ED Recovery Struggle

Oh I'd like to help, but I have a feeling you'd be the last thing you'd be looking for! I'm a binge eater and starver (or should I say trying to recover from) and I'm not done with the therapy thing yet. Currently having CBT but help from GP is non-existant because I'm not underweight. The CBT I'm having is with an eating disorder specialist and is funded by my employer. Who'd have thought I'd have to get help via my employer just because the NHS won't give me help? Maybe they'd prefer I had a slow death through hypertension and diabetes instead....oh heck I'm ranting now LOL

If you would like some encouragement, my struggle is different to yours, but I'm familiar with the mental torture that is eating and the obsession that is counting everything...every macro nutrient etc. I'm doing my best to stop these behaviours *sigh*

Message me if you'd like, but I'm sure other people more in-tune with your particular ED will contact you anyway. I've used MFP for a lot of years and there never seems to be a shortage of people with ED issues (sadly).

Good on you for making progress towards a healthier lifestyle hun x

You have really come a long way, and it is really a sign how important recovery is to you that you are posting here!

Generally in recovery the goal is to regain to at least a BMI of 19. Your hunger signals aren't a very good guide when you are underweight and it is OK to eat even if you aren't hungry. You could try increasing your daily calories by 250 until you are gaining 0.5 pounds per week. If it is hard to eat more, you can also do this by adding 1-2 nutrition drinks like ensure. Regarding the foods you are struggling to eat, you could try listing them all and rating from 0-100 how difficult each food would be for you to eat. Then systematically start with a food that is around 30-40 and work your way up. You can do this with a therapist who practices exposure therapy (they will usually be a CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) therapist).

The motivation part is trickiest and probably the most important thing about having a professional (dietitian or therapist) is the chance to work through all the thoughts and feelings that get in your way and get the encouragement to keep going. It may also help to remind yourself what life was like at a BMI of 13. Were you happy? How did you feel physically? At that time you probably also did not want to gain weight or eat more, but did entering treatment help you move more towards happiness and feeling better physically? It will be the same as you get back into the normal BMI range.

Hi!

It sounds like we are in a very similar situation...I am also here trying to recover from my eating disorder. One year ago I had a BMI of 13.9, and today it is up to 17.1. I have been recovering entirely on my own, so it has been a slow process with a lot of ups and downs, but I finally found a path that is working for me. I started out by saying no to all my fear foods and focusing on eating only the foods that I was comfortable with. My diet at that point was very limited as I'm sure you can sympathize with, but I did this to get rid of the anxiety that surrounded eating for me. I just made sure to eat my safe foods as often as I could throughout the day. And when I thought I was done eating I would eat some more. But only my safe foods (I probably ate my way through a million apples). I think it really helped my body get used to eating regularly again. And after a couple weeks of this I started to feel real hunger again--hunger without anxiety or guilt--which was such an amazing feeling, I've honestly never felt happier! At this point I slowly started integrating the foods that had previously made me feel anxious or nauseous or "heavy". Just one at a time, little by little, gradually building up my daily caloric intake and spending some time each day just reminding myself that I want to be HEALTHY above all else, and that eating is GOOD FOR ME. If I caught myself thinking of food or eating in a negative way, I would stop and restructure that thought into something positive instead.

I've only been using MFP for a few weeks now but I was truly shocked at how much it recommended I eat a day (2350 cals). I was waaayyy under this when my disorder was in full swing. I didn't even realize how few calories I had been taking in! I never kept track. But now that I'm getting used to this amount I actually want to eat more because I feel I'm not gaining enough anymore. Try your best every few days or so to up your intake a little bit more, even if it's just by 50 cals! Every little bit counts. That is basically my recovery mantra: something is always better than nothing.

I think you should be aiming to eat a little bit more than what you are right now..but like I said, those calories can easily come from your safe foods! The important thing is that you just get calories into your body. As for your fear of sugars and fats, these don't need to be the unhealthy kinds. There are lots of sources of healthy sugars (fruit, for example), and fats (like olive oil, avocados, and nuts) which your body needs in order to recover and function properly again. Our society has put such a horrible label on fats and sugars (i.e. saturated fats and white refined sugar) when in fact they are naturally occurring in healthy foods and are NEEDED by our bodies.

I am not a doctor or anything so of course always keep consulting them during your recovery-- this is just what has helped me during mine. Try your best to stay positive and don't let any setbacks get you down! I wish you so much luck in your journey, I know you can do it! Feel free to message me at any point, I am always happy to help, or even just to listen (: