Im a total failiure

Don't feel bad! I am in the same boat as you and have been struggling to loose weight for a really long time. I have a hard time sticking to any plan, or exercise program. And just lately I've weighed myself and gained 10 lbs back in a short time as well. As you can imagine I was devastated, and felt like crime. But you have to remember, loosing weight takes time, and for people like me, I have to take it one day at a time and make better decisions. If you need motivation feel free to add me, we can go on this journey together

You're not a failure. You're just starting life. You're just figuring out that you have a lot to learn. Which is great!

Also... *puts on old lady hat* back in my day we didn't have no newfangled internet to learn nothin from. We just starved ourselves half to death and took whatever pills they were selling in the drugstore at the time, none of which actually worked and many of which probably cause all kinds of health issues later on. *choke gasp keels over dead from delayed diet pill side effects*

I think it's great you're here on MFP. You'll learn a lot and you will figure out what works for you.

Nope, nope, nope, you're not a failure. You've just encountered the natural effect of abruptly coming off a 1200-calorie diet. Read this post: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1071202-why-you-gain-weight-if-you-eat-more-than-your-cut

Last week, I had the flu. I ate very, very little last Wednesday and woke up on Thursday about 3-4 pounds lighter than normal. I ate several hundred calories extra Thursday and Friday to make up for it a bit, and on Saturday I weighed in 7 pounds heavier than Thursday. I'm still overeating daily, but not as much, and my weight has dropped back down a couple pounds from that Saturday weigh-in.

Part of that bounce is glycogen; part is just having food still making its way through your system. But if my weight can swing that much in the span of a few days... You see how this applies to your situation?

You don't have to "motivate" yourself to get back on track. Just do it. Don't go to McDonald's today, and you won't eat the ice cream cone. It's more about routines and habits than "motivation." Shake off the worry and post a good day or two, and it won't be long before you see the scale shift back downward. That said, this may be a good time to re-evaluate your calorie target and adjust it a bit closer to maintenance. Pounds will come off more slowly, but more easily.

I beg you to listen to this:

http://www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure

JK Rowling: The fringe benefits of failure

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE !!!!!!!!!!!!

How do I get myself back on track?

By going back to what you already know works.

OH NOES! YOU SCREWED UP!

Congratulations, you're human. Give yourself a break.

How do I get myself back on track?

By going back to what you already know works.

OH NOES! YOU SCREWED UP!

Congratulations, you're human. Give yourself a break.

QFT

Maybe some links to help you get the most out of MFP...

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1235566-so-you-re-new-here

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1069278-acronyms-and-terms-for-new-mfp-members-v-6

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/833026-important-posts-to-read

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

There are individuals on here who started at 400-500lbs and now are at a healthy weight or on the way there and no doubt they had hiccups and doubted themselves, you are no exception! I think the majority of us doubt ourselves from time to time especially when we feel we are putting in the effort but the scale goes in the wrong direction.

Stay the course, reevaluate when and if you have to and remember that people make mistakes, mistakes don't make people.

Dear Amirah, you are first of all too young to call yourself a total failure. You are far from it. If you were to go ahead and give up, even then you are not a complete failure. Falling over and then getting back up is part of life. Don't be so harsh on yourself

Second of all, unless you ate 45,500 calories OVER what you normally should be eating, I highly doubt you gained 13 lbs. of fat. Typically when you overeat, specially with junk food and foods high in Salt (Sodium!!!) you retain some water weight. There are many other factors that go in there but I can bet you that if you just worked out and eat properly, all that excess water weight will go away within a week. But I wouldn't worry about that. Just do your thing and you will get where you need to in no time.

You have to remember though, that 2-3 lbs to goal weight is something very small. It can take some time to get there but at the same time, you can gain that weight very shortly. I typically allow 5 lbs. over and under my goal weight to give my body some wiggle room.

tl;dr: don't be so harsh on yourself

So all you have to do is get a little bit serious about what you really want. If you want those 15 pounds burned off bad enough, there is absolutely no reason why you can't achieve that goal relatively quickly! So please please understand that you are not that far off from your goal. You just have to get serious and ask yourself what you're wiling to do about getting your goal.

An alternative view.

Emotional/boredom eating and an inability to motivate myself to stick to the plan, as well as emphasizing and internalizing my failure, are definite first warning signs of a major depressive episode for me. Its not an issue of just losing sight of what I want. Its an issue of avolition and anhedonia, symptoms of illness. Cant will myself to exercise, can't will myself to make healthier decisions, and I end up hating myself for not 'wanting it bad enough.' This worsens my depression and increases eating disorder related behaviors. Without medical intervention, food eventually becomes the only thing I find pleasure in and I can gain 60lbs in a few months as a result, despite spending the previous 8 months following my plan, habitualizing it, and loving it. Eating healthy and being active goes from enjoyable to Impossible. This is different from where I might just take a 'food holiday' for a few days and go crazy with carbs and then get back on plan. It took me a while to understand why I was gaining 60lbs and losing 60lbs every year. I won the depression lottery!

I don't know if depression is the issue here, but 19 is a common age for depression to show up with all of the stressful life transitions going on, and this advice comes from my own experience:

Review depression symptoms, find some online screening questionnaires. Talk to your doctor if you are concerned about depression. Be aware of it.

Try to stay judgement free! Don't hate yourself for the failure, or emphasize it. We don't have the ultimate control over our behaviors that we like to think we have. Self hate will poison future efforts and contribute to a downward spiral. Don't empower your critical inner voice. Consider all of that success you've had for the past 2 years.

Be mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Be aware that you are eating that bag of tater chips, be aware of how you were feeling before, during, and after eating it. Just don't judge yourself. Accept it! Try to use this awareness to make changes in the future. learn to identify the urges before acting on them, and tell yourself that you don't need the food, and its not going to hurt you if you don't eat it. Have healthier alternatives at the ready for these situations, like frozen grapes or sugar free jello. Your issue may not be depression, but it might be possible that you are coping with life stress with food. Find ways to cope with stress that don't involve food.

Keep logging! Use the note section for brief notes on what you were thinking and feeling when you binged or overate. Or better yet, find some mood/behavior tracking charts or software. Recording thoughts, feelings, and behaviors helps you analyze trends later on. It can help you identify triggers (eg carb cravings for me are result of increased carb intake. Icecream means cravings the next day.) or warning signs of a mood episode (eg a few days of not logging, going way over calorie goal several days in a row, not finding veggies appealing, skipping exercise more and more) For my body, Ive found the greatest success by keeping daily carbs below 100, and focusing on fat and protein.

Find new meals to prepare. Produce you havent tried before. Challenge yourself to come up with quick and easy meal plans for when your motivation levels have gone down.

Look back to meals you might have moved away from when you first started succeeding at eating healthy. Meals that you enjoyed and which motivated you.

Talk to friends, family, roommates. Explain your goals and struggles to them. Let them know how they can be more supportive, and be open to receiving their support.

I know a lot of people advise against this, but I weigh myself every day. It allows me to see exactly how my body responds to what I put into it. I might see myself gaining weight, but I also know that its just water weight and its going to come off fast when I get back on track. Daily may or may not be the right thing for you, but for me it provides consistency and some accountability. Like daily logging, its just one more part of the routine that keeps me connected to my goals when I start drifting.

Make sure you are dieting for the right reasons! Of course 'right' is subjective, but in my experience, the greatest success comes when I am eating for my health, as opposed to jean size.