Never thought this would make me depressed...

Alatariel75
Alatariel75 Posts: 18,342 Member
in Motivation and Support
So at the beginning of the year I started Taekwondo. I was at my heaviest weight (116kg at 5'4) and for the first time a change in jobs meant I could finally commit to something I'd wanted to do for years - a martial art.

I started Taekwondo 2 nights a week and loved it. I was the biggest in the class by far, and my weight made me uncoordinated. But, in 6 months I went from a morbidly obese rank beginner to a 3rd level yellow belt with a healthy reputation for kicking like a mule and an invitation to join the master-class for competing in my level in state at the end of the year. My first minor competition was supposed to be in 2 weeks.

Knee pain started kicking in a couple months ago. Yoga, recently started, made it a worse enough to see the doctor.An MRI of my knee has just shown full thickness ulceration of the cartilage over the top of my patella and I'm currently pulled out of TKD until specialists, physio and a full assessment. This months competition is off for me and I'm likely going to miss my next grading in a month.

I've always disliked exercise. I don't like the gym. I don't like group classes. But TKD makes me feel strong, and good and like I was learning something valuable first and getting fit second.

I never imagined getting pulled off of a form of exercise would hit me so hard but I left the doctors and I cried. I've had a terrible week (house got broken into) and I was looking forward to getting back into my routine. Not to mention the general "can't do knee impacting exercise" means a total revamp of my eating habits - I do believe in earning the calories to enjoy the treats.

Being benched, even for a few weeks (and with this diagnosis I imagine it is going to be longer) SUCKS and I can't help but think it's going to screw up the so far very successful thing I've got going on.

But really - I just never thought being told I couldn't exercise would make me cry.

Replies

  • caspercb
    caspercb Posts: 33 Member
    I have nothing to offer other than a ((((HUG))))

    Having your house broken into is awful too.

    Hope things go well with the specialist and he's able to give you clear information on what needs to be done.
  • dj1skywalker
    dj1skywalker Posts: 86
    Very sorry to hear that :sad: :flowerforyou:
  • donnat238
    donnat238 Posts: 309 Member
    Awww - so sorry. I would be bummed too! ((hugs))
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
    Knees are so prone to damage. I used to run and fell a couple of time so I have one knee that is weak. I forgot about it, but after 4 days of nonstop dancing at the Zumba convention last week, I started experiencing pain again. I got a knee brace that helps, but am being careful nonetheless.

    Sports docs reported a massive increase in knee injuries in women since the onset of this fitness boom. I no longer do any jumping in my Zumba classes.

    My sister in law is a Tai Quan Do instructor and black belt so I know how rigorous that can be.

    Huggg!
  • Bobble11
    Bobble11 Posts: 49 Member
    Maybe you could still go to the classes and help to teach and support others. That way you're still a part of the TKD scene and you're still seeing all your mates.
  • abear007
    abear007 Posts: 84 Member
    About 25 years or so ago I was doing TKD. We were all lined up, doing whatever kicks the master called out,moving in unison down the floor and then "pop" landed on my leg all wrong and tore it up, collapsed in a heap right there in the dojo. That was the end of my TKD career. :ohwell:

    On a brighter note, my other knee has developed severe bad arthritis in it and it needed an operation to for a torn meniscus. Oh wait, that's not exactly brighter is it? Oops!

    Anyway, the brighter note is that even with two bad knees that won't let me jog more than 25 yards, I'm finding a way to shed the extra pounds. :smile:
  • bcf7683
    bcf7683 Posts: 1,653 Member
    I was just diagnosed with colon cancer on June 2 of this year. Come June 17 I was in the hospital for 6 days after getting a foot of my colon removed. NO physical activity for at least two months ("Well you can walk at around 2mph on the treadmill for about 20 minutes a day."....seriously?). I'm just now able to lift the 10-20lb weights at my gym- and it's like a smack in the face. Go from deadlifting and squatting like a champ to lifting a 20lb dumbbell off the rack and being afraid of giving yourself a hernia from exertion. I can't even put the weights back that people leave all around at the gym because I can't ("not allowed") lift more than 25lbs yet.

    But it's crazy that after being diagnosed with cancer that the only thing I'm worried about is not being able to lift- I need to keep reminding myself that I'm lucky that my diagnosis came when it did rather than down the road when it could've killed me for sure........Sometimes we need to put ourselves in check. There's a very real possibility for me that this could happen at least one more time in the next 5-10 years (not to mention the rest of my life, I'm only 25), but I'm not going to let that sideline me. I'll train when I'm healthy enough to, and be thankful that I AM healthy enough to do it. If it happens again, I'll need to keep reminding myself that I need to focus on getting myself better, and that the gym will be there when I'm ready to go back. It may feel like a permanent situation what you're going through, but I assure you, it isn't- you'll heal eventually. If you aren't able to get back to where you were originally, adapt to it. Do what you can with what you have.
  • ShadeyC
    ShadeyC Posts: 315 Member
    Stupid knee! Bug hugs! The knee will get fixed and you'll get cool physio and then you can be the bionic woman and even STRONGER kicking butts at TKD.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,342 Member
    Thanks, guys. I know I was being a sook about this but it is just really dispiriting. I love my TKD! Hopefully the physio will have some advice and I won't need to take too long a break.
  • Spreyton22K
    Spreyton22K Posts: 323 Member
    Oh dear, I am SO sorry this has happened to you.

    Injury and pain are so difficult to cope/live with, especially when it means that you lose a treasured sport or past time that really made you feel so empowered and positive about your weight loss and life in general.

    I can relate to this feeling of loss.....I truly think that there can be a deep sense of bereavement when seemingly everyday options and choices are no longer available to us. For instance, my weight loss was pretty bound up with following my desire to do extreme (for me) Bushwalking, even Mountain climbing. Through this 'sport' I gained a awful lot of self-confidence and sense of worth, re-connected with my SO and learned so much about my own strengths and weaknesses that up till that point I was pretty much in the dark over, or maybe it was denial.

    I have the feeling that for you Taekwondo was "That" sport, for you. You grew and changed in unexpected ways and now for the forseeable future that has stopped and you feel adrift and depressed. Those feelings are so understandable.....Please honour them. Don't do what I did when I could no longer do my thing (Lupus), I berated myself, felt foolish by my tears of disappointment and regret and spent a miserable time trying to feel differently. It didn't work. The harder I denied the harder those feelings fought back.

    I REALLY feel so much for you. I wish you the best in healing and hope you are able to access any and all services to help your knees and heart. I hope that you find comfort in knowing that there are others who have lost their beloved sport or activity through changing life circumstances and they too have experienced similar feelings as you.

    If you cannot get back to Taekwondo the next question is what would inspire you as this has??? Obviously, it is early days, and you will need patience in bucket loads (I wish you all the best with that too.....I am NOT very patient least of all with myself, especially if I think I have wussed out or believe I am a bit weak and need to put the big girl panties on....this CAN be counter-productive) but maybe thinking about other options could give you some brightness and hope for the future.

    All the very best honey.....I am sending my hugs and support through the air all the way from Tassie.

    Karen
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I can relate. At the end of April I was pulled from lifting and running and told that I'd never be able to squat or deadlift again.

    Thankfully after my first consult with my physio he said he thought that was premature and I'm just now getting back to doing lower body work. It's likely to still be a rough and slow road but at least it's better than being completely benched.

    Point being, it sucks. But try not to be too despondent until you've had all of your consultations. It might not be as bad as you think. Hang in there.

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