Polyvore Dilemma

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WhitneyAnnabelle
WhitneyAnnabelle Posts: 724 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Backstory: I basically cohabitate with my boyfriend, who has the means to go out to eat every night (I've never had the means, so I'm not used to it). I am vegan for health reasons, due to several chronic problems. He is the consummate meat eater, and though he's a CrossFitter who is not paleo, he basically lives like one. I've gained about 10-15 pounds in the last month and have had to compromise my eating quite a bit in order for him to maintain his lifestyle (I also don't mind going out to eat). There are few vegan options, and I'm also trying to cut out processed crap and sugar. I'm down on myself more than ever, and while he's trying to find places that accommodate me, I'm becoming obsessive about things.

Has anyone dealt with this? How do you reconcile living in a polyvore household? I'm going mad. I know eating in more is an answer, but it doesn't really address the whole "let's try not to change each other" issue.

Replies

  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
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    I know you already said this, but cook at home.

    You can make dinner. He can grill a steak and add it to the dinner you made to make his not vegan.
  • WhitneyAnnabelle
    WhitneyAnnabelle Posts: 724 Member
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    We're trying, but it's that whole "hey, let's not change each other!" crap. I should just break up with him now, right? Haha. In the past, all of my partners have basically started eating like me, so I guess I'm spoiled.
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
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    Look at it this way. Way of eating is similar to religion. For people with deep religious beliefs which define who they are, its important to find someone with the same/similar beliefs. If you don't, there will be strife because you will try to change each other.

    However, many relationships work when people have different religions. But those work because either their religion doesn't define them as a person or they are very open minded to the other persons beliefs. Either way, it works because they aren't trying to change the other person.

    Only you can decide how much your way of eating will affect your relationships. Either its very important to you and you should find someone who feels the same way, or its just something you do and you can just go about your way of eating without trying to change your partner. Neither option is wrong, just different.
  • WhitneyAnnabelle
    WhitneyAnnabelle Posts: 724 Member
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    That's a good way of looking at it. Thank you for the perspective :)
  • s_bashore
    s_bashore Posts: 5 Member
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    I am somewhat faced with this although my partner tries hard to eat right, and takes a lot of clues from me. It's just we have different preferences and tastes. Yes we also have some different opinions on diet and health too. I try to strike a balance and have to draw the line on what I will eat. It's a give and take situation. I accommodate her and she accommodates me on occasion. I wouldn't get obsessive about it. Just try for the give and take and know when to draw the line. You ultimately control you.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    We're trying, but it's that whole "hey, let's not change each other!" crap. I should just break up with him now, right? Haha. In the past, all of my partners have basically started eating like me, so I guess I'm spoiled.

    how is adding a steak to what you eat changing either of you? And, why would you want anyone changing to your way of eating, if that's not how they were when you met? So, basically, you WANT whoever you are with to change their eating habits to eat like you do?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    I have had to compromise my eating quite a bit in order for him to maintain his lifestyle

    isnt being in a relationship about BOTH parties compromising?!
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    You're living together, which I wouldn't imagined happened after only a week or two, so while dating and leading up to this wasn't there some indication that you would be making adjustments? A partnership is about compromise (BOTH PARTIES), how bout half time eating out half time you cook.
  • PlumpKitten
    PlumpKitten Posts: 112 Member
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    I know a long-married couple. And at least on the outside, they seem very loving and happy.
    She's a strict vegan. He's a real meat-eater.
    Here's what they do:
    At home, they eat together, but different foods. She will make, say, couscous and veggies for herself. And for his portion, he will add meat on the side.
    When they go out together, they make an effort to find restaurants with a wide variety of foods that will suit both of them. And he makes an effort for her -- no going to, say, a place that only serves meat.
    But they give each other space -- and if she wants a healthy lunch alone with the girls, and he wants the occasional steak dinner alone with the guys, that's OK.
    While their eating habits are different, they find things they like together -- they both enjoy dessert after dinner at home. They both enjoy hiking on the weekends.
    I guess this is more relationship advice than dieting advice, but you can make it work.
    For example, my husband drinks quite a lot, and I drink almost no alcohol. So after work, he has his wine, and I have my tea - and it's fine.
  • meridianova
    meridianova Posts: 438 Member
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    I have had to compromise my eating quite a bit in order for him to maintain his lifestyle

    isnt being in a relationship about BOTH parties compromising?!

    ^^^this... this exactly.
    We're trying, but it's that whole "hey, let's not change each other!" crap.

    i can understand the idea of taking people as they are, loving them for who they are, and not trying to mold them into someone/something else. but a big part of living together (and this goes for roommates as well) is understanding how to adapt your own living habits to accommodate someone else's existence within that space. maybe it's picking up your dirty laundry rather than leaving it in a pile in the bathroom. maybe it's learning to go to sleep without the TV on. maybe it's learning to cook meals together that you can both enjoy.

    you cooking veggies for yourself while he cooks animal protein isn't asking him to change, it's a shared compromise. you both get what you want... the food you can eat. thinking that you should throw the relationship away over food seems pretty reactionary to me. i'm guessing that you knew he ate meat and he knew you were vegan long before you decided to move in together, so this isn't exactly a surprise.
  • bingo_jenn
    bingo_jenn Posts: 63 Member
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    I would say cooking at home will be the best option. One cookbook I found, although I'm unsure how many vegan recipes there are, is "Double Take: One Fabulous Recipe, Two Finished Dishes, Feeding Vegetarians and Omnivores Together."

    I like the idea because then you "feel" like you're eating the same thing.

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