This lifestyle change is murdering me mentally

marimeg
marimeg Posts: 19 Member
in Getting Started
Hello, all.

I just need a moment to whine a little. I started out at 275lbs, I'm 26 yrs old, and I'm on high blood pressure medication (a water pill). A little about myself, as well. I have severe scoliosis in the reverse 'S' shape. The curves in my spine are 70 degrees and 90 degrees. I am very limited on what I can do in core work outs and one lung is severely squished into my ribcage. This isn't an excuse as to why I'm this morbid size, but just an indicator of my limitations. I work through them! My first doctor was happy to just put me on the medication and call it a day, but I recently switched care providers due to insurance, and my current doctor was like 'You're morbidly obese, you need to lose at least 100lbs, you're going on a low sodium diet.'

I am currently working on a 1200mg a day sodium diet. My Fitness Pal has me at 1440 calories intake a day and I'm usually well below that (doc said 'at your heavy weight, I would really like to see only 1200 intake, but I guess that will do for now.) It has been ten days and I've lost around 9 lbs. So why is this so challenging?

I am stressing so MUCH about EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth. I'm on this website more than anything, looking up calories and sodium, that I have successfully annoyed my mother to the point of remarks such as 'Rome wasn't built in a day, you have to stop obsessing so much, you'll be fine.' But I have to show this diary to my doctor on October 6th and I want to do well, I want to show her that I am doing well.

What started off this rant and why do I say it's murdering me mentally? Because I feel like a -failure- when my numbers go red, like they did today in sodium. I know I have to add a little more to it, and that just makes me so sad. I am currently at work, so I haven't exercised yet but right now, at this very moment in time, I feel like I should run myself into the ground and drown myself in 12 cups of water so I can balance out going over in the sodium category. I am so stressed. Every single meal is like a battle ground, strategically advancing until I'm cornered in and shaking because I know I have to eat, but in doing so the numbers won't be right and then I'll have less progress to show my doctor. Adding on to that is the fact I have alienated my whole family with 'how much sodium does it have?' that I'm getting that LOOK. That look that means they are disgusted and tired of hearing the word -sodium-. They want me to reach my goals. They love me and are proud that I'm working on it, but they think I'm being too extreme, when I'm really just being healthy. I mean, if you look through my food diary, it's not the diary of someone with an eating disorder.

In controlling what I eat and watching every single ounce, I feel like I'm slowly going mad. The more control I gain over how and what and how much I consume, the less in control of everything else I feel.
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Replies

  • Tydeclare44
    Tydeclare44 Posts: 572 Member
    Just keep on going!

    You didn't get this way in a few weeks, and it's not going to all fall off in a few weeks, so don't feel if you miss your calories on day that it's all over! We've all had setbacks, but the ones who you see progress with are the ones who stuck it out.

    As for stress, sure this whole logging thing can be anxiety ridden, and consuming at first, but as you learn more about foods, and it's values, the obsession dies a bit. But I'd compliment the stress you get from this with something else (walking, meditating, anyhting that calms you down) as stress can actually hinder weight loss and influence weight gain

    So take it easy :)
  • Wookinpanub
    Wookinpanub Posts: 635 Member
    Not sure if this would help but I early on I added some small and attainable challenges with my diet and exercise. I would do a day of semi fasting and at first it was tough but I felt so great the next morning.

    Once I met the first dozen or so challenges I became even more motivating. I think it is all about having a switch go on in your head that you are going to do it this time. It did for me. If that switch doesn't go on, you will likely give up.
  • elleloch
    elleloch Posts: 739 Member
    I would really encourage you to speak to your doctor about these feelings - that is not normal. I mean, when I was losing, it would kinda bug me to see the red numbers, but it definitely shouldn't make you feel like all your meals are battle grounds. It sounds like you're developing an unhealthy relationship with tracking and with food, and that can be a dangerous line to toe. I mean, lots of us can relate to wanting to whine a bit about stuff regarding our journeys, but yeah - this is all very concerning to me.

    1200mg sodium is VERY low. If you go above it a little bit, it's not going to be the end of the world - I promise! And if it is a serious problem your doctor will give you some pointers on how to make improvements. You've been at this a week and a half, no one is an expert in this stuff from the get-go.

    Shoot me a FR if you need support.
  • marimeg
    marimeg Posts: 19 Member
    The switch is definitely on, it's the obsessing and stress that just isn't good. I am even getting annoyed at myself, to a level that isn't very healthy for anyone. I want this. I am -doing- this. I feel disgusting at my current size.

    A good thing that happened today though, I am sitting down comfortably and a wee bit loosely in a pair of work-dress pants that I hadn't got into in ages. That was very neat for me.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    The thing about trying to lose weight is that it takes a really long time. You're going to be doing this for a year or more, so what you should be concerned about at this point is adherence over time.

    You can set your target to lose 2 pounds a week, but if you only last 2 months, you'll lose 16 pounds total. If you set your goal to lose 1 pound a week, which gives you more calories to play with, after a year you'll lose 52 pounds. Start with little changes that you can see yourself maintaining for the rest of your life; losing weight is so much easier if you're not white-knuckling through it the whole time! I don't care how much willpower you have -- nobody can or should live like that.

    Try setting your goal for 1 pound or even 0.5 pounds per week. See what that intake level feels like. Give yourself time to adjust. If that's comfortable, try upping it to 1.5 pounds per week. 1440 calories is a really aggressive target, and you already know that you can't eat that way for the next year.
  • levitateme
    levitateme Posts: 999 Member
    I know you have high blood pressure, but the fact that your doctor is pushing the low sodium thing is really silly to me. If the most important factor right now is that you lose weight, you should be eating reduced calorie with a good macro split and that should take care of it. Losing weight should also reduce your blood pressure over time. Talk to your doctor about how stressed this is making you.

    I used to weigh 210 and I lost the weight while going over my sodium and sugar every day, because weight loss is calories in/calories out. I've since learned the importance of macros and now have different goals, but what you're trying to accomplish does not need to be so complicated and it definitely doesn't need to put you in a position where you feel alienated by your family.
  • kaspatore
    kaspatore Posts: 95 Member
    Congrats on 9 pounds! This DOES get easier!

    Just keep going... and do this for YOU and YOUR health. I'm glad your family is semi-supportive. This will all be easier when you figure out how your meals work for you and when you don't have to look at the labels anymore since you already know. Then it just becomes a "no thank you" if you are offered food that's off limits (or just a very small portion). Just be mattter-of-fact.
  • marimeg
    marimeg Posts: 19 Member
    Thank you all so much for your words of support! I have a sneaking suspicion that this Doctor will roll her eyes and tell me to suck it up, that it's for my health and don't I want to be healthy?

    Perhaps I'm just being a bit negative about the whole thing right now. This is a wonderful community, thank you!
  • bkthandler
    bkthandler Posts: 247 Member
    I try to keep my sodium down and it's tough...you really need to avoid preperpared foods. That's what kills you.

    Maybe look into overnight oats or even baked oatmeal for breakfast...should have less sodium than the packaged stuff.

    Also dairy can have a lot of sodium in it.

    One thing I try to have is a go to breakfast/lunch/dinner and snack so if I am running late I know it's an option. That can help reduce stress.

    Restaurant/packaged chicken will kill your sodium goal every time.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Sodium is in ALL processed food. If you are cooking from scratch you can control your sodium intake. Cook some meals for yourself. You need your family on board with you in terms of overall goals but they do not have to completely change their diet to fit your docotro's instructions.
    In the beginning (or even later) it is good to be on the website/app a lot. That is how we make change.
    If the numbers going red upset you so much, change your settings so that you have more sodium allowed each day -- you can still aim for the sodium numbers the doctor gave you.
    Instead of eating pre-packaged oatmeal, buy uncooked oatmeal and make refrigerator oatmeal. (Google that). Or make some steamed rice -- has about the same protein as oatmeal. Or make quinoa -- has lots more protein -- and of course no sodium
    Cheese has sodium. Eat nuts instead maybe.
    Seriously. You do not have to aim for perfection by a certain point on the calendar. The point of this is to get better, to make progress.
  • leahargen
    leahargen Posts: 1 Member
    SO I have been struggling with my weight and my food intake for a few years now. I get on a diet and fail over and over again. I have 100 pounds to loose also, I have just starting going to Overeaters Anonymous. I never thought of myself as a compulsive over eater, but my eating habits were not normal. (which I learned there) I now go to meetings and I am actually working the 12 steps to try and control what I am putting into my mouth. I have to say it is working! I figured this is my last chance to really make a change and I am shocked that its working.. The reason I believe it is working is because I no longer feel alone, I got a sponsor who has lost 200 pounds and kept it off. I have met many other people that have lost 100+ pounds each and they are all keeping it off. So I go to meetings. my sponsor helped me come up with a meal plan that I can stick to, by basically removing trigger foods, there is a lot of literature also and support. This is not a diet and they don't tell you its one. It is a way of getting help making a life style change. This may not be it for you, but I have been on and off this website for years..and doing exactly what you are doing by being on here more than anything else and making myself sick with it if I did one thing wrong.. if you want more information, or if you just want to become friends so we can support each other and share our stories, let me know. But either way, Good luck! I know its not easy but it is so worth it in the long run.
    Leah
  • baconslave
    baconslave Posts: 7,018 Member
    I'm not a medical doctor, but I have noticed as I lose weight my BP keeps getting better and better. Do the best you can to stay as close as you can to your goal, but as long as you stay under 2300 in sodium, which is the RDA, and keep it lower most of the time, I wouldn't obsess or worry too much. I avoided tracking like the plague in the beginning. But it's a good tool so you can see exactly what's going on. You can see what problems are, clearly, and fix it. You have the power in the relationship btw you and MFP.
    Keep working it. Numbers are just tools. Make them work for you.

    And if your doctor is an a-hole, then find another if you can. Doctors are your employees. You hire them to consult you on your health.
  • angela233Z
    angela233Z Posts: 312 Member
    congratulations!! You should be proud of the fact that you have started on this weight loss journey, Have lost weight and are logging all of your food!!!

    great job - keep it up
  • farmerpam1
    farmerpam1 Posts: 402 Member
    Try not to beat yourself up, you're not on a "diet", it's a lifestyle change. Give yourself some time to adjust. I just lost enough weight to get off my high blood pressure pills, yay, so I get that sodium is lurking everywhere. I found that sodium is very, very high in all processed foods, even in places you don't realize. My beloved hot sauce would put me over in one meal, :sad: just being aware and reading labels is a good place to start. You can do this, and congrats on your NSV, the loose pants are the best! Good luck to you.
  • socalkay
    socalkay Posts: 746 Member
    I stressed and obsessed the first month or so, too, but it really does get easier. Now it's starting to feel like just part of my daily routine.

    I took a look at your diary and it looks like you are eating smart and using the tool to track calories. I only went back a few days but today is the only time I see you going seriously over sodium goal. Go back through your diary and look at what adds the sodium and use that info for adjustments to your food selections. For me, processed food is usually the big culprit for sodium intake. If anything, you're eating under your calorie goal by quite a bit so you can relax about every bite you eat.

    If you think your doctor will have a negative opinion of your efforts thus far, print out your diary and take it with you.

    You're doing great! Congrats on the 9 lbs thus far.
  • lemonlime006
    lemonlime006 Posts: 27
    You're doing great! Progress is wonderful! One thing I've found that helps me when I find myself freaking out about my numbers is to add in all the things I plan to eat today, then I can adjust as needed. I can look at what items were higher in a certain content that I didn't want to be high, and where I need to increase. I find I am nearly always lower in protein than I want to be, so I make sure to add in high protein foods for a snack, or swap out an ingredient for one that has a different calorie count.
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
    My ex was on a low sodium diet for awhile (1000mg) because of heart issues.

    It IS difficult to get a diet on low sodium.

    Cooking everything from scratch of course, helps tremendously, but is not always feasible. I had a Betty Crocker heart healthy cookbook that had some delicious recipes - I still make the filet mignon and apricot chicken for myself. (It's that good).

    And when you are out and about and can't make food from scratch, I recommend checking out www.healthydiningfinder.com. You can filter it to look for low sodium options.

    I updated one of the forum threads with some specific brands or products I found were low in sodium earlier this week. Whenever you find a product, post it to one of the old threads and hopefully you'll get others to do the same.

    Good luck, and I wish you the best.
  • Meredith8684
    Meredith8684 Posts: 681 Member
    You're learning a lot and doing something new, that's why you're thinking about it a lot. It sounds like your thoughts aren't super healthy though. Going over is not a failure! Every day you work at your health is a healthier day than before you started. Work hard on forgiving yourself for any overages and just letting them go. If you feel like a failure because you slightly missed your goals you're going to miss the fact that you've made a hugely positive change to your healthy. Try not to make this a battle ground, because it would be sad to quit making positive changes just because they are overwhelming. Small changes make a huge difference long term too!

    Good luck.
  • SparrowGal2014
    SparrowGal2014 Posts: 33 Member
    Maybe you're obsessing, because this is the first time you've been freaked out & are taking it all REALLY seriously? You need to find what works for you. And maybe if we all took things MORE seriously, wwe would be as successful as you have been. As someone else said, definitely talk tto your doctor, but I admire your attention & the care at which yo're looking at your needs.

    socalkay (hello) can confirm that I was whining this AM, b/c I really have to be obsessive to be successful, but it makes me mad! But, it does work!

    Good Luck!
  • Claremoak
    Claremoak Posts: 75 Member
    Only thing I could add is that you are doing this for yourself, not your doctor. Yes, your doctor wants to help you get healthy and she is supposed to be there to support you, but you have do this at a pace and boundaries you can manage. Starting off slower and building to where oyu need to get will be better for you mentally. Don't rush it. If you are reallly committed to doing this, you will do it. It is going to be hard and you are going to slip up on occasion, but once you get an idea of the nutrition content of the food you eat on a regular basis you will not be obsessing so much and when you slip up you just do better the next day. Unless your blood pressure is caused by a medical condition not related to your weight, once you lose more weight your blood pressure should also get better. Good luck, you can do this!
  • rayonrainbows
    rayonrainbows Posts: 423 Member
    i totally understand. my boyfriend's got high blood pressure and is super sensitive to salt. fortunately, we never eat out, and i cook with mostly all whole foods. but put that on top of being vegetarians living in nicaragua (limited food selection already), and i feel like salt was controlling our food lives at first.

    he just realized how salt sensitive he was about 2 months ago. at first it was like every meal was a battlefield. i'd cook. he'd "complain" about salt. he's super sweet and i knew it wasn't a personal attack, it just got old really quick.

    it reminds me of when i turned vegan back when i was a teen living with my family. at first, i'd have to check the labels on everything: does this bread have eggs? does this whatever have dairy products? etc etc. of course, practice and patience, and you figure it out. you also realize that one little slip isn't going to make or break you, so long as you keep trying.

    even if you went over your sodium "goal" by a few hundred mgs, think of how INSANELY much better that is than the 1000s of extra mgs of sodium you were consuming almost every.single.day. before you started trying to get it under control!

    it takes time to get used to things. but soon you won't have to ask with every single loaf of bread "how much salt?" because you'll already (at least intuitively) know, and it'll get easier!

    try not to let it control your life, or you might derail. just accept it as the learning and improving process it is, just like weight loss.

    btw congrats on your loss thus far! you can do this :)
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    In controlling what I eat and watching every single ounce, I feel like I'm slowly going mad. The more control I gain over how and what and how much I consume, the less in control of everything else I feel.

    Maybe it's because I'm old enough to be your mother, but I think you should listen to your mother. Rome wasn't built in a day. You are not going to be perfect every day. Chill out and relax. Find foods that you enjoy that fit your plan and then ENJOY them. Going over a little now and then is not ideal, but it's not the end of the world. You are still doing so much better than before, right? You are making progress, right?

    Stress can be just as damaging to your health as poor diet. Calm down. Work your plan. You'll get there.

    One thing that concerned me though was your sodium intake. Did your doctor recommend only 1200 mg? The reason I ask is that cutting sodium too low while on a diuretic could cause your blood sodium levels to drop to dangerous levels. This happened to my husband. He was put on a diuretic, then decided on his own to cut sodium from his diet. The combination landed him in the ER.
  • neon7girl
    neon7girl Posts: 230 Member
    I would not stress so much about the sodium..it's a goal! Some days you will be under, others over.

    I'd recommend the American heart Assoc Low salt cookbooks....they have EASY & AWESOME recipes. And give you all the nutrient breakdowns- one less thing to think about.

    It takes time but this will become more habit and you won't have that need to check in so frequently. Take a deep breath..you've got this.
    j
  • bootssowhite
    bootssowhite Posts: 93 Member
    It gets so much easier. When I first started dieting, I would turn down invitations to hang out with friends and even a few weekend trips because I knew I wouldn't be able to control what food was available. I can vividly remember being invited over for lunch by one of my students, working out what the likely calories would be in advance and crying because it was so many (in hindsight, it wasn't actually that many) and I didn't want to be rude and I knew they were cooking something special for me, but the thought of screwing up that badly stressed me out so much.

    I don't feel that way anymore. It's gotten much easier. The more you learn about food, the easier it gets. I no longer have to spend hours looking up what the proper serving sizes and what the calories/macros are in certain foods because I've learned it. I've accepted that it's going to take a while to lose this weight, and that's okay. I added some calories back into my diet (I'm now aiming for 1.5 pounds a week instead of 2) and while it means it's going to take longer, I can use those extra calories to make meals fun again and that extra wiggle room means that a small slip up doesn't send me over my daily calories.

    You're making a huge change and that's difficult to do cold turkey. Slow, sustainable progress is better than making drastic changes that you can't keep up, and if your doctor doesn't understand that or support that, she sounds like a d-bag and you might want to get a second opinion. (Not about needing to lose weight, but the best way to go about it.)
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    One other suggestion I have is to try the Mrs. Dash type no-salt seasoning blends. They can really help make your meals tasty without salt. Fresh herbs are also a good way to add flavor without salt.
  • MegE_N
    MegE_N Posts: 245 Member
    It sounds like you're trying to go from 0-60 in no time flat. For me, it was a slippery slope. I started aiming for 1500 calories and more workouts. That became comfortable after 2-3 weeks, so I went down in calories a bit more and upped my workouts. Now I'm at 1200-1400 calories per day (I prefer aiming for a range rather than a hard number, means my anxiety is far lower) and I feel comfortable.

    Just because your doctor is being blunt and - it sounds like - lacking compassion doesn't mean you shouldn't slow down, take a breath, and remember that MFP is about finding what works for you and what will continue to work for you 3 years from now.

    Best of luck!
  • rayonrainbows
    rayonrainbows Posts: 423 Member
    One other suggestion I have is to try the Mrs. Dash type no-salt seasoning blends. They can really help make your meals tasty without salt. Fresh herbs are also a good way to add flavor without salt.

    yes!

    also someone mentioned the salty perils of hot sauce earlier.
    i've traded out most of our hotsauces for cayenne pepper and/or a homemade vinagre-based-chile-diablo-hotsauce that's salt-free
  • JustAnotherGirlSuzanne
    JustAnotherGirlSuzanne Posts: 932 Member
    You lost 9 pounds, girl! The doctor should be super impressed!
  • rachelrb85
    rachelrb85 Posts: 579 Member
    It takes some time to adjust and get used to it, but it will get easier until it becomes a habit. Don't get so discouraged if your diary goes red a little bit, you are human and it's only one day. Tomorrow is a new day. If you have to go low sodium for health reasons, try to stick with fresh fruits, veggies, and lean meats for the majority of meals. Try to limit packaged foods since they are usually packed with sodium. Search out lower sodium options in the grocery store. Think about all the reasons why you need to change your lifestyle and keep reminding yourself of these.
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
    One other suggestion I have is to try the Mrs. Dash type no-salt seasoning blends. They can really help make your meals tasty without salt. Fresh herbs are also a good way to add flavor without salt.

    yes!

    also someone mentioned the salty perils of hot sauce earlier.
    i've traded out most of our hotsauces for cayenne pepper and/or a homemade vinagre-based-chile-diablo-hotsauce that's salt-free

    Or if you're looking for that 'zest' or 'tang' of salt.

    Vinegars or citrus. Balsamic vinegar, fresh lime, or lemon juice. These are your friends.

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