Insecurity surprised me...

I had dinner with a friend Sunday night whom I have not seen since June. I was excited to see her, and was wondering what her reaction would be to my 29 lb weight loss. Last time she saw me I was in a size 18-20, this time I was in a size 14 jean. A loose 14 too!
Well....there really was no reaction. When we ordered, I asked for a piece of grilled chicken and steamed veggies prepared with no butter or sauce. (we went to outback) She then mentioned "oh, you are still on your diet?"

It is not so much that she did not give me the reaction that I hoped for, or maybe it is. I was SHOCKED how insecure it made me. I was down in the dumps all day yesterday about it. My DH keeps telling me what a great job I am doing, but why is it so important for me to have others notice?

I hate doubting myself, and I hate feeling like maybe I have not come as far as I thought I have.
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Replies

  • emikarls
    emikarls Posts: 1,058 Member
    I had dinner with a friend Sunday night whom I have not seen since June. I was excited to see her, and was wondering what her reaction would be to my 29 lb weight loss. Last time she saw me I was in a size 18-20, this time I was in a size 14 jean. A loose 14 too!
    Well....there really was no reaction. When we ordered, I asked for a piece of grilled chicken and steamed veggies prepared with no butter or sauce. (we went to outback) She then mentioned "oh, you are still on your diet?"

    It is not so much that she did not give me the reaction that I hoped for, or maybe it is. I was SHOCKED how insecure it made me. I was down in the dumps all day yesterday about it. My DH keeps telling me what a great job I am doing, but why is it so important for me to have others notice?

    I hate doubting myself, and I hate feeling like maybe I have not come as far as I thought I have.
  • RedCurls
    RedCurls Posts: 56
    Girl, She probably did notice... she was probably just jealous. Don't let her get you down. A lot of people are too self absorbed to notice anyone else anyways. I think you are doing wonderful and I can't wait until I can say I have lost 29 pounds! Congrat by the way!!! I had the same problem with my best friend a few weeks ago... not that my weight loss is that noticable but she know that I have been on a diet and we had not seen each other in a few months... she didn't say one word about it. Anyways... don't let it bother you... :smile:
  • Losing_It
    Losing_It Posts: 3,271 Member
    Don't get down on yourself about it. I have THAT person in my life too that REFUSES to acknowledge any success unless it's her own. I don't know if your friend has the same attitude or not but I'm sure she noticed!

    Keep your chin up and keep on kicking butt!
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    Oh please darlin, your fabulous.

    Most people are oblivious to anything that doesn't imediately concern them. She did notice, not in a friendly way, cause you ordered healthy foods. I am guessing she just got whatever she wanted and it wasn't as consciously selected.

    Forget about her....29 lbs is a great success. Focus on your feelings about yourself and those that matter most....this was some random chica who you haven't hung out with since June, I am not sure if that qualifies her as one of the "matters most" catagory.
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    Number one: CONGRATS!!!!!! 29 pounds and four-five pant sizes! WHOA!!!!!

    Number two: Been in those shoes a time or two myself sweetie. And the "friend" was home from college and a good 20 pounds heavier. I was feeling great and sexy and she's like "I hate diets. They're stupid" It made me see her for who she really was: no friend of mine. it hurts, no matter who you are. You want to be recognized and awarded because you have worked so darn hard.

    One thing you do have is a great hubby. Listen to him, because he's right sweetie. You have done an awesome job! And she's just jealous. You can talk to her about it, perhaps she doesn't understand how painful her words were. And then there's always the option of a head shrinking voodoo man!! :wink:

    We don't go down this journey for others. We do hope, though, that someone will give us that gold star! You aren't foolish for feeling like you deserved a star, you so do! But you're getting them from those who have your back and love you unconditionally. Focus on that, and believe me, you'll feel so much better!

    :flowerforyou:
  • metco89
    metco89 Posts: 578 Member
    It is aggravating when ppl don't notice our hard work. this is even worse, i had someone say to me a couple weeks ago oh I see u aren't exercising anymore!!! you WERE looking good looks like it is coming back. I was like ahhhhh NO!!!! :laugh: I had gained 4 lbs back though :grumble: that was the comment that prompted me back on track and onto MFP!!! I was aggravated though cause he made it sound like i gained the whole 42 lbs back!! there is my sign, i still say sometimes success is tthe revenge even though i know i am doing this for myself so i feel better and have more energy more than worrying about the "look" :flowerforyou:
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
    Some people can't stand to see the success of others. :grumble:

    You're doing awesome!! 29 pounds is a noticeable amount of weight. I agree w/everyone else, she was just jealous! :devil:
  • MFS27
    MFS27 Posts: 549 Member
    Sometimes I'm hestiant to comment on people's weight loss - I don't want my friends thinking I'm keeping track of their poundage...you know? It really doesn't matter, and I'd much rather comment on something like an achievement or job, etc. When people I haven't seen in a while tell me - OMG you've lost a TON of weight - then I think, ok so I was fat cow before?? Weight comments can go wrong on so many different levels - I just stay away from it unless the person brings it up. Even then - tread carefully.

    However, her remark about "oh you are still on that diet?" was not the best thing she could have said...

    Remember you are losing weight/getting healthier for YOU and, yes, you look fabulous! :flowerforyou:
  • PrincessLaundry
    PrincessLaundry Posts: 2,758 Member
    I have learned something about changing my lifestyle...

    My good friends encourage me and always have positive words to say. I am so thankful for them!!! :flowerforyou: They ask questions about my journey and many have made new changes as well. Hooray! Then there are others I can catch out of my eye looking and won't utter a word. They only push me to lose the next 15 pounds faster!!! :bigsmile:

    Don't doubt yourself...Remember to take on this adventure for YOU and nobody else. The compliments from friends and green eyes are only bonuses to keep you going!

    YOU CAN DO THIS!
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,707 Member
    We don't go down this journey for others. We do hope, though, that someone will give us that gold star!

    You said it perfectly!

    Congrats on the 29lbs. You're doing amazing!!!! :flowerforyou:
  • emikarls
    emikarls Posts: 1,058 Member
    WOW! Thank you EVERYONE! Your words mean so much. You all are so right! I am doing this for me 100% but of coarse sometimes it would be nice to get that "gold star".
    WHICH YOU ALL JUST GAVE ME! Thank you again.

    I posted a "before" pic on my profile, it is the one with me in a red shirt.
    The one with me in the white shirt was taken a few weeks ago.

    Thanks again everyone! THIS is why I love MFP family!:heart:
    :flowerforyou:
  • Sometimes when people see that we are improving (weight loss) it causes an internal look at what they have or have not been doing in there own life. Though they might not br over weight we as people need to keep going forward and when we lose 29 lbs it is very obvious that you are going forward and change for the good. It is hard at time to look at others succeding when we look at oursleves and we don't match up. Keep up the good work many blessings.
  • Fab140
    Fab140 Posts: 1,976 Member
    WOW! Thank you EVERYONE! Your words mean so much. You all are so right! I am doing this for me 100% but of coarse sometimes it would be nice to get that "gold star".
    WHICH YOU ALL JUST GAVE ME! Thank you again.

    I posted a "before" pic on my profile, it is the one with me in a red shirt.
    The one with me in the white shirt was taken a few weeks ago.

    Thanks again everyone! THIS is why I love MFP family!:heart:
    :flowerforyou:

    My word, sweetie!! Get your friend to the urgent care soon, she's gone blind!!! You look fabulous!!! I say take those pictures and post them on every mirror in the house! That way when you're feeling bleh or fat, take a good look because you are a rockstar!!
  • emikarls
    emikarls Posts: 1,058 Member
    WOW! Thank you EVERYONE! Your words mean so much. You all are so right! I am doing this for me 100% but of coarse sometimes it would be nice to get that "gold star".
    WHICH YOU ALL JUST GAVE ME! Thank you again.

    I posted a "before" pic on my profile, it is the one with me in a red shirt.
    The one with me in the white shirt was taken a few weeks ago.

    Thanks again everyone! THIS is why I love MFP family!:heart:
    :flowerforyou:

    My word, sweetie!! Get your friend to the urgent care soon, she's gone blind!!! You look fabulous!!! I say take those pictures and post them on every mirror in the house! That way when you're feeling bleh or fat, take a good look because you are a rockstar!!


    Thank you so much, you literally just made me tear up! :flowerforyou:
  • amylynne26
    amylynne26 Posts: 195
    Seriously.... you dropped a toddler. Go find a 2-3 year old, take a good look at them - THAT IS HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOU'VE LOST!!!!!! GO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

    :flowerforyou:

    Sigh... can't wait till I can say that. I've dropped a newborn (about 8 pounds). :laugh:
  • SoupNazi
    SoupNazi Posts: 4,229 Member
    Honestly.....it took me about 35 lbs before anyone noticed anything. I just carry weight well and even my relatives couldn't tell much difference. Maybe the same holds true for you.

    Just remember...you are doing this for you first. Keep on going and it will get noticed.:happy:
  • MontanaGirl
    MontanaGirl Posts: 1,251 Member
    I looked at your pics - WOW!!! That is amazing!!! You are looking soooo good. Yup - she's just got the green monster showing up. You rock - rock on girl!! :drinker:
  • emikarls
    emikarls Posts: 1,058 Member
    Seriously.... you dropped a toddler. Go find a 2-3 year old, take a good look at them - THAT IS HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOU'VE LOST!!!!!! GO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

    :flowerforyou:

    Sigh... can't wait till I can say that. I've dropped a newborn (about 8 pounds). :laugh:

    Just as I read this my 3 yr old walked in the room! LOL
    Thank you for your kind words!!!
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    You are doing an AMAZING job. You look great! I imagine you FEEL great...so just focus on what you are doing for YOU. That is THE most important thing.

    I have experienced that type of thing myself and I just let it go and figure....ok.....well, there WILL come the time that they can't ignore it! AND, cattiness can come out when it comes to weight-loss. Don't ever let it get you down because it will ALWAYS happen..unfortunately!

    Keep up the excellent work!!

    -Tami
  • Since everyone else has already got your spirits back up (and by the way, great job on 29 lbs!) maybe she thought you were done "dieting"? A crazy thought, I know. She couldn't possibly have not noticed, from your pics you look great! She may have figured you were on a diet, you lost the weight and now you're done? I'm sure it was a mix of everything, but you should definitely not let it get you down.

    I just went to a wedding where I saw a lot of people for the first time in a few years. I was disappointed at first when no one noticed my weight loss, but then I remembered they hadn't really seen me at my chunkiest either. It made me realize how sensitive I was too. I think every once in a while it's good to remember why we're doing it. :wink: