What's Your 'Why'?

I will go in depth when I have time on my "why" but let me just be the first to tell you this is an EPIC effin' post man, I love it! Glad we are friends.

Because I don't want to look like this ever again:

My "why" is the feeling of terrified helplessness that I feel when I look at an aspect of my life an realize that I never wanted it to end up that way. If I can control anything, it's how I look.

My dad died with Parkinson's disease and my mom has (and her mom had) Alzeheimers. The likelihood of me living a long life is relatively low.

I have a 2 year old daughter and I'm 44 years old. I want to be fully present, mentally and bodily, in all the years that are available to us. For the bodily part, that means eating better and exercising more. And hopefully both of those things in combination will stave off possibilities of diseases that will shorten those years.

My why is because I am 23 and want to be faster, quicker, more powerful, stronger, and healthier than everyone I meet by the time I am 26. No way I was going to waste my 20's getting out of breath from walking up a staircase.

Thank you for sharing such a personal quest and I have no doubt you will achieve all your goals. I also thank you for allowing me to share my "Why." Here is the long version (lol)

In January of this year I suffered a heart attack and I thought I was going to die. I refused medical assistance and am shocked that I survived. I gave up. My marriage has been rocky for a few years and I felt alone. After a few days in bed and feeling sorry for myself I decided that I had to make changes and grasp this second chance at life. Prior to January I spent most days taking care of my youngest grandson. I have had him on average of 40 hours a week since he was 4 weeks old. He is now 3.5 years old and that absolute sunshine of my life. I spent each night after he would go home sitting in my recliner with ice packs, icy hot patches and spray, ibuprofen and poor me mentality. I lived in chronic pain and managed to take care of the house, my grandson and anything else that needed taken care of. I was feeling overwhelmed, unappreciated and lonely. Menopause was kicking my butt and I felt ill for months. I remember last year (Nov) when I turned 53 I told my sons that I was tired and felt more like I was 63.
In February my sister and I took a trip to the mountains. We rented a secluded cabin for a week where I wanted to escape from everyone and everything. I did not know how to get out my funk or how to get better. We pulled up to this secluded cabin to find that there were 22 steps to climb to gain entrance. My sister had suffered a stroke last year and I have had 2 back surgeries with titanium fused to my lower spine. I am left with neuropathy in my left foot and chronic back pain. This seemed damn near impossible. My sister and I stared at the stairs and cried. We had the entire car to unpack and carry up 22 stairs. We packed a weeks worth of food, clothing and God only knows why my sister needed to pack as much as she did. My car was packed full. It took us about 40 minutes to carry everything up those stairs but we did it. It hurt like hell but I surprisingly felt energized rather than defeated. The driveway to the cabin was this huge incline. We decided the next day to take a walk and we could not climb back up the driveway. Neither of us had the strength, We were both smokers and must have smoked a handful of cigarettes on our walk. We literally crawled up the drive and sat on the bottom stair. We laughed until we cried. We were pathetic and we knew it. I woke up early the very next day and decided I was done smoking effective immediately and I was going to climb that driveway. It was still dark outside and I slowly walked down the drive and painstakingly climbed back up, I did it! I had a lightbulb moment. I realized that I was stronger than I thought and that I had a mountain to climb to retain my health and to find myself again. I walked the driveway every day we were in the mountains. It got easier every time and by the end of the week I was able to do it 4 times on the last day. I felt powerful and self assured.
In March I went to see my doctor since my son was concerned about me taking care of my grandson. He told me that I needed to lose 10 pounds and walk a mile daily. My cholesterol was high and my lungs were bad from over 20 years of smoking, I refused a referral to a cardiologist but agreed to lose weight and walking. He also informed me that I was post menopausal. I came home and Googled walking tips. Leslie Sansone popped up on my search. I sat there on Youtube and watched her video with this obese guy named Vance busting his butt walking with a group of women. I watched him and told myself that if he can do it I sure as hell could too. It was 3 miles and I could not do the first mile the first week. I got up early every morning and tried to walk to this video and each time it got easier. I was hooked. My kitchen became my gym and it took 5.5 weeks before I lost my first pound. I changed my eating habits and sat online looking for tips on how to lose weight. A fellow MFP friend (Sara) was on another forum and mentioned this site. I checked it out and signed up immediately. Since spring I started power walking outside and I have found "my thing." I am happier, stronger, healthier and I have confidence. Life is good and I can honestly say that I needed that heart attack as a wake up call. My goal is to have walked 1000 miles by January and I am over 700 miles now. I have no doubts that I will reach my goal.