Learning to regain focus after 130 lbs lost (pics)

Every so often I run in to people who also go to the local YMCA. The conversation is always the same, “I see you at the gym and I always want to tell you how good you look! But I never say hello because you look like you are in the zone.” This comment tends to break my heart since I am such an outgoing and social person. However, like I always explain to them I am simply not there to socialize. I cut myself off from the world with airplane mode activated, headphones on and fall within myself. I find I sense of meditation in the silence gained through familiar music and extreme focus. There is a power there in the mental quiet to push my body to its limit.

Recently I wonder if I need to be so intensely focused every time I enter. When I take my headphones off regulars of the gym immediately swarm to me and exclaim their praise of my transformation. It takes me by surprise every single time. However, it wasn’t until the most recent incident that I realized how much I needed their words of encouragement. In the past month I can honestly say I forgot I lost around 130 pounds. Even now I struggle to recognize my physical changes. I’m so used to this thinner self I have lost the intoxicating awe of my journey and body. I look at my old pictures and still think I look that way. In both the newer and older pictures I just don’t see me. I lost the connection to my physical self.

Hard to not notice, right?

With this lost sense of self also came the return of my bad eating habits and a plethora of excuses to not go to the gym. It should be no surprise that I gained back ten pounds. The understanding of my physical self was such a new idea to me it barely had time to take root before life hit me from every direction. The most significant blow was the passing of my grandmother after a buildup of so many smaller ones. I reached a breaking point and the first thing to fall was my new self.

As I come to the end my grieving process my mental focus and clarity slowly returns. I’m not ashamed of my weight gain. It shows me that I am human, I am flawed. It reminds me the greatest strength someone can have is resilience. I am more aware of the deep connection between my weight loss and mental wellbeing. After this I stand reassured that I have found my source point of success.

Without therapy I doubt I would have been able to find this mental resilience and use it to my advantage. With the fog cleared I can see once again this journey is not something that will end when I reach my goal. It’s something that will need to be maintained for the rest of my life, just like my mental health. There are such intense ups and downs in our lives, how can we expect weight loss to be so linear and final. So, I celebrate my weight gain. I celebrate the fact I was able to keep it at 10 and not let it creep up into the 50s and 60s like in the past.

By unplugging myself I was given the opportunity to taste the fruit of compliments and encouragement, my eyes opened once more to the enormity of my success. While I may have stumbled back slightly I am grateful because I am reminded that the true power behind my journey is not physical, but mental. Mental health is the unspoken key to weight loss that is never mentioned in our culture. Magazines and celebrities offer cures in special oils, fruits and diets, we focus on what people are eating and doing that we completely miss the truth. There is no diet, eating plan, or workout plan that will magically make you lose a large amount of weight. The words “Life change” are thrown around talk shows all the time, but I find it is the only way to truly describe what must happen. You have to change everything in your life – your eating habits, your activity, but most importantly your mindset. The mind takes the longest to reshape, but it offers the greatest benefits once achieved.

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