A Saturday Night Rant

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andreamaym
andreamaym Posts: 179 Member
in Motivation and Support
Every time I visit my old work I hear the words "You've gained weight!" from one person or another. (I used to weigh only 115lbs at 5'8", now I am almost 130) I always smile, I always awkwardly say "Thaaaaanks....?" and attempt to quickly change the subject, because I am polite.

The first time this happened, I actually went home and cried. I felt awful. I know the intention of the individual who made the comment wasn't to upset me. I assume it was supposed to be a compliment or somehow encouraging, but it wasn't.

The last couple times this has happened (the most recent being this afternoon) it has seriously just pissed me off. I ask this question to anyone who has made that comment to someone: Are you socially retarded? If you gained 150 pounds, would it be OK for me to say "You've gained weight!" or would that make me a complete *kitten*?

Yes, I've gained weight. I am no longer in an unhealthy weight range for my height. I eat 3 meals a day. I wake up at 5am every morning and work out. I am healthy. But the next time someone feels the need to comment about my weight to my face, I hope they are prepared to hear MY opinions about THEIR weight.

Weight is a touchy subject for so many people. My advice is that if you think someone looks good, say just that.
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Replies

  • skaffle
    skaffle Posts: 29 Member
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    Yeah, it's just people, ya know? We all have our own quirks and eccentricities. Some people say foolish things without thinking, so best to just let it roll off your back. Can't read too much into that type of comment or it'll eat away at you.

    And honestly if the type of person that says those things is "socially retarded" or even flat out suffering from some form of moderate mental retardation, then no amount of reasoning with them is gonna make them understand why it's rude.

    You look great, so just keep doing what you're doing.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    Wow. Some people should teach themselves to hold their tongues.
    Keep doing the good that you are doing.
  • andreamaym
    andreamaym Posts: 179 Member
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    Thank you! It boggles my mind as well. I just needed to blow off some steam!
  • Snip8241
    Snip8241 Posts: 767 Member
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    Be polite ...clench your teeth...then come vent here. We will understand. :flowerforyou:
  • nykismile
    nykismile Posts: 198
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    When I first recovered from my eating disorder, everyone kept telling me that they could tell that I've gained weight and how "healthy" I looked. Sigh. The first time this happened, I relapsed. The second time, I just had to grind my teeth and get through it. There was no going back.

    Maybe I do look healthier, which is expected because I am. But I just hate it when people comment on it :/ so I hear you completely.
  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
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    Do you comment to a person if they lose weight from an unhealthy into a healthy range? Based on the information provided, your former co-workers essentially did the same thing except in your case you needed to gain, rather than lose, in order to reach a healthy level.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    Some people have no meter. The correct response is "Yes, I have thank you, and you're still ugly". Kudos to your excellent work!
  • ForeverCharlie
    ForeverCharlie Posts: 183 Member
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    Andrea, congratulations on taking charge of your life and getting yourself to a healthy weight, starting a healthy lifestyle. You did yourself a favor. Don't worry about ignorant people. I know how much it may hurt. But you know what? Opinions are like as8holes... everyone has one! Not everyone of them matters though.
  • jazzie_red
    jazzie_red Posts: 180 Member
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    It is a sad commentary on our society that when we are at a normal weight, people percieve us as heavy. Unless you are super thin, then you're just fat???? Wuh??? No, this is not right!!

    Good for you on being healthy and within your weight range. I bet you look fantastic and healty!!
  • stackhsc
    stackhsc Posts: 439 Member
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    It goes both ways.... now that i have lost weight, or more so when I first did, I often got things like

    You are too thin
    Are you sick
    I heard you had cancer
    You look sick

    I'd get it from friends, family. Very very few were supportive and even those that were would occasionally remark something about maybe it being enough. At 6'2" and my lowest 210, it was far from too much or too thin, just different than they were use to.
    I found this part more difficult to deal with that the actual weight loss.
    Now at 230 and starting to try to get into onederland once again Ita already starting to creep out again and I've only been cutting back for a week now lol
  • Mygsds
    Mygsds Posts: 1,564 Member
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    You do realize how pretty you are, right???? People are just people. Some come with filters on their mouth , some don't. Just look at yourself and know you matter, your happiness will blossom from that.
  • harrynich
    harrynich Posts: 34 Member
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    My grandmother spent a great deal of time teaching me to be what she called, with her Richmond, Virginia upbringing, "A gentleman." I remember her telling me rather pointedly once, "One never remarks under any circumstances on a person's weight." Weight, she explained, is a personal matter. To tell someone they've lost or gained weight is to tell them you had an opinion about how they looked before and you shouldn't have, so if you did, don't reveal it by commenting on the change. "The best way you can tell a person they look good after not seeing them for a while is simply to say, 'It is wonderful to see you!'"
  • andreamaym
    andreamaym Posts: 179 Member
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    When I first recovered from my eating disorder, everyone kept telling me that they could tell that I've gained weight and how "healthy" I looked. Sigh. The first time this happened, I relapsed. The second time, I just had to grind my teeth and get through it. There was no going back.

    Maybe I do look healthier, which is expected because I am. But I just hate it when people comment on it :/ so I hear you completely.

    I previously struggled from an eating disorder as well. Sounds like we've both experienced the exact same thing :(
  • andreamaym
    andreamaym Posts: 179 Member
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    Do you comment to a person if they lose weight from an unhealthy into a healthy range? Based on the information provided, your former co-workers essentially did the same thing except in your case you needed to gain, rather than lose, in order to reach a healthy level.

    I may comment how wonderful they look, but I do not comment on their weight unless they bring it up. Maybe because I am so sensitive to remarks about my weight, I'm more aware of what I say to others.
  • andreamaym
    andreamaym Posts: 179 Member
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    It goes both ways.... now that i have lost weight, or more so when I first did, I often got things like

    You are too thin
    Are you sick
    I heard you had cancer
    You look sick

    I'd get it from friends, family. Very very few were supportive and even those that were would occasionally remark something about maybe it being enough. At 6'2" and my lowest 210, it was far from too much or too thin, just different than they were use to.
    I found this part more difficult to deal with that the actual weight loss.
    Now at 230 and starting to try to get into onederland once again Ita already starting to creep out again and I've only been cutting back for a week now lol

    I can imagine that is just as upsetting! It's discouraging when you're trying to better yourself and the people around you are being anything less than supportive. In any event, it sounds like you're doing great things for yourself!
  • brianpperkins
    brianpperkins Posts: 6,124 Member
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    Do you comment to a person if they lose weight from an unhealthy into a healthy range? Based on the information provided, your former co-workers essentially did the same thing except in your case you needed to gain, rather than lose, in order to reach a healthy level.

    I may comment how wonderful they look, but I do not comment on their weight unless they bring it up. Maybe because I am so sensitive to remarks about my weight, I'm more aware of what I say to others.

    So rather than talk to them and inform them about your discomfort discussing weight you accuse them of being "socially retarded" although you admit you know it wasn't intended to upset or offend you? I find that interesting. People don't know about your sensitivities to topics if you don't tell them.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    My grandmother spent a great deal of time teaching me to be what she called, with her Richmond, Virginia upbringing, "A gentleman." I remember her telling me rather pointedly once, "One never remarks under any circumstances on a person's weight." Weight, she explained, is a personal matter. To tell someone they've lost or gained weight is to tell them you had an opinion about how they looked before and you shouldn't have, so if you did, don't reveal it by commenting on the change. "The best way you can tell a person they look good after not seeing them for a while is simply to say, 'It is wonderful to see you!'"

    I love this. Your grandmother was a very intelligent person.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    I'm 5"8 and weigh 135( so I can relate to your stats, and you look absolutely fine!) So it's honestly just that some people are freaking idiots. Seriously, they wouldn't say comments like that to someone that is 200 lbs over weight, but yet they think it's okay because your not over weight. Just know that some people are morons and don't think before they speak.
  • andreamaym
    andreamaym Posts: 179 Member
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    Do you comment to a person if they lose weight from an unhealthy into a healthy range? Based on the information provided, your former co-workers essentially did the same thing except in your case you needed to gain, rather than lose, in order to reach a healthy level.

    I may comment how wonderful they look, but I do not comment on their weight unless they bring it up. Maybe because I am so sensitive to remarks about my weight, I'm more aware of what I say to others.


    So rather than talk to them and inform them about your discomfort discussing weight you accuse them of being "socially retarded" although you admit you know it wasn't intended to upset or offend you? I find that interesting. People don't know about your sensitivities to topics if you don't tell them.

    I find the comment to be in very poor taste, no matter the intention. So I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.

    For the record, I would never actually call someone socially retarded to their face. Hence the MFP rant to blow off some steam.
  • andreamaym
    andreamaym Posts: 179 Member
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    My grandmother spent a great deal of time teaching me to be what she called, with her Richmond, Virginia upbringing, "A gentleman." I remember her telling me rather pointedly once, "One never remarks under any circumstances on a person's weight." Weight, she explained, is a personal matter. To tell someone they've lost or gained weight is to tell them you had an opinion about how they looked before and you shouldn't have, so if you did, don't reveal it by commenting on the change. "The best way you can tell a person they look good after not seeing them for a while is simply to say, 'It is wonderful to see you!'"

    I love this. Your grandmother was a very intelligent person.

    I agree - she sounds like a classy woman indeed!

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