How to tell someone you dont want to give

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13

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  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    If she's taking you out of your way, even just a few miles, ask for gas money. Gas and wear and tear on your car, not to mention your time for the detour, all cost money. Make sure the amount is more than bus fare. I doubt she'd ask for rides again.

    I agree with you but she lives like few minutes away from house so its not too much out my way. I just hate giving people rides since it makes me feel uneasy since their life is in my hands especially when they start expecting a ride all the time.I feel more free and relax when I am alone in the car.I also hate it when some people also act as if they don't trust your driving abilities and they the ones asking for rides.
  • bergpa
    bergpa Posts: 148 Member
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    Sometimes the best way is to just say no and not offer a lot of explanations. "I'm sorry, I can't" is a reasonable response. Too often we give reasons so the other person won't be upset with us but you really can't control how the other person is going to feel about it.
  • Docmahi
    Docmahi Posts: 1,603 Member
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    don't stop the car just keep driving :P
  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
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    Let them get in the car, and take off. Do not talk to them, at all. Drive past their destination. Keep driving. When they try to tell you you missed the stop, do not acknowledge them. Continue to drive farther and farther out into the country, taking the back roads, then the gravel roads, then the dirt roads, then the farm roads until you are near the van down by the river. Finally, stop, get out and walk to the trunk, get your machete and shovel and tell them to get out of the car.

    They will never ask you again.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Op, honestly you are making this into a big deal. Just say no for the reason(s) you told us. Don't try to add reasons. One reason is all you need or just say no. Stop building up how you think she will react. Give her a chance. Maybe you will see that she is actually a reasonable human being. And if she isn't, then who the hell cares how she reacts. That's her problem. It's not a big deal. Really. Relax.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    If she's taking you out of your way, even just a few miles, ask for gas money. Gas and wear and tear on your car, not to mention your time for the detour, all cost money. Make sure the amount is more than bus fare. I doubt she'd ask for rides again.

    I agree with you but she lives like few minutes away from house so its not too much out my way. I just hate giving people rides since it makes me feel uneasy since their life is in my hands especially when they start expecting a ride all the time.I feel more free and relax when I am alone in the car.I also hate it when some people also act as if they don't trust your driving abilities and they the ones asking for rides.
    I get that last part. My husband makes little rude comments about my driving from time to time. He drives his truck and I drive my car if we go out together. He'll say, "aren't you sticking out a little far?" or "you cut that corner rather close". ARGH! I finally told him the other day that I never say anything about the stuff he does and if he made one more comment about my driving that I would no longer drive.

    While it might not be out of your way, if she expects a regular ride then she owes you compensation for driving her. Right now, you are literally giving her a free ride; you're saving her bus fare and she's taking advantage of you. Tell her that if she wants rides then she'll need to split the cost of driving 50/50 with you. The cost factors in gas, insurance, wear and tear, etc. The government mileage reimbursement rate is $.56 per mile this year. So she should pay you $.28 per mile you drive her. So 10 miles would be $2.80, for example. For $14.00 per week you'll give her a ride home every day, payable in advance on Mondays. I promise you, if the bus is cheaper than that, and I'm betting it is, she'll no longer ask for rides.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    When I ask a close friend if i can drive with them, I walk to them, pay them, and they drop me off at the train for my ride home. And I return favors. This only happens if we are going out together and if the place is very far from public transit (which is rare).
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    I'm glad i don't have a job. or a car. or friends.
  • VelveteenArabian
    VelveteenArabian Posts: 758 Member
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    I say "I don't mind but I have to stop at the barn/gym/dance studio on the way. Won't be long, just 2-3 hours max."





    I'm kidding...I just say I'm not going that way right after work. If they persist then I say the above.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    I say "I don't mind but I have to stop at the barn/gym/dance studio on the way. Won't be long, just 2-3 hours max."





    I'm kidding...I just say I'm not going that way right after work. If they persist then I say the above.

    yuuupppp

    Sure- as long as you don't mind going to the gym for 2 hours- then going to the studio for another 3.

    then I'll drop you off.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    If she's taking you out of your way, even just a few miles, ask for gas money. Gas and wear and tear on your car, not to mention your time for the detour, all cost money. Make sure the amount is more than bus fare. I doubt she'd ask for rides again.

    I agree with you but she lives like few minutes away from house so its not too much out my way. I just hate giving people rides since it makes me feel uneasy since their life is in my hands especially when they start expecting a ride all the time.I feel more free and relax when I am alone in the car.I also hate it when some people also act as if they don't trust your driving abilities and they the ones asking for rides.
    I get that last part. My husband makes little rude comments about my driving from time to time. He drives his truck and I drive my car if we go out together. He'll say, "aren't you sticking out a little far?" or "you cut that corner rather close". ARGH! I finally told him the other day that I never say anything about the stuff he does and if he made one more comment about my driving that I would no longer drive.

    While it might not be out of your way, if she expects a regular ride then she owes you compensation for driving her. Right now, you are literally giving her a free ride; you're saving her bus fare and she's taking advantage of you. Tell her that if she wants rides then she'll need to split the cost of driving 50/50 with you. The cost factors in gas, insurance, wear and tear, etc. The government mileage reimbursement rate is $.56 per mile this year. So she should pay you $.28 per mile you drive her. So 10 miles would be $2.80, for example. For $14.00 per week you'll give her a ride home every day, payable in advance on Mondays. I promise you, if the bus is cheaper than that, and I'm betting it is, she'll no longer ask for rides.

    That's a great idea:flowerforyou:
  • yellowlemoned
    yellowlemoned Posts: 335 Member
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    A simple 'I'm sorry, I can't give you a ride home. I have things to do after work." over and over usually does the trick.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,261 Member
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    i honestly dont see the problem with taking a colleague home as long as you dont have to detour. If its due to confidence i think having a passenger in the car will eventually help your confidence. If its a case of not liking the colleague then you just have to say no seeing as its your car.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    A simple 'I'm sorry, I can't give you a ride home. I have things to do after work." over and over usually does the trick.

    I have tried that and she stopped for a while but she recently started asking again.I think being blunt will do the trick but I am worried that it might cause hard feelings between us.We are cool so its not like I don't like her.I just hate having passengers in my car.Its nothing personal
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    A simple 'I'm sorry, I can't give you a ride home. I have things to do after work." over and over usually does the trick.

    I have tried that and she stopped for a while but she recently started asking again.I think being blunt will do the trick but I am worried that it might cause hard feelings between us.We are cool so its not like I don't like her.I just hate having passengers in my car.Its nothing personal

    Just tell her that. She just needs to understand this is a definite no from you for your own personal reasons.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    A simple 'I'm sorry, I can't give you a ride home. I have things to do after work." over and over usually does the trick.

    I have tried that and she stopped for a while but she recently started asking again.I think being blunt will do the trick but I am worried that it might cause hard feelings between us.We are cool so its not like I don't like her.I just hate having passengers in my car.Its nothing personal

    Just tell her that. She just needs to understand this is a definite no from you for your own personal reasons.

    Yes I will when she ask next time.Hopefully she won't resent me as whe is great person
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    Its also more has to do for the fact that owning a car can be expensive and someone else expecting rides as if they are entitled.There is difference between being offered a ride than expecting one.There was also a time when one of my co workers also asked me for a ride but she lives out of my way so I turned her down.I was also afraid that if gave her ride , she will start expecting one all the time which is big no no to me
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I hope it works out.

    You are just going in circles with the worrying and jumping to conclusions. Some people don't drive because they have a fear of driving from past bad experiences. It's best they don't drive.
  • Natihilator
    Natihilator Posts: 1,778 Member
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    "Sorry, I can't give you rides, ever, it just doesn't work out for me" and if she presses you just say a firm No and walk away. She will get over it. I have friends that I've had to give blunt no's to before. They get it. Because we all understand that we all need to do our thing.

    Cars and gas are expensive, and time is precious. I used to have a 1.5 hour public transit commute to work before I bought my own car with my hard-earned cash. I never pushed anyone for rides, no matter where they lived or what direction they were going in. She could have 10 legit reasons for not driving but none of those are your problem.
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,068 Member
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    "I am not a taxi."

    I'm gonna have to right this down on a cue card soon, a friend is getting bad for asking for rides halfway across the city on a daily basis and I'm getting sick of saying it.

    if you ask for a free ride more than a couple times a week then you're a freeloader. take a bus, owning a car is expensive enough without paying 2 peoples worth of km's in maintenance and gas

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