Self sabotage.
jbpretty
Posts: 221 Member
How can I want something so bad and still manage to sabotage myself so much? Like WTH?! Please, someone help me.
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Replies
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Wow, congratulations on your amazing loss!0
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I was totally ready to pig out on lemon zucchini bread tonight and I was already 23 calories over. So, I put on my walking shoes, some great music and went for a walk.
Almost the whole time I talked to myself (yeah real sane). I ran through every reason I was doing this. Why this one decision would be one against a dozen why I shouldn't. I am now under calories for the day.
I figure if you can talk yourself into self sabotage you can talk yourself out of it too.
It looks like you are doing an amazing job so far by your weight loss. You are an inspiration. You've got this.0 -
Haven't we all done that, on one hand we want to be thinner, but then we do things that make us gain, I guess the thing is to realize what your doing and try to do better, , at least you care. Theres always tommorrow to start fresh, after you get through it, remember its been along holiday weekend, nobodys perfect. Heres to tommorrow.0
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Awareness of trying to self sabotage is the first step to combating this behavior. This moment, this breath. Tomorrow is a new day.0
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how did you self-sabotage? Be more clear? If all you did was eat "bad" food but were within calories (or even if a bit above), it's fine. I'm eating kettlecorn and had a caramel rice cake with chocolate peanut butter on top 5 minutes ago.but within calories.
If you binged, try to consider why - are you not eating enough? Are you cutting out too many foods you love? Weight loss should be about enjoying your time and eating what you love, but just a bit less of it. Either way it's probably not going to make a huge difference in your current results/progress.0 -
Lol, this.I was totally ready to pig out on lemon zucchini bread tonight and I was already 23 calories over. So, I put on my walking shoes, some great music and went for a walk.
Almost the whole time I talked to myself (yeah real sane). I ran through every reason I was doing this. Why this one decision would be one against a dozen why I shouldn't. I am now under calories for the day.
I figure if you can talk yourself into self sabotage you can talk yourself out of it too.
It looks like you are doing an amazing job so far by your weight loss. You are an inspiration. You've got this.0 -
It's because deep down you don't believe you deserve it.0
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I did in fact binge, for quite a few days. I'd finally made it to a one hundred pound loss and then I threw it away. I want to be fitter not fatter.
I realize today is a new day, I just don't like having that attitude for too many days in a row. It gets old real fast.
Maybe you're right...I do have to talk myself into a binge, so maybe I'll have to work on doing the opposite. Maybe I should write down all the reasons I am doing this as a reminder for motivation.
Hmmm, EVERY TIME I hit a new low I do this. I don't get it. Maybe I do think I don't deserve it. I know I never imagined I would get this far, it's almost hard to believe I did this (with help). I don't know, I'm all over the place here. I'm all confused. TavistockToad, I think you may have opened a can of worms.0 -
Maybe you're right...I do have to talk myself into a binge, so maybe I'll have to work on doing the opposite. Maybe I should write down all the reasons I am doing this as a reminder for motivation.
Hmmm, EVERY TIME I hit a new low I do this. I don't get it. Maybe I do think I don't deserve it. I know I never imagined I would get this far, it's almost hard to believe I did this (with help). I don't know, I'm all over the place here. I'm all confused. TavistockToad, I think you may have opened a can of worms.
I do the same thing- hit a low, then shoot up. Its like I think, "I've accomplished it" but in reality I'm just a half a pound lower than my current PR. It is a rough roller coaster to ride. I'm going to try what you mentioned here- writing down the reasons when losing motivation or being tempted to stray.0 -
Your profile pic and pounds lost are inspirational enough to be in the success stories tab. Just look how far you've come! I would love to have made real progress like that. Don't beat yourself up over a few bad days.0
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I know what you mean. I don't really feel I deserve it, half the time I don't believe I have lost any weight. I went clothes shopping yesterday and at first I grabbed sizes that were too big for me because I don't quite get it. If anything bad happens in my life (minor or major) the first thing I think of is eating something I should not eat. This is my goto for any problem. Its crazy but its true. I have also been spending alot of time talking to myself, thinking about how far I have come, all the work involved and how I don't want to regain anything (like I always have before). So yeah its not easy.I think taking it one day at a time like AA and focus on eating the right things 'today' is a good way. I'm open to any other suggestions myself.0
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Please, try to be a bit kinder to yourself. It sounds cheesy, but it's true - angels fly because they take themselves lightly.
My philosophy in joining MFP is to treat my weight loss like a game. I haven't done as well as you. Yet. Just you wait!
If you really do want to know why you overeat when you've hit a new low, there is no shame in talking to a therapist. But really, it doesn't matter if you stop eating right for a couple of days. Acknowledge you did it, and move on, back to living the way you do now. It's OK to have a wobble from the path you've chosen sometimes.0 -
I know what you mean. I don't really feel I deserve it, half the time I don't believe I have lost any weight. I went clothes shopping yesterday and at first I grabbed sizes that were too big for me because I don't quite get it. If anything bad happens in my life (minor or major) the first thing I think of is eating something I should not eat. This is my goto for any problem. Its crazy but its true. I have also been spending alot of time talking to myself, thinking about how far I have come, all the work involved and how I don't want to regain anything (like I always have before). So yeah its not easy.I think taking it one day at a time like AA and focus on eating the right things 'today' is a good way. I'm open to any other suggestions myself.
^^^ This x 100.0 -
I did in fact binge, for quite a few days. I'd finally made it to a one hundred pound loss and then I threw it away. I want to be fitter not fatter.
I realize today is a new day, I just don't like having that attitude for too many days in a row. It gets old real fast.
Maybe you're right...I do have to talk myself into a binge, so maybe I'll have to work on doing the opposite. Maybe I should write down all the reasons I am doing this as a reminder for motivation.
Hmmm, EVERY TIME I hit a new low I do this. I don't get it. Maybe I do think I don't deserve it. I know I never imagined I would get this far, it's almost hard to believe I did this (with help). I don't know, I'm all over the place here. I'm all confused. TavistockToad, I think you may have opened a can of worms.
Fear of achieving our goals is just as hard to deal with as fear of not achieving them. Before it goes too far down the wrong path maybe find someone to talk to about it. It looks like you have come so far already. Good job and Good Luck.0 -
For one, I imagine at least some of those gained Ibs will drop off pretty quickly once you get back on track.
For two, as long as the overall trend is down, I would not stress too much. I think all of us experience phases in life where we have a few days, or even a few weeks, of overeating or binge eating, before getting back to our new normal. Stressing over it can lead to more binges, whereas shrugging it off, accepting it as part of the journey, and life in general, while easing back to your old routine is a much more positive approach.0 -
We all go through this and I don't think any of us understand it. I have been losing weight pretty quickly and I know it's happening, but when I tried on the pair of pants I thought I should finally fit in this week there was no change in how tight they were. I was VERY angry and felt like all the hard work that I've been putting in didn't do any good so I went on a binge (yeah, makes sense right?). I KNOW full well that I lose weight in my hips and butt only after everything else on my body is gone. It's just so frustrating and I think that I just wanted instant happiness from food since I didn't get any happiness from how the pants fit. =(0
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I am definitely going to talk to a professional about this and yes I agree, there's no point on being too disappointed. I guess it's time to move on. My guilt does get the best of me (probably far too often).
The idea of making this a game may work... I have to think on that one.
I'm trying so hard to make sure I can live this way forever (I refuse to gain back the weight) that I guess I forget it's normal to have set backs. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I know that can be a big downfall.
Yup, I am one of those people who like immediate gratification...It seems like the weight can come back on just by smelling food but takes a painfully long time to get back off. I guess I get so discouraged at times like this and then I feel like my hard work has been for nothing. It's a bit tiring.
I am writing down why I started this journey in the first place but because I have succeeded with much of that list, I think I need to find new motivation...find a new goal.0 -
Firstly congratulations on an amazing loss. You are doing an amazing job and you should be very proud of yourself. I hope you are also feeling amazing on the inside. I have just started out on my journey "again". I have lost a lot of focus on myself after letting life take over, study, work, new relationship, winter (I'm in Australia). Downloaded the app and am already loving it. The day before I started I had a self-sabotage day, I just ate so much junk and it's like I don't even register I'm doing it, or even really care. I think sometimes it's easy to get in your head oh I'll start again tomorrow etc. I think one thing for me was, even though I downloaded the app after I had had a bad eating day, I actually decided to enter all the bad food I had eaten into that day to make myself accountable. Lets just say I didn't like the little message it told me about how much I'd weigh in 5 weeks if I continued to eat like that everyday :-(.
Self-sabotage is like short term gain for long term pain, although you think it's good at the time, in the long term it's not. I am trying to learn to switch it around to short term pain for long term gain, like better health, more energy, clothes shopping, feeling good on the inside. These things don't happen overnight, and I strongly believe overeating derives from childhood habits, self-worth and whether we think we deserve to look and feel good. I am an emotional eater, I let stress, event organising, study procrastination and other things get to me. It's a vicious circle really.
The good thing about life is, we have choices and we can choose what we put in our bodies, it's never going to be "easy" there will always be people who have to watch everything they eat and workout harder and there will always be people who can get away with eating whatever they wish without gaining any weight. Keep on your amazing journey, every single day is a day of opportunity, make sure you log your food even on a day you think is a bad day. Be accountable and acknowledge you can make the next day better than the last.
Ps be kind to yourself :-)0 -
It's human nature according to the Bible, and I suffer from this problem too
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:150 -
It's because deep down you don't believe you deserve it.
TT - this is by far the best description I have seen :flowerforyou:0 -
I saw a psychologist today and she agrees about my lack of believing I am worth it or that I deserve it. People have commented on my being an inspiration. That's hard to hear when really I feel like I'm failing all of the time. I think it's correct too when you said some people will have to try harder and others won't. I excel easily in school but this is much harder for me. This is tough.
I know my self esteem is in the the toilet. I guess I need to work on that.0 -
I feel like I do this so much. I never quite get to the "best me". I lose, and then I have a week of "who cares, I can have an extra cookie, I'll start fresh tomorrow." Then that week leads to gain--obviously. Not much, maybe just a pound. But I feel like that one pound gained throws me into the danger zone. I even tell my friends whats coming because it's happened so much. It's always when I get within 5 pounds of goal weight.
I don't consider myself to be a lazy person, so I have no idea what my deal is. Other than I just don't get it.
And what do you consider a binge? I've always wondered that. Is a binge 200 calories over your daily allowance, or 2000? From what I have learned from friends who have suffered with eating disorders, it seems when they say binge, it means an entire pizza or box of donuts...or both.
I feel your frustration--when you want it badly and it's constantly on your mind, and you KNOW what to do, but don't do it could be the most infuriating thing on earth!0 -
I feel a little like a fraud when I lose weight- I think it's a similar thing, I don't feel like I deserve it, DESPITE the fact that i'm the one monitoring my food and that I'm the one working out more and paying attention. Crazy huh?
Well, I hope this thread at least let's you know that you're not alone and that you don't have to feel guilty and hide this. It's just one small blip in your amazing journey! Everyone has blips! The best thing that you could you is forgive yourself, shake your head and move onto the right path again.
I know that you can do this you've already come so far. You are NOT the person that you used to be. You are in control of your body and you are choosing to head in the right direction and make good choices. Believe in yourself and love yourself.0 -
A binge for me can be 1000s of calories. With that comes incredible guilt.
I think you're right, I'm not the same person I was when I started this journey. I don't have to go back to where I was. In fact in all honesty, I'm actually terrified of that. I hear and read all the statistics of how many people actually keep the weight off and it's not very encouraging. I want to be different. I really want my success to continue even if/when that means maintaining. I am the one that controls this and when I binge, I feel out of control. I need to build some confidence and quit thinking my failing is inevitable.
Sadly, it does make me feel a little better to know I'm not alone in this.0 -
Right or wrong, the way I look at my weight is that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter what size I am. I am insignificant, just like everyone else. The rest of the world will go on without me.
It's very important to me, of course. We're trying for a family, and I don't want to be buried when my children are young. Also I don't want to be fat to the point where I can't walk properly. But I don't care what other people think, because I know they are all too busy thinking they're putting on too much weight, or that they are forever going to be lonely, or they can't afford their mortgage - all the things that adults think about all the time.
The reasons you want to lose weight have to be something that's about you personally. If you're doing it because you think it will make you look better to other people, I'd guess you would find it hard to keep the weight off. Is that the reason people fail at weight loss? Or do they get to a goal weight, and decide it's not worth the effort and go back to how they were before?
Whatever, I fail to see how people telling you that you don't believe in yourself is useful to anyone. If they helped you find ways to feel better about yourself that's different, but just the information on its own is a bit pointless.
Instead, might I suggest that just for a day you take a step back from it all? Imagine your friend came to you and said what you said to us. What advice would you give them?0 -
A binge for me can be 1000s of calories. With that comes incredible guilt.
I think you're right, I'm not the same person I was when I started this journey. I don't have to go back to where I was. In fact in all honesty, I'm actually terrified of that. I hear and read all the statistics of how many people actually keep the weight off and it's not very encouraging. I want to be different. I really want my success to continue even if/when that means maintaining. I am the one that controls this and when I binge, I feel out of control. I need to build some confidence and quit thinking my failing is inevitable.
Sadly, it does make me feel a little better to know I'm not alone in this.
What's your strategy for keeping the weight off? Or for dealing with low days where you just feel sad and crappy and angry? Those days happen to everyone and you can't eat your way out of them - that just generates more low days.
If your strategy for keeping the weight off is just to do more of the same as what allowed you to lose 100lbs in the first place, consider that your motivation to GET to that milestone is probably what kept you going. You need to congratulate yourself and make a new plan now, one which is just as compelling as the 100lb milestone. When I have nothing to plan ahead for I get demotivated pretty fast, maybe you're the same?0 -
This is a good question. I think I would tell them not to give up. You've come this far and (as others have said) everyone has setbacks. I am a perfectionist, but no one is perfect.Instead, might I suggest that just for a day you take a step back from it all? Imagine your friend came to you and said what you said to us. What advice would you give them?
Someone told me "nothing has been done that can't be undone" and I think I need to remind myself of that.
Yes! I have now set new goals and I think that'll help because otherwise, where am I going and why? Which brings me to another comment, what am I doing this for? Really, I wanted to feel better but mostly I wanted to look better. As part of my new goals, I'm setting a fitness goal.
I really have no ideas for dealing with low days.0 -
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