NSV: kicking the food obsession?

One of my more serious barriers to weight loss has been food obsession. I'd think about food all the time. I mean, all the time. When I was eating, I'd think about eating more. When I wasn't eating, I'd think about what food I could eat later. If I was laying in bed trying to sleep, I'd think about food. And if I denied myself food, it became the object of my undying attention!

Well, since I started my Lifestyle Change, for ages, the weekends have been "cheat" day(s) for me. I always felt like I needed a night to cut loose and eat like I used to! Just one night a week! I still lost weight doing that, and for a long time it worked fine. If I ever got the desire to binge or eat huge quantities, I'd just remind myself I could do it Friday or Saturday, and I'd eat better the rest of the week.

However, apparently without my even knowing, I've stopped needing the cheat days. I don't know when this change happened, but I first noticed it at Christmastime. While visiting family, I decided on Dec. 24 and 25 to just cut loose. And I sure did. I think it was 3700 calories on Christmas Eve alone! At one point, I just sat at the cookie tray for about 10 minutes and ate cookies. And ate more cookies. And then some more cookies.

It was awful. I didn't enjoy it one bit. I did it anyway, don't get me wrong. But even today I still haven't figured out why I did it. I felt absolutely ill and embarrassed for myself.

And now, I've noticed I don't cheat so much on the weekends any more. Since I still tracked even on my cheat days, I could see how badly I did. And last Saturday I went out for a burger AND a milkshake. My net calories ended up at -127. That's really not bad for a "cheat day", especially for me!

Today I realized that all week, I've been low on calories. If I wanted to, I could have myself a night full of snacking and still have a nice low weekly average. So I had some candies, had a little ice cream sandwich, stuff like that, so I wasn't exactly eating clean today. But I'm still 150 under.

And that little voice in the back of my head telling me to eat, eat, eat is sounding quieter and quieter. Will it ever be gone completely? Probably not. But I'm feeling elated that I might actually be starting to pound it into submission! Maybe someday I'll have a normal relationship with food! :bigsmile: