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MyFitnessPal Community

Am so discouraged and disappointed in myself...

Visa_sep14

Hey all!

I've been on MFP for a LONG time now and have not lost any weight that I have not gained back. It seems like I can't lose more than 10 pounds. Once I hit ten pounds, a switch goes off and I go into I AM GOING TO EAT EVERYTHING mode. That lasts maybe two weeks and then I'm right back where I started.

I deleted my old MFP account, because I am ready for a fresh start, I don't want to fluctuate dramatically in weight anymore. I don't want to give in anymore. I don't want to feel ashamed of myself anymore. My one year old walks now, and I want to run with her when she's a little bit older. I want to feel attractive when I leave my house in the morning. I want to go where I want, when I want and see whoever I want. Right now, I barely ever go anywhere because I am mortified to potentially run into someone I haven't seen in a while. I also never see my friends because it makes me self conscious, if that makes sense.

I feel trapped inside my body, like my mind is working against me and my body is suffering. I am so desperate to feel good again. My ultimate goal weight is 140 pounds (I am 5'10) so I have way more than 100 pounds to lose. I have at least 105 pounds to lose to reach the highest end of a healthy BMI for me and 65 pounds to lose to get to a weight at which I start to feel comfortable in my skin and can shop at regular stores. It seems like so much. I don't think I can do it alone.

I'm so tired of this internal struggle. I just want to be free of the burden of this weight.

Replies

sanfly

Not sure what you did in the past but maybe try a slow and steady approach - rather going on a drastic diet/exercise regime start making small, sustainable changes.

Try and find a sport/exercise you like (although to be honest when you're unfit everything seems awful! It may take a while!) that you can do regularly throughout the year.

If you normally get a combo/meal when you get fast food, try eliminating just the fries (only get the burger or whatever)

After you're comfortable with one change, move on to the next. Eat a little less, move a little more.

hilaria81

I had weight struggles for close to 13 years before trying out MFP - would lose 5 or 10 or 15 pounds a bunch of times and then gain 20 or 30. What motivated me this time was life-threatening health problems. It sounds cliche, but I decided giving up was not an option. Sure, it's been hard and painful at times to make changes, but the alternative is going back to my old lifestyle and that would be even worse, so I refuse even to consider it. The main thing is just to keep going when you slip up, and remind yourself of all the reasons you want this. After a while, it will feel like second nature and you may find you don't even enjoy overeating all that much anymore.

iamuniqueiam

Stop focusing on how much you need to lose overall and just start focusing on what you can achieve today. And then you do the same thing tomorrow. And before you know it, a year of doing your best from day to day has you weighing in 80 pounds lighter. That's what works for me anyway. I just do the very best I can TODAY. Tomorrow I'll try to do my very best again. And if have a day where I wasn't at my best and could have been better...no worries...because I get a brand new chance to be my best tomorrow.

hilaria81

Stop focusing on how much you need to lose overall and just start focusing on what you can achieve today. And then you do the same thing tomorrow. And before you know it, a year of doing your best from day to day has you weighing in 80 pounds lighter. That's what works for me anyway. I just do the very best I can TODAY. Tomorrow I'll try to do my very best again. And if have a day where I wasn't at my best and could have been better...no worries...because I get a brand new chance to be my best tomorrow.

That's what I love about MFP (well, one of many things). Every day is a fresh, clean, brand-new start. It makes this feel so much easier!

SpikeTailTurtle

I believe in you! Take it slow and steady one day at a time. This works best when you view it as a permanent life style change rather than a way to lose weight. I also did it one step at a time in a bit of slow motion for some. I started a gym routine and it wasn't until I had that down (gym 5 days a week no exceptions no holidays) for nearly 8 months that I started to adjust my intake. Even now my goal isn't eating pure perfect food, it's portion control. Once I have my portion control down pat I am going to start shifting completely away from processed foods. I'm not saying you have to go that slow but I've noticed a LOT of dieters fail because they try to go too fast. Weight loss isn't a race. Take some time to find your own pace and make small adjustments. They are easier to cope with and once you have a small adjustment into a habit you can add the next one. It's not quite as overwhelming that way. Good luck darling!

melissamarie2196

I really understand how you feel, I tend to go through the same thing and agree with everyone about takeing it slow..Dont beat yourself up about little things and just keep pushing forward and reach out for support.Iam here..;)

ellie0213

It is hard to make a permanent change. I've struggled with binge eating for many years. Last year was my worst. It can be done though. Right now I am 7 weeks in and have had only one minor binge. If i can do it you can too. Add me if you want. Hang in there.

templegirl_24

You can do this! First of all, you need to quit being so hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time - if you mess up one day, just start over and be successful the next. It is good to have an overall long term goal, but I have been more successful with short term goals (5 lbs at a time). I feel that incorporating exercise was the key to my success. I started couch to 5K and did that for awhile which really helped me lose at first. Now I run and cycle a few times a week and try to do better and set personal goals each workout. At first I couldn't run 3 minutes with out stopping. Now I can go 45! You can too! Every few weeks I take a little time off from my diet, but I only give myself a pass for a few days. Then I begin again. Feel proud when you lose, but also feel proud when you just maintain your weight. It is an amazing feeling to be able to leave the plus size section and wear regular sizes again, and it is definitely worth all the hard work it takes. You are here, and that is an amazing way to start. Good luck!

smokes62

You can do this! First of all, you need to quit being so hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time - if you mess up one day, just start over and be successful the next. It is good to have an overall long term goal, but I have been more successful with short term goals (5 lbs at a time). I feel that incorporating exercise was the key to my success. I started couch to 5K and did that for awhile which really helped me lose at first. Now I run and cycle a few times a week and try to do better and set personal goals each workout. At first I couldn't run 3 minutes with out stopping. Now I can go 45! You can too! Every few weeks I take a little time off from my diet, but I only give myself a pass for a few days. Then I begin again. Feel proud when you lose, but also feel proud when you just maintain your weight. It is an amazing feeling to be able to leave the plus size section and wear regular sizes again, and it is definitely worth all the hard work it takes. You are here, and that is an amazing way to start. Good luck!

Very well said. I think most people that want to lose weight, try to do it too fast, and usually with a fad diet. I did this myself, losing 60+ pounds on Adkins. But that was not a lifestyle change, and as soon as the carbs came back, so did the weight. What I love about MFP is the way I can keep track of EVERYTHING that I eat. This puts it right in front of you and make it easy to stay on track. It was nothing for me to get up 3 times in the course of one sitcom tv show, and eat a little debbie each time. WOW, What a difference MFP has made in my life. The second best thing for me is working out. At 344 pounds right now, I can only do a little bit, but I can already tell the difference. on 7/22 I weighed 380 pounds, now Im down to 344, and feel better than I have in years. The best part is putting on clothes I haven't been able to wear in years. Keep up the good work everyone !!

Sabine_Stroehm

How have you been approaching this in the past?

GeorgieS1983

Stop focusing on how much you need to lose overall and just start focusing on what you can achieve today. And then you do the same thing tomorrow. And before you know it, a year of doing your best from day to day has you weighing in 80 pounds lighter. That's what works for me anyway. I just do the very best I can TODAY. Tomorrow I'll try to do my very best again. And if have a day where I wasn't at my best and could have been better...no worries...because I get a brand new chance to be my best tomorrow.

Great mindset, I like it.

AmyTCaldwell

Ohhh my dear,well let's see..... my friend,need willpower,where can you find that,you your dear precious child.that's where!!! You need to stop and think,what it will be like not to share those precious memories with your child,ask yourself,do you want to be in a wheel chair?do you want to be on oxygen,no you don't.you know why,well your so much better than that,do you know how I know,I've been there,I was almost 300 lbs, I couldn't play with my children,my son was obese,he was 2 years old and I was literally killing him,and myself,I couldn't run,maybe 10 feet then had to stop to take a breath.I hated myself,how could I do this to me,my son needed me and I couldn't be there and do things with him I was worthless to him, I didn't go to town,I was embarrassed,never had friends,I wore only sweats,and I continued to eat, I hope I can help you on your journey,its going to be rough,but I known you can do it,view my diary,and I hope this will help.I'm here for ya......you can do it ........I'll pray for ya god bless.

lafilledelarue

I have a suggestion for you. I'll send you a private MFP email. There is hope!

omgvsg1

I dont know how you feel about weight lose surgery but ive been struggling with my weight all my life lose it gain it with every child i would gain more at my highest i was 278 lbs after yrs of trying to lose it and keep it off and failing i had surgery the vsg is what i had in 7 months ive lost 82 lbs i wish i could say its been easy well it kinda has been but its alot to get use to alot of changes any way give it a thought talk to your doctor do some reasers

h. It has been a life saver for me.:happy:

365andstillalive

Once I hit ten pounds, a switch goes off and I go into I AM GOING TO EAT EVERYTHING mode. That lasts maybe two weeks and then I'm right back where I started.

Often, when I see a sentence like this, it's really easy to figure out why.
When you're eating a restrictive diet, it's very hard to stay with long term. Either, you've given up every food you love in favour of foods you don't because they're healthy, or you eat far too little for too long and then your body forces you to binge.

This time around, I really encourage you to figure out your BMR and TDEE so that you know how many calories your body needs just to function (that'd be your BMR) and then how many calories you burn just doing every day stuff like making dinner, walking to the washroom etc (TDEE). You'll be really surprised how much you can eat while losing a reasonable amount of weight.

Make a commitment to yourself and others in your life that this will be the last time you have to lose a significant amount of weight. Promise yourself that you'll eat a healthy amount so that you aren't eating way below your BMR and causing your body to struggle simply to function. And recognize that every day is a chance for you to give it your best, and that having something like a burger and a beer, doesn't mean you've fallen off the wagon -- want an example? Look at my diary, that's exactly what I had for dinner tonight, and I feel no guilt whatsoever, it was the most amazing food haha. Just stick to your caloric deficit, watch your macros (things like protein and fat will make you feel fuller than carbs for example) and feel free to add me if you're looking for support. I started at 235-240 and am down to 170 now, with about 25lbs to go until my goal.

traceywoody

Maybe it might help to look at this a different way. You have a one year old and it sounds like you take very good care of her and her needs. I am sure you feed her well and make sure that she gets her play time etc Maybe treat yourself like you treat your daughter? Make sure that you get fed well for your needs, make sure that you get some "you time" by getting in some fun activity, do you get what I mean? Treat yourself with the same level of care that you treat your child. Sure, it sometimes means saying "no" for your own good, but you really care, right?

missbellz

I think it's a cycle for many of us. I tend to do that too, usually 10kg (20ish pounds) at the most. I think what's helping me this time is I am just doing it in my own time. So if I take a weekend off here and there, or a few days, I don't punish and hate myself like I use to, I simply accept that it will take a bit longer to get to my goal than if I hadn't taken that weekend off.

Now I just go with the flow a little more, try to be a little kinder to myself and accept that for me, I can't do this every single day. If I can get in a really good couple of weeks, then a day or two off (without going crazy) is ok.

Fsunami

Hi

All you have to do is lose 1 pound. 105 times. Thats it.

Not all at once.

That kick to get it done comes from inside....

The fact you are reaching out and being honest about your struggle is a sign of growth and progress. Take comfort in that.

The difference between MFP and everything else? If you adopt the mindset that its a lifestyle change & not a diet, the rest will fall into place.

The past is done. The future will be here soon enough. Try and focus on today & today only. Its all we have to work with.

4 months ago, I weighed 312 pounds. I woulda been dead in 5 years if I hadn't made this commitment. All signs were pointing that way.

Just a few things the MFP tribe and common sense has taught me:

1) This is a thing you DO, not a definition of who you ARE. Just like laundry. Take the emotion out of it wherever possible. I cannot stress this enough.

2) My approach? This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. So there is no finite number of days that I am trying to get to. I will be logging in and logging food for the rest of my life, because:

a) This program works
b) I don't want to die young and I was headed that direction

3) Try to remember - We are the results of the choices we make every day, whether those choices are good or bad. Make as many good choices as you can, and the ship will stay steady. At the end of the day, we are the man in the mirror. We are accountable to ourselves and no one else. We can help you with getting there, but the doing is up to you. Leave rationalizing at the door, and continue to be honest with yourself. Its the only path to long term success

Cal tracking is considered a good choice (whether boring or not) because it tells you where you really are (just like your check register tells you your balance) - remember to be honest with yourself all the time. Ultimately, you will achieve that which you are seeking much sooner.

Knowing that plus the support I get from my MFP buds make enough difference that Ive lost 38 in 118 days without doing anything stupid. You just find what works and then hammer the crap out of it, staying in the present while doing so.

If you will stay committed to this, your MFP tribe will commit to helping. Why? Because that's what we do. And we have ALL been there.

4 months ago, walking was a chore.

Last weekend, I walked 6 miles. And loved it

You got this.. and we got you.

FR headed your way

Fsunami

Sharon_C

Allow yourself to make mistakes. Don't quit just because you had one bad meal or one bad day. Don't look at the 100 pounds you have to lose. Look at the 20 pounds you have to lose. And when you lose that, set your next goal, etc, etc. If you break it up into smaller chunks then it doesn't seem so overwhelming.

barbaradetz

I've been where you are. You didn't gain it overnight. It took many small mistakes to build up the weight gain you are experiencing. In the same way, you must take many right steps in the right direction in order to lose the weight. I'll share with you what I did. First, I swore off my most addictive foods one by one: potato chips, chocolate, ice cream, etc. I would do it one a month until I didn't eat them at all. Then I would only eat at meal times, nothing in between and nothing after dinner. I would drink like a fish (water, tea, etc.), but I wouldn't eat.Then I paid attention to portion sizes and only ate one serving of whatever I was having. Then I cut way back on breads, pasta, potatoes. All of this fits into a paragraph, but I did it over a span of two years. One thing I did from the beginning though was walk every day without fail. I set a time of day, it was lunchtime for me, and I walked no matter what the weather or whether I felt like it or not. I walked. I went from 183 pounds ro 125 pounds. My life was changed. Then I had to keep up that lifestyle and not fall into my old habits. You can do it. You just have to determine to take the right steps and discipline yourself to accomplish what you really want to do.

Floriantte

I've been there also a few years back. Don't let it get into you! I'm sure that in some time you'll start losing weight again and can keep it that way! Try to calculate your calories intake carefully and according your daily routines with that. Also don't be so hard on yourself because if you start losing hope it's really not a good thing. Be happy with your weight loss but don't hit your head when you get some weight back. Just try to keep calm and I'm sure you'll make it!

MinnieInMaine

I skimmed so sorry if this has already been said...

1) Think about why this hasn't worked for you in the past and find another way. A friend of mine asked me "how come you gained the weight back" after a semi-successful year on Atkins and at first I blew it off but couldn't get it out of my head so I gave it some thought. Figured out that for me (and I think many others) the problem is deprivation. Every DIET out there includes giving something up - carbs, treats, fats, etc. - and those usually don't work long term. So inead of giving up on certain foods, I cut back and/or found healthier alternatives.

2) Be patient with yourself. This is not The Biggest Loser ranch, this is the real world. Give this process time. Pick one small goal to work towards every week and concentrate on it until you get it down pat then work towards the next. Go back to basics if you have to. I had a major backslide this year and did just that. Three weeks ago I jumped back on the wagon but didn't try to do everything at once. I just tracked the first week then I tried staying more in my goals the next week, then I cut down on take-out the week after, then I planned more meals and snacks, etc etc. My clothes are fitting much better!

3) I find it helps to fill in those spots on your profile about why you want to get in shape and what your inspirations are. And try to find deeper reasons than to look better for a certain event or certain people. Not to say they're not valid reasons but in my experience, that kind of thing just doesn't last as long because what happens once that event is over? Do it for you, for your health, mobility, etc.

Good luck!

Archerychickge

1. Take it one day at a time. Weigh, measure and LOG everything you eat. FAITHFULLY. the more you do it, the easier it gets.
2. Set easaily attainable goals. Don't look at the total amount you want to lose, look at each pound individually if you need to. It's much easier to lose 1 pound quickly than it is to lose 100. Trust me on this one!
3. DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT cut out any foods. If you do, you will crave them even more. Try to find the healthiest versions of those foods and only eat an actual portion of it, or even 1/2 a portion. Eat them sllllloooooooowwwwwllllllyyyyyyy....... savor them. Enjoy them, but in very small amounts.
4. Stop beating yourself up, and start picking yourself up. Do some positive affirmations EVERY morning when you get up... Like, "Hey, my hair looks good today!" or "This color of lipstick is a good color for me" Even something small can make you feel good, and that will snoball into good choices during the day. Then at the end of everyday, FOCUS, and I mean FOCUS HARD on the things you did RIGHT. Aknowledge what you can improve on, but don't look at them as things you did "wrong". Afterall, you are re-training yourself. It takes a little time to learn.
5. REWARD yourself for your successes. Not with food though. Give yourself a manicure or a pedicure with a new nail polish in a color you wouldn't normally wear, put a flower in your hair, or treat yourself to a new peice of clothing that makes you feel good about your progress. It doesn't have to be big, but you NEED to do it. It sends a signal to your brain that says "HEY YOU! It's OKAY to feel good about yourself! You earned it!"
6. Find someone who is on a similar path and motivate each other to keep going. Even if it's long distance. It's better if they live close to you so you can exercise together if possible. Having people you are accountable to in your journey makes it tougher to cheat if you know they will call you out on it. But make sure it's someone who will also be a cheeleader for you when you have a success. You need people in your corner.

If you need a cheerleader, friend or motivator, add me. I'm happy to help in any way I can.

MyOwnSunshine

Have you considered finding a good therapist? Therapy can help when we are stuck repeating the same unhealthy behaviors over and over again. I found it very helpful in changing my thoughts and behavior patterns early in my process, and consider it a powerful tool to help attain goals and make meaningful change.

wkwebby

I feel trapped inside my body, like my mind is working against me and my body is suffering. I am so desperate to feel good again. My ultimate goal weight is 140 pounds (I am 5'10) so I have way more than 100 pounds to lose. I have at least 105 pounds to lose to reach the highest end of a healthy BMI for me and 65 pounds to lose to get to a weight at which I start to feel comfortable in my skin and can shop at regular stores. It seems like so much. I don't think I can do it alone.

Why is your goal weight 140 lbs? At 5'10", I would think that you should be more along the lines of 150 lbs or higher. Try starting with realistic short term goals and not look at the long term. Try being healthier, and not think of just being thinner. Switch out little unhealthy things in your diet (like grilling vs. frying, more veggies, etc.) and slowly build upon that with activity (like the couch to 5K program). The weight didn't go on overnight, and neither should it come off overnight. A lifestyle change and perseverance is the only way it will stay off in the long run.

lillyrose2020

2) Be patient with yourself. This is not The Biggest Loser ranch, this is the real world.

This is so true! I've always been a fan of Biggest Loser and other similar weight loss shows. They give us such warped ideas that we can lose big numbers every week and losing a pound a week is pathetic in comparison! These people are working out ALL day so it is not realisitc for us to lose weight so quickly!

Angief05

I am in the same boat as you.
I too just started a new mfp account and starting over.
Perhaps we can do this together??
Angie

farfromthetree

Stop focusing on how much you need to lose overall and just start focusing on what you can achieve today. And then you do the same thing tomorrow. And before you know it, a year of doing your best from day to day has you weighing in 80 pounds lighter. That's what works for me anyway. I just do the very best I can TODAY. Tomorrow I'll try to do my very best again. And if have a day where I wasn't at my best and could have been better...no worries...because I get a brand new chance to be my best tomorrow.

Listen to her!!

Lisa_Dubh

Hi there,

i am so so hard on myself and feel a shame in how I look a lot of the time. One thing I decided to do is have a rule with myself that if I go to the gym/do a workout that day I'm not allowed call myself names or think negatively of myself if I catch myself in the mirror. You would be surprised how much one thing encourages the other. Another thing to remember is that REGARDLESS, if you keep eating healthy and working out you WILL lose weight. I have no patience and I get bored after I dont see results.But it WILL happen.
Best of luck xx

PaytraB

I feel trapped inside my body, like my mind is working against me and my body is suffering. I am so desperate to feel good again. My ultimate goal weight is 140 pounds (I am 5'10) so I have way more than 100 pounds to lose. I have at least 105 pounds to lose to reach the highest end of a healthy BMI for me and 65 pounds to lose to get to a weight at which I start to feel comfortable in my skin and can shop at regular stores. It seems like so much. I don't think I can do it alone.

Why is your goal weight 140 lbs? At 5'10", I would think that you should be more along the lines of 150 lbs or higher. Try starting with realistic short term goals and not look at the long term. Try being healthier, and not think of just being thinner. Switch out little unhealthy things in your diet (like grilling vs. frying, more veggies, etc.) and slowly build upon that with activity (like the couch to 5K program). The weight didn't go on overnight, and neither should it come off overnight. A lifestyle change and perseverance is the only way it will stay off in the long run.

I agree with this. We can't see your diary, so we can't see whether you're approach is perhaps too aggressive. If you are hovering around a daily calorie intake of 1200 calories, you may not be getting enough food to properly fuel your body and, after awhile, your body will want/need more food, which leads to binging.
Try setting your goals to lose 1/2 lb a week or 1 lb a week. Don't restrict your diet too much, eat what you normally would and make a few healthy substitutions. That way, your change of lifestyle won't seem so drastic.
I'm also 5'10" and would not be able to get to 140 lbs without becoming ill and look extremely underweight. I suggest perhaps moderating your goal to about the 150-160 range. The right weight varies for everyone. You'll know when you reach the weight that's right for you by talking with your doctor and observing your body in the mirror. "Flabby" does not necessarily mean "lose more weight", it can mean "do some toning exercises".
Take this slowly so that its more sustainable. Don't rush. You can do this.