Is this normal to feel like this?

JessaAnn407
JessaAnn407 Posts: 50 Member
in Motivation and Support
I started my weight loss journey last year. I did very well, and I'm proud of what I accomplished. For once I wasn't the "fat" granddaughter. My other cousin was. My cousin and I were about the same weight when I started, but I was the one that got the belittling comments from my grandmother, because I had not had kids and my cousin did, which was how she gained the weight. I was just, "always fat. And been that way most of my life." So when I started loosing weight and my gram noticed, it was an awesome feeling. But then about four months ago, my cousin got bypass surgery. And dropped a lot of weight. I have lost all motivation to exercise and diet. I feel like I am doomed to be the "fat" granddaughter and I'll never be good enough. I know that's not the case, since I have lost over forty pounds so far, so I can keep loosing it. But I feel like I will always be the "fat" one of the family, and will always be picked on for my weight. Is it normal to loose your motivation because of this situation? That is my main question. Because if it is, I need to think of ways to forget about that and focus on me and get my motivation back, and keep loosing. Thanks guys.

Replies

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I think you need to stop comparing yourself to your cousin. I understand that you are probably close to your family and that is great. But do you think it would help to spend a little less time around them, and focus more on your own goals and interests? I have no idea just reading your post if that would help or not, or even if your grandmother and the rest of your family put a focus on your body size. But it just sounds like the emphasis on size/comparison is really unhealthy.

    Also, remember that your cousin has a very long road ahead. I am not saying this as a judgment on those who opt for weight loss surgery but across the board I've heard (and witnessed) that it is not an easy route and there are tons of complications and issues. Count yourself as a lucky one for not having to experience that, and keep on keepin' on with your OWN weight loss and fitness.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    Just break up with your family. They don't treat you right. You can find a better family.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
    Weight is not the problem. Your worth is not based on your weight nor on the approval of your grandmother. I highly recommend seeking counseling to get a better handle on how to respect and value yourself. When the family dynamic convinces you to accept their skewed value structure, you need an outsider with expertise to help you learn how to become a healthy and happy individual.

    (The voice of experience speaking here.)
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    Is it normal to loose your motivation because of this situation? That is my main question. Because if it is, I need to think of ways to forget about that and focus on me and get my motivation back, and keep loosing. Thanks guys.

    Yes, it is perfectly normal.

    Your motivation is based on external factors you can't really control and therefore is unreliable to secure long term success.

    Your need to make your motivation internal and within your control: being healthier, being resilient, being happy in yourself rather than seeking the approval of people who, in reality, are probably freakin' muppets...
  • werdnek
    werdnek Posts: 35 Member
    My sympoathies that you are on the receiving end of a Grandmother comment. I am uncertain of what she wants to accomplish with that comments. One thought is to simply ask your Grandmother what will be the outcome of my weight loss? Weight loss does NOT change your life. You are still you. If you are picked on, it could be for some underlying reason and the "fat" taunting is the result.

    In any event, life long eating habits is the way to go. Practice does not make perfect. Practice makes permanent. Stay on your path and revel in the fact that you are not CHEATING to get there. You are a sane sensible girl with a same sensible path for your life. I trust weight loss in not all consuming for you but good eating habits are now becoming a part of you.

    Let Grandma know what you do to keep health habits. Tell her you do it to be healthy. Tell her something else about yourself that you are doing that is positive - your work, your after work activities, your thoughts on a good movie you saw.
    ou
    Say, Grandma I'm assuming you have my best interest at heart when you make that comment or at least I hope it is. Somehting you may not realize is that when you make that comment, it hurt my feelings. It hurts because I feel like I am not good enough because you do not approve. Grandma, I am good enough. am I not? Look at my success. I'm eating healthy, I'm doing (you fill in the blanks). Grandma you are one of the most important people in my life. Is there anything else I should be doing differently at this point in time.

    Easy to me to say, I had to disown my family. I was told it was okay to love them some a distance. I feel much better not seeing them because I tolerated the verbal abuse for far too long and then it was just easier to severe in person visiting and very short, very rare phone calls. You owe it to yourself to be an asset to society. If they are holding you back, then remove.
  • alexsondra34
    alexsondra34 Posts: 57 Member
    when i read your post the weight issue is not what comes to attention, the fact that you are being picked on is. Look at it this way, you think the weight is the issue so you go and lose it all and then realize that now they are picking on something else, for example you not having children, your job or whatever. People who are toxic are out to get you and will feed of your insecurities; you need to strengthen your self worth indepent of what anyone says and for that you are going to need some space, you are not going to become someone else because you lose weight, you'll be the same person and people who loves you loves you fat ,thin, good times and bad times and supports you on your quest to better yourself.

    You deserve to be accepted as you are and loved as you are and people who want to do you wrong do not deserve your company, set boundaries with your family and make it clear that critizing you is not acceptable under any circumstances.

    i wish you all the best.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Just break up with your family. They don't treat you right. You can find a better family.
    Or kill.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    You're not doomed to be the fat one. Your cousin could still gain weight back if she hasn't learned how to eat properly... and at least you saved yourself an unnecessary surgery. Show her that you're stronger than her because you're doing it the 'hard' way.

    I get the competition part, by the way. I have a twin sister and I've been the 'fat one' since high school. Well, not anymore!
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    Just break up with your family. They don't treat you right. You can find a better family.
    Or kill.

    Which Menendez brother was the fat one?
  • JessaAnn407
    JessaAnn407 Posts: 50 Member
    Thank you guys for the input. I have recently moved a state away from my family, and it is better. I know I am worth it, but it's just the negativity that I always get that brings me down, it's almost like no matter what I do it's never good enough. My boyfriend has said that I should just leave them, if they can't see the beauty of me for me, they don't need me. He is a wonderful support system, and I am lucky to have him supporting me. So I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, know that I have someone who loves and supports me and keep visits to a minimum. I should start getting into the swing of eating healthier and exercising my normal routine again soon. Thanks again guys!

Categories