Anyone Childless By Circumstance / Not By Choice ??

StevieB13
StevieB13 Posts: 16 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi I joined this site years ago but have never used it. Yesterday I finished my contract with a paying diet site and thought I'd give this place a proper try.

I'm 47 and Childless By Circumstance due to infertility issues, so wondered if anyone else was in the same situation. Sometimes its good to have support from people who don't use children as an excuse not to exercise. Not saying I'm against those lucky enough to have children or that I don't find excuses not to exercise, just that its nice to have a break now and again from hearing "baby" talk.

If anyone feels the same, I'd like to make some new friends.

Replies

  • caracrawford1
    caracrawford1 Posts: 657 Member
    Well Im child free at the moment, but by choice. I Plan to have children in the future. You can send me a request. I teach, so of course I talk about kids but only as relates to my work. BTW, you know that if you would really like to have children (it sounds like you do) there are many ways to be a parent? My mother adopted my brother before I was born and we are all blessed to have him as part of our family. A parent is not made by biology, but by love. So don't think that just because you are infertile means you can't parent.
    Anyway, good luck with your journey and feel free to friend request.
  • AddieOverhaul
    AddieOverhaul Posts: 734 Member
    I really want kids, and assumed I would have them by now (I'm 34), but I have not yet met Mr. Right. I was terrible at picking 'em when I was younger. And, I won't settle just because my biological clock is ticking, so I realize it may not happen in time now. But yah...it seems all of my friends are either getting married or having kids and sometimes I really feel out of the loop/left behind a bit.

    ETA: This is partially why I have two cats. I need to nurture something!
  • mymodernbabylon
    mymodernbabylon Posts: 1,038 Member
    Yup. Met my husband at 35, started trying at 38, did fertility treatments and they didn't work and I'm now 45 w/o kids. And while I get sad once in a grand while, I love hanging with my friends who have kids and I love having the extra cash/ability to do whatever that they don't have.
  • StevieB13
    StevieB13 Posts: 16 Member
    Thanks for answering ladies.

    Cara - I am really happy that you have a brother who was adopted, I think that is a precious thing your parents did. I am totally up for adoption but it was not an option for me as my husband was aganst the idea.

    I don't want to say this the wrong way, so please don't take offense but there are many "throw away" comments that people make to childless people and the phrase "you could always adopt" comes up time & time again. I am a member of a childless support group and everyone with no exception (that I am aware of) hates that phrase, it grates every time I hear it. It is a very personal choice with many deadlines. So with all my heart and understanding you only meant well, please don't use it again.

    Addie - you still have time, so don't despair. Mr Right could appear tomorrow & you are right to be picky.
  • jlahorn
    jlahorn Posts: 377 Member
    Well Im child free at the moment, but by choice. I Plan to have children in the future.

    Venturing slightly off-topic, this would make you childless by choice. Being childfree has a very specific meaning: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree.
  • caracrawford1
    caracrawford1 Posts: 657 Member
    op, god bless you and your husband in whatever you wish to do. My intent was not to "grate on your nerves" mentioning my families experience. My brother's mom was a drug addict and my parents thought they couldnt conceive. They tried for years. My brother was put into the foster care system and then my parents found him and decided to adopt him. Six weeks later my mom found out she was pregnant with me! So I guess once they relaxed and stopped worrying about conceiving...it just happened. I wish you all the best.
  • MrsKGrady
    MrsKGrady Posts: 276 Member
    I, too, have struggled with infertility. I'm 37 and still going through the motions of TTC, but starting to look at adoption (though still not sure about how that will go but both hubby and I are open and even thinking about older children as we're older ourselves). I'm not interested in IVF so I'm guessing that I'm probably not going to conceive. At the moment, I do not have any children. I'm hopeful that, in the future, I could become a mother.

    Along with the "you can always adopt" that I have gotten and does sort of grate because that doesn't make me feel any better about not being able to have children, I also hate "are you guys going to have kids, yet?" by unknowing friends/family. Only a few friends/family know about our fertility issues so I can't fault them, but it's still painful to hear.

    Feel free to add me, if you'd like.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Well Im child free at the moment, but by choice. I Plan to have children in the future.

    Venturing slightly off-topic, this would make you childless by choice. Being childfree has a very specific meaning: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree.

    Thank you for posting a clarification. There is a big difference between childless and childfree.
  • VaxSA
    VaxSA Posts: 90 Member
    Yup, Im childless due to infertility.
  • BraveNewdGirl
    BraveNewdGirl Posts: 937 Member
    I'm child-free in part by choice, but mostly because of reproductive issues. I've received a good amount of counselling and while a high-risk pregnancy would be possible, I don't want to go down that road. When people ask, I generally just state that I'm child-free by choice. Sure, it grates a little when people ask me why I don't plan to have kids, if I dislike children, do I plan to adopt, and so forth, but I'm pretty okay with my lot. I just explain that I'm happy to live vicariously through my friends who have tiny boss people and they love the free babysitter from time to time.

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