Retail Rudeness

Warning, this is part venting post and part general wondering.

So earlier this week I went into Victoria's Secret to purchase a new bra. I had a sales lady measure me, but as she did it she looked confused and then said, "You're a 42 B, I guess", now mind you I haven't been a B cup since middle school and generally the 36 strap is too loose on me. So I told her the size of the last bra I purchased, she grabbed some options, and I headed into the dressing room…pretty normal. A few ill-fitting, too small bras later she said she wanted to go get the manager as she was a "bra specialist" and I was perfectly fine, a good fitting bra is awesome and I was in desperate need for one.

Here comes a great moment …

While she was gone I looked in the mirror and found myself in a different thought train than usual. Instead of seeing the parts of me I didn't like, I noticed the inches gone from my stomach and my legs and arms looking more toned. I have lost over 15 lbs and I was finally seeing what everyone else is commenting on. I have gone down from a size 12 to a 10 & my hourglass figure is becoming more defined (granted I have a few extra minutes on me, but I still have a decent hourglass going).

Now for the positivity shattering …

She comes back in with her manager and she measures me…"See what I mean?" the sales lady says and the manager agrees. Before I know it they are standing in front of me (and I am in my underwear, so feeling a touch vulnerable) commenting on my body saying, "She has such a weird figure." "I know, it's such an odd shape" "I just don't know how to size, it's such a weird shape" So after a few minutes I say excuse me and ask them what size I need (I wanted to get out of there as soon as I could). They tell me that because I have such a "Um, unique I suppose is the word for it" figure that it's hard to size me. The number of times they used the words "weird" and "odd" to describe my body just shattered all the good feelings I had just had about myself. Granted, I really don't think I have a weird figure, I feel like I have a generally normal looking body, but I could be wrong. I was just so disheartened by this experience that I left the mall and went home.

Now, here's the general wondering part.

Does this seriously happen? Who says stuff like that to people? I don't understanding nonchalontly talking rudely about someone's body (or anything for that matter) right in front of them, like it's no big deal!

Replies

Meerataila

Sorry this happened to you. You have to understand retail. It pays crap, there is no respect or reward even for those who do their job well in most cases, and many of us look forward to the day when society is smart enough to replace all those jobs with self-serve stores so humanity can get on with using its gray matter to actually resolve serious issues. Meanwhile you have someone whose label in her work life is bra specialist. Yeah, that's got to be fulfilling. And her little underling, who doesn't even achieve those lofty heights of greatness. So really, you can't expect much. Call corporate if you want, but corporate isn't going to replace them with better, because I don't care if you put the love child of Mother Teresa and Albert Einstein in that job, the job itself will crush all heart and ambition and empathy out of anyone after awhile.

I suggest you shrug off their silly wording, move on, and hope you never end up where these two ladies are at in life. Having a non-standard body shape does not mean anything bad. Or good, for that matter. We should all take care of our health of course, but most of what we are is that gray stuff between our ears. And the more non-standard that is, the better!

Morning rant over.

hookilau

What was 'weird' about your figure that made it so hard to size you?

I personally don't let people touch me for stuff like that. When getting sized for my wedding dress 18 years ago, they made me feel just horrible about my body.

I was 120# and 5' tall at the time =/

I've found people who work in this capacity, forget you are a human being who can HEAR you while they discuss what to do with your mis-shapen and contorted body :laugh:

It always stymied them where my natural waist fell in relation to my chest etc. It's like they only know formulas but not well enough to make it work.

Don't feel bad honey....this weekend I'm on a search for a 32DDD/DD to see if I'm a freak of nature or just in the wrong bra :laugh:

ETA: I'm betting on the wrong bra

kitsune1989

I HATE victoria secrets for this reason. When I was in highschool my mom took me there for my birthday. Orginally they measured me as 36b. Turns out I was a 36 dd. -_- The whole time the woman was commenting on how odd I measured.

weightliftingdiva

Wow. Really unprofessional and rude.

If this happened to me, I would have called them out on it right there. If they didn't change the behavior then I would just leave.

Maryam2014mfp

Sorry that happened to you. Where I live, Sears has a really nice variety of bras (plain, fancy, lacy, etc) and they took the time to properly measure me and found very nice bras. I hope you find a business in your area where you can be measured properly and treated with respect and dignity. Take care.

Ps. When I gained my weight I went from a wrinkled 32AA to a 38C, so I really needed help ... Lol

ilfaith

Wow. I am so sorry this happened to you. What poor customer service. Honestly VS is the last place I would go for a bra fitting. They have a limited number of sizes, and will try to squeeze you into whatever they have in the shop. Years ago I was measured at VS as a 34B there (as they did not carry a smaller band size except for a few little 32A cups). Then I couldn't figure out why my straps were always falling down and the back was always riding up. Well maybe because my "correct" size is a 28DD/30D. At least when I went to Soma, the sales associate was nice enough to tell me the smallest band they carried was a 32, and while I could probably get away with a 32C I might have more success at the Dillards across the mall.

I would suggest going to Nordstrom, or another "better" department store (Macys, Dillards, Belk...I don't know where you are located) and having one of their "bra specialists" (for some reason they always seem to be older European ladies) fit you. A good department store will have a variety of brands (you will find some will fit better than others) and a wider range of sizes.

skinnyinnotime

The only weird things were their manner and how they spoke to you.

Put it out of your mind, they are the weirdos, who can't do their job!

ETA: I went for a bra fitting when I was pregnant, my boobs had doubled in size...the woman told me I'd be the same size as I was before pregnancy #dumbbiatch

sphkhn

Sorry this happened to you. They can be a real pain there. http://www.85b.org/bra_calc.php measuere yourself for real I'm sure you will feel better.

MelissaPhippsFeagins

People like them make me glad I have autism. I have worked.in retail, and while it does pay badly, some customers can be really rude, some manager can be worse, and the hours on your feet really are hard work, there is still no excuse for talking to another human being that way. Having autism means I have had to learn not to say what I think most of the time. It also means that when they talk to me like that I no fear of saying, "okay, my turn. Now you strip to your undies and I will talk about your shape as if you aren't even here. Better yet, since you can't help me, get out and I will get dressed and go spend my money somewhere else"

BTW, my hips are what is oddly shaped on my body. I've always had a bit of a "saddlebag" on the left side but not the right. It's difficult to buy pants that look right. Hang in there, keep losing and believe your own eyes, not their tired mouths. VS promotes that women should look a certain way. It's not a way I am interested in looking at 45 as a mom of 4, and my husband of 22 years seems cool with that. My way works for me. If you have a Catherine's nearby, go to them for your bra fitting. They likely won't have bras that fit you at a size 10, but they can order any size you need and they aren't judgmental about body type.

unknown

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tinwaleet

I had a similar experience in Victoria secret few years ago (not as rude but also unpleasant). I am 30 ff and the lady tells me to take 36 d, abviously it was not fitting at all, her comments was that my size does not exist and no one can do such a bra! I went to a specialized store in 5 minutes they found my size and a bra that was fitting me perfectly well. So now for each brand I know my exact size (as they are some diffences between brand in some I am 30g, others 32g, etc). Franckly it does not cost much more than Victoria secret (maybe 20/30 $) but these bra last much much longer than Victoria secret one, and you just feel so great in them so worth the extra money.

SunofaBeach14

Imagine a job that pays ****, requires one to buy expensive clothes while paying you ****, and for which holidays are the busiest working days. Now, imagine who is attracted to that job? Plenty of students and other people for whom that job is not exactly the center of their lives. I worked retail through college and the day I quit to go to grad school is among my favorite days. It's hell. All I can tell you is that the two women you dealt with were rude, condescending, and unprofessional, but there's nothing you can do about it unless you really want to complain. I'd shrug it off and avoid that store from now on, oh and realize that a "bra fitting specialist" isn't exactly a specialist. Let it go and learn not to internalize other peoples' B.S.

Congratulations on your weight loss. It's not easy and you're on the right track.

sphkhn

http://www.herroom.com/bra-fitting-advice,901,30.html Actually try this calculator! It is much more informative.

Meerataila

After reading all the horror stories I've decided I'll just keep guessing at my bra size without human help and wait for society to turn sane and train enough workers in useful professions so I can get scanned and 3D print my bra at home. In pretty colors!

Galatea_Stone

When I worked retail, this behavior would have gotten me fired. Unfortunately, it doesn't always happen that way. The customer is rarely right anymore.

knoelledi

Try Soma or Department stores as mentioned. I've gained and lost so many times since I've had these girls (including one breast reductions). You tend to get the older, more respected women. We actually a bra store in our town that has been there for years that makes custom if need be.

amelialoveshersnacks

Yeah... "She has an odd/weird body shape" is code for "I DON"T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I AM DOING!" so I will find someone else who doesn't know what they're doing, and we're going to stand in the same room as you, and tsk tsk your appearance while you stand there uncomfortably in your underwear and indirectly suggest many times that IT IS YOU, who seems to be out of place - being odd, weird and misshaped etc, so that it's not so obvious, that we do not know what in the hell we are doing! Thank you for shopping with us, and see you again, have a nice day.

Yes - I think I can relate - lol

sun_fish

I went to VS to buy some new stuff after losing weight, and couldn't get even eye contact with the sales staff after walking through the entire store twice. I even said excuse me to 2 employees, again not even eye contact, they just walked right by. And they weren't swamped with customers.

So I took my business to Nordstrom's, and got fitted perfectly for a bra, and got some other stuff too. Excellent service there and now they will get all my business as I won't step into another VS again.

Kate7294

The Ladies in Belk usually do a fair job. I too would ignore the ignorance. I personally never liked the VS bras. Straps are to far apart, and always fall off my shoulders. Of course I still have this problem quite often. It's hard to keep straps tightened enough ( satiny material).

Liftng4Lis

I am so sorry that happened to you. Obviously weird = I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Do you have a Macy's or Nordstrom's? People on commission tend to be a tad more tactful as they inevitably make more money.

Shellz31

Wow. I'm really surprised by the people talking about how hellish retail work is, as if hating your job is some kind of excuse to bring the human beings around you down. I worked retail through high school and college, over 10 years, and while some days I did hate it, I would never treat a fellow human being this way. Plenty of people hate their job, but that doesn't mean you get a pass on not doing it. There are other people who will gladly do the job right for the same paycheck. I'm sorry you had to put up with such behavior. I would call corporate. At least it will let the employees know that they affect their customers on a personal level and can hurt people.

SandraJN

Sorry this happened to you. You have to understand retail. It pays crap, there is no respect or reward even for those who do their job well in most cases, and many of us look forward to the day when society is smart enough to replace all those jobs with self-serve stores so humanity can get on with using its gray matter to actually resolve serious issues. Meanwhile you have someone whose label in her work life is bra specialist. Yeah, that's got to be fulfilling. And her little underling, who doesn't even achieve those lofty heights of greatness. So really, you can't expect much. Call corporate if you want, but corporate isn't going to replace them with better, because I don't care if you put the love child of Mother Teresa and Albert Einstein in that job, the job itself will crush all heart and ambition and empathy out of anyone after awhile.

I suggest you shrug off their silly wording, move on, and hope you never end up where these two ladies are at in life. Having a non-standard body shape does not mean anything bad. Or good, for that matter. We should all take care of our health of course, but most of what we are is that gray stuff between our ears. And the more non-standard that is, the better!

Morning rant over.

In a nutshell.

AllonsYtotheTardis

VS doesn't know their *kitten* from a hole in th ground. I'm sorry you had this experience - how disheartening.

But it's not you - it's them.

FitFabFlirty92

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but when I was a teenager I had a HORRIBLE experience at Victoria's Secret as well. They don't properly train their associates for bra measuring and such, and they can be VERY rude and condescending.

I was in there to get some new bras with my mom, and at first the associate who was helping us was quite nice. She kept saying how pretty I was and I was flattered. Then she measured me completely wrong (40 DD, I think it was, at the time I was a 36 D. I've gained weight, and I'm STILL a 36, by the way). She said there weren't many bras there in my size, but that wasn't the bad part. She said once again that I was pretty, but then added, "Just lose this," and smacked my stomach ," and you'll be fine!" It was awful. And then she had the nerve to complain about how her manager didn't recognize her work and we should tell him what a good job she was doing! Never set foot in that store again...I was so humiliated.

SCV34

If it were me I would have been asking questions. But, that is just me being 43 and all, I wouldn't have put up with such non sense. and I would have asked what they meant by what they said. Having said that, sorry that happened to you.

elektrolization

I recently bought some bras from VS as I gained weight and my 36D bras were too tight. My experience was fine, but when I asked to be measured I realized they had no effin' clue. They measured me at a 36D. Haha! I told them to try again. The sales lady changed her mind the second time and said she had me at a 36DD. I said no, I will try a 38 because the 36 I'm currently in is cutting into me. Anyways the long and short of it, every bra they had me try on was a 38DD and the cups were huge (except one of the bras fit nicely). The other two I took home were 38D. Useless sales people, I virtually did all the work myself.

UnicornAmanda

Lets just take a minute here and consider the source. Just how complicated is it to wrap a measuring tape around someone to get the measurements. Its not brain surgery for crying out loud. The fact that the two of them still couldnt figure out how to come up with a size and the true ignorance and stupidity of thier comments speaks volumes.. Its not you Darlin.. You are Fabulous .. They are morons. My mother told me to ignore ignorance. Easier said than done for sure. But Dont you Dare let the stupid people out there bring you down.

^^This!!

missiontofitness

I would report that to corporate. That is absolutely inappropriate, and I don't care that they are working a cruddy paying job.
Victoria's Secret does not just pander to the 00 crowd, and their commentary was not necessary at all. Especially in front of you.

ValerieMartini2Olives

I was a teenager buying a dress for a formal. I went to one dress shop and the clerk said "Oh honey, we don't have anything here that will fit you!" Buh-bye.

ILoveGingerNut

That's why I shop online.
BTW, every website has a size guide, just measure yourself and find out what size you are. Not rocket science.