Daughters and weight loss

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lehuagirl
lehuagirl Posts: 40 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I know that my weight loss here will be the best example to my daughter, (I need to lose 60 pounds at least) so I do not know whether to broach the subject with her or not. She is 13 and loves food already, and is the heaviest one on the dance team, yet a cute figure, just more of a tummy than she needs and more on her upper body. It seems like the default "form" for girls her age now is the long string bean. We work hard to get flattering clothes for her and she is not a couch potato, so I do not know whether to talk to her about portion size and exercise, or leave it to nature and my own results. Her two cousins both had bulimia so I want to tread lightly with any "diet" talk!!!!

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  • Summerscoming
    Summerscoming Posts: 35
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    just let her eat a smaller portion of whatever you're eating. you'll both be healthier and she wont notice...
  • amie1004
    amie1004 Posts: 65 Member
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    I would say your best bet would be to be a good example. Talk about changing your habits in the sense of getting healthy, rather than JUST losing weight.
    Maybe have her pick out some healthy recipes with you, or go grocery shopping together so she can see what healthy choices are. Same with cooking...she could help you cook/serve, etc...

    I think just by making good decisions, you will have a positive influence :)
  • TrudyLea
    TrudyLea Posts: 27
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    I agree I don't think that I would talk to her about diet or exercise. I would however talk about healthy choices. About myself trying to make healthier choices in what I eat. In my own activity level. I would have healthy choices for her in snacks and meals. To me that is enough at this time. I have a daughter who doesn't have any kind of tummy. She is long and lean. She is 12 and half and very active. But I do already talk to her about healthy snack options and such. She does gymnastics and I make sure that she has healthy options for snacks during her workouts. To me trying to teach my kids to make healthy choices it the best I can do. Will it always work - NO. Do I always make the healthy choice - No. But I'm trying. It is the best i can do.
  • jennifer3998
    jennifer3998 Posts: 144 Member
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    Unless you see that she is eating portions that are definitely too much for her, I wouldn't say anything. I would just continue to emphasize good food choices and exercise and set a good example. I had some eating issues around that age and am desperate to have it not happen to my daughter too. The early teen years are notorious for some kids looking a little heavier, I'm sure she'll get leaner as she gets older if she's eating right!


    I commend you for wanting to address it. Body image issues in young girls is such a problem. Good luck.
  • MaylanK
    MaylanK Posts: 7
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    Go for something along the lines of... "hey, wanna help me get healthier?"

    She can be your moral support, while at the same time getting healthier herself. She'll fall into the mood of it, getting healthy (not stopping eating).
  • justsummie
    justsummie Posts: 320 Member
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    At 13 she is most likely already aware of how her body differs from her peers. Maybe you could just say that you've decided the whole family needs to eat healthier and control their portions. Even if you have other kids or adults in the house who don't need to "diet" it's still a healthy lifestyle change and not going to hurt anyone.
  • Bekaboo202
    Bekaboo202 Posts: 6
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    I definitely think it'll start with just buying healthy choices. She's young enough that she won't be buying her own groceries, so she'll end up being forced to eat healthier food. At the same time, depending on her personality, talking about weight COULD be a good idea. Not in a negative way, but asking her about her self image and how she feels about herself. If she's happy, then definitely drop the topic, but if she's not happy, set goals for the two of you.
  • bbb84
    bbb84 Posts: 418 Member
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    Include her in what you are doing.... Make dinner family time and have her eat what you are cooking with you (at the table). When you go to exercise have her come along. Ask her to go for a walk or go play some tennis with you. Tell her that she can help you on your journey.
  • bonnienm
    bonnienm Posts: 329 Member
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    I would definitely not mention her being what you consider overweight especially since she's still so young. Hopefully she'll have a growth spurt and grow into her weight. I also have a bulimic family member so understand the concern both ways. In my recent weight loss journey I have tried to stress that I'm doing it go get healthier (needed to lower my cholesterol along with my weight) than just to lose weight and look good though my daughter goes shopping with me and tells me how hot I look now:) My husband's family has a tendancy to be short and overweight and my daughter has more of that body shape than mine so I have talked to her about being careful about her weight in the future but I would NEVER tell someone that they're fat! They know they're overweight as I did when I was told that once by a family member:( I also wish I would have set a better example when my children were younger (they're all out of the house now) by eating more fruits and veggies and having them in the house more so than having all the treats that I have. Good luck!
  • amehrkens
    amehrkens Posts: 162 Member
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    I struggle with this too, I have been the "fat girl" my whole life and now my 7 year old is the biggest girl in her class, lucky for her she is tall too so she is porportioned well but she is already wearing a size 12 in jeans. I don't drill diet and exercise into her but I do try to help her make better choices about what she eats. She eats out of boardum so I try ot help her find activites to keep her occupied. I do tell her that it was no fun going thru school as the fat girl and I tell her I don't want her to have to go thru that.
  • Dencrossgirl
    Dencrossgirl Posts: 501 Member
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    Kids follow by example, you may have to be patient. My daughters condition has kept me up lots of nights, she is doing great currently, still has a way to get there. There is no food that is taboo, she eats everything.
  • sjcply
    sjcply Posts: 817 Member
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    My dtr is the same, but she is 9! I have talked to her about "healthy eating" and told her she did not need to lose weight, but just make healthier choices as she grows into her weight! She was devasted when the WII FIT told her she was overweight. She is always trying to hide behind baggy clothes! I wanted her to be aware of her eating habbits, but I didnt want her to focus on being oerwieght. She too is very active, so I think as long as we help them make better food choices and stay active, they will be fine.

    It is a touchy subject because you want them to be aware BUT you dont want them to obsess over it! I just try to lead by example!
  • samie0952
    samie0952 Posts: 1
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    as the mother of a daughter who has gone thru this, let her set the pace of your conversation. your daughter is well aware of her body. if she is active and healthy encourage that and be thankful she does not having an eating disorder.
    i have been heavy all my life. i did not need anyone to point it out. when i was ready to take control, i did.
    thank god she has a mom who is so concerned!!!
  • choley222
    choley222 Posts: 57
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    When I started getting healthy a couple of years ago I didn't really talk to my kids about it because they were young. They are 7 and 8 now so we do talk about eating healthy and smarter choices. My daughter is as skinny as a string bean so I don't worry about her but my son is already starting to get a little heavy. He is active and plays sports but he LOVES to eat. So I make sure that they both get the same amount of measured portions that way he doesn't think I am just controlling what he eats. It's not really about talking to her about dieting or exercise it's about talking to her about healthy eating and better habits. I think as a parent we have a responsiblity to teach them proper eating habits.
  • rebeccaoneillcarter
    rebeccaoneillcarter Posts: 51
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    I agree with the above poster. As a 13 year old girl, she is inundated every day with messages telling her that if she deviates from the typical standard of beauty she is worthless (from magazines, tabloids, commercials, internet ads, billboards, reality shows, etc.) So lead by example, teach her about nutrition, and don't make her size a big deal. Being healthy has nothing to do with size. I think one of the most important things a teenage girls can learn is self worth, independent of anyone else's opinion. Help build her up by recognizing and encouraging all her unique talents and passions, and educate her about taking care of her body when it is applicable. Sorry for the soapbox rant. I don't even have kids! It's just something I wish I had experienced growing up. Good luck!
  • fitnesspirateninja
    fitnesspirateninja Posts: 667 Member
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    I agree I don't think that I would talk to her about diet or exercise. I would however talk about healthy choices. About myself trying to make healthier choices in what I eat. In my own activity level. I would have healthy choices for her in snacks and meals. To me that is enough at this time. I have a daughter who doesn't have any kind of tummy. She is long and lean. She is 12 and half and very active. But I do already talk to her about healthy snack options and such. She does gymnastics and I make sure that she has healthy options for snacks during her workouts. To me trying to teach my kids to make healthy choices it the best I can do. Will it always work - NO. Do I always make the healthy choice - No. But I'm trying. It is the best i can do.

    I think this is great advice. Talking about healthy choices is a good idea for everybody. I remember going through a very awkward chubby phase when I was in middle school. My parents had good intentions, but ended up just talking to me about how I was "getting heavy" and asking me if I "wanted to look that way." Everything was tied into the way I looked. I wasn't offered any ideas about HOW to eat healthy or how exercise was good for my body. I just knew that there was something wrong with me and they were disappointed and embarrassed. I know that they were just worried about me, but they damaged more than they helped. If we had talked about healthy choices, I think it would've gone a lot smoother - and I could've learned how to take care of myself at a much earlier age.
  • TrudyLea
    TrudyLea Posts: 27
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    Also I recently realized that I learned a lot about what I think of myself from what my mother thought of herself. So be sure to let her know that you are not any less valuable person just because you are wanting to loose weight - get healthy. You value yourself no matter what and you value her no matter what!
  • jala9656
    jala9656 Posts: 31 Member
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    I would say just be a good example. Keep healthy snacks around. Let your actions speak louder than words. She's watching.
  • fitmamaoftwins
    fitmamaoftwins Posts: 116
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    aggreed, be a good example and offer for her to go for a walk with you sometime =) you will motivate her

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