Am so discouraged and disappointed in myself...

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Replies

  • savingsunday
    savingsunday Posts: 148 Member
    Hi

    All you have to do is lose 1 pound. 105 times. Thats it.

    Not all at once.

    That kick to get it done comes from inside....

    The fact you are reaching out and being honest about your struggle is a sign of growth and progress. Take comfort in that.

    The difference between MFP and everything else? If you adopt the mindset that its a lifestyle change & not a diet, the rest will fall into place.

    The past is done. The future will be here soon enough. Try and focus on today & today only. Its all we have to work with.

    4 months ago, I weighed 312 pounds. I woulda been dead in 5 years if I hadn't made this commitment. All signs were pointing that way.

    Just a few things the MFP tribe and common sense has taught me:

    1) This is a thing you DO, not a definition of who you ARE. Just like laundry. Take the emotion out of it wherever possible. I cannot stress this enough.

    2) My approach? This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. So there is no finite number of days that I am trying to get to. I will be logging in and logging food for the rest of my life, because:

    a) This program works
    b) I don't want to die young and I was headed that direction

    3) Try to remember - We are the results of the choices we make every day, whether those choices are good or bad. Make as many good choices as you can, and the ship will stay steady. At the end of the day, we are the man in the mirror. We are accountable to ourselves and no one else. We can help you with getting there, but the doing is up to you. Leave rationalizing at the door, and continue to be honest with yourself. Its the only path to long term success

    Cal tracking is considered a good choice (whether boring or not) because it tells you where you really are (just like your check register tells you your balance) - remember to be honest with yourself all the time. Ultimately, you will achieve that which you are seeking much sooner.

    Knowing that plus the support I get from my MFP buds make enough difference that Ive lost 38 in 118 days without doing anything stupid. You just find what works and then hammer the crap out of it, staying in the present while doing so.

    If you will stay committed to this, your MFP tribe will commit to helping. Why? Because that's what we do. And we have ALL been there.

    4 months ago, walking was a chore.

    Last weekend, I walked 6 miles. And loved it

    You got this.. and we got you.

    FR headed your way

    Fsunami

    This!

    Just a little at a time and you will get there. It is making those small changes. I also find that in helping to motivate others, I motivate myself. Try to surround yourself with positive, motivating people. Even if it is just a "like" on a status, you know someone is rooting for you.

    You've got this!
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. You're the only one that can do this. You have to realize you CAN do this! One pound at a time.
  • 19kat55
    19kat55 Posts: 336 Member
    Have you considered finding a good therapist? Therapy can help when we are stuck repeating the same unhealthy behaviors over and over again. I found it very helpful in changing my thoughts and behavior patterns early in my process, and consider it a powerful tool to help attain goals and make meaningful change.

    I really agree with this. I have always done this same thing. Every single time I got to a healthy weight and "looked good" I would start eating again and gain the weight back. I did a lot of introspection on this, asking myself why, and I realized I did not think I was worthy of health, worthy of the compliments from my family and friends, worthy of feeling better about myself. I would become uncomfortable with the compliments and uncomfortable with the extra attention from my husband etc. So I would gain again so it would stop. A lot of self loathing going on from a less than stellar childhood. When I was able to work through some of these self esteem issues, I've found it a lot easier. I still struggle. And I still stress eat. But I don't think when I reach my healthy weight now I will be tempted to gain the weight back to become invisible again. I might gain it back from stress eating, but it won't be cause I don't feel worthy.

    You are worthy, you deserve health.
  • PaminTewksbury
    PaminTewksbury Posts: 19 Member
    Stop focusing on how much you need to lose overall and just start focusing on what you can achieve today. And then you do the same thing tomorrow. And before you know it, a year of doing your best from day to day has you weighing in 80 pounds lighter. That's what works for me anyway. I just do the very best I can TODAY. Tomorrow I'll try to do my very best again. And if have a day where I wasn't at my best and could have been better...no worries...because I get a brand new chance to be my best tomorrow.

    I agree. Break it down so the final number doesn't seem so huge. I know how much I want to loose this year but I know I can loose 15 by Thanksgiving. Every day I'll try to achieve 15 by Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving is when I'll start my new goal, with bullet points that I can check off (I'm a list keeper). Just keep moving forward and soon you'll look back and realize just how far you've come. Good luck!!
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    why do you think you sabotage yourself after 10 pounds. You have gotten great advice here. Was your diet too restrictive, you have to have some good stuff and count your calories. Is it emotional? do you turn to food rather than problem solve? Do you think you just cant find a different way to live and eat? Well you can. But you have to be willing to be disciplined and do the work. MFP is a great supporter and we are all here to help you. definitely a lifestyle change, not just lose it and it is done, this last forever and is doable.
  • Chls122
    Chls122 Posts: 22 Member
    I felt exactly the same way about three months ago. This is what I do now and I am so much happier:

    1. Love yourself right where you are. You are amazing and incredible and capable of anything.
    2. Keep a journal. Write everything down, not just your food, but every emotion that you experience as you go through your normal routine.
    3. Make realistic goals. Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly and Long term, also next to your goals write down in what way you will reward yourself for sticking to and accomplishing your goals. Make sure your rewards are not food related (this has really inspired me to stick to it)
    4. Crunch some numbers and figure out your max heart rate. You want to have your heart rate at about 80% of the max for 30 minutes about 3 times a week. (Start with three times a week at 50% and work up to 80% if you need to)
    5. Invite folks to be your buddies on here! We all have a news feed and can inspire and encourage one another!
    6. Remember #1.
    7. Make a meal plan at the beginning of the week, and remember you can have chocolate icecream and fast food, but you have to work it into your calorie allowance for the day.
    8. Eat more whole foods and less processed food.
    9. Remember #1.
  • joanna_82
    joanna_82 Posts: 151 Member
    You can do it. It just takes one day at a time.
    I am a big believer of setting yourself acceptable goals- and starting with small changes. Try replacing your current breakfast for a healthier one. Get used to that and then try with lunch, or with snacks etc. Do it step by step.

    Set reasonable goals and don't expect to reach them instantly. Concentrate on changing to a healthy, active and enjoyable life with your child.

    I would set MFP to 0.5lb per week and just get used to it for a while. If you have enough to eat, it won't be as hard emotionally compared to struggling along on 1200 calories.

    Have a think about the types of excersise or activity you could do. start with walking.

    You can do it, start today!
  • 19kat55
    19kat55 Posts: 336 Member
    I felt exactly the same way about three months ago. This is what I do now and I am so much happier:

    1. Love yourself right where you are. You are amazing and incredible and capable of anything.
    2. Keep a journal. Write everything down, not just your food, but every emotion that you experience as you go through your normal routine.
    3. Make realistic goals. Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly and Long term, also next to your goals write down in what way you will reward yourself for sticking to and accomplishing your goals. Make sure your rewards are not food related (this has really inspired me to stick to it)
    4. Crunch some numbers and figure out your max heart rate. You want to have your heart rate at about 80% of the max for 30 minutes about 3 times a week. (Start with three times a week at 50% and work up to 80% if you need to)
    5. Invite folks to be your buddies on here! We all have a news feed and can inspire and encourage one another!
    6. Remember #1.
    7. Make a meal plan at the beginning of the week, and remember you can have chocolate icecream and fast food, but you have to work it into your calorie allowance for the day.
    8. Eat more whole foods and less processed food.
    9. Remember #1.

    Eloquently put. Yes, #1. If you don't have #1, the rest is overwhelming.
  • RedWolfDancing
    RedWolfDancing Posts: 5
    Everyone is giving great advice. I'd just add that accepting yourself on the inside will help you make huge changes on the outside. You're a great person! Convince yourself of that. Write down all your great qualities, sell yourself to YOURSELF. Recognize these things are true. Recognize it's OK to know that they are true. Call on a good friend to help you see yourself as they see you, if that helps you. Really listen to what they have to say and don't negate it or argue. Soak it in. Recognize that beating yourself up is the opposite of success and that you are REALLY CAPABLE of doing whatever you want or need to do. This isn't ego. It's self respect.

    Once you are able to do these things you'll make the necessary changes you need to make in order to lose what you want to lose because it pleases you to look and feel healthier not because you're not good enough as you are. You ARE good enough. You're going to slip, we all do. Stop when you realize you're doing it rather than beating yourself up and giving in. Don't ever beat yourself up. The world does a pretty great job without our help. Be mindful of what sends you to this thought process of EAT. EAT IT ALL!! and deal with that. If it's too restrictive a diet, then fix it. If it's a damaging or self-defeatist thought then acknowledge it and spend a moment really looking at it. I bet you find it's really not valid. Once you find that out, release it. It can't harm you any longer.

    None of this is a hole you can't climb out of, it's a setback that needs to be addressed. See the difference? None of this is set in stone. Not your diet, not your self-image. It's not a failure to slip up and the sooner you begin to believe that, the sooner you can take the first of many steps to your goal. Slips are a chance to tweak those things that are not working and transform them into things that do. Acknowledge this, and believe it's OK.

    Then...you get up the next morning, remind yourself it is, after all, another day, and no matter what happens today, tomorrow will be another.

    You can do this. You honestly can. Now forgive yourself! Go forth and conquer!
  • carey1932
    carey1932 Posts: 55 Member
    Stop focusing on how much you need to lose overall and just start focusing on what you can achieve today. And then you do the same thing tomorrow. And before you know it, a year of doing your best from day to day has you weighing in 80 pounds lighter. That's what works for me anyway. I just do the very best I can TODAY. Tomorrow I'll try to do my very best again. And if have a day where I wasn't at my best and could have been better...no worries...because I get a brand new chance to be my best tomorrow.

    Excellent point and exactly why its working for me this time around. I did NOT set a goal weight because it makes the whole process seem huge and monumental. I'll know when I get there when I am content with my weight. In the mean time all I am concerned about is TODAY. I eat the things I like, just less of them and many times I will split that favorite thing in half and eat it over 2 days. ie: instead of feeling bad for eating a 200 calorie sausage, I'll slice it down the middle, have it on a roll & eat the 2nd half the next day. I am NOT deprived and don't have to deal with the guilt of eating what I enjoy.
    So to agree with this poster, do not look at the long range, far away, unattainable goal & feel defeated. Just DEAL WITH TODAY.
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    This woman lost 124 lb, and describes herself as a "not-stopper".

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1411868-i-ve-been-here-2-5-years-and-have-lost-124-pounds

    "I'm a not-stopper. I'm not a go-getter or a great organizer or planner or more committed than anyone else. I probably didn't even work harder than lots of folks who eventually quit. All I am is a not-stopper."
  • hscheuerman
    hscheuerman Posts: 15 Member
    There is a lot of very sound advice here! Two tips I heard at weight watchers years ago have helped me a lot when I get the urge to binge:

    1 - it is ok to have a holiDAY - just do not make it a holiWEEK, holiMONTH or holiYEAR!
    2 - when you(I, we) go off program - enjoy it and then get back on program the very same day! Even if it is a glass of water before going to bed - this way, when you(i, we) get up in the morning, our minds are already back in healthy mode

    For me, # 1 has made it ok to enjoy a fun meal with friends & family while #2 has helped me start the next day, already on track and ready to keep on track.

    Good luck with your new beginning!!!!
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    It seems like I can't lose more than 10 pounds. Once I hit ten pounds, a switch goes off and I go into I AM GOING TO EAT EVERYTHING mode. That lasts maybe two weeks and then I'm right back where I started.
    Sounds like you're trying to make too drastic of a change, in calorie amount, food amount, and maybe food types.
    Take your current weight x 10 and that's about how many calories you're eating to maintain that weight. (I'm guessing from what you've said this would be 2750.)
    Subtract 1000 from that to lose 2 lb per week. (1750)
    Or see below, about just eating your goal weight x 10. In this case, it works out to about the same thing.
    My ultimate goal weight is 140 pounds (I am 5'10) so I have way more than 100 pounds to lose. I have at least 105 pounds to lose to reach the highest end of a healthy BMI
    According to BMI, you should be between 130 - 170.
    http://www.shapeup.org/bmi/bmi6.pdf
    So for now, aim for the top end of that range. Eat 1700 calories (TOTAL, not net; ignore net) and walk at least 30 min a day.
    Once you get to 170, re-evaluate to see how you feel. Maybe you'll still want to go a bit lower, and then you can reset your calories to 1600, 1500, or even 1400.
    It seems like so much. I don't think I can do it alone.
    You've got people here.
    Do you have friends or family in real life who can be supportive of your efforts?
    I'm so tired of this internal struggle. I just want to be free of the burden of this weight.
    Then do it.
    Decide you're going to control your eating.
    Decide you're going to take the kid out for a walk at least once a day, for at least 30 minutes. When the weather is bad, go to the mall. Call in your area to see about mall walking programs; often they'll let walkers in before stores open, so everyone is there to do laps & nobody will be in the way.


    Here's a post I did about motivation & encouragement.
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/MKEgal/view/2014-07-24-motivation-encouragement-680938
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819925-the-basics-don-t-complicate-it

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/872212-you-re-probably-eating-more-than-you-think

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/833026-important-posts-to-read
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    I dont (sic) know how you feel about weight lose (sic) surgery but ive (sic) been struggling with my weight all my life lose it gain it with every child i would gain more at my highest i was 278 lbs after yrs of trying to lose it and keep it off and failing i had surgery the vsg is what i had in 7 months ive (sic) lost 82 lbs i wish i could say its (sic) been easy well it kinda has been but its (sic) alot (sic) to get use (sic) to alot (sic) of changes any way give it a thought talk to your doctor do some reasers (sic)
    h. It has been a life saver for me.
    Before you think about making a permanent change to your body, something which will have lifelong negative consequences, and does not guarantee that you will lose weight or keep it off,

    try the normal way first: control your intake, exercise at least 30 min a day.
    then talk to your doctor about trying a prescription appetite-control medicine.
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/MKEgal/view/2014-07-21-prescription-weight-loss-drugs-679877
    the vsg is what i had
    Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy
    Most of the stomach is cut away, so you have a tube joining the end of your esophagus to the beginning of your small intestine.

    My weight-loss doctor says that many of his patients who have had lap bands (where an adjustable band is wrapped around the stomach - stomach left intact - to make a smaller pouch) are having them removed because of problems. At least they didn't permanently mutilate their bodies, so they're able to correct their mistake.
    Also, he told me that I've had more success in re: losing weight than they would have expected from someone who had a lap band... and I'm still whole, able to eat whatever I want, and losing.

    In order to succeed with any of the current bariatric surgeries, you have to commit to changing what & how you eat.
    That's also how you succeed in losing weight without mutilating your body.

    "Most weight loss occurs because of decreased caloric intake.
    However, evidence shows the only way to maintain weight loss is to be engaged in regular physical activity."
    http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/physical_activity/index.html
    I started a gym routine and it wasn't until I had that down (gym 5 days a week no exceptions no holidays) for nearly 8 months that I started to adjust my intake.
    Why didn't you make the most effective change first?
  • ghosthackexe
    ghosthackexe Posts: 181 Member
    Take it one day at a time then it'll just become a habit that you just do without thinking and when that happens its not a matter of IF youll hit your goals its just a matter of when ^_^
  • alyssareyans
    alyssareyans Posts: 88 Member
    Not sure what you did in the past but maybe try a slow and steady approach - rather going on a drastic diet/exercise regime start making small, sustainable changes.

    Try and find a sport/exercise you like (although to be honest when you're unfit everything seems awful! It may take a while!) that you can do regularly throughout the year.

    If you normally get a combo/meal when you get fast food, try eliminating just the fries (only get the burger or whatever)

    After you're comfortable with one change, move on to the next. Eat a little less, move a little more.

    ^^this


    I was just like you. I've always been a yo yo dieter. It's like once I lose just a little bit my brain suddenly goes "now we can eat". I also did really drastic diets which were not realistic. This time I started small. Making minor changes here and there. Switching out higher calorie foods for lower calorie substitutes. In a year I've lost 65 lbs total. It's sustainable. I don't deprive myself. I enjoy all the foods I love just in moderation. I exercise regularly and it's super easy for me to sustain long term because I'm not dieting. I'm just eating.
  • Rob_Roberts
    Rob_Roberts Posts: 5
    I'm sorry that you feel so self-conscious. I have been there as well, and I understand what you mean about running into old friends or professional acquaintances. I used to only grocery shop between 1 and 3 in the morning, because I was so miserable with the thought of being picked out of a crowd by someone I know, or even by judgmental strangers.

    I wish I had good advice to give, but the best I can say is you're definitely not alone! Keep fighting the good fight. As long as you don't give up, you're on the winning team!
  • missgreyday
    missgreyday Posts: 1
    Thank you for sharing this. I have a LOT of the same experiences/thoughts that you do. I wish I could add more insight, but just know that you're not alone.
  • backwords12
    backwords12 Posts: 1
    I just started MFP. I did Medifast and lost 39 pounds. I was doing well, but just like so many when i got off the program i gained 30 pounds
    quickly. Honestly, my only thought process is to eat healthy. Limiting each meal to 300 calories or less, eat heart healhty-nutirent filled foods. I am basically telling myself, eat as many veggies and fruits as i want. High protien, low carb/sugar, high veggie and fruit. Literally im going back to the basics. Honestly, i think we all know what is good and bad for us, if you read a label and have no clue what something is.....why eat it??? I know its harder to make everything, but we live in a time thankfully where healthy foods are a want. So stores like trader joes and barrons market, sprouts, want to bring you back to the basics. Shopping is now fun for me, i go straight to the fresh stuff and if i want a little treat---they have several gluten free candies/cookies/chocolates. Its still a "treat" so only 1 cookie not 5 or 10. Seriously if you just focuse on what you put in you wil lose weight. I was at a all time low watching my weight sky rocket. But, eating healthy these past 2 weeks, my energy level is great, my headaches are gone, less joint pain. I feel good. Your body works better when you give it the right fuel.

    My exercise is limited, just walking here and there, if i have energy i play with the dogs or clean. I am losing weight without even trying. Its a wonderful feeling and i think you should try thinking about being healhty before losing the weight or counting the calories
  • Hammy175
    Hammy175 Posts: 2 Member
    YOU CAN DO THIS!!

    My weight loss started when I came to the realization that things will not happen quickly. It took a long time to get to where I was at when I had no restrictions and no real idea of what I was consuming. Take your time you will get there.

    I don't know if you weigh yourself often, but I wouldn't recommend it. It can be discouraging. I used to weigh myself every 6-8 weeks because it would help me not see when I had stalled. Now I weigh myself about every two weeks, but that is only to help me make quicker adjustments to my new calorie goals. Also, I try to weigh myself sometime before lunch. I feel that this is a better indicator of my true weight because its what I'm carrying around with me all day while I'm awake.

    Additionally I found it helpful to use my full allowable calorie intake on a daily basis until I got to the point that even eating that much was just too time consuming or I just didn't want to eat that much any longer because I didn't feel the need; I wasn't really that hungry.

    Other things that have helped me is to stay away from starches, sugars and sugar substitutes. That doesn't mean I don't eat fruit or have the occasional sugar free item. I eat multiple servings of fruit a day. But I do stay away from corn, potato's, banana's, and most breads.

    Lastly I always try to keep something on hand so that I am never hungry. I do this in addition to having 4-5 small meals a day.

    I know how hard this has been for you. I've been there. I know you can do this, don't let things get you down. It took me 20 years to find that right combination that worked for me. All the while my weight kept going up and up till I was over 500 lbs. Take the time to find out about things like the volumetrics diet, or metabolism boosting foods. Every set back can be an opportunity to learn about what you need for yourself. And remember others have done it. We don't always see their struggles. However, they have made it easier for others because they have proven that it can be done.
  • lisanangel
    lisanangel Posts: 148 Member
    Feel free to add me I'm on daily...:heart:
  • seonf
    seonf Posts: 24 Member
    I can relate. I went through the same thing when I was trying to loose weight and thought "What's the point if I'm not showing results" but don't give in, I lost 55 kg over 2 years. It takes a while but you can do it. If someone like me can do it, who has club feet and hated himself (or what i had become) and had low self confidence anyone can do it.
  • jrpenafiel
    jrpenafiel Posts: 25
    Hi

    All you have to do is lose 1 pound. 105 times. Thats it.

    Not all at once.


    Fsunami


    This is the bottom line of what you have to do. One of the most common mistakes is focusing too much on the end goal. If you do that 105 pounds will really look like thousand miles away. Create "mini goals" that will eventually lead you to your end goal. Good things will always add up. Losing 1 pound this week will become 2 the next, and 3 the week after that. Always focus on what you can do TODAY to reach what what you want to be TOMORROW.
  • 2013sk
    2013sk Posts: 1,318 Member
    JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Don't make excuses, Don't think of how much you have to lose!!!

    Start logging on here, hit your calorie goal & kick butt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    If you don't do it now, Your be sitting there making excuses.... DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    EAT LESS............. MOVE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You can do it!!!!!

    Check out the success boards & motivate yourself by looking at there weight loss pics/transformations?

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