What's Your 'Why'?

Hey all,

Hope you're having a good day.

Every now and again we have to remind ourselves of why we pushing ourselves to change. Motivational speaker Eric Thomas speaks about your "why" often. Why is it that you do what you do? Your reason (or 'why') has to be bigger than any excuse that you might have. To quote ET directly "Your 'why' will push you when you can't push yourself".

I was thinking about this last night and this morning...what was my 'why'?

Being a parent it's easy to say that it's my beautiful 3 year old daughter and have said that in the past. She is my world. But is she my 'why' when it comes to training? Do I drag my sorry a** out of bed at 5.30 every morning and cycle to the gym for her? Do I pass on food I really want to eat because I want to be a "good Daddy"?

Right here, right now, the simple answer is no.

Let me explain.

I got past being unfit and unhealthy before Olivia was born. I don't need to get in shape to play with her in the garden, take her swimming or climb on the monkey frame with her. I'd run the London marathon twice before my wife & I even started discussions about having children.

I am "ok" with the way I look now but I push myself so hard because I want to be "happy" with the way I look. I have a picture in my head of where I want to be and I'm perhaps 7-10 lbs away from that. Not "Men's Health Cover Model" rippped probably "Tom Hardy in Warrior".

Putting Olivia to bed last night she gave me the usual hug & kiss goodnight and settled herself down. I usually have to sit with her a bit until she nods off. During this time I was thinking about my next work-out and with such beautiful timing she quietly said "I love you Daddy" and dropped off to sleep.

I realised that I have been doing her a disservice.

She loves me.

She doesn't care if I think I have another 7lbs to lose ot that I want to look like Tom Hardy.

I started thinking about my "why" again and it came pretty clearly.

At school, I was the "geeky one", wargaming, fantasy novels, model aeroplanes...the lot. By the time I reached 15 I had discovered sport and came out of my shell a little, I started to leave some of these things behind. I then became the "funny one", the "nice one", the "sweet one"....the "friend".

And so it continued throughout most of my 20s until l met my wife when I was 25.

But I was never "that guy"....the attractive one.

So that's my "why".

I owe it to the 14 year old that would stay up all night listening to Radiohead's "Creep" on repeat. To the 16 year old that held the girl's hair back as they were drunk crying that they wished more guys were like me. I owe it to the 20 year old that after telling someone I loved them had to endure the pain of being told they loved me too...."like a brother". Trust me girls, no guy ever wants to hear that.

Now that I've grasped that I feel I can move closer to my goal. I don't doubt for a minute that I will never get there as I will never be satisfied but I can really use some triggers to push the last rep, last mile etc.

I can use this to really push forward.

I am very loved, by my wife, by my daughter, by my friends.

But this is for the guy I used to be, he needs me to do this.

That's my "why".


  • PurrlyGirl
    PurrlyGirl Posts: 59 Member
    I've got a lot of whys. It's not one thing in particular that motivates me, it's all the things. I want to walk into a room and not have people see "fat lady". I want to go to the doctor and not have them say, "you really need to lose weight". I want to shop in the regular section for clothes, and not the "plus size". I want my kids to have pictures of me after I'm long gone that I wasn't embarrassed to be in. I want to model healthy living to them so they don't think that being this big is normal and okay. I want to live, and not die of a heart attack or get diabetes by the time I'm 35. I want my reflection to match how I see myself. I want killer before/after photos to show off my accomplishments. I want to feel hot again when my husband and I have "alone time".

    I want all of that. I've got too many reasons to lose weight, no excuse I have can stand up to that. My whole life, whenever I've really wanted something, I've achieved it. Even when people said it was impossible. This won't be any different. It will be hard, some days harder than others, but I want it. I want it bad enough to move heaven and earth to make it happen...but I don't have to move heaven and earth. Just my butt. :laugh:
  • JonnyQwest
    JonnyQwest Posts: 174 Member
    I will go in depth when I have time on my "why" but let me just be the first to tell you this is an EPIC effin' post man, I love it! Glad we are friends.
  • aneary1980
    aneary1980 Posts: 461 Member
    I never want to bump into someone I haven't seen for ages and them say that I 'look healthy' as that's all they can say!

    I don't want to be the fat cousin.

    I want men to look at me when I'm out not think 'oh that's the fat friend'.,
  • js8181
    js8181 Posts: 178 Member
    Because I don't want to look like this ever again:

  • DWBalboa
    DWBalboa Posts: 36,949 Member
    My “why” is without a doubt my family mainly my children and what they had to go through wondering if I was going to die or not and to what quality of life I would even have if I did live? All I have to do is think back to when I was laying in the hospital bed in critical condition and hearing my three year old son being told to be careful when he hugged his daddy so as not to hurt me and then when he finally did strike up the courage to try and hug me he would ask every time “daddy am I hurting you?” Wondering what was going through my daughters head as she was too afraid to even come close to me. So as soon as I could I started my way back and now my children see that their dad went from the brink of death to running up to 10 miles on the beach where we live, to playing soccer with people 20 years younger (or more), coaching both baseball and soccer and leading my teams in their daily exercise routines.
    Now my children know that anything is possible if you want it bad enough.
    My “why” is also proving all the doctors (saw bones) wrong when they said that I was lucky enough that I was going to walk again but not to hope for anything more and that I should never try to do more than walking. Hey Doc! Kiss the bottom of my shoe’s b1tches because that’s all you’re going to see!
    That’s my “why” I just wasn’t going out like that!
  • nineteentwenty
    nineteentwenty Posts: 469 Member
    My "why" is the feeling of terrified helplessness that I feel when I look at an aspect of my life an realize that I never wanted it to end up that way. If I can control anything, it's how I look.
  • funfang
    funfang Posts: 200 Member
    What a great post, thank you, I really enjoy reading it.

    My "why"s,

    To the 8-year-old me, I had a very unhappy childhood. Boys would picked on me and make fun of me. Girls didn't want to be friend with me because I was never good enough for them. Adults would make comments about me that made me feel very uncomfortable. I had wished and wished I was the ugly duckling and would become a beautiful swan when I grew up.

    I love when I walked out the room dressed up, my 6-year-old boy said to me" mama, you look so beautiful"

    I love when my 21 month old girl play with my necklace and earrings and demand one for herself. I am so looking forward to dress her and I want to be able to rock some stylish cloths with her when she's in her teens.

    I got a reaction a few months ago " you are almost 40 and have 2 kids already? no, you don't look" I really enjoyed it :blushing: :blushing: and I hope I will get the same reaction 10 years from now :wink: (ok, I am greedy)
  • jessiruthica
    jessiruthica Posts: 412 Member
    My dad died with Parkinson's disease and my mom has (and her mom had) Alzeheimers. The likelihood of me living a long life is relatively low.

    I have a 2 year old daughter and I'm 44 years old. I want to be fully present, mentally and bodily, in all the years that are available to us. For the bodily part, that means eating better and exercising more. And hopefully both of those things in combination will stave off possibilities of diseases that will shorten those years.
  • Giddyduck
    Giddyduck Posts: 213 Member
    Amazing topic! Thank you. Exactly what I needed as I have been struggling with the last 10 pounds and motivation due to some stressors.

    I have a few whys---I can also give the same as most of you but my deep down honest why...

    I want to fit, fabulous and forty (my next birthday)...I am remarried 5 years ago. I will not ever let another person define me. Strong, healthy, independent and sexy in my terms.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
    My why?

    Nice butts. Wanting women to lust after my junk.

    I'm simple.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
    Great post. But it worries me. I can't think of a why, other than my pants are too tight and I don't want to go buy bigger pants. Maybe that's why I'm struggling so much to get started. I don't have a why. Other than the pants, that is.
  • uconnwinsnc1
    uconnwinsnc1 Posts: 903 Member
    My why is because I am 23 and want to be faster, quicker, more powerful, stronger, and healthier than everyone I meet by the time I am 26. No way I was going to waste my 20's getting out of breath from walking up a staircase.
  • eudyptes
    eudyptes Posts: 1 Member
    I have several reasons "why" but I apparently have the attention span of a paranoid squirrel on amphetamines. I want to lose 40 pounds & have done so before (the same 40 by the way), but this time around is different. It's 10 years later & I'm now single...seems much more difficult. How can I stay motivated?
  • PinkyPan1
    PinkyPan1 Posts: 3,018 Member
    Thank you for sharing such a personal quest and I have no doubt you will achieve all your goals. I also thank you for allowing me to share my "Why." Here is the long version (lol)

    In January of this year I suffered a heart attack and I thought I was going to die. I refused medical assistance and am shocked that I survived. I gave up. My marriage has been rocky for a few years and I felt alone. After a few days in bed and feeling sorry for myself I decided that I had to make changes and grasp this second chance at life. Prior to January I spent most days taking care of my youngest grandson. I have had him on average of 40 hours a week since he was 4 weeks old. He is now 3.5 years old and that absolute sunshine of my life. I spent each night after he would go home sitting in my recliner with ice packs, icy hot patches and spray, ibuprofen and poor me mentality. I lived in chronic pain and managed to take care of the house, my grandson and anything else that needed taken care of. I was feeling overwhelmed, unappreciated and lonely. Menopause was kicking my butt and I felt ill for months. I remember last year (Nov) when I turned 53 I told my sons that I was tired and felt more like I was 63.
    In February my sister and I took a trip to the mountains. We rented a secluded cabin for a week where I wanted to escape from everyone and everything. I did not know how to get out my funk or how to get better. We pulled up to this secluded cabin to find that there were 22 steps to climb to gain entrance. My sister had suffered a stroke last year and I have had 2 back surgeries with titanium fused to my lower spine. I am left with neuropathy in my left foot and chronic back pain. This seemed damn near impossible. My sister and I stared at the stairs and cried. We had the entire car to unpack and carry up 22 stairs. We packed a weeks worth of food, clothing and God only knows why my sister needed to pack as much as she did. My car was packed full. It took us about 40 minutes to carry everything up those stairs but we did it. It hurt like hell but I surprisingly felt energized rather than defeated. The driveway to the cabin was this huge incline. We decided the next day to take a walk and we could not climb back up the driveway. Neither of us had the strength, We were both smokers and must have smoked a handful of cigarettes on our walk. We literally crawled up the drive and sat on the bottom stair. We laughed until we cried. We were pathetic and we knew it. I woke up early the very next day and decided I was done smoking effective immediately and I was going to climb that driveway. It was still dark outside and I slowly walked down the drive and painstakingly climbed back up, I did it! I had a lightbulb moment. I realized that I was stronger than I thought and that I had a mountain to climb to retain my health and to find myself again. I walked the driveway every day we were in the mountains. It got easier every time and by the end of the week I was able to do it 4 times on the last day. I felt powerful and self assured.
    In March I went to see my doctor since my son was concerned about me taking care of my grandson. He told me that I needed to lose 10 pounds and walk a mile daily. My cholesterol was high and my lungs were bad from over 20 years of smoking, I refused a referral to a cardiologist but agreed to lose weight and walking. He also informed me that I was post menopausal. I came home and Googled walking tips. Leslie Sansone popped up on my search. I sat there on Youtube and watched her video with this obese guy named Vance busting his butt walking with a group of women. I watched him and told myself that if he can do it I sure as hell could too. It was 3 miles and I could not do the first mile the first week. I got up early every morning and tried to walk to this video and each time it got easier. I was hooked. My kitchen became my gym and it took 5.5 weeks before I lost my first pound. I changed my eating habits and sat online looking for tips on how to lose weight. A fellow MFP friend (Sara) was on another forum and mentioned this site. I checked it out and signed up immediately. Since spring I started power walking outside and I have found "my thing." I am happier, stronger, healthier and I have confidence. Life is good and I can honestly say that I needed that heart attack as a wake up call. My goal is to have walked 1000 miles by January and I am over 700 miles now. I have no doubts that I will reach my goal.
  • Tazzza
    Tazzza Posts: 11 Member
    I love this post David ???? really love it!!

    My why: I used to be up for anything. If I was invited, I'd be there with bells on. I'd put a dress on and it'd look good. I got a lot of attention. I've always been the fun one.
    Now I've got 2 babies and it's not the same. I feel like I've turned into a typical boring frumpy mum. Now when I get invited somewhere I think "oh great, this person is gonna see me and last time they saw me I was half the size". I've not lost my silly outgoing personality but I don't feel the same when I'm doing my silly things.
    I don't see why being a parent should stop me feeling attractive and having fun. So I'll get my good body back and when I'm acting like my dafty self at a party I can be like "yeeeaaahh, I'm funny and I look good!!" - which makes me a MILF hahaha ???? basically I just wanna feel like my old self again. And that (if you didn't fall asleep half way through there) is my why!