout. Besides, the fairly friendly competition may create some fun 'tension' too :)
  • dimoul
    dimoul Posts: 137 Member
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    Show him before and after photos of people who lost a lot of weight. (I'm hoping to be one of those people in about a year). Tell him he can just skip the fat picture. Everyone who has been 50, 100, 150, etc... pounds overweight has been 10 lbs overweight at one time.
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,100 Member
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    Can we all assume that the cause of your interest in getting into shape was him making fun of you and poking at your rolls of fat?

    His 'payback' for poking her would be her poking him... not getting in shape. Please read the comment completely to avoid misunderstanding. :)
  • superwmn
    superwmn Posts: 936
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    Love him as he is. He has to make the decision on his own.

    If my husband poked anything on me and made a 'tough love' joke, I'd be devastated.

    Charmagne
  • innerfashionista
    innerfashionista Posts: 451 Member
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    Have you asked him to go work out with you? I think there are ways to go about it without point blank talking to him. See if he'd be willing to go on a walk with you, or to the gym. Is he good at weights? You could always need some "help."
  • DianaPowerUp
    DianaPowerUp Posts: 518 Member
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    I feel your pain. My dh was also a fit Marine, and now....that was 20 yrs ago, and he STILL talks about himself like he's in shape as he was back then. Whenever anything about exercise, activities, whatever comes up, he says proudly, "Well, I used to hump x amt. of miles at 4 am" blah blah blah, as if it has any relevance to NOW.

    Unfortunately, there is probably little you can do to change your dh's attitude. Being healthy, eating right, exercising, and generally taking care of yourself has to come from within. If you comment on it, push the issue, you will come across as a nag, and he will resent your "advice".

    My advice to you is (which is what I do, personally), is just do the best you can for yourself and your family. Make sure that you have healthy meals, healthy snack options, and model the behavior you'd like to see in him (eating well, exercising, etc). Hopefully that will work.

    For me, it has not worked yet. Sometimes I think that the incredible amount of physical exertion he experienced back then, makes his brain think that he is done for the rest of his life! I don't know. But I do know one thing - I am in better shape than when we got married, and our kids will at least have one parent that is an active, healthy role model for them.
  • lexistepps
    lexistepps Posts: 200 Member
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    Oh my goodness...relax, everyone. I am not the heartless shallow wife it seems some of you would have me be :wink:

    When I say poke fun, I mean I have done it once or twice since, I don't know, August/September-ish? We do it to each other, for those of you who asked. He was always very honest with me when I was getting out of shape and we ASK each other to be completely honest. However we are NOT hurtful about it, we joke (but understand that behind the joking is a bit of a serious comment) and we also encourage each other along the way!

    Also, to whomever asked, I want him to be in shape for himself, not because of me! Sure, I'm willing to admit there's a bit of a shallow bug in me that wants my old hubby back, but it's not my main cause for concern. He's been unhappy and making his OWN comments about being out of shape and though they are usually jokey, I think part of him wants to get back into shape but he just isn't quite there yet.

    Anyway, back to my main question, I'm simply wondering if there is anything someone has done as a couple that helped one partner to motivate the other? I like to run, and he does not (this comes from PTing CONSTANTLY) so that's out.

    So, I guess with all of that being cleared up, let me be absolutely clear that I am NOT in any way telling my husband what to do or when to do it, nor am I being insensitive. Thanks.

    Thanks to those who have provided me with helpful answers, sans judgement ;)
  • lexistepps
    lexistepps Posts: 200 Member
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    Can we all assume that the cause of your interest in getting into shape was him making fun of you and poking at your rolls of fat?

    Aren't you cute?
  • Loki182
    Loki182 Posts: 31
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    All I can say is that I used to be your husband. I don't know what he did in the Corps but I know when I got out it was such a load off my mind and body that I just needed time to allow myself to adjust to civilian life and to just let myself feel like a normal person again. Unfortunately the job I got after getting out was not very physical so I have kind of been on a break longer than I should have been. I am finally getting back to whipping my butt into shape but in all honestly I didn't really get that far out of shape. When I got out of the Marine Corps I was right at about 180 and the highest that I have weighed myself (earlier this month) was 208.

    Besides November/December is rough anyway, I mean personally I gained 10lbs last month, and that's kind of what kick started me wanting to get back into shape. It was the first time in my life that I have ever broke 200. But now I'm eating right (or at least a lot less) again and hitting the gym regularly partly for me and partly to support my wife who is also trying to lose weight but has a lot further to go than I do.

    The only thing that I can suggest is to give him a little time to unwind and then maybe ask him to start hitting the gym with you. Tell him you would like to be able to spend more time together. OR you can do like my wife and be less than subtle and just laugh at him when he is naked. Shoot if nothing else put him to work in the house... have him move furniture, paint, re-arrange the attic/garage/basement. You get the idea. But yeah there is a reason that there is a lot of "Cleaning, light, moderate effort" and "Cleaning, heavy, vigorous effort" in my Exercise Diary.
  • teasdino
    teasdino Posts: 228 Member
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    "I poke his love handles'
    Read the comment to avoid misunderstanding....lol I think she did.
    My hub retired from the army several years ago. He has since gained quite a bit of pnds. He is doing overseas work and is often in and out of the country. His added pounds has given him the nice side effect of sleep apnea. Of course he is in denial on that one. That is another reason for me working on myself. He is an active type personality, so I plan to bike and hike and do allot of fun together healthy things...on the downlow. Seeing as how I am also in charge of the groceries I am into experimenting with all kinds of recipes. Tell him he is your test subject while omitting the its for his health ;-]
    Someone else gave you the best advise. Seeing as how he has a fit personality start doing fun physical stuff together. Pick up biking and all that jazz.
    Another person was also on the mark. Being that they have to do all that pt all the time they have some serious burn out when they retire. As we get older our bodies change and that shape changes. He might not ever be in that exact same shape again. But keeping healthy together is a great idea.
    feel free to add me ;-]
    jac
  • lexistepps
    lexistepps Posts: 200 Member
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    Once a Marine, always a Marine. My father was a Marine, and doesn't like being told what to do. However, if you tell him he can't do something he will certainly work to prove you wrong. If were you, I would key into you husband's competitive drive (I'm sure he has one). Maybe challenge him to some kind of fitness goal (marathon if he likes to run, or feats of strength if he is a tough guy), then watch him put in some serious effort to beat yout. Besides, the fairly friendly competition may create some fun 'tension' too :)

    Ah, so true! His competitive streak runs lonnnng and wide. Good advice, thank you!

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