I was depressed, riddled with anxiety but now I'm happy

Hey everyone! My name's Emily; I'm from the UK and I'm 18 years old. I signed up to myfitnesspal a couple of weeks ago and whilst browsing the message boards I've noticed that the community is incredibly lovely and supportive here. Therefore I just feel like sharing my little story with you all and hopefully I'll gain a few wonderful new friends in the process.

I was overweight as a child and throughout the majority of my teenage years, even though I was pretty active and loved riding my bike everywhere. Laziness was never a problem; the problem was my relationship with food. I was never really taught about the concept of healthy eating or portion control by my parents and they often rewarded me or comforted me with unhealthy food. I didn't really think much about my weight until the bullying began at around the age of 10. I was definitely very overweight between the ages of 10 and 12, and during that period of time barely a day went by when someone didn't call me fat or imply that I was unattractive and disgusting due to my weight.

The bullying escalated to a point at which the only thing I could think about was how worthless I was because I was fat. I forgot about all my characteristics that my friends and family valued about me; in my mind, I was nothing but a fat girl. I educated myself about weight loss and became obsessed with calorie counting, exercising daily, skipping meals and fasting for most of the day. I even began spitting out partially chewed food so that I could taste something without consuming the calories. I lost a lot of weight and by the age of 13 I was slim and a healthy weight, but the bullying didn't stop. I couldn't believe that everything I'd done was for nothing - that I was still fat after all my hard work (even though I wasn't). I gave up on my dream of being skinny and happy.

I became a reclusive binge eater. At the ages of 14 and 15 I only really left the house regularly to go to school, and even then I faked illnesses to my parents so I wouldn't have to go. My attendance at school dropped to around 75% from near perfect attendance because I felt like I was too fat, too ugly and too disgusting to go outside. I distanced myself from my school friends and developed online friendships instead. At my highest weight I was 155 pounds at just 160cm tall.

Somewhere along the way I managed to make some new friends at school and was slowly encouraged to go out and socialise. I still had unhealthy feelings about food and myself but I made some progress and eventually began feeling somewhat like a normal teenage girl again. I lost a little weight and started taking better care of my appearance. Then I met my boyfriend at a new friend's New Year's Eve party when I was 16.

It changed my life. I couldn't believe a slim, attractive, funny and sweet 18 year old guy could be genuinely interested in me (completely legal in the UK guys :P) even though I was overweight. As our friendship/soon-to-be relationship progressed I became more confident, happier and sociable. I realised I wanted to lose weight so that I could feel more comfortable with my new boyfriend, even though he loved my body regardless. I wanted to lose weight for my own confidence and happiness, not just to please other people or to put a stop to the endless bullying. My boyfriend was my motivation to lose weight despite not mentioning my weight once, and 2 and a half years later I'm now a sweet 123 pounds.

I'm mostly pretty happy now. I used to dread buying clothes but now I love nothing more than to shop. My boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship and I'm so glad that I found someone as lovely as him. There's still a bit of anxiety and depression hanging on to me in relation to my appearance and self-esteem, but I'm in the process of seeing a counselor to sort those issues out. I finally feel like I deserve to feel beautiful, sexy and happy.

My ultimate goal is to beat my anxiety and depression that stems from the bullying I suffered at school. I'm also working towards weighing 110 pounds by my birthday which is in November.


I understand that this is a reaaally long post and I am so grateful if you took the time to read it. I guess the main purpose of this post is to show anyone who may be feeling the same as I did when I was 16 years old that life can and WILL get so much better. I used to be suicidal and now, 9 times out of 10, I wake up looking forward to at least one thing in my day or life. It wasn't just weight loss and a healthier lifestyle that made me overcome those dark thoughts and feelings, but it definitely helped a lot. Work hard to reach your goals and celebrate your achievements - don't let anyone bring you down.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope that someone out there can relate to me at least a little.