How to tell someone you dont want to give

Tanie98
Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
in Chit-Chat
them a ride without being a jerk?First of all I hate having people in my car.I don't why but I do:explode: However,i don't have problem saying no if its completely out of my way and I don't feel bad about it .The problem is when one of my co workers who doesn't live far from me ask for ride sometimes and I cant help but to feel annoyed and aggravated :angry:.I want to say no but she lives only few minutes away from my house so I really have no excuse to say no without looking like a jerk.These are my co workers but I have no problem with it if its family or when its emergency etc.
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Replies

  • WhatAnAss
    WhatAnAss Posts: 1,598 Member
    Once every now and then would be ok but it would probably lead to all the time. Sadly you may to lie or be a jerk about it. Otherwise they just ask more often.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
    I'm sorry but I can't give you a ride. I have a billion errands to run.

    I'm sorry but I can't give you a ride. I have an appointment after work.

    I'm sorry but no, I just can't give you a ride.

    I get what you mean though. It is rather difficult to say no when someone lives right near you. Honestly just say no. If it's all the time that they're asking then I'd point blank say "Look, I know that you live right around the corner from me but this ride thing is getting to be a bit much don't you think?"

    (BTW: Why are they always asking for a ride? Is it to AND from work?)
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    If they ask often then suggest that they help you with gas money. They may say that's fine and then you're stuck with them, but often when it costs people they say no. You could just say it's your alone time and you have a tough time giving that up.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    say I cant I have to go somewhere this evening. Keep repeating. After a while they will get the message. I think this is something that gets easier the older you get. Believe me as you get older you will have had so many people taking advantage that you learn. I don't mind if it is once but if it keeps on that is when it makes me mad. Even if you don't want to do it at all that is ok. It is not your job. You cant take care of everyone.
  • _BearNecessities_
    _BearNecessities_ Posts: 432 Member
    Give her a ride. Fart a lot on the way home. Try to hold her hand. Listen to nothing but 2 Live Crew and Yanni. Drive 20 mph on the highway in the fast lane. Have phone sex with your husband or boyfriend on your cell phone while she's in the car.

    Lots of ways to make sure she doesn't ask again.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    I'm sorry but I can't give you a ride. I have a billion errands to run.

    I'm sorry but I can't give you a ride. I have an appointment after work.

    I'm sorry but no, I just can't give you a ride.

    I get what you mean though. It is rather difficult to say no when someone lives right near you. Honestly just say no. If it's all the time that they're asking then I'd point blank say "Look, I know that you live right around the corner from me but this ride thing is getting to be a bit much don't you think?"

    (BTW: Why are they always asking for a ride? Is it to AND from work?)

    Its after work and its not like they have no other way to get home as they ride a buss to work .I used to ride public transportion myself before I got my car :smile:
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
    If they ask often then suggest that they help you with gas money. They may say that's fine and then you're stuck with them, but often when it costs people they say no. You could just say it's your alone time and you have a tough time giving that up.

    I like this. Riding in the car is my decompression time. If you tell her/him that you need that time for you and are ok with just the occasional ride...well, hopefully they will respect your wishes and gracefully stop asking.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    Give her a ride. Fart a lot on the way home. Try to hold her hand. Listen to nothing but 2 Live Crew and Yanni. Drive 20 mph on the highway in the fast lane. Have phone sex with your husband or boyfriend on your cell phone while she's in the car.

    Lots of ways to make sure she doesn't ask again.

    Lmaoo :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • SaintGiff
    SaintGiff Posts: 3,679 Member
    "I would prefer not to..."

    If she has any respect for Herman Melville at all she'll never ask again.
  • Forty6and2
    Forty6and2 Posts: 2,492 Member
    Give her a ride. Fart a lot on the way home. Try to hold her hand. Listen to nothing but 2 Live Crew and Yanni. Drive 20 mph on the highway in the fast lane. Have phone sex with your husband or boyfriend on your cell phone while she's in the car.

    Lots of ways to make sure she doesn't ask again.

    Invite her to join in the phone sex with your SO, telling her you've always wanted to try a threesome.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    them a ride without being a jerk?First of all I hate having people in my car.I don't why but I do:explode: However,i don't have problem saying no if its completely out of my way and I don't feel bad about it .The problem is when one of my co workers who doesn't live far from me ask for ride sometimes and I cant help but to feel annoyed and aggravated :angry:.I want to say no but she lives only few minutes away from my house so I really have no excuse to say no without looking like a jerk.These are my co workers but I have no problem with it if its family or when its emergency etc.

    I run errands after work, including going to the chiropractor and the gym, and there's no way I could take anyone straight home after.
    Just be too busy after work to take them home.

    Or say you go to the gym in the mornings before work so you can't take them.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I'm glad i don't have a job. or a car. or friends.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    them a ride without being a jerk?First of all I hate having people in my car.I don't why but I do:explode: However,i don't have problem saying no if its completely out of my way and I don't feel bad about it .The problem is when one of my co workers who doesn't live far from me ask for ride sometimes and I cant help but to feel annoyed and aggravated :angry:.I want to say no but she lives only few minutes away from my house so I really have no excuse to say no without looking like a jerk.These are my co workers but I have no problem with it if its family or when its emergency etc.

    I run errands after work, including going to the chiropractor and the gym, and there's no way I could take anyone straight home after.
    Just be too busy after work to take them home.

    This would work when I work day shifts but its hard when I work evenings as we get off work at 11pm .

    Or say you go to the gym in the mornings before work so you can't take them.
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  • osmium3
    osmium3 Posts: 33
    I have no issues with telling people the simple truth.

    If you want to diplomatic about not giving rides, tell them that you actually have severe anxieties about being responsible for the well being of other people. You could further state that your anxieties are escalated most whilst driving others about.

    This is both sincere in your case, and most anyone can understand anxiety producing situations. They might think you a bit neurotic, but after all, quite nearly the truth.

    There is a psychologically based issue in your inhibitions about providing rides to others. It is the tool I would use if I couldn't simply say "no."

    If your coworkers cannot understand your inhibitions, you most likely do not need to concern yourself with coming off looking like a "jerk."

    This answer has the benefits of being both true, and it gets you where you really need to be. You need to have these people stop pestering you for rides.

    I think it far better to thought odd, than to live with constant angst over an issue.

    You need to take care of yourself above others. You probably want to leave the door open in case of real emergencies, so you can add that into your explanation. Something like "I can give you a ride in the case of a true emergency, because I would feel awful not helping you out when you really needed help."

    Maybe I am way off base here, but admitting to a real issue--even if it varies slightly from the actual truth--seems worlds better to me than fabricating webs of lies.

    Best of luck!
  • bcoop911
    bcoop911 Posts: 1,390 Member
    Lying and being passive aggressive unfortunately doesn't always get the point across... being honest and straight forward is the way to get done what you want to get done. People are more receptive to that... obviously you aren't trying to be their friend so who cares if you make them like you less because you were honest. You don't have to be rude to them, just be straight forward.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Just tell them no. If I ask for a ride I would rather someone say no, than to lie (that happened once). If they say no I can walk/take the train, etc.
  • bcoop911
    bcoop911 Posts: 1,390 Member
    I have no issues with telling people the simple truth.

    If you want to diplomatic about not giving rides, tell them that you actually have severe anxieties about being responsible for the well being of other people. You could further state that your anxieties are escalated most whilst driving others about.

    This is both sincere in your case, and most anyone can understand anxiety producing situations. They might think you a bit neurotic, but after all, quite nearly the truth.

    There is a psychologically based issue in your inhibitions about providing rides to others. It is the tool I would use if I couldn't simply say "no."

    If your coworkers cannot understand your inhibitions, you most likely do not need to concern yourself with coming off looking like a "jerk."

    This answer has the benefits of being both true, and it gets you where you really need to be. You need to have these people stop pestering you for rides.

    I think it far better to thought odd, than to live with constant angst over an issue.

    You need to take care of yourself above others. You probably want to leave the door open in case of real emergencies, so you can add that into your explanation. Something like "I can give you a ride in the case of a true emergency, because I would feel awful not helping you out when you really needed help."

    Maybe I am way off base here, but admitting to a real issue--even if it varies slightly from the actual truth--seems worlds better to me than fabricating webs of lies.

    Best of luck!

    What he said^^^
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    Just tell them no. If I ask for a ride I would rather someone say no, than to lie (that happened once). If they say no I can walk/take the train, etc.

    They lied and it backfired?:noway:
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Just tell them no. If I ask for a ride I would rather someone say no, than to lie (that happened once). If they say no I can walk/take the train, etc.

    They lied and it backfired?:noway:

    I was talking to a friend about going out dancing. I mentioned riding together. She discouraged me from dancing there at all, and suggested another place. I don't really know why. Then she went with another friend that I dance with, and told her that she doesn't want to drive anyone. But, I am fine taking the train. It didn't cause a problem in our friendship. We are still friends and I appreciate her friendship. I just like for my friends to know that I can handle honesty. But, I am sure she had her reasons, and I can respect that. Probably she just likes going there, and doesn't want all the other dancers to start showing up. Whereas I tend to like to get a bunch of dancers all together. She also told me that I would probably prefer going someplace with more experienced dancers.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    :laugh:
  • lizzybathory
    lizzybathory Posts: 229
    I bike commute - it's never a problem, haha. Also, this is something my husband has admitted to loving about bike commuting. You never have to deal with logistics, or meeting up with someone to ride with them, etc.
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  • Keepcalmanddontblink
    Keepcalmanddontblink Posts: 718 Member
    Give her a ride. Fart a lot on the way home. Try to hold her hand. Listen to nothing but 2 Live Crew and Yanni. Drive 20 mph on the highway in the fast lane. Have phone sex with your husband or boyfriend on your cell phone while she's in the car.

    Lots of ways to make sure she doesn't ask again.
    +1
  • cowbellsandcoffee
    cowbellsandcoffee Posts: 2,975 Member
    Just say no.

    You don't have to explain why.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Give her a ride. Fart a lot on the way home. Try to hold her hand. Listen to nothing but 2 Live Crew and Yanni. Drive 20 mph on the highway in the fast lane. Have phone sex with your husband or boyfriend on your cell phone while she's in the car.

    Lots of ways to make sure she doesn't ask again.


    Do people generally find this behavior rude and off putting? Maybe this is why no one ever wants to ride with me.
  • cdoesthehula
    cdoesthehula Posts: 141 Member
    Ride a bike into work. Or buy a two seater, and an enormous dog.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Give her a ride and then hit on her.
  • dMonster01
    dMonster01 Posts: 214 Member
    Just start going in super early for a while.
  • Bucky83
    Bucky83 Posts: 1,194 Member
    I have been in this exact position.

    I used to drive to and from university years ago which, if not taking the detour, would only take me just under half an hour. With the detour, it would take me 45 minutes to an hour depending on the traffic. I didn't mind doing it every now and then but it got to a point that it was at least twice a week, if not more.

    I finally bit the bullet and said that it was making it difficult for me to get home at a reasonable time due to peak hour traffic...etc.

    She stopped talking to me for a good month or so.

    I didn't need that friendship, if someone was going to take advantage of me.

    It's now several years down the track and we sometimes message each other on Facebook, but there's no drama any more. She's grown up a bit, I think.

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