HELP!

A lot of people want to be thin, but don't want to do the hard work of losing weight. They make half-assed attempts and quit because they just want to be thin, not work for it. It's lots of hard work, every day.

It's even harder if you decide to make lifestyle changes instead of portion adjustments.

It requires determination, commitment and patience. You must stay the course even when the scale doesn't show progress. When you have a setback, you have to not give it a second thought and keep going. It all requires serious motivation, which nobody can give you. It has to come from within.

When you're motivated - when you really WANT it - you'll do it. When you're really motivated, nothing will stop you.

Welcome!

Its not all about being thin, i don't want to be thin I want to be and look healthy. I want to be able to run around with my children without getting too tired or out of breath, I want to have fun and be happy with myself.

I know its a life style change and that the part that I struggle with because it scares me thinking this has to be forever basically.

It sounds like you have the right attitude and the will. Part of this is teaching yourself that a healthier lifestyle really isn't that burdensome, so it's not something you will have to endure forever (why I think so many people end up quitting), but is something that you can come to enjoy more than your current habits. And you don't have to give up foods you love, etc., but can figure out how to fit them in in a way that works for you and your calorie goals, and hopefully find ways of being active that you love.

Personally, I find that eating healthy and lower calorie and being active all go together--when I'm focusing on fitness goals and not just weight loss I find it much easier to stick to overall. Everything works together. But if it's easier for you to take baby steps and work on one piece at a time that's a good approach too.

I get serious about it, all my friends say they'll do it with me and slowly they disappear which is why I'm starting it on my own because as they go I start getting nervous on doing it myself.

I do think community helps. When I did this once before I had several friends into the same things, and it helped. After I fell out and regained after maintaining for some years (boring story), I couldn't seem to stay back on a plan, even though I was trying to do what I'd done before, and I finally realized that part of it was missing the community. So I found it again through MFP. I think being able to interact here and having a community has helped me stay really into it, over what seemed would be a very long time (it's seemed to go fast so far, though--time really does past quickly and you realize you are down quite a lot, when it seems at first it will take forever).

Its having the down/bad day where you eat something naughty and then I don't seem the be able to forgive myself for eating that and end up eating more the next day and then I'm back to the beginning again.

Yes, smart of you to know this is something to work on. The all or nothing and the shame things really make it tougher. MFP with its forgiving approach (calories, not all or nothing, just a matter of how fast you lose in any particular period of time) helps a lot, as does forgiving yourself and not getting food and guilt all tied together. It's a matter of being practical about it, not being good or bad. As an emotional eater myself, I also found things like journaling to get a better handle on when I wanted to eat and why and to work through some of the issues extremely helpful, and sometimes just venting to friends can help.

When you really want it and are really ready, you'll do it. I found all the fads backfired eventually and left me 90 lbs. heavier than I wanted to be. Now I'm just calorie restricting in a reasonable way (meaning a reasonable but not insane deficit), eating a variety of foods and keeping my protein higher and my carbs lower, but overall, eating foods I really LIKE, really enjoy, and this time, it's working.

I will be thinking of ya. I have been there...over and over, for so many years. If you want to add me as a friend, please feel free and I will cheer you on.